new to being a sub and would love to talk with other female subs

[amy6969]

I want to talk with other female subs and get advice and help on what is expected of a good sub. I found out late in live, I'm 42 and had someone on line enlighten me to what I was a sub. I've been married for 21yrs to a man that for the last 12yrs of marriage we've attempted sex less than 15 times. He's 20yrs older than me. My online master would like me to talk to other subs so that I can get a grasp on what is accepted and expected. So will someone please contact me, I would be so appreciative of any help I may receive. Amy

 

[DVS]

I want to talk with other female subs and get advice and help on what is expected of a good sub. I found out late in live, I'm 42 and had someone on line enlighten me to what I was a sub. I've been married for 21yrs to a man that for the last 12yrs of marriage we've attempted sex less than 15 times. He's 20yrs older than me. My online master would like me to talk to other subs so that I can get a grasp on what is accepted and expected. So will someone please contact me, I would be so appreciative of any help I may receive. Amy

First off, I'm not a submissive. And no offense, but watch out for those online doms. At least this guy doesn't seem to be trying to cut you off from the rest of the world for all his own. That's a red flag.

Being submissive is a personal thing. While there might be a few basics, there is no cookie cutter submissive outline. I don't see a problem with you talking with other submissives, but don't think you must be exactly like they are. In fact, depending on your personality, you might submit differently with different people.

I'd suggest that you read some of the stories here and other places, to help you decide what a submissive means to you. You should think about things you would never do or find repulsive (hard limits) and things that you might do under the right conditions or with certain people (soft limits). You're in charge of defining these limits, nobody else. No dom decides your limits for you but all doms should abide by your limits.

You can also check out the library that is at the top of this forum. A lot of others have been exactly where you are right now so threads already exist with answers to some of your questions. I've linked you to the bulk of these HERE. And once you read some of the other threads, you might have questions you didn't even think of before.

Take your time and have fun but don't assume you are a certain way, just yet. This is just the beginning. Oh, but it's also the most exciting part.

 

[nowgirl]

I'm 50. I "discovered" bdsm around the same age as you. I started out online, hanging out in chat rooms, learning bdsm terminology. I read a ton of stuff and got familiar with what that stuff meant.

In hindsight, I was a bit of a newb for sure. I did a lot of things I cringe at now but I'm glad I went through it as a learning curve.

One thing I'd tell you is to keep your emotions somewhat in check. This stuff we do can be really intoxicating. Emotions online feel just as real as in person. I recall staying up 'til all hours of the night doing an "assignment" or chatting... If it takes time away from the life that's in front of you, it's not a good thing.

I didn't have to deal with this issue because I'm single, but know that you'll be doing sexual things, you might develop some emotional attachments... you have to decide how to reconcile that. If this is more just play or a game, that's fine. If this does develop in to more, decide how you're going to handle that in your marriage.

 

[gingertea]

Feel free to PM me if you like. I've been out of a vanilla marriage for over a year so I know a little about testing the waters with online Doms, etc.

I think @nowgirl and @DVS both gave good advice about taking it slow and not feeling like a submissive is only one thing.

I am active on Fetlife and belong to a local subs only group and its more about camaraderie than teaching each other about protocol. That's really a personal thing between Dom/sub and Master/slave.

But welcome!

GingerT

 

[Stella_Omega]

Amy,what is it that makes you a sub? I want you to tell us in your own word, if you don't mind. Because there are many different types of subs, and it isn't so much about "what's expected of subs" as it is what your sort of sub is known best for.

 

[nowgirl]

Stella has a great point.

When I started, I thought all I wanted was to get spanked, tied up and bossed around a little.

While I still enjoy that now, I realized "submissive" meant way way way more than that. Being bent over waiting to get spanked in itself is just a little fun foreplay. Add handcuffs and a gag and it's now a little kinky sex.

Anyone can have kinky sex. What does it mean to you to be submissive?? To submit??

Be very careful that you are not masturbation fodder for someone on the other side of the computer screen. If someone asks you to go to the mall with no bra or panties and flash a sales person... or to get on cam without knowing him... think twice.

Where I started 8 years ago and am now are worlds apart. I'm really glad for that.

Hope we hear from you!

 

[kimuk]

Hi Amy

It wont let me PM you. But happy to talk if you wish. In a svery similar position

 

[Lilac_Sky]

Hi Amy .... feel free to pm me any time .... there are many of us who have been in a similar position.

 

[dicky911]

I want to talk with other female subs and get advice and help on what is expected of a good sub. I found out late in live, I'm 42 and had someone on line enlighten me to what I was a sub. I've been married for 21yrs to a man that for the last 12yrs of marriage we've attempted sex less than 15 times. He's 20yrs older than me. My online master would like me to talk to other subs so that I can get a grasp on what is accepted and expected. So will someone please contact me, I would be so appreciative of any help I may receive. Amy

if you are prepared to chat with other men, then yes- pm me

 

[Stella_Omega]

if you are prepared to chat with other men, then yes- pm me

May I congratulate you on an really spectacular job of not reading the words.

Just saying.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

May I congratulate you on an really spectacular job of not reading the words.

Just saying.

They'll try any angle to get some action, Stella, you know that.