I want my husband to spank me!
- Thread starter Mrs11S
- Start date
TheAnimalWithin
Apex Predator
- Joined
- May 23, 2011
- Posts
- 4,476
Start lighthearted, in a half-joking manner - when he expresses displeasure about something MINOR (important here, don't want to escalate an existing argument), come back with a saucy "Oh, what are you gonna do about it, spank me?" with a twinkle in your eye, a grin on your lips, and a shake of your butt in his direction. After you've got him comfortable with the contact, giving him little yelps and "ooooohs" with each one, begin letting him know how much it's turning you on. This can take days/weeks, so be patient and don't rush it. Once he catches on, you can elevate the game as you'd like.
Alternatively, you can wait until you've having a good old fashioned hot hard fuck, and look back when he's taking you from behind and in a husky, lust-filled voice simply say "spank my ass baby."
Best of luck!
SailorJerry
Taking on Water
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2011
- Posts
- 3,272
if you can't communicate with the person you married, then there is something fundamentally wrong.
*sigh*. okay. try:
"Honey, can you try spanking me next time to see how I like it ? Oh, look at that ! Tea's ready !"
*sigh*. okay. try:
"Honey, can you try spanking me next time to see how I like it ? Oh, look at that ! Tea's ready !"
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
Amen!
Sorry but I agree with the sailor. You've been married 8 years and can't come out and say it?????
Also there are numerous threads dealing with stuff like this. Read one here called "why is there so little honesty regarding sex" or something like that...
NOTE: I don't mean I am sorry I agree with sailor, I mean, sorry OP, it's probably not what you want to hear.... Rereading that sounded odd had to clarify
Sorry but I agree with the sailor. You've been married 8 years and can't come out and say it?????
Also there are numerous threads dealing with stuff like this. Read one here called "why is there so little honesty regarding sex" or something like that...
NOTE: I don't mean I am sorry I agree with sailor, I mean, sorry OP, it's probably not what you want to hear.... Rereading that sounded odd had to clarify
Last edited:
TheAnimalWithin
Apex Predator
- Joined
- May 23, 2011
- Posts
- 4,476
Gonna have to disagree with you on this one. It's all too easy to just say "you're married, you should be able to ask for anything and even if he's not into it, he's your husband and will continue to love you unconditionally and not judge you." We all know at least one couple that would come apart with a quickness if one of the partners suggested anything remotely "kinky."
Sex, in today's society, is still a very scary thing for a lot of people, especially if they find they want something beyond kissing-fondling-climb-on-for-missionary-and-make-babies. And admitting you want something beyond that, ESPECIALLY to the person you've committed yourself to life for (theoretically at least), can be downright paralyzing. Add on to that however long she's been married without asking for this, and it multiplies exponentially.
If the above paragraph weren't true, there wouldn't be a lit board, and there wouldn't be a BDSM section, and there DAMN sure wouldn't be a nearly countless number of threads dedicated to variations of the OP's question.
In addition, and I'm sorry to say it, but just by reading the original post (and others she's put up), I'm guessing communication isn't the OP's strongest suit. So she realizes that at some level, conscious or not, finds a more or less anonymous board, chock full of folks with a broad range of experience in this realm, and reaches out. Two of the first three responses are "You can't just ASK for it?" without any real helpful advice. This saddens me.
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
Sorry but people should talk more about sex before they agree to spend the rest of their life with someone. It's not a crazy concept. Sex is not scary, your husband/wife shouldn't be scary either. If your husband would leave you over you asking for a spanking ... Well, geez really????
This is so odd to me
This is so odd to me
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
I'd like to get a clarification. You said in your initial post that you want your husband to spank you. Also you said "This really turns me on but I don't know how he would feel about it." What I'm not clear on is this: is it the idea of getting spanked that turns you on or do you have experience with spanking so that you know that the act of spanking actually turns you on.?
If it's the former, then you might get some mileage out of asking sometime if the two of you could share a bit of fantasy with each other. Do it while out on a walk in the park or over a beer at a quiet tavern but not - repeat, not - when you're at home in bed. You want such a conversation to feel non-threatening. Consider opening up with something like this, "I know this is something we've never done before (assuming this is true), but I think it would be cool if we each knew one the other's bedroom fantasies. That way we could maybe surprise each other sometime."
Now, this is only a start and it may or may not go well. But you owe it to your marriage to try. Once you've had this discussion, then some time later - say, a day or two later - be sure to tell him that you think it was really helpful just to try to be more open with each other. That you feel closer because you tried to talk about something new and different.
Good communication begets better sex, by the way.
If it's the former, then you might get some mileage out of asking sometime if the two of you could share a bit of fantasy with each other. Do it while out on a walk in the park or over a beer at a quiet tavern but not - repeat, not - when you're at home in bed. You want such a conversation to feel non-threatening. Consider opening up with something like this, "I know this is something we've never done before (assuming this is true), but I think it would be cool if we each knew one the other's bedroom fantasies. That way we could maybe surprise each other sometime."
Now, this is only a start and it may or may not go well. But you owe it to your marriage to try. Once you've had this discussion, then some time later - say, a day or two later - be sure to tell him that you think it was really helpful just to try to be more open with each other. That you feel closer because you tried to talk about something new and different.
Good communication begets better sex, by the way.
Ok I have to laugh a little. First off it is hard to just say spank my ass I have been a bad girl. I guess maybe I'm self conscious? I know I am an attractive woman but I just get embarrassed! Geez. But I have to say Animal has hit the nail on the head. No I'm not agreeing with him because his profile pic is hot its because of what he is saying is so true. But thanks non the less. I'm just going to have to get bold and do it.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Please be careful with the judgmental speech and implying that people might be cowards or something.loverskitten said:
Especially after eight years, it can be extremely difficult. Although we all change all the time, we don't always change in tandem with our partners.
Yes, sex is something we should all talk about as a part of our relationship. But not all of us have learned that. Some of us end up with a partner who can't talk, some of us have been instilled with a fear of the talk.
Okay?
OP, my suggestion would be something like this; "Sweetie, lately I've noticed that my bootey is turning into a big old erogenous zone (giggle adorably) Every time you touch it I go nuts! And you know what? I have this feeling that a spanking would feel sooo goood to me... (you can slap your own butt for illustration, just like in the porn films) Wanna try it? "
Or something like that. Would he let you talk like that?
You notice that I didn't mention the pain. Not at first.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
Secretary might be a little bit over the top, if your relationship is more mainstream.
*However* , if actually discussing the idea out of the blue is too intimidating, one can sometimes "break the ice" with a movie night at home. There are plenty of mainstream movies that have had spanking as part of their plot line over the decades - The Quiet Man [John Wayne] is a good one that's less... BDSM-ish than Secretary. Sometimes a night in with wine, pizza, cute jammies, pillows and blankets in front of the TV, and a low key movie can provide the right atmosphere to discuss/explore sexual issues of a more sensitive nature.
Everyone has something that's difficult to discuss with a lover/spouse/partner. I know without any doubt that I can tell either of The Men™ literally anything about my sexuality and not only will they not judge me; they might actually be game to try something new. But there's still a book's worth of stuff neither of them know about my sexuality... when I'm ready to discuss something I do; until then, there's no need.
*However* , if actually discussing the idea out of the blue is too intimidating, one can sometimes "break the ice" with a movie night at home. There are plenty of mainstream movies that have had spanking as part of their plot line over the decades - The Quiet Man [John Wayne] is a good one that's less... BDSM-ish than Secretary. Sometimes a night in with wine, pizza, cute jammies, pillows and blankets in front of the TV, and a low key movie can provide the right atmosphere to discuss/explore sexual issues of a more sensitive nature.
Everyone has something that's difficult to discuss with a lover/spouse/partner. I know without any doubt that I can tell either of The Men™ literally anything about my sexuality and not only will they not judge me; they might actually be game to try something new.
But there's still a book's worth of stuff neither of them know about my sexuality... when I'm ready to discuss something I do; until then, there's no need.CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
And see, "spank me I've been a bad girl" is so completely opposite of who I am, that if I suggested something like that, The Men™ would fall off the bed laughing. If either of them spank me it's because they want to, and I've been good enough to be spanked.
Thanks Stella, Cutie, and Midwestyankee. I have never been spanked but have read a ton of spanking stories on here and find them really hot! So I want to think as much as I like them I would like the experience also. I am going to have to just start working it in one way or another. But thank you for your help and for standing up for me.
True statements. It can be quite intimidating to suggest something sexual that has not previously been perceived by your partner as being "who you are". The problem is that people don't always feel comfortable opening up the secret parts of their soul because they either fear rejection or have previously experienced rejection from their partner as a result of other comments. I once started a discussion with my wife about swinging because I had had some discussions with a woman and her husband who had tried it for a couple of years. It was not an overt suggestion that we try it, simply a comment about a documentary that I had seen about it and a discussion I had had with this person I worked with that had tried it. My wife went ballistic. There were tears, accusations, and all sortso of negative shit.
Regardless of the level of communication you have (or think you have) with your partner, there are things that might well touch a nerve and they love all objectivity.
Also there was a post saying that people should discuss sex before embarking on marriage. Well, unfortunately after 20, 25 years of marriage, people change. People's attitudes whether sexual, political, religious, whatever can evolve over years. The changes can be subtle but after 25 years, we can "suddenly" find ourselves or our partners 180 degrees out of phase from where we/they once were. Republicans become Democrats, staunch Catholics become athiests (or vice versa in the case of my brother-in-law) and vanilla people may want to try the BDSM scene or consider swinging with their neighbors. If one partner changes and the other doesn't, the result can lead to reduced communication and overall tension in the relationship.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
I'll just reiterate what has probably already been suggested.
Go slow. Don't rush things. People sometimes don't like to be pushed into something new. It can turn them off to the whole thing.
Make little suggestions about what you want, but don't be too blatant with your comments. As with everything, go slow. Maybe find a movie you saw someone spanked in and she liked it. Comment on the fact that you thought it was interesting that she liked it and might want to try it. Maybe there was some documentary you saw about sexual spanking or something like putting sparks back into the bedroom. Well, this last one would be strange to bring up, if he thinks there are enough sparks in the bedroom already. You'll have to figure that out.
It seems to me that most shows that talk about putting a little spark back into the bedroom, handcuffs with fur are included and spanking, too. All of these are just options to give you something to talk about. You can come up with your own storyline.
I know some have told you that you should be able to talk to your husband about this, because you've been married 8 years. But, I know it isn't always easy for people to talk about their sexual interests because it opens them up to ridicule. Also, just the fact that you've been married for 8 years, some would think you would have already talked about this with your husband. But that isn't always the case. Sure, with some people it's easy to talk about sex. But with some, it's almost worse than going to the dentist.
You have been given a lot of information to try. Don't think you need to follow any one person's advice completely. Think about everybody's advice and use what you think might work. And if you start something and he doesn't seem to catch on, come back here and post again. I know there is someone here who's been where you are right now and can help you with options. Trust me...some men are pretty dense.
Oh, and don't take everything I say as verbatim, just because my avatar is hot.
Go slow. Don't rush things. People sometimes don't like to be pushed into something new. It can turn them off to the whole thing.
Make little suggestions about what you want, but don't be too blatant with your comments. As with everything, go slow. Maybe find a movie you saw someone spanked in and she liked it. Comment on the fact that you thought it was interesting that she liked it and might want to try it. Maybe there was some documentary you saw about sexual spanking or something like putting sparks back into the bedroom. Well, this last one would be strange to bring up, if he thinks there are enough sparks in the bedroom already. You'll have to figure that out.
It seems to me that most shows that talk about putting a little spark back into the bedroom, handcuffs with fur are included and spanking, too. All of these are just options to give you something to talk about. You can come up with your own storyline.
I know some have told you that you should be able to talk to your husband about this, because you've been married 8 years. But, I know it isn't always easy for people to talk about their sexual interests because it opens them up to ridicule. Also, just the fact that you've been married for 8 years, some would think you would have already talked about this with your husband. But that isn't always the case. Sure, with some people it's easy to talk about sex. But with some, it's almost worse than going to the dentist.
You have been given a lot of information to try. Don't think you need to follow any one person's advice completely. Think about everybody's advice and use what you think might work. And if you start something and he doesn't seem to catch on, come back here and post again. I know there is someone here who's been where you are right now and can help you with options. Trust me...some men are pretty dense.
Oh, and don't take everything I say as verbatim, just because my avatar is hot.
Last edited:
SailorJerry
Taking on Water
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2011
- Posts
- 3,272
good summary, DVS. ultimately whatever works for her in the end (pun intended), must be best for her/him. everybody is different.
Hi OP,
I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I have been where you are and after 3 years of marriage I finally worked up the courage to talk to my husband about my needs. We have been married over 5 years now and I still find it difficult to talk to him - even though he is always very accepting and understanding I always get nervous and feel awkward. I just wanted to tell you what helps me - instead of telling him verbally how I am feeling, I write him letters. Then after he reads the letters, the conversation seems to flow a lot easier and I am a lot less nervous.
There are some other ways you could bring it up as well. For example, "I was reading a story where this woman was being spanked by her lover during foreplay. Is that a turn on for you?"
You could just make something up if you are not ready to talk to him about what you want yet.
When my husband and I first began talking about our needs outside of "traditional" sex, we printed out this long list of fetishes/turn ons/etc. and we both filled it out in regards to what we were and were not turned on by and what we would and would not be willing to do. It was a really good way to get to know a little more about each other and find new ways to explore.
I will admit things have been slower than I would have hoped for but I think we are a lot closer than we would have been if I would have never brought the subject up. So I wanted to say good luck to you and I hope you find a way to make it work for you!
I just wanted to give you some encouragement. I have been where you are and after 3 years of marriage I finally worked up the courage to talk to my husband about my needs. We have been married over 5 years now and I still find it difficult to talk to him - even though he is always very accepting and understanding I always get nervous and feel awkward. I just wanted to tell you what helps me - instead of telling him verbally how I am feeling, I write him letters. Then after he reads the letters, the conversation seems to flow a lot easier and I am a lot less nervous.
There are some other ways you could bring it up as well. For example, "I was reading a story where this woman was being spanked by her lover during foreplay. Is that a turn on for you?"
You could just make something up if you are not ready to talk to him about what you want yet.
When my husband and I first began talking about our needs outside of "traditional" sex, we printed out this long list of fetishes/turn ons/etc. and we both filled it out in regards to what we were and were not turned on by and what we would and would not be willing to do. It was a really good way to get to know a little more about each other and find new ways to explore.
I will admit things have been slower than I would have hoped for but I think we are a lot closer than we would have been if I would have never brought the subject up. So I wanted to say good luck to you and I hope you find a way to make it work for you!
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
Yes I understand people change after 20+ years but we're talking about a few smacks on the ass here.
If it were me, I'd initiate some rough doggy style sex and yell out "SMACK MY ASS.... Again! Oooooh yeah! Harder! Harder!" and I'd find out instantly. Then afterwards I'd talk about how hot it was as I lie there panting. Later, I may request some soft kisses on my sensitive flesh, and I'd praise his loving care.
But I have no patience.
Yep we're all different round here. Opinions are like assholes and all that stuff... Sorry I was so blunt. I have never been married and hope that if I ever do I can say anything to him and vice versa. That's just me.
Wow I kinda feel like a dirty slut now
If it were me, I'd initiate some rough doggy style sex and yell out "SMACK MY ASS.... Again! Oooooh yeah! Harder! Harder!" and I'd find out instantly. Then afterwards I'd talk about how hot it was as I lie there panting. Later, I may request some soft kisses on my sensitive flesh, and I'd praise his loving care.
But I have no patience.
Yep we're all different round here. Opinions are like assholes and all that stuff... Sorry I was so blunt. I have never been married and hope that if I ever do I can say anything to him and vice versa. That's just me.
Wow I kinda feel like a dirty slut now
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,249
I think I love you....
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Which sometimes stand in as a symbol of So. Much. More.
Don't get me wrong, I am really glad for you that you have the communication thing down with your partner, we all should have that. But the truth is, that millions of people don't.
When people come here asking for advice? You have to figure that for whatever reason, they missed out on that stuff, and not be surprised, or dismissive, or scornful.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
Yes I understand people change after 20+ years but we're talking about a few smacks on the ass here.
If it were me, I'd initiate some rough doggy style sex and yell out "SMACK MY ASS.... Again! Oooooh yeah! Harder! Harder!" and I'd find out instantly. Then afterwards I'd talk about how hot it was as I lie there panting. Later, I may request some soft kisses on my sensitive flesh, and I'd praise his loving care.
But I have no patience.
Yep we're all different round here. Opinions are like assholes and all that stuff... Sorry I was so blunt. I have never been married and hope that if I ever do I can say anything to him and vice versa. That's just me.
Wow I kinda feel like a dirty slut now
Not to freak out the OP or anything, but...
My ex-husband? All I wanted was to acknowledge that the reason I accepted his decisions and took care of so much re: our lives (instead of doing things equally) might possibly maybe be because I was submissive. I wasn't asking him to tie my up, or spank my ass... just a little awareness and by the way rougher sex would be okay *if he was interested in that*... and that conversation (11 years into marriage) was threatening enough, and freaked him out enough, that he decided post-divorce that I had "issues" and expressed concerns with my ability to choose healthy relationships/life partners in the future - which (in his opinion) was a problem given that my obvious poor judgment might compromise our children's safety. This is from a guy who took one of those stupid online quizzes and decided he was dominant.
(BTW 7½ years after leaving, he's remarried and as far as my children/ex are concerned, I have never chosen to enter another relationship.)So yes, it's "just spanking", but as Stella said - sometimes it's much bigger than "just spanking".
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Well, I was thinking along the lines of how a simple request to change up in bed can escalate into "she has never been happy in bed with me and now I KNOW THE TRUTH the lying bitch, and I will never make enough money anyway and her mother hates me."
Or the fear that it might go that way.
And I want to say right now this is not my experience. Spanking-- no problem. Getting him to understand that me being spanked was for my pleasure, not punishment, and that he would make me happiest by following my guidelines while doing it-- that was a little bit more difficult. But it was doable. Getting him to understand that I wanted the same kind of direction from him when it came to satisfying him-- that was oddly enough, pretty damn difficult, because the dude wouldn't open his mouth, but wanted to rely on mind-reading or something.
Or the fear that it might go that way.
And I want to say right now this is not my experience. Spanking-- no problem. Getting him to understand that me being spanked was for my pleasure, not punishment, and that he would make me happiest by following my guidelines while doing it-- that was a little bit more difficult. But it was doable. Getting him to understand that I wanted the same kind of direction from him when it came to satisfying him-- that was oddly enough, pretty damn difficult, because the dude wouldn't open his mouth, but wanted to rely on mind-reading or something.
Last edited:
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
Not to freak out the OP or anything, but...
My ex-husband? All I wanted was to acknowledge that the reason I accepted his decisions and took care of so much re: our lives (instead of doing things equally) might possibly maybe be because I was submissive. I wasn't asking him to tie my up, or spank my ass... just a little awareness and by the way rougher sex would be okay *if he was interested in that*... and that conversation (11 years into marriage) was threatening enough, and freaked him out enough, that he decided post-divorce that I had "issues" and expressed concerns with my ability to choose healthy relationships/life partners in the future - which (in his opinion) was a problem given that my obvious poor judgment might compromise our children's safety. This is from a guy who took one of those stupid online quizzes and decided he was dominant.
So yes, it's "just spanking", but as Stella said - sometimes it's much bigger than "just spanking".
Ok but aren't you glad you spoke up? Or do you wish you were still in that marriage?
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Yes I understand people change after 20+ years but we're talking about a few smacks on the ass here.
If it were me, I'd initiate some rough doggy style sex and yell out "SMACK MY ASS.... Again! Oooooh yeah! Harder! Harder!" and I'd find out instantly. Then afterwards I'd talk about how hot it was as I lie there panting. Later, I may request some soft kisses on my sensitive flesh, and I'd praise his loving care.
But I have no patience.
Yep we're all different round here. Opinions are like assholes and all that stuff... Sorry I was so blunt. I have never been married and hope that if I ever do I can say anything to him and vice versa. That's just me.
Wow I kinda feel like a dirty slut now
Sometimes it works better to ask for forgiveness than it does to ask for permission.
