Sub-space: Same, or Different for men/women?

[Abitov]

UmHmmmm

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You'll probably find that sub space is different from person to person, irregardless of gender.

 

[DVS]

I agree that subspace is more of an individual thing than a gender thing.

Check the BDSM library for related threads on subspace. I've already checked and linked to it. There are several short threads of subspace discussions.

 

[His_pet_slut]

I have no idea what the differences between genders might be, but agree with it being unique from one person to the next. I have even found that sub-space is profoundly different for me depending on the dom I am with. While not all can take me there, nor are they even given enough control for that to be an option, the ones that have seem to illicit very different experiences.

 

[Abitov]

Mahallo

OK, Thanks

 

[Netzach]

Sub-space: Same, or Different for men/women?

As a bi-sub male by nature, I have always found it easy to slip into the role of Top with other men (though I rarely find it anywhere near as arousing as being topped), just due to the intuition that comes from owning one myself (a sub-male psyche that is, not a sub-male) and the resulting ability to ‘read’ them as things progress.

With women, I’m turned on just about equally in either role. My problem though, is that while I have often, by reading / feeling the moment, successfully introduced an unplanned D/s, power-exchange with me as the D, I find I have trouble keeping up the momentum. Whenever I have tested the waters this way, I have, as far as I can remember, invariably had highly favorable reactions from the woman. Sadly (for both of us), my intuitions usually seem to fail me, and the steam soon drifts back down to vanilla.

With men—and no doubt many would disagree with me—I am convinced that while there are a million or more paths / fetishes / scenes / preferences, for getting there, for the vast majority of sub men, the sub experience is at its core about the sexualizing of the emotion of humiliation. Call it what you will: emasculation, submission, power-play, service . . . it (almost) always boils down to the emotional element of humiliation, which men by nature and by conditioning, tend to experience when they feel they have suffered a loss of face. It’s just that for some of us, at least in certain situations—and who the hell knows why—that emotion can be intensely sexualized and generate eye-popping desire. Ain’t life wonderful?! And in my experience, if you can find out which particular triggers a given male sub relies on to start his sub-space engines, that is where he will go mentally.

So here is my question (assuming you haven’t already decided I’m full of it!): Is there a counter-part to this in the female psyche? Is there, regardless of the variety of ways women use get there, a near universal core element / theme / dynamic . . . of the female-sub experience? Is sub-space more or less the same, or fundamentally different for the female and male psyches?

Thanks for listening, and I would be grateful for any education any of you sub-women, or sub-men for that matter, feel up to sharing!

Abitov

Generally you are right about males.

Generally.

I'd say about 20 percent of the time it's totally NOT that at all. It would be wrong wrong wrong. And that adds up to a LOT of people.

I really think that reactions and what people like to call "sub space" (I personally think it's just human brain chemistry firing, and we romanticize that fact) are going to vary HUGELY person to person.

Really it IS chemical - and we know from non sexual context that chemicals treat all of us a little differently.

Give most people a little adderall and they're talkative and speedy and jittery. Give a person with ADD a little adderall and they're focused and present.

Give girl A a whack on the behind and she'll process it this way, and give girl B a whack on the behind and she'll process it that way. The best way to guess people is to play with a bajillion of them and make some informed guesses that way, or know the one or two you do play with inside and out.

 

[Abitov]

Very Well Then

 

[Abitov]

Could Be

 

[His_pet_slut]

I guess the 'slut' term depends on intent and one's own attitude towards it. Nowdays slut is a term of endearment for me. ;-)

Many years ago, it was used with cruel intent and devastated me due to the person hurling it at me.

*shrugs* Maybe it is all about context? M~ knows there is one thing to make me say about myself that is painful and difficult. He has used it as a trigger for sub-space before. It was a very emotional scene. I don't know if it would illicit the same response if he did it again.

 

[bergland]

Thanks for your reply.

 

[Abitov]

ER, Ummmm

 

[Abitov]

Thanks for your reply.

Hello Bergland--and you're welcome, I guess. I'm a tad confused though, as I didn't see any post by you. Any how, Ok, and thanks.

Abitov

 

[His_pet_slut]

Oh my god woman, you're killin' me here! Now I've gotta go all day wonderin' just what the hell it was he made you say! Sigh. Guess I'll just have to learn to live with it--everyone needs at least a few good secrets!

A girl's gotta remain a wee bit mysterious. Even a subby slut. ;-)

 

[Netzach]

Oh my god woman, you're killin' me here! Now I've gotta go all day wonderin' just what the hell it was he made you say! Sigh. Guess I'll just have to learn to live with it--everyone needs at least a few good secrets!

On a more serious vein though, I think maybe that is another difference between the sexes on this stuff? I know that I can and have easily said some pretty craven / humiliating things to other men (tops) I've just met. That ability to dissociate our sexual processes / needs from our emotional side I think is what makes it easier for men to have such casual and utterly annoymous and raunchy sex. Thus, the overabundance of hard cocks wherever you go. As a bi male, it is always a given that at lest M/M sex is pretty much available day or night, in any city of any size at all.

Can you imagine a female version of the Adult bookstore glory hole scene that would appeal to women--that would ever get (any significant number of) them to walk in off the street and have sex within five minutes with a woman they'll never see again, and whom they might not ever speak to--not a single word--before, during, or after the sex? I can['t imagine what kind of venue it would need to be!

There *are* some girl sex parties that have some of that flavor, thank fuck, in SF and NYC, but it's hard to find one free of any drama or entanglement. I wish.

 

[HottieMama]

Can you imagine a female version of the Adult bookstore glory hole scene that would appeal to women--that would ever get (any significant number of) them to walk in off the street and have sex within five minutes with a woman they'll never see again, and whom they might not ever speak to--not a single word--before, during, or after the sex? I can['t imagine what kind of venue it would need to be!

I would be the first customer!