Doms can you explain what you get out of it?

[His_pet_slut]

Do understand that using a trigger word or tone of voice to cause a partner to climax in public can be a pleasurable amusement on occasion. CM wries of being thrilled to offer herself up to be used however her partners wish and for me, sometimes just making my partner cum on demand under circumstances of my choosing was a way of using her at will. Knowing that such a thing was possible contributed to that intellectual and spiritual satisfaction I mentioned earlier

Imagine, if you will, a well-dressed woman carrying her leather briefcase at the end of a longish day of professional work (say, as a lawyer or other similar professional). She's sitting in a McDonald's eating a salad and enjoying a glass of Diet Coke when her phone lights up. It's a text message with, perhaps, four or five words. Instantly she's gripping her seat and working very hard to control her body's need to convulse and shudder, to say nothing of the effort visible in her face from stifling a loud whimper.

Now cut to another table at the same restaurant where a man in khakis and a turtleneck is sliding his phone back into his pocket, smiling broadly as he tucks into his Big Mac. His text message had accomplished his purpose and she did not know he was only thirty feet away at the time.

Master delights in doing this to me. He has been known to do it while I am sitting waiting for a networking meeting to begin. *sigh*.....sweet, sweet torment....

 

[Que]

this is 1 of those threads that starts as a mildly interesting question and ends up with fascinating responses. I have not gotten through them all, but I decided I better contribute something before I end up saying "me too!" 37 different posts.

for me it's about power and validation probably as the root. there is a voyeuristic component to it. just as subs report getting into subspace (i've had limited opportunities for switching...but I get it), for me it's not exactly an out of body experience but I see the scene from a pov that's different than where I am in reality. I feel omniscient.

While topping I direct the scene and watch it unfold. it matters little whether the scene goes the direction I had planned, rather it is that I am the prime mover. it happen the way it happened because I aimed the bus. doesn't matter whether an angry or a benevolent god directs the bus, or ignore is the bus as long as everyone on the bus think she does

 

[switchbitch]

That was a beautiful portrayal. Thank you very much for contributing. Being fairly new to this side of me, I am watching this thread very closely and absorbing all the knowledge I can. My biggest concern is feeling selfish, because I feel like I'm the only one reaping all the rewards from his attention, and hard work. Its helpful to understand the other side of this wonderful dynamic.

Please keep em coming! Thank you again.

it is only selfish if you do not understand what pleases your dom and make no effort to find out, consequently you are not selfish because you are trying to understand it. It would be far more effective to ask your dom these questions so that he or she understands how much it means to you to understand in order to please them. But I know sometimes it can be hard to ask of your dom because even asking for information feels like you are adding to the weight of selfishness that you feel. It can feel like you need to know for your own happiness rather than theirs. But a gift of open and honest communication from you to Your dom can only enrich your relationship and understanding of each other.Your dom may be aware of you on many levels and seem easily able to understand your thoughts and desires, but it isn't telepathy and input is always a good thing even if it is in the form of asking questions about his or her pleasure in scene.
as you can see from the similarities and differences in the posted replies it's probably a really good idea to ask your dom to answer this.
(please excuse the random capitalisation my computer is buggy at the moment)

 

[the captians wench]

Do understand that using a trigger word or tone of voice to cause a partner to climax in public can be a pleasurable amusement on occasion. CM wries of being thrilled to offer herself up to be used however her partners wish and for me, sometimes just making my partner cum on demand under circumstances of my choosing was a way of using her at will. Knowing that such a thing was possible contributed to that intellectual and spiritual satisfaction I mentioned earlier

Imagine, if you will, a well-dressed woman carrying her leather briefcase at the end of a longish day of professional work (say, as a lawyer or other similar professional). She's sitting in a McDonald's eating a salad and enjoying a glass of Diet Coke when her phone lights up. It's a text message with, perhaps, four or five words. Instantly she's gripping her seat and working very hard to control her body's need to convulse and shudder, to say nothing of the effort visible in her face from stifling a loud whimper.

Now cut to another table at the same restaurant where a man in khakis and a turtleneck is sliding his phone back into his pocket, smiling broadly as he tucks into his Big Mac. His text message had accomplished his purpose and she did not know he was only thirty feet away at the time.

Yup, been there.

It really doesn't upset me, as my earlier post might have suggested. I just didn't understand why it would be so appealing. I do see your point. I do see how the "look what I can do" factor can play in. I still don't fully understand, but I can acknowledge it.

 

[leashedlaura]

I posed this question to my Master *also my husband" Here is his answer:

I DEFINTELY like the feeling that I COULD control every move you make, if I chose to exert myself to do so. This I think is what makes me at heart a "Master and the thrill it gives me to see you dance to my tune " if not molded to do so. (in the sense of a slave-owner) rather than a "Master" (in the sense of someone who does kinky scenes, but relates as equals with her subs the rest of the time.)

Love to be a Disciplinarian - a perfectionist with a long memory, who punishes you later for your slightest infractions? Big yes to that one too. Ask about her punishment journal, or my own mental list. In this aspect I'm also drawn to archetypes such as the teacher/Master/trainer role.

The Humiliator - I think you need guilty/not guilty subtypes (as with the Sadist) too. I love to manipulate you emotionally, make you blush and squirm and sometimes even cringe, but what I'm really getting off on is knowing that you are also getting off on it. In fact, I very frequently make you do things like beg me to abuse you and tell me what nasty whores/sluts/sissies/etc you are, and will punish you if their words are not plentiful & pretty enough.....This is my reward for being a Master and taking you to your erotic peaks dear.....So said my Master....

 

[Sum1mustDie]

I'm neither a dominant nor a submissive, but to my understanding, dominants are God-wannabes.

 

[Kurokami]

I'm neither a dominant nor a submissive, but to my understanding, dominants are God-wannabes.

Hmm... I don't know about wanting to be god... But I am a huge egotist

To answer the actual question: To me, dominance as sexual gratification is only a tertiary concern. Yes, there's a great thrill to be had in being called Master, and in taking control of my partner, but what I really get out of being a Dom, what I really enjoy, is the wonderful emotional closeness it brings.

Maybe that has something to do with how I was properly introduced to BDSM in the first place, exploring the concept and learning about it with my wife- and when I was in a pretty bad way, mentally, at the beginning- but now I mostly associate the practice with her. With... Well, with falling in love. Sorry if that's a tad saccharine.

But it's why I don't ever feel like doing it casually, either. There needs to be an emotional connection. I find that there's no walls, afterwards; I've seen my partner at their most vulnerable, and they've seen me with my ego just hanging out. It's a very pure representation of the darker parts of the other person, and if it's with the right person, it's hugely enjoyable. I'm just lucky I've found a couple of people who are just right for me

 

[kimuk]

it is only selfish if you do not understand what pleases your dom and make no effort to find out, consequently you are not selfish because you are trying to understand it. It would be far more effective to ask your dom these questions so that he or she understands how much it means to you to understand in order to please them. But I know sometimes it can be hard to ask of your dom because even asking for information feels like you are adding to the weight of selfishness that you feel. It can feel like you need to know for your own happiness rather than theirs. But a gift of open and honest communication from you to Your dom can only enrich your relationship and understanding of each other.Your dom may be aware of you on many levels and seem easily able to understand your thoughts and desires, but it isn't telepathy and input is always a good thing even if it is in the form of asking questions about his or her pleasure in scene.
as you can see from the similarities and differences in the posted replies it's probably a really good idea to ask your dom to answer this.
(please excuse the random capitalisation my computer is buggy at the moment)

Of course I've asked him. But his answer was very simplistic. I just want to make it as good as possible for him,. Thats why I asked the question here. Its enlightneing to hear what others think even if HE dosent share their views.

 

[Lord Crimson]

It also about the willingness of the sub to submit to the Dom, it is a true gift of devotion (maybe love for for some). Doms have a need to control. In the Dom/sub relationship, it is actually the sub who has the stronger will. Recommend you read Hegal's, OF LORDSHIP AND BONDAGE.

ogre17, I don't post often, but I could not let your post go unanswered. you have put into words what I have been trying to teach girls to understand for years.

Thank you

 

[voir]

I'm new to the D/S relationship, and this thread is fascinating. My wife was looking to be my sub for a long time, but I was never comfortable with it. In the past I seem to have confused it with S/M - more to do with pain and humiliation I suppose. I recently was able to get some advice and was able to approach being her Master as teaching her about control, submission and pleasure. My part, then becomes one of having to control, enjoying taking her as I will, and teaching her 'lessons' in each of those. Being able to start from there I've found I've been able to enjoy having a Slave more than I thought I would (I think I've been hard for a week straight now!), and have found her to be more willing and enthusiastic than I expected. At this point I can't stop thinking of lessons my Slave should learn, and she can't seem to be taught often enough.

It looks like there is a huge wealth of opinions and info on this thread to go through. It's very interesting to see what others have found now that I have started to get my own experience under way and understood.

 

[unknooown]

Well, I'm sadistic. I enjoy and/or get off on seeing pain in others, especially women, and it doesn't even have to be sexual. I prefer, of course, for it to be sexual, and I prefer to be the source of that pain. I also like getting my way, and since I'm used to getting my way there is a price to pay when I don't. If I'm unhappy I will make things difficult for whoever is involved.

But back to the pain thing. I especially like taking something pleasurable, like an orgasm, and turning it into torture. Whether my wife will enjoy her orgasm(s) is totally up to me. In fact whether she orgasms at all is up to me.

When we have sex there is a lot of foreplay, mostly focused on her. Unless I'm especially angry, I do want her to come, and I do want her to enjoy it...to an extent. The foreplay is more or less my gift to her -- if she's not in the mood for sex and puts up a fight there is no foreplay, just fucking. But if she is in the mood I allow her to enjoy herself for some time. And from there it usually goes like this: I'll hold her down with a vibe against her clit, I force her to come for as long as it pleases me. She puts up a hell of a fight, screams, cries, begs, and if it's bothersome I put an end to it but usually I want to hear her. One of the most enjoyable things is difficult to explain but I'll try: I love my wife more than words can describe, and there I am, touching her, we're actually physically touching, and she's in so much pain she can't even see straight, and I don't feel a thing. It's almost like I can't believe it's real. It's incredible to me. But anyway, I force her to come until I can't wait any longer or I get tired of hearing her, whichever comes first. Then I fuck her. The reason I force her to come (usually multiple times) before sex is because the sex is for me. I said earlier that foreplay is a gift to her, and it is. But sex is all mine, and if the act itself isn't hurting her in some way then I can't get maximum pleasure. We do sometimes have vanilla sex, and we both orgasm and it's nice every once in a while. But if I want to maximize my pleasure she needs to be hurting. So I fuck her, hard, and I slap her across the face and breasts, and then I turn her over and fuck her from behind while abusing her clit with either my hand or a vibrator.

Of course that just describes those nights where we have to get to bed but we want sex first. That whole situation lasts 30 minutes or less. When we have time there's more, but it's all basically the same: I enjoy seeing her in pain. Such a weird fucking thing to come to terms with, but here we are.

 

[Wizard]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

I think you just said it perfectly. While everyone has there own kink and is in it for different reason I think you put it well.
"As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind."

Me personally, I get off on the big picture, I get off on planing what and hope, I also love to toy with sensation play and as you enjoy listening and wondering I enjoy teasing and watching reactions of bliss or shear erotica.
We receive such a rush toying with you, taking you to the edge and deciding if we should take your cum.The enjoyment of watching your body react to where we want to play.
The whole trust thing is pure erotic. That one has offered up there prize gift. "Trust" for one to take and enjoy....Pure erotica when someone offers there submissiveness..... No greater gift.


"How can something which is so physically and mentally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?"

That is right there..... The willingness alone is it... Plain and simple, it starts there and builds.

 

[Wizard]

I think I used to be able to answer this question. The trouble is, it has been so flipping long since I've been in the D/s trenches that what I recall may well be clouded over by the mists of fond recollection (or is that dust from Charles Atlas kicking DGE's sand castle?).

Still, for me it has been about creating a particular state of mind in my partner. Sometimes I wanted that state to be willing agony and at other times I wanted it to be raw lust for release; and sometimes it was for both at once. My reward was the satisfaction that I'd brought her to the desired place. It was a job well done, for certain, but there was more. I got my rocks off in the process, of course, usually in precisely the ways I demanded. But so did she, and often the mountain I made her climb to get to her release was always higher than it had been the time before and that was higher than the time before that.

We used to quibble a bit over the question of whether it was really submission if she got her rocks off 18 or 20 times in an afternoon together. After all, where's the sacrifice when your body is treated to Tiffany's-grade sex? But if that was what I wanted from her, then producing it for me was her responsibility. Working with her to create that understanding - and the capacity for response on that high level - was a deeply satisfying venture.

Satisfaction runs on many levels and D/s activities satisfied me intellectually, spiritually, and physically.

Pretty darn good description even though everyone is different this was good.

 

[Wizard]

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

"
It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life. "

Excellent!

 

[Wizard]

Ok there is a recurring theam here. Sooooooooooooooooooo Basically its not about sex at all . Its about creating something?

Not you just have to explain that bit to me?

For me, very much about creating the whole seance,,, everything, sound, smell, actions... It all. Not the act alone...

 

[Sum1mustDie]

Well, I'm sadistic. I enjoy and/or get off on seeing pain in others, especially women, and it doesn't even have to be sexual. I prefer, of course, for it to be sexual, and I prefer to be the source of that pain. I also like getting my way, and since I'm used to getting my way there is a price to pay when I don't. If I'm unhappy I will make things difficult for whoever is involved.

But back to the pain thing. I especially like taking something pleasurable, like an orgasm, and turning it into torture. Whether my wife will enjoy her orgasm(s) is totally up to me. In fact whether she orgasms at all is up to me.

When we have sex there is a lot of foreplay, mostly focused on her. Unless I'm especially angry, I do want her to come, and I do want her to enjoy it...to an extent. The foreplay is more or less my gift to her -- if she's not in the mood for sex and puts up a fight there is no foreplay, just fucking. But if she is in the mood I allow her to enjoy herself for some time. And from there it usually goes like this: I'll hold her down with a vibe against her clit, I force her to come for as long as it pleases me. She puts up a hell of a fight, screams, cries, begs, and if it's bothersome I put an end to it but usually I want to hear her. One of the most enjoyable things is difficult to explain but I'll try: I love my wife more than words can describe, and there I am, touching her, we're actually physically touching, and she's in so much pain she can't even see straight, and I don't feel a thing. It's almost like I can't believe it's real. It's incredible to me. But anyway, I force her to come until I can't wait any longer or I get tired of hearing her, whichever comes first. Then I fuck her. The reason I force her to come (usually multiple times) before sex is because the sex is for me. I said earlier that foreplay is a gift to her, and it is. But sex is all mine, and if the act itself isn't hurting her in some way then I can't get maximum pleasure. We do sometimes have vanilla sex, and we both orgasm and it's nice every once in a while. But if I want to maximize my pleasure she needs to be hurting. So I fuck her, hard, and I slap her across the face and breasts, and then I turn her over and fuck her from behind while abusing her clit with either my hand or a vibrator.

Of course that just describes those nights where we have to get to bed but we want sex first. That whole situation lasts 30 minutes or less. When we have time there's more, but it's all basically the same: I enjoy seeing her in pain. Such a weird fucking thing to come to terms with, but here we are.

Amen. Dominants are sadistic, Indeed. At least you admit.

 

[Wizard]

To truly dominate someone you must understand the submissives mind. I enjoy knowing that there is a person out there that trusts me enough to allow me to control their every word, movement and breath if I choose to. It's like a lump of clay.........you just have to mold it and trust that it moves in the proper direction.

Excellent, excellent....

 

[Center39]

".....As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?....."

I've written this thing three times and it still doesn't read right. Let me try again...

All the previous responses ring true but I keep coming back to my brown hair.

I am not a Dom because of what I get out of it. I am a Dom because that is who I am.

The question could be "Can I explain what I get out of having brown hair?"

It doesn't matter what I get out of it, I am what I am.

Now, if I remember correctly, kimuk (the OP) was looking for ways to increase her Dom's pleasure "...I just want to make it as good as possible for him...". The question then becomes how to increase a Dom's pleasure.

Based on my experience, show and/or tell him what being his sub means to you. Show and/or tell him how his Dom has improved your life. Show and/or tell him again of your submission to him. It is your submission that feeds his control.

 

[monicalynne68]

I think you just said it perfectly. While everyone has there own kink and is in it for different reason I think you put it well.
"As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind."

Me personally, I get off on the big picture, I get off on planing what and hope, I also love to toy with sensation play and as you enjoy listening and wondering I enjoy teasing and watching reactions of bliss or shear erotica.
We receive such a rush toying with you, taking you to the edge and deciding if we should take your cum.The enjoyment of watching your body react to where we want to play.
The whole trust thing is pure erotic. That one has offered up there prize gift. "Trust" for one to take and enjoy....Pure erotica when someone offers there submissiveness..... No greater gift.


"How can something which is so physically and mentally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?"

That is right there..... The willingness alone is it... Plain and simple, it starts there and builds.

Very well said. As a sub, the trust between the two is incredibly erotic. To give yourself totally to your Dom. To allow yourself to become helpless and put your entire self in the hands of another person, to be played with and toyed with, and obey my Dom's every wish. It is very erotic for both.

 

[kimuk]

I think you just said it perfectly. While everyone has there own kink and is in it for different reason I think you put it well.
"As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind."

Me personally, I get off on the big picture, I get off on planing what and hope, I also love to toy with sensation play and as you enjoy listening and wondering I enjoy teasing and watching reactions of bliss or shear erotica.
We receive such a rush toying with you, taking you to the edge and deciding if we should take your cum.The enjoyment of watching your body react to where we want to play.
The whole trust thing is pure erotic. That one has offered up there prize gift. "Trust" for one to take and enjoy....Pure erotica when someone offers there submissiveness..... No greater gift.


"How can something which is so physically and mentally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?"

That is right there..... The willingness alone is it... Plain and simple, it starts there and builds.

Thankyou ...i understand

 

[Artina Heartflash]

Well, I'm sadistic. I enjoy and/or get off on seeing pain in others, especially women, and it doesn't even have to be sexual. I prefer, of course, for it to be sexual, and I prefer to be the source of that pain. I also like getting my way, and since I'm used to getting my way there is a price to pay when I don't. If I'm unhappy I will make things difficult for whoever is involved.

But back to the pain thing. I especially like taking something pleasurable, like an orgasm, and turning it into torture. Whether my wife will enjoy her orgasm(s) is totally up to me. In fact whether she orgasms at all is up to me.

When we have sex there is a lot of foreplay, mostly focused on her. Unless I'm especially angry, I do want her to come, and I do want her to enjoy it...to an extent. The foreplay is more or less my gift to her -- if she's not in the mood for sex and puts up a fight there is no foreplay, just fucking. But if she is in the mood I allow her to enjoy herself for some time. And from there it usually goes like this: I'll hold her down with a vibe against her clit, I force her to come for as long as it pleases me. She puts up a hell of a fight, screams, cries, begs, and if it's bothersome I put an end to it but usually I want to hear her. One of the most enjoyable things is difficult to explain but I'll try: I love my wife more than words can describe, and there I am, touching her, we're actually physically touching, and she's in so much pain she can't even see straight, and I don't feel a thing. It's almost like I can't believe it's real. It's incredible to me. But anyway, I force her to come until I can't wait any longer or I get tired of hearing her, whichever comes first. Then I fuck her. The reason I force her to come (usually multiple times) before sex is because the sex is for me. I said earlier that foreplay is a gift to her, and it is. But sex is all mine, and if the act itself isn't hurting her in some way then I can't get maximum pleasure. We do sometimes have vanilla sex, and we both orgasm and it's nice every once in a while. But if I want to maximize my pleasure she needs to be hurting. So I fuck her, hard, and I slap her across the face and breasts, and then I turn her over and fuck her from behind while abusing her clit with either my hand or a vibrator.

Of course that just describes those nights where we have to get to bed but we want sex first. That whole situation lasts 30 minutes or less. When we have time there's more, but it's all basically the same: I enjoy seeing her in pain. Such a weird fucking thing to come to terms with, but here we are.

Hmm.. I'd like to know whether or not she enjoys that pain, and why. I believe in the reports that say the orgasm is almost always brought on BY THE PERSON EXPERIENCING IT.
Sounds like you need to do more soul searching as to why pain is so important for sex. Hope you find the answer someday soon, and give us more insight.

 

[Artina Heartflash]

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

What a gorgeous engorgement of soul

 

[Artina Heartflash]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

I'm switch in nature, mostly Domme in practice. I like being the one to explore what buttons to push, to open up the sub for deeper intimate connection and expression. I like being the leader in the creative trailblazing, making new routes to pleasure.

When I sub, I seek to learn what pleases the Dominant one. But I don't prefer to get involved with any S/M stuff. Don't like damaging pain. Love impact, mental and physical. The climaxes I have experienced as sub though are quite small and few. It's partly due to the fact I never had the Doms invest the time/effort to develop my trust in them, to let go completely. It's pretty deeply guarded. When I want to feel something out of my control give my skin a ripple, I usually go stand in a heavy storm outside.

 

[CutieMouse]

Hmm.. I'd like to know whether or not she enjoys that pain, and why. I believe in the reports that say the orgasm is almost always brought on BY THE PERSON EXPERIENCING IT.
Sounds like you need to do more soul searching as to why pain is so important for sex. Hope you find the answer someday soon, and give us more insight.

Wait... WHY does he need to "do more soul searching as to why pain is so important for sex"? Why can't it just be something as simple as pain being a part of sex [for him]?

If one of The Men (my 2 lovers) wants to fuck me, it better damn well hurt [in order for me/him/us to fully enjoy it] and we all know it. I was laying in bed with one of them the other day and he commented that he never expected (at his age; he's 60) to find a "soulmate"- someone who needs to absorb his aggression/authority as much as he needs to express it. There isn't any dark history, no background of physical abuse, no mysoginy... No need to "soul search". Just intimacy, endorphins, vulnerability and friendship.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm switch in nature, mostly Domme in practice. I like being the one to explore what buttons to push, to open up the sub for deeper intimate connection and expression. I like being the leader in the creative trailblazing, making new routes to pleasure.

When I sub, I seek to learn what pleases the Dominant one. But I don't prefer to get involved with any S/M stuff. Don't like damaging pain. Love impact, mental and physical. The climaxes I have experienced as sub though are quite small and few. It's partly due to the fact I never had the Doms invest the time/effort to develop my trust in them, to let go completely. It's pretty deeply guarded. When I want to feel something out of my control give my skin a ripple, I usually go stand in a heavy storm outside.

The bolded bit up there? S/M is not limited to "damaging pain"; in fact, I know few (if any) practitioners of S/M who are into "damage".

"Impact, mental and physical", however, is often what S/M is all about.