Doms can you explain what you get out of it?

[Aurore_Cherie]

I love watching my partner learn as he bends himself to me. I watch the pleasure and contentment on his face as he almost purrs when I praise him.

I love helping him discover things he didn't know he liked. That little gasp of, "Oh my, I LIKE this!" makes me smile.

I love when he's in pain and he struggles through it for me. I see the look in his eyes and I am proud of him.

Ah . . . I could go on. <3

 

[YourCaptor]

I love when he's in pain and he struggles through it for me.

Word

Word to the max.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Sure I can. It frustrates (causes mental pain) to people who like it complicated.

Yes Sir

 

[kimuk]

Maybe the female of the species just tries to complicate things too much?

The Doms take seems very simple,

 

[Stella_Omega]

Maybe the female of the species just tries to complicate things too much?

The Doms take seems very simple,

Mybe the men aren't thinking things all the way through. A stiffie tends to do that to a gent.

 

[LittleVixen69]

Kimuk thanks for asking this.

I am new to here and pretty new to the whole D/s
I was wondering the same thing.

 

[LanceWrite]

The path is a strategy for meeting needs. Needs for connection, communication, autonomy, excitement,creativity and of course sexual fulfillment among many others. It can be easy to confuse the description of a strategy - in this case Domination - with the myriad of needs that strategy fulfills. Indeed it can meet different or simultaneous needs for each Dom. A good strategy always meets more than one need.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Very pretty picture DGE's but dosent answer my question.....or does it ....so for you its about having the skills to shape the submissive to be the type of "sandcastle" you wish her to be so she becaomes pliant in you hands.

My analogy is going to break down soon, and then it will appear that I'm perpetually aroused by sand.

For me, there's a lot of control mixed in with creativity. Look what I did! And if it doesn't look quite right, I'm going to move those fucking bushes over to this side of the yard. Joy.

But it's not REALLY control. It's a dialogue. If you're writing, and it's flowing, the words seem to jump up and collaborate. You're cooking, and you start improvising, and ingredients appear. That mix of control and collaboration is heady stuff.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Maybe the female of the species just tries to complicate things too much?

The Doms take seems very simple,

Females have answered from a dominant viewpoint and males from a submissive viewpoint, so I don't think it has very much to do with being female or male.
I think most of us have a harder time explaining to ourselves why we want to be submissive. It clashes to much with what we hear we should want to be.

But it's not REALLY control. It's a dialogue. If you're writing, and it's flowing, the words seem to jump up and collaborate. You're cooking, and you start improvising, and ingredients appear. That mix of control and collaboration is heady stuff.

Like!

 

[the captians wench]

My analogy is going to break down soon, and then it will appear that I'm perpetually aroused by sand.

For me, there's a lot of control mixed in with creativity. Look what I did! And if it doesn't look quite right, I'm going to move those fucking bushes over to this side of the yard. Joy.

But it's not REALLY control. It's a dialogue. If you're writing, and it's flowing, the words seem to jump up and collaborate. You're cooking, and you start improvising, and ingredients appear. That mix of control and collaboration is heady stuff.

I have such a girly boner for you.

 

[midwestyankee]

I think I used to be able to answer this question. The trouble is, it has been so flipping long since I've been in the D/s trenches that what I recall may well be clouded over by the mists of fond recollection (or is that dust from Charles Atlas kicking DGE's sand castle?).

Still, for me it has been about creating a particular state of mind in my partner. Sometimes I wanted that state to be willing agony and at other times I wanted it to be raw lust for release; and sometimes it was for both at once. My reward was the satisfaction that I'd brought her to the desired place. It was a job well done, for certain, but there was more. I got my rocks off in the process, of course, usually in precisely the ways I demanded. But so did she, and often the mountain I made her climb to get to her release was always higher than it had been the time before and that was higher than the time before that.

We used to quibble a bit over the question of whether it was really submission if she got her rocks off 18 or 20 times in an afternoon together. After all, where's the sacrifice when your body is treated to Tiffany's-grade sex? But if that was what I wanted from her, then producing it for me was her responsibility. Working with her to create that understanding - and the capacity for response on that high level - was a deeply satisfying venture.

Satisfaction runs on many levels and D/s activities satisfied me intellectually, spiritually, and physically.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

We used to quibble a bit over the question of whether it was really submission if she got her rocks off 18 or 20 times in an afternoon together. After all, where's the sacrifice when your body is treated to Tiffany's-grade sex? But if that was what I wanted from her, then producing it for me was her responsibility. Working with her to create that understanding - and the capacity for response on that high level - was a deeply satisfying venture.

I vote yes.

I have such a girly boner for you.

Well, a 2007 University of Wisconsin study DID show that women responded sexually to men who used the word analogy when they really mean metaphor!

 

[the captians wench]

We used to quibble a bit over the question of whether it was really submission if she got her rocks off 18 or 20 times in an afternoon together. After all, where's the sacrifice when your body is treated to Tiffany's-grade sex? But if that was what I wanted from her, then producing it for me was her responsibility. Working with her to create that understanding - and the capacity for response on that high level - was a deeply satisfying venture.

This made me think about my magic trigger and Jounar's love of orgasm control.

Jounar likes to practice orgasm control, but only when we are not together (which granted is the majority of the time but follow me here), when we are together, I am free to orgasm as often as I like, when we are not, I may only with permission (or when I'm with some one else, which ergo is granting permission). But the whole time I was there he never once used my trigger word. Not one time. He didn't even seem curious by it. This really shocked me because he's the first man I have ever met to not play with it (and play hard!) when given the opportunity.

At first I wondered why? Though not enough to really ask him. After reading the above comments I think I understand. Jounar has always been a believer in "anything given freely is priceless, something taken is worthless". When some one uses my trigger word to force me to orgasm, they take my will from me. It is not an orgasm freely given, offered up for his enjoyment, it is stollen from me to put it in very hard terms.

Because my views line so easily with his, this might contribute to why I have such a hard time understanding why anyone enjoys my trigger anyway. I mean, it's not like you have to work at all for it. No fore play, no getting me hot, just walk up to me on a busy street, and say the word just the right way, and I'm fighting not to show I just wet myself.

Not sure if this relates at all, but it's where my mind went.

 

[the captians wench]

I vote yes.





Well, a 2007 University of Wisconsin study DID show that women responded sexually to men who used the word analogy when they really mean metaphor!

Well, my self medicating the 1800's way (read hot whiskey and honey 3x a day) could contribute to the aforementioned heightened state.

 

[His_pet_slut]

Fascinating

Such an enlightening thread. I am learning so much. There are so many things such as this that I wonder about, but hate to pester Master with too many questions.

 

[mdavid_1964]

What Being A Dom Means To Me

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

 

[Goodgirl4him]

Very pretty picture DGE's but dosent answer my question.....or does it ....so for you its about having the skills to shape the submissive to be the type of "sandcastle" you wish her to be so she becaomes pliant in you hands.

( P.S. very dissapionted in your AV.....whoever the bare chested hunk was he was hot lol!)

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

That was a beautiful portrayal. Thank you very much for contributing. Being fairly new to this side of me, I am watching this thread very closely and absorbing all the knowledge I can. My biggest concern is feeling selfish, because I feel like I'm the only one reaping all the rewards from his attention, and hard work. Its helpful to understand the other side of this wonderful dynamic.

Please keep em coming! Thank you again.

 

[midwestyankee]

This made me think about my magic trigger and Jounar's love of orgasm control.

<snip>

Because my views line so easily with his, this might contribute to why I have such a hard time understanding why anyone enjoys my trigger anyway. I mean, it's not like you have to work at all for it. No fore play, no getting me hot, just walk up to me on a busy street, and say the word just the right way, and I'm fighting not to show I just wet myself.

Not sure if this relates at all, but it's where my mind went.

Do understand that using a trigger word or tone of voice to cause a partner to climax in public can be a pleasurable amusement on occasion. CM wries of being thrilled to offer herself up to be used however her partners wish and for me, sometimes just making my partner cum on demand under circumstances of my choosing was a way of using her at will. Knowing that such a thing was possible contributed to that intellectual and spiritual satisfaction I mentioned earlier

Imagine, if you will, a well-dressed woman carrying her leather briefcase at the end of a longish day of professional work (say, as a lawyer or other similar professional). She's sitting in a McDonald's eating a salad and enjoying a glass of Diet Coke when her phone lights up. It's a text message with, perhaps, four or five words. Instantly she's gripping her seat and working very hard to control her body's need to convulse and shudder, to say nothing of the effort visible in her face from stifling a loud whimper.

Now cut to another table at the same restaurant where a man in khakis and a turtleneck is sliding his phone back into his pocket, smiling broadly as he tucks into his Big Mac. His text message had accomplished his purpose and she did not know he was only thirty feet away at the time.

 

[wicked woman]

Damn you Yank.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I get power and control out if it. Which is what I crave.

 

[midwestyankee]

Damn you Yank.

I'm sorry. Should that illustration have been of a woman eating poutine instead of a salad? Was that a sexist food choice on my part that irritated you?

 

[kimuk]

I think I used to be able to answer this question. The trouble is, it has been so flipping long since I've been in the D/s trenches that what I recall may well be clouded over by the mists of fond recollection (or is that dust from Charles Atlas kicking DGE's sand castle?).

Still, for me it has been about creating a particular state of mind in my partner. Sometimes I wanted that state to be willing agony and at other times I wanted it to be raw lust for release; and sometimes it was for both at once. My reward was the satisfaction that I'd brought her to the desired place. It was a job well done, for certain, but there was more. I got my rocks off in the process, of course, usually in precisely the ways I demanded. But so did she, and often the mountain I made her climb to get to her release was always higher than it had been the time before and that was higher than the time before that.

We used to quibble a bit over the question of whether it was really submission if she got her rocks off 18 or 20 times in an afternoon together. After all, where's the sacrifice when your body is treated to Tiffany's-grade sex? But if that was what I wanted from her, then producing it for me was her responsibility. Working with her to create that understanding - and the capacity for response on that high level - was a deeply satisfying venture.

Satisfaction runs on many levels and D/s activities satisfied me intellectually, spiritually, and physically.

I'm so glad I started this thread ........

Its good to have a peek at the "other" side

 

[kimuk]

The pleasure that I have received over the years as a Dom is both physical and emotional. When I was with my "one" it's was like being transported to another world and all the burdens of everyday life were lifted from my shoulders. The sky becomes a deeper shade of blue, the air is fresher, the grass is greener, the sun is warmer,the flowers bloom more fully and fragrantly, the birds sing sweeter, and time seems to move much slower.

It was the first time in her life that she had ever given a man so much trust and allowed anyone to come inside her outer walls and see and touch all of the woman that she was meant to be. It was the first time that she could ever talk about her deepest needs to submit, and the first time she ever put all of her emotional and physical needs into a mans hands and allowed him to nurture and care for her and own her pleasure. As a Dom there is no greater gift than watching a woman finally bloom after so many years of not being all that she wanted and needed to be. Knowing that I helped to unlock that part of her and let it breathe gives me a very real sense of purpose in my life.

It's always been my experience that the emotional bond between myself and my "one" is what drives the sexual part of our relationship and brings out the very best in both of us. Her love, devotion, and eagerness to please me fuel my passion and the result is like an intense chemical reaction that produces a heat and hunger that are unlike anything I've ever felt in a vanilla relationship. The end result is an intense sexual pleasure that drives both of us to the point where we feel like we are being consumed and that our earthly bodies have truly merged and become "one" in a way that goes much deeper and much more satisfying then I had ever dreamed could be possible. It's like two souls intertwined and two hearts beating as one and it gives me such an incredible joy and happiness that satisfies all of my emotional and physical needs.

I hope that my description of what I get from being a Dom is helpful. I know that it has brought me the greatest joy and happiness that I've felt in my life and a feeling of being whole and complete that is like nothing else I've ever felt.

Thankyou so much for this ......sort of took my breath away

 

[kimuk]

That was a beautiful portrayal. Thank you very much for contributing. Being fairly new to this side of me, I am watching this thread very closely and absorbing all the knowledge I can. My biggest concern is feeling selfish, because I feel like I'm the only one reaping all the rewards from his attention, and hard work. Its helpful to understand the other side of this wonderful dynamic.

Please keep em coming! Thank you again.

My feeling exactly ....somtime I feel that I'm not being sunmissive as I feel I get so much from it and give so little. I'm obediant yes. Although I question. I question because I have to understand why. Why he wants what he asks for. The best part for me is that fantastic feeling of being allowed. How he remembers things that we have talked about and includes them when I least expect it. He seems to store up all this information which I have inocently given and then uses it just at the right time.

10 days and counting to the next flesh on flesh encounter!........i can hadly breath sometimes I'm so excited.

 

[kimuk]

Do understand that using a trigger word or tone of voice to cause a partner to climax in public can be a pleasurable amusement on occasion. CM wries of being thrilled to offer herself up to be used however her partners wish and for me, sometimes just making my partner cum on demand under circumstances of my choosing was a way of using her at will. Knowing that such a thing was possible contributed to that intellectual and spiritual satisfaction I mentioned earlier

Imagine, if you will, a well-dressed woman carrying her leather briefcase at the end of a longish day of professional work (say, as a lawyer or other similar professional). She's sitting in a McDonald's eating a salad and enjoying a glass of Diet Coke when her phone lights up. It's a text message with, perhaps, four or five words. Instantly she's gripping her seat and working very hard to control her body's need to convulse and shudder, to say nothing of the effort visible in her face from stifling a loud whimper.

Now cut to another table at the same restaurant where a man in khakis and a turtleneck is sliding his phone back into his pocket, smiling broadly as he tucks into his Big Mac. His text message had accomplished his purpose and she did not know he was only thirty feet away at the time.

OMG!....shivers!