Doms can you explain what you get out of it?

[kimuk]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

 

[switchbitch]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

I can only speak for myself, and my reactions may be very different to others because I am a switch. I thoroughly agree with your take on submission, but when I am dominant the feeling is very different. This is probably a bad analogy but I'm going to use it anyway it's kind of like having a puppet when you pull the strings the right way and suddenly the puppet comes to life and walks exactly as you wish it to, there is a serious rush of achievement in the control. That is SOO exciting! When a submissive works hard to please me it is arousing on so many levels, when a submissive hands over control to me, the gift of that submission sends shivers up my spine.The moulding of that submission into the perfect tool to drive us both higher sexually, and the feeling of ownership of that tool is deeply satisfying.
I would love to hear others take on this particularly the male members of the community.

 

[ogre17]

It also about the willingness of the sub to submit to the Dom, it is a true gift of devotion (maybe love for for some). Doms have a need to control. In the Dom/sub relationship, it is actually the sub who has the stronger will. Recommend you read Hegal's, OF LORDSHIP AND BONDAGE.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

 

[boy]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

Great question.

I'm Bi, and am a natural submissive in scenes with men, but prefer to top with women. Like you, I feel like when I'm the bottom, I'm actually being the selfish one. Really putting my ego aside and sliding into sub-space is all about letting it happen, and if its good, and your top can push you right over the edge so you go into a free-fall into sub space, my god, it's almost unbearable delicious (sorry, getting carried away here.) But again, the thing is that as I'm free-falling, I'm not really putting forth any, or at least not much mental or emotional effort--I'm just being swept effortlessly along. I usually am putting forth a lot of physical effort for someone else's pleasure, but hell, that's the easy part! (and for what it's worth, in my case as a M/M sub, it's always about the humiliation, which can come in infinite forms.)

With women however (and my sexual relations with women have been about 90% traditional, with maybe 10% being D/s, and almost all with me as the top), the payoff for me as a top is the woman's lust. I don't know exactly what the female experience of / respons to a man's lus is, but for most men, a woman truly lost to her lust and who has managed to banish her ego sufficiently to allow her intense desire into the driver's seat, is so hot that it is just intoxicating to behold. Honest sexual desire on the loose in a woman is to me the eighth wonder of the world. And of course as the top, as SwitchBitch remarked, this is mixed with a sense of satisfaction at being able to help another get to that point; An ego boost in a way. And the trust the woman has obviously placed in you provokes, at least in me, an intense emotional affection toward her. I don't want to confuse it with love, but it can sure feel a lot like it at times.

I have been topped by a woman only twice. The first (we were about 22, drunk, and cluless) resulted in nothing but a bunch of giggling and then just laughing--by both of us. Not hot, but a fun memory.

The other I just happened to stumble into. It involved a GORGEOUS Mexican couple I happened to encounter at an adult bookstore in Salem Oregon a few years ago--(and in case you haven't had a chance to discover it yet, Mexican's almost always have the most luxurious skin on their cocks of any race I've ever worked on!) He was topping her (somewhat gently) in a video booth at an adult bookstore, and I was in the next one over, watching through the glory hole. I was really horny and feeling brave I guess, so I asked the guy if I could come over and give head to both he and his woman, and he said sure--but only head, no fucking of his wife. Well, the short version is that it ended up with her topping me, and him topping us both. I happily spent most of the time on my knees. And again, in my role as sub to her, as when I am with men, it was the humiliation that did it for me. Fortunately for me, she immediately picked up on my frame of mind, and surprised me by being very turned on by it, and alternately 'fed' me, back and forth between her husbands's cock and her luscious pot, with lots of direction of my head by her hands, and some moderate verbal humiliation. Only time I've ever hooked up with a female in a booth like that--guess I was just at the right place at the right time for once. Well, I guess some days are just better than others! I know it was one of the hottest of my life.

 

[DothanMistress]

To truly dominate someone you must understand the submissives mind. I enjoy knowing that there is a person out there that trusts me enough to allow me to control their every word, movement and breath if I choose to. It's like a lump of clay.........you just have to mold it and trust that it moves in the proper direction.

 

[boy]

Thanks

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

You should try your hand at poetry!

 

[sereneone4u]

You should try your hand at poetry!

Oh, he writes incredible poems!

Check them out..he has a link

 

[boy]

Subs make the best tops!

To truly dominate someone you must understand the submissives mind. I enjoy knowing that there is a person out there that trusts me enough to allow me to control their every word, movement and breath if I choose to. It's like a lump of clay.........you just have to mold it and trust that it moves in the proper direction.

Wow, you hit the nail on head. That's why bottoms always make the best tops. The occasional topping I've done of other men I've found effortless, because as a the genuinely submissive sexual nature I've always naturally had, I have spot-on intuition about exactly where the one I'm topping is mentally--when to change direction, surprise with a little harshness, berate, ignore, spot their boundaries, give them time to spot their boundaries themselves, or the right time and pressure to allow them to let their own boundaries shift or fall away, and so on, and on.

But by all means, if you ever find a true bottom willing to top you, it rocks!

 

[YourCaptor]

It feels good to be powerful.

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

I thought you were going somewhere else with this. My take would be, you remember how much fun it is to destroy a sandcastle. It's like that, thrilling.

 

[RJMasters]

What do I get out of it?

The short answer is... Oasis & Rollercoaster.

The long answer has something to do with me being a complex being with intellect, a will, ego, feelings, sensations, lust...etc... and the exchange which transpires on each of those aspects builds me up and sates/fulfills my wants and needs.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

It feels good to be powerful.

I thought you were going somewhere else with this. My take would be, you remember how much fun it is to destroy a sandcastle. It's like that, thrilling.

You're the kid that I tried to drown that year, aren't you? At the beach?

I spent a LOT of time on sandcastles.

You should try your hand at poetry!

Thanks. I do, sometimes.

Oh, he writes incredible poems!

Check them out..he has a link

Oh sereneone
You are
A cat
On a mat
Wearing
A publicist hat.

 

[LanceWrite]

The closest comparison for me, is Directing a play or film. You're not necessarily on stage - getting the applause - or on camera, getting the attention. But you're CREATING it.

You are CRAFTING a very, very powerful moment full of emotion and energy.

Being a Dom, for me - is ultimately a creative endeavor.

 

[CookingDom]

9 years in with actively exploring this lifestyle and I'm pretty much just about getting to the stage where I am comfortable in what I am and understanding fully what I get out of it.

I've always been dominant, both in day to day life and in the bedroom, but in the bedroom it was more kink that D/s, until I started exploring and there were 2 moments that I call 'Eureka' moments where everything just seemed to make sense.

The first, I was sat on an office chair with my, then, gf straddling me as I was teasing her clit mercilessly. I would slow down as I could see her chest rise and her orgasm approaching. This went on for a while and she was writhing around and squirming, which began to annoy me, so I just looked at her in her eyes and said 'Don't fucking move'. She froze and (her words) gushed. I do admit I got a real kick out her squirming and edging but I didn't truly understand why, until many years later. The next time I saw her, she told me how she had mentioned to her sister what I had done and what I'd said to her. Her sister replied 'don't you just fucking love it when they do that?'.

I guess I new I was onto something then.

The next time we played, she was lying beside me with her left arm under my body, my right arm behind her head holding her right wrist. My leg was over her holding them open as my left hand would tease her clit. She writhed and begged so much I had to really struggle to hold her down and force her legs to stay open, but I managed and when she came, I didn't stop. I don't know how many times she came but what I do know is, the last time she came, I let go of her wrist, but her arm didn't move. It was as if she was mentally still being held and thats when I started to understand what I was capable of, and getting off on.

Those first few years (I was actually living in Canada at the time) were full of play, some shallow and cold, some meaningful, some not so and I do admit that I struggled in the beginning. Often I would find myself trying to do what I thought you had to do to be considered a Dom. Nowadays I would consider myself a Top rather than Dom as I enjoy more of the sex part of it all than the scene stuff (rope, CP, social heirs and graces of the lifestyle).
More recently I have come to understand things like face slapping, forced consensual and basically just doing what I need in the moment. I have gotten off on making a sub cry while she serves me, mainly as humiliation. I've always got one well with strong women, the type that seem to give up a lot more in order to submit, When you know what a sub is capable of in day to day life, they could probably kick the shit out of me if they wanted to, but they chose to submit, to relinquish their body to me and I take great pleasure in using it as a vessel for what I need and moulding her mind to accept things in order to please me, when normally they would disgust her.

So what do I get out of it? I get to be me and not worry about the consequences. If I want to hear her scream as I take her, knowing that after the name calling and insults have fallen on deaf ears, she accepts what is being done to her - and embraces it, thats when I know she is mine.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

This made me giggle madly for full minute.

 

[kimuk]

Oh I dont have time to get involved in this conversation as I have to go to work......keep writing I'll be back LOL

 

[YourCaptor]

You're the kid that I tried to drown that year, aren't you? At the beach?

Hey if I hadn't done it the tide would have.

...


I get out of it,

Penis relief.

Zero confrontation, the world is at peace when I don't have to argue my way every 5 seconds.

A feeling like everythings right. It's like the difference between keeping a monkey in a arctic exhibit vs a a jungle one. I want my natural habitat.

Playtime for the kid at heart, with girls instead of legos.

Plus all that high emotional stuff you get when you are with someone you really click with.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

This is awesome.

Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually describes it quite well I think.

And I do love the supple sandy breasts

 

[sereneone4u]

9 years in with actively exploring this lifestyle and I'm pretty much just about getting to the stage where I am comfortable in what I am and understanding fully what I get out of it.

I've always been dominant, both in day to day life and in the bedroom, but in the bedroom it was more kink that D/s, until I started exploring and there were 2 moments that I call 'Eureka' moments where everything just seemed to make sense.

The first, I was sat on an office chair with my, then, gf straddling me as I was teasing her clit mercilessly. I would slow down as I could see her chest rise and her orgasm approaching. This went on for a while and she was writhing around and squirming, which began to annoy me, so I just looked at her in her eyes and said 'Don't fucking move'. She froze and (her words) gushed. I do admit I got a real kick out her squirming and edging but I didn't truly understand why, until many years later. The next time I saw her, she told me how she had mentioned to her sister what I had done and what I'd said to her. Her sister replied 'don't you just fucking love it when they do that?'.

I guess I new I was onto something then.

The next time we played, she was lying beside me with her left arm under my body, my right arm behind her head holding her right wrist. My leg was over her holding them open as my left hand would tease her clit. She writhed and begged so much I had to really struggle to hold her down and force her legs to stay open, but I managed and when she came, I didn't stop. I don't know how many times she came but what I do know is, the last time she came, I let go of her wrist, but her arm didn't move. It was as if she was mentally still being held and thats when I started to understand what I was capable of, and getting off on.

Those first few years (I was actually living in Canada at the time) were full of play, some shallow and cold, some meaningful, some not so and I do admit that I struggled in the beginning. Often I would find myself trying to do what I thought you had to do to be considered a Dom. Nowadays I would consider myself a Top rather than Dom as I enjoy more of the sex part of it all than the scene stuff (rope, CP, social heirs and graces of the lifestyle).
More recently I have come to understand things like face slapping, forced consensual and basically just doing what I need in the moment. I have gotten off on making a sub cry while she serves me, mainly as humiliation. I've always got one well with strong women, the type that seem to give up a lot more in order to submit, When you know what a sub is capable of in day to day life, they could probably kick the shit out of me if they wanted to, but they chose to submit, to relinquish their body to me and I take great pleasure in using it as a vessel for what I need and moulding her mind to accept things in order to please me, when normally they would disgust her.

So what do I get out of it? I get to be me and not worry about the consequences. If I want to hear her scream as I take her, knowing that after the name calling and insults have fallen on deaf ears, she accepts what is being done to her - and embraces it, thats when I know she is mine.

Why, Hello there....

RAWR

 

[BiBunny]

Mostly, I just like kicking men in the nuts.

I'm also not a Domme.

 

[Eager2TRYRU]

As a submissive I know what I get out of the sexual side of my D/s relationship but I have always wondered what the Dom gets out of it?

As a sub our play is very sensation based. He brings me new sensations, he keeps me in a state of sexual arousal, he pushes the right buttons to conect my psyche to my clit. He satisfies my body and he satisfies my mind.

But what does the Dom get out of it?

How do the sexual interactions satisfy you?

How can something which is so physically and menatally exciting and stimulating for the submissive deliver what you need?

I'm curious.

I can only speak for myself, and my reactions may be very different to others because I am a switch. I thoroughly agree with your take on submission, but when I am dominant the feeling is very different. This is probably a bad analogy but I'm going to use it anyway it's kind of like having a puppet when you pull the strings the right way and suddenly the puppet comes to life and walks exactly as you wish it to, there is a serious rush of achievement in the control. That is SOO exciting! When a submissive works hard to please me it is arousing on so many levels, when a submissive hands over control to me, the gift of that submission sends shivers up my spine.The moulding of that submission into the perfect tool to drive us both higher sexually, and the feeling of ownership of that tool is deeply satisfying.
I would love to hear others take on this particularly the male members of the community.

My first 25 sexual years were all as a Dom. And as my Dom side developed, the first thrill for me was just the control. Deciding if she would cum once or 30 times. I would get my partner to the edge of orgasm and back off, change the rhythm... to keep her from having an orgasm. It progressed to making her beg... not letting her move or reach for me... basically just seeing how far I can control someone through pleasure and pain to get them to do or say what I want.

Then I moved into a "expand her horizons" mode where I wanted to see just how far I could push her, to get the pleasure she wanted how much could I get her to beg me to do something she didn't want... or know she wanted done to her. Using the paddle was the start of that. I knew, especially at first, she didn't like it... but through pleasure could I get her to beg and plead for me to whip her ass to get just the touch of my tongue on her quivering clit, or thank me for each thrust of my cock inside her. I fondly remember keeping her on the edge of orgasm for 30 minutes and when I asked her a question she was unable to say any words... just sounds, and one word... please.

Slowly, in my more recent sexual past, I noticed signs that my wife, although she loved being submissive... had a few Dom tendencies when we were having non D/S sex. I encouraged her to try things and I found... she'd taken pretty good notes from watching me and within months she became an amazing Dom.

What I get from my time as a Sub is completely different. When I'm a Sub I don't have to plan or think about what's next... I just exist in the moment... my entire focus is on the my body... the pleasure or pain it's feeling... waiting to please or be pleased, to have my limits tested and boundaries pushed.

After a particularly dominant night with my wife she said it was her turn next. Two days later... I still remember every detail... how she took our largest strapon, pushed me down on the bed and fucked me harder than I ever thought possible, her full weight on me, pinning me in place. I just remember being almost scared at first with how hard she was fucking me... how much power I felt from her... how much I would do anything she wanted. After she fucked me senseless she told me to sit up... and stroke her cock while she watched... I remember how warm the strapon was from being inside me... and how I wanted to do whatever she wanted... how I'd would do, and enjoy, things I never thought I would just to please her.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

This is awesome.

Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually describes it quite well I think.

And I do love the supple sandy breasts

I hate sandy breasts. God the itch -_- Of course, I kind of hate sand in general. It's like nature's glitter. It gets every where, you can't get it out, and every where it gets, IT IRRITATES.

It's pretty and it's fun to play with. but I hate its clingy scratchy ways. Give me good ol' MUD any day. Or, even better, GRASS. For a beach, obviously, those aren't great options...but still, NOT MY POINT...

Uhmm, this is so off topic and I apologize.

 

[Just@Fan]

Alot of great words have already been posted on the subject, so I hope I can hitch my humble offering to this particular star. Speaking for myself, I have never felt more close to my partner than when she is fully submissive. It is almost akin to truly being complete in a way. In those moments our desires are shown in stark reality and even the darker parts seem more beautiful. Submissives may concede control to Us but our own need for that control, for that gift from them sometimes blurs the line between who is in control and who is the controlled. Many times she smiles at me and I am truly left to wonder who is fooling who.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

The closest comparison for me, is Directing a play or film. You're not necessarily on stage - getting the applause - or on camera, getting the attention. But you're CREATING it.

You are CRAFTING a very, very powerful moment full of emotion and energy.

Being a Dom, for me - is ultimately a creative endeavor.

Orson Welles dommed the hell out of his productions in this way.

This made me giggle madly for full minute.

No cats in the sandbox. They don't know how to respect it.

Hey if I hadn't done it the tide would have.

...


I get out of it,

Penis relief.

Zero confrontation, the world is at peace when I don't have to argue my way every 5 seconds.

A feeling like everythings right. It's like the difference between keeping a monkey in a arctic exhibit vs a a jungle one. I want my natural habitat.

Playtime for the kid at heart, with girls instead of legos.

Plus all that high emotional stuff you get when you are with someone you really click with.

It's a sad moment when the tide comes and takes away your work.

While you can't stop the pull of the moon, you can wrestle sandcastle stompers into the surf, and roll around in the seaweed, and make onlookers very uncomfortable.

Nice list.

This is awesome.

Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually describes it quite well I think.

And I do love the supple sandy breasts

For me, my best thinking is meta-shore-ical.

Mostly, I just like kicking men in the nuts.

I'm also not a Domme.

This made me hold my crotch and wince for a full minute.

 

[kimuk]

Remember how much fun it is to build a sandcastle? Well, imagine that the sand is so eager to be formed that it shimmers and vibrates and almost leaps into your hands.

And oh yes. The sand has supple breasts, and begs.

Very pretty picture DGE's but dosent answer my question.....or does it ....so for you its about having the skills to shape the submissive to be the type of "sandcastle" you wish her to be so she becaomes pliant in you hands.

( P.S. very dissapionted in your AV.....whoever the bare chested hunk was he was hot lol!)