No Strings Attached?

[HottieMama]

Ok, I have hardly kept it secret from anyone that I am "looking." What I am looking for seems more elusive that the mythical purple unicorn though. Simply put, I want no strings, no long-term relationship kinky fun. I don't want a dominant, I just want a competent top for certain BDSM activities. I am very clear about that when I talk to new people. With most, you would think that I killed their puppy when I say that I won't submit to them outside of the bedroom, and that I don't want anything more than a FRIEND outside of the bedroom. Why is this?? In "vanilla circles," N.S.A. fun is much more accepted.

What is it about kink that makes people so damn uptight about a one night stand????

 

[CutieMouse]

Because in the land 'o kink it's all about DOMINANCE and submission and if things are kept friendly and casual the space time continuum will be destroyed?

 

[HottieMama]

Because in the land 'o kink it's all about DOMINANCE and submission and if things are kept friendly and casual the space time continuum will be destroyed?

It's one of the signs of the apocalypse isn't it??

 

[midwestyankee]

It's one of the signs of the apocalypse isn't it??

Yes and if the next new thread title in Talk includes the words "submission" or "dominance" we will all instantly be sucked through a black hole into the mind of Pauline Réage, there to die a long and witheringly dull death while trying to figure out how to breathe in the French pluperfect subjunctive tense. Imagine "Being John Malkovich" in French Absurdist style with bad porn actors in the lead roles.

 

[MsChele]

Ok, I have hardly kept it secret from anyone that I am "looking." What I am looking for seems more elusive that the mythical purple unicorn though. Simply put, I want no strings, no long-term relationship kinky fun. I don't want a dominant, I just want a competent top for certain BDSM activities. I am very clear about that when I talk to new people. With most, you would think that I killed their puppy when I say that I won't submit to them outside of the bedroom, and that I don't want anything more than a FRIEND outside of the bedroom. Why is this?? In "vanilla circles," N.S.A. fun is much more accepted.

What is it about kink that makes people so damn uptight about a one night stand????

It's so funny, I want, quite literally, the exact opposite and I can't seem to find it either! I want a long term, strings attached, can't breathe when I think of him Dom and all I can seem to find are men looking for one night stand Dommes....big sigh....I feel like Dory in Finding Nemo. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming... I'll eventually find him and I hope you do too Hottie Mama

 

[HottieMama]

It's so funny, I want, quite literally, the exact opposite and I can't seem to find it either! I want a long term, strings attached, can't breathe when I think of him Dom and all I can seem to find are men looking for one night stand Dommes....big sigh....I feel like Dory in Finding Nemo. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming... I'll eventually find him and I hope you do too Hottie Mama

It's funny that you say that because if I was looking for a male to top, my dance card would be full. I have gotten numerous offers to that effect.

 

[MsChele]

It's funny that you say that because if I was looking for a male to top, my dance card would be full. I have gotten numerous offers to that effect.

I think it's the universe's little secret, all the males looking to be topped. And sometimes honestly, I am all for that. I am probably more a switch that a submissive because in the right mood, with the right man, I can be quite dominant. But what I'm looking for in a relationship is most certainly a dominant man. But, like you? I would like to have a relationship out of the bedroom where we could talk and my intelligence would be of value and not considered a detraction.

 

[M1ch3ll3o0o]

I see what you mean, Hotie Mama! I'm still at University and it seems as though every next man I meet wants to hook up (go figure right?) and yet all they want is some cheap, vanilla sex...I say I like it "rough" and they think I mean "just pound me for 10 minutes and I'll come, you'll come and we'll all be happy"....NOT! One Nights are certainly more sought after and acceptable in the mainstream culture.

My thought process goes along the lines of "since bdsm requires so much trust (on both parts), maybe its just hard for someone to connect one night stand and bdsm?

 

[HottieMama]

My thought process goes along the lines of "since bdsm requires so much trust (on both parts), maybe its just hard for someone to connect one night stand and bdsm?

Ehh...certain kink activities don't require all that much trust for me. They're simple, efficient, and both parties walk away with no harm done. (Then again, I have some fucked-up ideas around trust to begin with...)

 

[the captians wench]

every guy I've had "no strings" relationship with either ends up demanding to "take things further", or falls off the face of the earth at will.

Both are anoying, but I'm willing to forgive the disapearing act, as long as the sex is really good. The "pushing a relationship" thing,not so much.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

This is one of those things that I think isn't really limited to a D/s relationship, this is a general human trait. Humans find it hard to compartmentalise strong emotions.

It's why being fuck buddies, or friends with benefits works it out. Hell it's why "open" marriages, or even threesomes are difficult to form properly for some people, because it's hard for people to do something as intimate as sex and then try and pretend that it doesn't, or never happened, and then trying to reat that person as though they haven't been doing this stuff.

Now with a D/s relationship, I can see how trying to seperate the two would be even harder, you've created this power exchange relationship, and then outside you have to keep all those feelings locked away.

Now obviously you can do that, not everyone else can, and the people that can, well I would think that they are definitely not want you want either, since they would be the men you descirbed as above.

You're looking for a hot domly woman, who wants a NSA relationship, but still to be your friend outside the relationship, the Venn diagram of the I think might be a field of one.

 

[HottieMama]

Now obviously you can do that, not everyone else can, and the people that can, well I would think that they are definitely not want you want either, since they would be the men you descirbed as above.

You're looking for a hot domly woman, who wants a NSA relationship, but still to be your friend outside the relationship, the Venn diagram of the I think might be a field of one.

I would take a hot "domly" guy who was willing to top me occasionally and fully realized that if we aren't playing, we are friends..nothing more. I am not his girlfriend, submissive, slave, bitch...etc..etc... Yes, my ideal is a woman, but I have already realized that most women that I have encountered are incapable of having a "relationship" like this.

This whole post was brought on by an exchange with a HOT D-type guy on fet yesterday that ended with the statement that I "will not feel his cock until I submit like a proper bitch and respect his authority." (Yeah...priceless shit right there.....) This was AFTER I made it very clear that all I am looking for is a play partner....that I am a bottom, not a submissive...that I do not want a committed relationship of ANY kind.

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

I would take a hot "domly" guy who was willing to top me occasionally and fully realized that if we aren't playing, we are friends..nothing more. I am not his girlfriend, submissive, slave, bitch...etc..etc... Yes, my ideal is a woman, but I have already realized that most women that I have encountered are incapable of having a "relationship" like this.

This whole post was brought on by an exchange with a HOT D-type guy on fet yesterday that ended with the statement that I "will not feel his cock until I submit like a proper bitch and respect his authority." (Yeah...priceless shit right there.....) This was AFTER I made it very clear that all I am looking for is a play partner....that I am a bottom, not a submissive...that I do not want a committed relationship of ANY kind.

Yeah I saw that, and it makes me just facepalm, and when you said say it like cartman I burst out laughing

I'm not saying the perfect woman for you doesn't exist, just not very many of them unfortunately for you.

But I do hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[FurryFury]

Good luck in your search!

*hugs*

From what I've been observing it's difficult for anyone to find the right fit no matter what they are looking for. Not to mention a sane and healthy fit.

Unless, of course, they are like me and just go with people too easily and love them as they are. That can be a disaster in the making, particularly since I'm loyal to a fault, once I'm attached. Occasionally it's wonderful too.

Ugh.



LOL

 

[Netzach]

Ok, I have hardly kept it secret from anyone that I am "looking." What I am looking for seems more elusive that the mythical purple unicorn though. Simply put, I want no strings, no long-term relationship kinky fun. I don't want a dominant, I just want a competent top for certain BDSM activities. I am very clear about that when I talk to new people. With most, you would think that I killed their puppy when I say that I won't submit to them outside of the bedroom, and that I don't want anything more than a FRIEND outside of the bedroom. Why is this?? In "vanilla circles," N.S.A. fun is much more accepted.

What is it about kink that makes people so damn uptight about a one night stand????

Pick one of three, is my tip.

Dude who will get emotional.

Married person. (Spare lectures, I don't give a fuck)

Your girlfriends and then return favor.

 

[M1ch3ll3o0o]

Pick one of three, is my tip.

Dude who will get emotional.

Married person. (Spare lectures, I don't give a fuck)

Your girlfriends and then return favor.

Duddeeeee its so true! A happily married person with consent from the other half would be 100% ideal! (I wonder if thats findable?)

 

[Primalex]

but I have already realized that most women that I have encountered are incapable of having a "relationship" like this.

No, really? Women prefer emotional attachment over NSA fun?

 

[Primalex]

A happily married person with consent from the other half would be 100% ideal!

That's a minority opinion though. We only get the leftovers. But as we are happily married and can eat at home, we don't care (enough to make threads about it).

 

[the captians wench]

Duddeeeee its so true! A happily married person with consent from the other half would be 100% ideal! (I wonder if thats findable?)

It happens. But it's really hard. There's usually a lot of emotion involved and it's even harder to keep 3 people happy and sort out the range of emotions than it is 2.

 

[Tanstaafl001]

I think "no strings" relationships are a myth

 

[HottieMama]

I think "no strings" relationships are a myth

How so? I feel they are possible given that all parties involved are responsible, honest, and mature.

And given some of the PMs I have received stemming from this thread, let me be clear that I mean REAL-TIME play not online. If it works for you that's fine, but if I want to get off in front of a screen, I'll watch porn...

 

[PrettyProse]

A good sex partner is hard to find. Maybe that's why you haven't been able to find what you're looking for without someone wanting more than what you do.

In my very limited experience, I've noticed that it's hard to have a no strings attached relationship. I've never had a one night stand because both kind of turned into a "friends with benefits" type of deal and each guy kind of fell hard.

I hope you are able to find something that works for you. Perhaps the personals on the board here would find you something? If you're willing to do that. I don't know.

 

[HottieMama]

Perhaps the personals on the board here would find you something? If you're willing to do that. I don't know.

I have a personal on two other sites which are yielding mixed results at best. I've met a nice vanilla woman that I am having fun getting to know, but she dropped the L bomb after our date last weekend, so I have taken a huge step back.

 

[the captians wench]

I have a personal on two other sites which are yielding mixed results at best. I've met a nice vanilla woman that I am having fun getting to know, but she dropped the L bomb after our date last weekend, so I have taken a huge step back.

I'm going to go all sterio type here and say women tend to be emotional creatures. While I haven't had much success in finding a man that can seperate sex from love, I've found women are even harder.

Of course, I was fucking her man each time I've had this happen. These were always open relationships, but still, the chick always seemed to get just a tad touchy. Usually it passed, but only after I stepped back a bit displaying what I had been saying all along: I'm not after your man, I just want to play with him a bit.

 

[FurryFury]

How so? I feel they are possible given that all parties involved are responsible, honest, and mature.

And given some of the PMs I have received stemming from this thread, let me be clear that I mean REAL-TIME play not online. If it works for you that's fine, but if I want to get off in front of a screen, I'll watch porn...

The part I put in bold is VERY difficult to find. It seems to me that less than 30% of human adults qualify on those characteristics alone.

Typically I've found that:

People are rarely honest, particularly with themselves. Therefore it is nearly impossible to be honest with others.

People are often only occasionally responsible and only when they want to be with is rarely.

People tend to be emotionally immature for life.

You are looking for rare gems indeed. I know when I find one, I try to keep them around me.

*hugs*

FF