My first munch.

[gagginforit]

Hi everyone. I've been curious about the scene since late last year when I met a girl who was into it and invited me to a munch. We didn't see each other again so I didn't go because I'm quite shy and didn't know anyone else. And I'm completely new to the whole thing.

I've been working on my shyness since then though and I'd like to go to my first munch this month and hopefully meet some more people, make friends and maybe even meet someone to explore and teach me more about it.

I was wondering if there is anything I should be aware of or any dos and don'ts. For example is it ok to ask what people are into or should you let them tell you if they want to share it?

Basically I don't want to make an faux pas and come off as a total noob. Any advice would be welcome.

Thanks and I hope everyone's well.

 

[FurryFury]

The munches I've been to are pretty vanilla. Normal clothes. Normal looking people. Talk mostly about normal things because it's at a public place. So when the wait staff isn't close and/or the next table can't hear you might talk about kink but quietly.

FF

 

[gagginforit]

The munches I've been to are pretty vanilla. Normal clothes. Normal looking people. Talk mostly about normal things because it's at a public place. So when the wait staff isn't close and/or the next table can't hear you might talk about kink but quietly.

FF

Do the staff know about it? I mean I don't know anyone so when I walk in how do I know which group is the munch? Can I ask the staff?

I've been speaking to a friend who says if you let them know beforehand you're new they'll have someone greet you. She's in ozzy though and I guess I was wondering if that's pretty much the case everywhere.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do the staff know about it? I mean I don't know anyone so when I walk in how do I know which group is the munch? Can I ask the staff?

I've been speaking to a friend who says if you let them know beforehand you're new they'll have someone greet you. She's in ozzy though and I guess I was wondering if that's pretty much the case everywhere.

Yeah, it is pretty much the case everywhere. The communities don't want to lose the newbies!
How did you find out about it? Was there a contact email adress or phone number? if so-- dont hesitate to use it

 

[MasterandSir]

Do the staff know about it? I mean I don't know anyone so when I walk in how do I know which group is the munch? Can I ask the staff?

I've been speaking to a friend who says if you let them know beforehand you're new they'll have someone greet you. She's in ozzy though and I guess I was wondering if that's pretty much the case everywhere.

Where I live they are the "tech group" that meets in the back of the restaurant as far as the staff are concerned.

 

[FurryFury]

Where I live I just went to the place and looked for a group.

They might have said in the yahoo group they formed to ask for the Computer group or something. I can't quite remember. It was a decade ago or so when I first went.

Now I can recognize people when I go. There was no greeter but there was a leader who tried to make me feel a bit more comfortable.

FF

Do the staff know about it? I mean I don't know anyone so when I walk in how do I know which group is the munch? Can I ask the staff?

I've been speaking to a friend who says if you let them know beforehand you're new they'll have someone greet you. She's in ozzy though and I guess I was wondering if that's pretty much the case everywhere.

 

[Wizard]

When we first started going to the one in our area we had made contact by web to a few members and they totally took us under there wing.
I agree as far as dress it was normal dress other than a small pendant or something. Now the private play parties is where things get wild. After a few months of going and getting to know others you will find they will invite you to the parties as well. They will feel you out first and get to know you.

 

[FloggingMolly]

Double checked on fetlife to see if your group is on there? Our local one has a mascot on the table, as well as a greeting/walking in person if you want it.

 

[gagginforit]

Thanks everyone. They should be sending out a reminder email pretty soon and I think if I reply to that the whole group will get it. So I'll say I'm new and shy and a bit nervous and see what happens. Hopefully someone will offer to meet me or greet me there and introduce me around a bit so I won't be standing there feeling all awkward, which is my biggest fear.

Thanks again.

 

[teknight]

http://www.edvard-munch.com/Paintings/anxiety/scream_3.jpg

My first Munch.

 

[gagginforit]

http://www.edvard-munch.com/Paintings/anxiety/scream_3.jpg

My first Munch.

That's it I'm not going!

 

[teknight]

That's it I'm not going!

What?
That's a painting by Edvard Munch...and the first one by him that I'd ever seen.

 

[Vixandra]

Just imagine everyone being attacked by tentacle monsters... in their underwear....

... that may not help you at all. Disregard that.

Munches tend to be pretty welcoming and friendly as far as I've seen. Go, have some fun. Worst that happens is you don't like it and you can easily leave because its a public place.

 

[easygoingdom]

Just imagine everyone being attacked by tentacle monsters... in their underwear....

... that may not help you at all. Disregard that.

Munches tend to be pretty welcoming and friendly as far as I've seen. Go, have some fun. Worst that happens is you don't like it and you can easily leave because its a public place.

Maybe I am bit naive, but what is a munch?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Maybe I am bit naive, but what is a munch?

Informal gathering of like minded kinky folk.

Socialising, new people meeting other folk, curious about bdsm folk learning things from others in a no pressure, friendly environment

 

[gagginforit]

Well I've been to two munches now and it's going pretty well.

I did what stella suggested and emailed the group and said I was new and quite shy and could anyone sort of look out for me. Two very nice ladies replied and said they would watch for me and introduce me around a bit, which was great. When I first got there I was still quite nervous but some of the older members made a point of coming over and saying hi and before I knew it I'd been there for two and a half hours.

After that I was invited to a picnic by a few of the members at the Auckland Domain (sort of our Central Park) and that was great because it means I must be fairly well liked at least. And I met a very nice older couple who sort of took me under their wing and have given me a lot of support and encouragement.

I haven't been to a play party yet. The local swingers club holds them every month but I don't feel quite ready. It would be quite a culture shock because I've been quite sexually sheltered my whole life. Maybe next month.

And one of those very nice ladies who first emailed me has kept in touch with me and I recently asked her out for a drink or to get some lunch and she said yes. So that's awesome! I don't know if it's a date exactly, or she just wants to see how I'm getting on and basically offer me support... but here's hoping. I really hope it goes well. I look at the groups she's into on Fetlife and we have a lot in common. I REALLY hope it goes well.

Anyway thanks to everyone who replied, it helped a lot.

Thanks!

 

[FurryFury]

Glad to hear it's going well. Good for you getting out there!

FF

 

[sereneone4u]

Well I've been to two munches now and it's going pretty well.

I did what stella suggested and emailed the group and said I was new and quite shy and could anyone sort of look out for me. Two very nice ladies replied and said they would watch for me and introduce me around a bit, which was great. When I first got there I was still quite nervous but some of the older members made a point of coming over and saying hi and before I knew it I'd been there for two and a half hours.

After that I was invited to a picnic by a few of the members at the Auckland Domain (sort of our Central Park) and that was great because it means I must be fairly well liked at least. And I met a very nice older couple who sort of took me under their wing and have given me a lot of support and encouragement.

I haven't been to a play party yet. The local swingers club holds them every month but I don't feel quite ready. It would be quite a culture shock because I've been quite sexually sheltered my whole life. Maybe next month.

And one of those very nice ladies who first emailed me has kept in touch with me and I recently asked her out for a drink or to get some lunch and she said yes. So that's awesome! I don't know if it's a date exactly, or she just wants to see how I'm getting on and basically offer me support... but here's hoping. I really hope it goes well. I look at the groups she's into on Fetlife and we have a lot in common. I REALLY hope it goes well.

Anyway thanks to everyone who replied, it helped a lot.

Thanks!

Glad it was a good experience for you, gaggingforit.

I have been personally invited to a local munch...I am considering it. Perhaps in the fall...

 

[Ladythunder]

Little late to toss my two cents in for gagginfor it, but who knows who else might come along and find a useful tidbit.

I went to my first munch a little over a year ago, having dabbled with kinky folk far more privately for a considerable length of time before hand. Just because I had been with other people on my own did not mean I wasnt terrified of the concept of going to a munch and walking in on a group of total strangers!

I had found the munch through Fetlife, and coincidentally found someone else who was also going for their first time that month as well. I made arrangements to meet her in the parkinglot beforehand and we went in together. At least we knew someone there!

At the same munch I met a gentleman who was travelling through from a different city, so when I moved to the city he had come from a few months later, that munch was easy to walk into because again, I knew someone there.

The dress code here has also always been 'nilla so the fact a gentleman showed up at our last munch with his hair in ribbons wearing heels is still being talked about two weeks later!

The advice I could offer, is to agree, contact the greeters or senior members or someone in charge, they should be able to help make you feel welcome, or find a newbie or friend to go with you, but most importantly, try to find out what the socially accepted norms are for the group lest you be the one being whispered about!

Good luck to all those making this first step in the future, I have never really regretted making it myself, and have a lot of new friends because of it.

 

[gagginforit]

Thank you.