Toy or Slave, what is the difference??

[bbw4utohave]

..............

 

[MisterSir]

They're just different words often used to describe the same thing - a submissive - and yes they can respectively.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Of course a dom can be romantic!

'Toy' and 'slave' are two words to describe someone who likes to be told what to do, or delightfully forced to do, and the generic word is 'submissive'-- 'sub' for short. Mostly, we all of us have picked up a term from somewhere that pushes a little button in our psyche, so whatever you want to call yourself is the thing you call yourself, and whatever activites you get pleasure from doing are the things you do.

 

[Mohousewife]

I kinda new to this myself...boy, I'm I getting an education. As regards to the "toy or sub" thing, my feeling is what ever floats your boat. As for a romantic Dom...you need to read some of the posts by ,SimonBrooke, he has to be one of most romantic sadists I've ever read.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

Let us not forget the lovely term "pet"

 

[rosco rathbone]

There is no I in TEAM and no R in BDSM.

If you want romance get a boyfriend.

 

[VelvetSin]

There is no I in TEAM and no R in BDSM.

If you want romance get a boyfriend.

Sometimes, a Dominant is a boyfriend. Romance is not automatically involved an a BDSM exchange, but it does not mean it is impossible.

Much like all submissives are not slaves, not all Dominants are incapable of establishing a romantic relationship with their playthings. One-size-fits-all does not apply.

 

[bbw4utohave]

.............

 

[Stella_Omega]

There is no I in TEAM and no R in BDSM.

If you want romance get a boyfriend.

Or a dom who is not rosco.

There is no central authority defining BDSM practices.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Or a dom who is not rosco.

There is no central authority defining BDSM practices.

True but there exists a body of standard practices.

There is no central authority defining men's wear norms, but one doesn't wear brown shoes with a dark navy suit, or a black suit to a interview at a law firm.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks for all the great responses so far. I love reading different views on things.

As for the romantic question... I am not looking for a Dom to wine and dine me and take me out dancing. I guess what I was asking was whether a Dom can be loving towards his Pet? I don't mind being used but don't want to be abused either, at least to a certain extent.

But I can see there are no sure straight answers, no right or wrong. From what I have read so far, it looks like it comes down to the people involved and what they want. What their meaning is for a Dom and a Sub.

I just don't know if my Dom is out there.... what I want and what I am looking for. And am I not a sub because I know what I want my Dom to be?

Where do you guys HEAR THIS SHIT!!???

I really want to know.

Seriously, BB, what did you hear, or read, or ingest that makes you think that my being interested in BDSM, any women should give up all of her choices in her sexuality and in her relationship partners?

I smell a recidivist rat.

True but there exists a body of standard practices.

There exist multiple bodies of standards, actually. You picked out the set that appealed to you, that's all.

Me, I've made a lifetime habit of subverting accepted standards. And I've never had problems finding partners and playmates, who aren't even surprised to find someone like me, might I add...

There is no central authority defining men's wear norms, but one doesn't wear brown shoes with a dark navy suit, or a black suit to a interview at a law firm.

And menswear is sexy-- on me, at least.

 

[rosco rathbone]

There exist multiple bodies of standards, actually. You picked out the set that appealed to you, that's all.

Me, I've made a lifetime habit of subverting accepted standards. And I've never had problems finding partners and playmates, who aren't even surprised to find someone like me, might I add...
And menswear is sexy-- on me, at least.

There exist multiple bodies of standards in men'swear too. Among wizards, it is acceptable to go out in pointy hats and fine robes embroidered with stars and moons. Among circus ringmasters, top hats and frock coats covered in rhinestones are quite the thing.

However, in the real bricks and mortar world of job interviews and quotidian cocktail parties and meeting the future inlaws, the norms are clear and anyone violating them does so at their peril. Many's the day I've wished I could go out dressed like an Uncle Sam on stilts, or a thousand year old Taoist necromancer with 6-inch green fingernails, but I'm bound by the same rules as everyone else because I live in a boring old American city.

The same applies to BDSM. Of course you can flaunt the rules and try to make "romance" a factor in a BDSM relationship. Just don't be surprised when you find yourself laughed out of the munch.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you actually worry about being laughed out of a munch if you acted romantic?

Would you actually try to laugh me out of a munch for acting romantic?

Oh, Rosco, that's so... umm... pitiful. And insecure.

BBW, you have here an object lesson in what kind of man you want to avoid.

Join fetlife.com, which is like facebook, except it's explicitly pervy. There will be groups in your are, and groups like Pet Palace where you can talk to other pets and owners. Take your time, pick and choose.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Norms apply. There's a rational basis for some of them and others are the way they are just because. You don't have to like them, and you don't even have to abide by them, but when you face the consequences, you should at least know what's happening.

The rules of BDSM such as they are were codified by the leathermen of yore and transmitted in such books as "Screw the Roses Send Me The Thorns", "SM 101" and "Different Loving".

OP, know the rules before you start breaking them and listening to jaded practitioners who'd have you beginning at the end.

 

[00Syd]

I've never seen anyone laughed out of a munch for being romantic. Most "bdsm couples" that I know are romantic. Wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[KoPilot]

It appears that I've completely missed the memo that BDSM was not just a community, but an institution... maybe that explains why I haven't been taught a secret handshake yet.

 

[VelvetSin]

It appears that I've completely missed the memo that BDSM was not just a community, but an institution... maybe that explains why I haven't been taught a secret handshake yet.

Is that what the upright middle finger is for? I thought people were just telling me I was #1! I feel so included now.

 

[chy_girl]

Thanks for all the great responses so far. I love reading different views on things.

As for the romantic question... I am not looking for a Dom to wine and dine me and take me out dancing. I guess what I was asking was whether a Dom can be loving towards his Pet? I don't mind being used but don't want to be abused either, at least to a certain extent.

But I can see there are no sure straight answers, no right or wrong. From what I have read so far, it looks like it comes down to the people involved and what they want. What their meaning is for a Dom and a Sub.

I just don't know if my Dom is out there.... what I want and what I am looking for. And am I not a sub because I know what I want my Dom to be?

First things first - Would you really be comfortable turning over your emotional and physical well being to someone who didn't care enough about you the person to make sure you weren't intentionally hurt in bad ways?

My Mistress and Sir are both very caring and loving. Why? Because I'm Mistress' Pet and Their girl. I'm not a toy to be put on a shelf and ignored till they want to play again, I'm not a BDSM version of an animated blowup doll. I'm a person. A living, breathing human being who chooses to give them my power. That's a privilege for them, and one that I can revoke, not an innate right because I'm submissive and they're Dominant.

And I'm with Stella on the last bit... Who the hell told you that if you're a submissive you have no opinion or right to choose?!? That's absolutely incorrect and, in my experience and observations, any PYL that doesn't give a damn about your thoughts, opinions, limits, wants and needs is NOT someone who should be Domming up an anyone. The Top half and the bottom half may have a slightly different set of responsibilities, but the each have their own set of responsibilities.

*snip*
The same applies to BDSM. Of course you can flaunt the rules and try to make "romance" a factor in a BDSM relationship. Just don't be surprised when you find yourself laughed out of the munch.

You must have very different munches in your neck of the woods. And a very different kind of BDSM/SO relationships.

And just as an FYI - in my neighborhood, if there's a Top who doesn't care that the bottom is a human being, who doesn't play safe, who is irresponsible in their actions... Any owned/collared pyl who's PYL has a brain is banned from playing with that person before the pyl ever considers it. The unowned pyls who might show some interest are quickly educated as to where the very fine line is between "edge play" and "fucking stupid." From there it's their choice.

*snip*
OP, know the rules before you start breaking them and listening to jaded practitioners who'd have you beginning at the end.

What the hell rules would she be breaking?

*snip*
And menswear is sexy-- on me, at least.

Do we get to see?

 

[Stella_Omega]

It is extremely important to be picky when you are a hetero, female, submissive looking for a hetero, male dom. So many of us sadomasochists are misfits of one sort or another-- (I certainly am, I make no bones about that) and since hetero male doms assume an attitude of absolute authority-- you really want to be sure they actually deserve to hold that attitude where you are concerned, before you hand over your power.

Different strokes for different folks. If you share a rules fetish with our friend Rosco here, it could be a match made in BDSM heaven.

If you need a romantic man who wants a loving pet, he's out there for you.

You may be submissive-- you are not just anyone's submissive for the taking.

ETA-- chy_girl said it real good before me! and I guess I'd better take some pics, huh...

 

[SimonBrooke]

I kinda new to this myself...boy, I'm I getting an education. As regards to the "toy or sub" thing, my feeling is what ever floats your boat. As for a romantic Dom...you need to read some of the posts by ,SimonBrooke, he has to be one of most romantic sadists I've ever read.

I love you too, Mo

 

[SimonBrooke]

The same applies to BDSM. Of course you can flaunt the rules and try to make "romance" a factor in a BDSM relationship. Just don't be surprised when you find yourself laughed out of the munch.

You know, you're so completely full of shit. Yes, I'm a romantic. Yes, I'm a sadist. No, no-one's going to laugh me out of a munch.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You know, you're so completely full of shit. Yes, I'm a romantic. Yes, I'm a sadist. No, no-one's going to laugh me out of a munch.

I tend to laugh at the little guy with the clipboard. But only to myself, because hey-- whatever gets someone off, who am I to judge?

 

[where]

There is no I in TEAM and no R in BDSM.

If you want romance get a boyfriend.

bullshit.

The same applies to BDSM. Of course you can flaunt the rules and try to make "romance" a factor in a BDSM relationship. Just don't be surprised when you find yourself laughed out of the munch.

you mean you modify your behaviour to the 'norm'? you would care about being laughed out of a munch?

I'm seriously disappointed. I really thought you were more of a man than this.

and yeah, seconding Simon the most romantic sadist.

 

[Stella_Omega]

bullshit.

you mean you modify your behaviour to the 'norm'? you would care about being laughed out of a munch?

I'm seriously disappointed. I really thought you were more of a man than this.

Well, I would guess that rosco is romantically challenged in the first place, so he cleaves unto that particular rule like a boo bankie...

and yeah, seconding Simon the most romantic sadist.

Someday I shall oust him from that throne...

Someday.

 

[SimonBrooke]

and yeah, seconding Simon the most romantic sadist.

Kybele, I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: marry me!