Complete control over a sub

[Imagine_That_On]

Hello, I'm fairly new here but I've wondered about this for some time.

I've had this thought, to assert one's control over someone by surrendering them to another. This however seems unattainable as it somewhat contradicts the idea of ownership or that possessive trait that is usually found in (at least my) BDSM relationships. Once a relationship reaches a certain level of intimacy, is sharing that person even a foreseeable option?

From experience it was considerably more difficult to offer a pet to a stranger once a connection that extended beyond just sex was established.

Or perhaps I'm just over-analyzing this. Am I mad?


To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

 

[Kojote]

I never wanted to own somebody outright. That's kinda boring.
I want her to submit to me conciously and to overcome all hesitation every time. That's where the fun is.
And once we get that intimate, that there is no hesitation at all I'll come up with something new.

But she plays along well and personally likes hesitating a bit.


But if you are into it:
How do you feel about sharing her?
Like the thought? Like the feeling of power?
Does it matter to you how she feels with it?

 

[Imagine_That_On]

Well to answer your questions:

The first is difficult to explain, it's simple enough to share someone who you don't particularly care for and vice versa. Assigning said person to a stranger and have her carry out the act as I order her to is selfishly satisfying.

It gets significantly more difficult to apply the same rules to someone you've formed a bond with. At that point if I was ever to assign that person to someone, whatever satisfaction I got from it would come from knowing her trust was completely put in me.

As for the last question, it's more of the same. If it was just somebody I had for sheer pleasure, it would matter how she felt with it, but only to an extent. Whereas if it was someone I was more closely involved with, it would matter a great deal more.

 

[BiBunny]

Do you mean "giving" in the sense of literally giving your partner to someone else permanently for that person to own? Or do you mean "giving" as in letting someone else borrow him/her sexually for a few hours?

 

[slowrimmer]

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

I think this question can be answered by anyone, its pertinent to the PYL also.

From my point of view its one of those limit, negotiated things. If its in your interest bag, and both agree, (note I consider a sub should have some say, to an extent, assuming a D/s and not a M/s relationship here) then sharing as play can be a very powerful scene.

 

[RuReal]

I know a couple that shares in that manner. They are married and in a BDSM relationship. They both play with others hell in the BDSM community that I am around that seems to be more common than those who do not share.

Just my two cents. Also of note one never really owns another person. One may be a sub or a slave to them, but I would not really call it ownership. LOL One jokes about ownership though.

 

[Imo]

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

I have every faith my Master will not confront me with a deal breaker such as the above. That is why I am his; I trust him.

In the hypohetical event that his body had been taken over by an alien and the command to share passed his lips, I would be highly disappointed and there'd be no chance in Hell I'd obey.

 

[Black_Bunny]

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

I'm going to answer assuming you mean given away for a night, not permanently.

I would want this to be part of a discussion. I would feel very strange about it, and I'd need him to explain to me why he wanted to give me away, and to convince me that it was something he really wanted. And then I might agree to it on the condition that he is at least somewhere closeby during the event.

This is all because being given away is one of my soft limits, if it were a hard limit I'm sure I would not even consider the discussion.

I've had this thought, to assert one's control over someone by surrendering them to another. This however seems unattainable as it somewhat contradicts the idea of ownership

I read a story here that involved a Master taking his slave somewhere to be used by a number of men while he watched. No-one was allowed to enter her mouth except for the Master. Afterwards, she asked him why he enjoyed that, and he said that not only was he exerting his control over her, ordering her to be used by these men, but he was also able to control the men, as he determined who was allowed to fuck her and where. It was one big power trip for him. Of course that's a fictional story but I think it shows one way that you could maintain a sense of ownership - you are letting these men have her, you have mastery over them in that you get to say what happens to your girl.

 

[eastern sun]

It gets significantly more difficult to apply the same rules to someone you've formed a bond with. At that point if I was ever to assign that person to someone, whatever satisfaction I got from it would come from knowing her trust was completely put in me.

My husband requires that I seek out other partners, and will assign me to a particular person if he wants to. I enjoy it, though it can be problematic at times. We play with the boundaries of obedience and control, so sometimes we cross lines that trouble us.

And the dynamics you describe above are a significant part of our relationship.

 

[Netzach]

Sharing my stuff just makes me feel like it's even more *my* stuff. The more intimate I am with a bottom the more likely I'm going to want to do that at some point.

My top has not requested this from me.

It excites me that he might - it would be a humiliating headtrip that I'd find distasteful but do as asked.

It excites me that he might not ever - it means there is some possessive/territorial feeling about being able to lay claim to me in a way. Also exciting in this context.

So I'm good either way.

 

[satindesire]

I've had this thought, to assert one's control over someone by surrendering them to another.

Common fantasy, totally normal.

This however seems unattainable as it somewhat contradicts the idea of ownership or that possessive trait that is usually found in (at least my) BDSM relationships.

If it's yours, then you can let someone else borrow it. Think of it like the sub is a sweater, it's still your sweater even if some other bloke's wearing it for the day.

Once a relationship reaches a certain level of intimacy, is sharing that person even a foreseeable option?

Yes for some, no for some. For different reasons. BDSM is -NEVER- a one-size-fits all glove, and that's what makes it great. Just like all people are individuals, all relationships are too!

From experience it was considerably more difficult to offer a pet to a stranger once a connection that extended beyond just sex was established.

That's okay, just because you don't like it doesn't make you a "bad Dom", it just makes you, you.

Or perhaps I'm just over-analyzing this. Am I mad?

Yes, you are over-analyzing it, but that's okay too. Sometimes in order to get into touch with ourselves, a hard look in the mirror's the only way to do it. And as to the mad question? The truly crazy don't know they're crazy, so if you're asking that, you're probably okay.

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

It depends on who that "another" was. If it was someone we knew and trusted, then yeah, I'd be okay with it. It it was a stranger, absolutely not. I put my health first before my BDSM, emotional and physical health. If my Mister was telling me to go off and sleep with some person who we had no idea if s/he was healthy and STD-free (and mentally stable!) or not, that's not playing safe with your toys, that's being irresponsible, arrogant and careless. And I don't do irresponsible Doms.

 

[kitten_candy]

you're not over-analyzing, just asking.

in a past relationship that was heavier on the M/s side than the D/s side, i was shared, even though when asked, i replied i really really really REALLY didn't want to do this.

it only happened once. (i sense it would've happened more but we parted ways for other reasons shortly after).

as much as i disliked the actual event (the guy had gnarly toe nails. i mean come on!), after, i felt more intimate with my partner. more his.

he didn't get off on the sharing per se, it was the fact he could ask me to do something i really didn't want to and i did. that crazy control thing.

 

[JMohegan]

Think of a toothbrush.

Not only would I never lend my toothbrush to someone else, the thought of it actively disgusts me.

Get your own fucking toothbrush. You can't have mine.


For me, it's like that. Only more so. I have an extremely negative, visceral reaction on this subject.

 

[ecstaticsub]

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

The first night I met my Dominant (we had been IMing/emailing/phoning for 4-5 months previous.) he shared me with two male friends. He joined in also. When I agreed to become owned it was understood that I would be expected to have sex with others (male or female) as he commanded. This part actually excited me quite a bit. The idea of being passed around like a piece of property is very hot.

He would maintain control. If I was with someone else there were rules in place not only over me but the other man, too. For example-- no anl, or just anal or any other conditions my PYL would put in force.

My PYL hasn't shared me in a very long time. He has gotten more possessive as our relationship has deepened emotionally. I liked being shared. I miss it. But I also appreciate that as he says I am too valued to be given away.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Unless i'm captive this aint going to happen. Too much outside contact. Too little information control.

i'm an information junkie and we are LDR so just ... not... going... to.. happen.

Luckily Daddy's main interest is really in fucking and hanging out with his little girl so no worries.

 

[naughtyangel77]

Imho

*deleted

 

[rosco rathbone]

ten degrees right rudder. proceed on bearing two zero niner. All ahead flank speed!

(loud alarm)

We've lost the bow planes, sir! She won't respond!

Damage control reports heavy flooding in forward compartment! We're losing control!

 

[Ravenwind]

My Husband doesn't lend out anything of his, be it tools, games, books, or anything, as they never return in quite the same condition they left... if they return at all. How much less likely would he lend his most prized possession out? He would never even consider such a thing. The closest to that he has considered is that I may have a girlfriend, on the condition that she is a sub to me (which doesn't work for me, as I don't have a sexually dominant side... but it keeps me sane knowing the option is there). I think JMohegan's response sums up his views to the T.

As for me, I've been asked to do that once before, and back then, it was no big deal, but times have changed, and I just don't have the heart to do it. Thankfully, I know my Husband would never ask that of me.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

To subs: If you were told to give yourself to another, would you obey out of loyalty, trust, a reason just as intimate or feel betrayed instead?

Yes, but not blindly. He'd have to explain that he wanted it, and who it was, and what he'd told them was ok, and what wasn't, and reassure me that he loved me. I'd also need some acknowedgement and appreciation of what I was undertaking for him.

Basically, I'd need my physical and emotional pat and 'good girl.'

And after all that, I'd put my game face on, and blow the other person's mind, and make Mr proud. Because I trust him, love him, and love making him happy.

 

[Kirk_09]

Well im still a beginner sub (without a mistress, still looking btw (check my personals teehee)) and I like to think i'd go far with this.

if by giving ownership you mean give me to someone to be fucked while my domme watched i would do it, just to give her pleasure.

 

[Eva1173]

What Rosco said...

 

[hurry234]

Do you mean "giving" in the sense of literally giving your partner to someone else permanently for that person to own? Or do you mean "giving" as in letting someone else borrow him/her sexually for a few hours?
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[Lizzie_Borden]

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Dude, please put this stuff in your signature, not in your posts.

Thanks

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Do you mean "giving" in the sense of literally giving your partner to someone else permanently for that person to own? Or do you mean "giving" as in letting someone else borrow him/her sexually for a few hours?

But that's a good question. I'd assumed the OP meant on a temporary basis. That, I'd be alright with, but on a permanent basis, no.

While I belong to him, I'm not 'owned' in the way that some see themselves to be, and thus not to be given away permanently. If he tried, I'd just walk away.

And why would he want to? I'm awesome!

 

[infinity706]

I think it would be a lot of fun to play with. As long as its safe, I'd have sex with anyone I was ordered to, even if I didn't like the person. Really, sex is just sex to me.