dating a switch

[bunny bondage]

firstly, hello everyone. it's been like 5 years since i posted anything here!

ok, so i'm deeply submissive, not really a dominant bone in my body. but this new fella i'm interested in is a switch. now, i've had to end relationships because the guy ended up being more vanilla than i could stomach, so i'm pleased as punch to find a great guy who also happens to be kinky. i'm just really worried that he won't be satisfied with someone who can't fulfill both sides of his tastes.

switches, would you wanna date someone who was just one or the other? Doms/subs, you ever dated a switch?

 

[trojan_man_co]

firstly, hello everyone. it's been like 5 years since i posted anything here!

ok, so i'm deeply submissive, not really a dominant bone in my body. but this new fella i'm interested in is a switch. now, i've had to end relationships because the guy ended up being more vanilla than i could stomach, so i'm pleased as punch to find a great guy who also happens to be kinky. i'm just really worried that he won't be satisfied with someone who can't fulfill both sides of his tastes.

switches, would you wanna date someone who was just one or the other? Doms/subs, you ever dated a switch?

I used to switch alot actually but i find that most cant do it both ways with the same person. For example if your submissive he can top you, but he would need an entirely different person to top him. It is too hard to get out of the mind set that he is your dom and you are his sub. If you did try to top him it would feel off and be un satisfying and you would loose how deeply your current relationship would be. It would make you less sub in his mind and him less dom in yours. Usually you could do some mild things but i think short of bringing a 3rd party into your relationship weather online or in real life it would be difficult to do.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Is it just me, or is nearly every forum regular D/s identified? Seems like not too many tops or bottoms as such.

 

[00Syd]

Is it just me, or is nearly every forum regular D/s identified? Seems like not too many tops or bottoms as such.

It's not just you. The board is heavily D/s, and the majority is male dom/female sub.

****

And to the OP - my PYL is a switch, but he doesn't have a desire to switch with any and everyone, he has a specific power-role with different people. He recently bottomed to someone else, but that isn't our relationship, so he would never bottom to me (and I wouldn't want to top him). So, uh, if you aren't switchy, likely your new fella will slip into a specific power role with you... Or maybe not. Everyone is different. That's how it has worked for us.

 

[bunny bondage]

thanks guys! i'm hoping that you'll be right - that he won't really be able to see me as a Domme and wouldn't want me to act unnaturally. i just didn't know if, like, switches may prefer to be with other switches or something. it's a BRAND new relationship, we've been friends for about 6 months, just started getting romantic like a week ago. i don't wanna scare him away but at the same time i don't wanna end up stuck in a relationship where someone's unsatisfied. thanks again for your input!

 

[00Syd]

I wouldn't worry too much until you're given reason too.

 

[bunny bondage]

I wouldn't worry too much until you're given reason too.

probably great advice!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Is it just me, or is nearly every forum regular D/s identified? Seems like not too many tops or bottoms as such.

It's not just you. The board is heavily D/s, and the majority is male dom/female sub.

Depending on my mood, I'll sometimes consider myself a bottom with a serious nurturing fetish

switches, would you wanna date someone who was just one or the other? Doms/subs, you ever dated a switch?

Mr has floated the idea of trying bottoming once or twice. I'm happy for him to do it if he wants to, but it would need to be with someone else. That wouldn't be a problem, but it wouldn't be something I could witness. Like syd says, he has a specific power role within our relationship. I don't want, and don't know how I'd react to, that being... diluted by seeing him bottoming, and I wouldn't want it to be too regular an occurance either.

I know that's probably a harsh way of putting it, but it's how I feel.

 

[MisterSir]

My current is a switch and, to muddy the waters further, polyamorous as well. She has a boyfriend much more local to her than I am (I'm hundreds of miles away, for illustration) who is also a switch, but she thinks the balance is about 70% her domming him and 30% vice versa, and at least one slave as well, but with me may as well be a pure submissive. It's an interesting equation, but the way I look on it is that we all fulfil different things, so what's the problem? So long as the boxes don't overlap, there ain't one.

 

[Netzach]

You need to talk to him about what that means. Some switches need to do both regularly to feel on even keel and some don't.

I'm a switch on paper, I suppose. I'm Dominant in most relationships and have an ongoing relationship in which we switch - if that relationship ended I could probably happily live out the rest of my life without bottoming/submitting.

I would never date a submissive who thought that they could dictate my sexual behavior, the who how where and why, but that's why it's D/s and not egalitarian for me.

 

[subwannabe]

All I can say is be upfront and honest and see where the chips fall. I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as a 50/50 switch. It seems like all of them tend to lean one way or the other. Also, remember that even though sex can be an extremely important part of a relationship it is only a part of a relationship. Very few have a partner that fulfills 100% of every part of their relationship. Give it your best shot and see what happens.

 

[DVS]

firstly, hello everyone. it's been like 5 years since i posted anything here!

ok, so i'm deeply submissive, not really a dominant bone in my body. but this new fella i'm interested in is a switch. now, i've had to end relationships because the guy ended up being more vanilla than i could stomach, so i'm pleased as punch to find a great guy who also happens to be kinky. i'm just really worried that he won't be satisfied with someone who can't fulfill both sides of his tastes.

switches, would you wanna date someone who was just one or the other? Doms/subs, you ever dated a switch?

Wow, a bunny bondage sighting! It was a long time ago that you were here.

I'm not the same as you, so I don't think I can give you an answer you can relate to. But, maybe you can find something usable out of it. I'm a Dom, and you're a sub. Being out of character for both of us, I think it would be easier for me to submit than it would be for you to dominate. We're all different, though.

You are the only one who can say if you could dominate him, or not. And if the situation were to come up, I think it would be better if you had already talked it out, so there wouldn't be any awkward moments. He may not even want this from you. I know many switches prefer to be either dominant or submissive, depending on their partner's personality, and they can only switch roles with a few.

I have dated a switch but she was only submissive with me...very submissive. She was a newbie and still in the process of searching. When she told me she thought she was a switch, I asked if she had any dominant feelings toward me. She said she didn't really understand it, but she only felt submissive with me.

There have been times when I've thought I could be limiting myself when there could be a small submissive inside me. Though it's very small and buried so deep that for whatever reason I've never wanted to investigate the possibility. I'm guessing that as long as the dominant me is having a good time, what's the hurry?

You never know...maybe you could dominate him at some point in time, if that prefect moment ever happened. But, if you don't have any desire in that direction, I think defining both your roles would be good. And I think he would appreciate it that you cared enough not to want any misunderstanding.

 

[infinity706]

All I can say is be upfront and honest and see where the chips fall. I sometimes wonder if there is such a thing as a 50/50 switch. It seems like all of them tend to lean one way or the other. Also, remember that even though sex can be an extremely important part of a relationship it is only a part of a relationship. Very few have a partner that fulfills 100% of every part of their relationship. Give it your best shot and see what happens.

I'm probably about as close to a 50/50 switch as you'll find. I'm actually dominant most of the time, though, just based on the partners I've had. The majority have wanted me to be in charge and most of those that wanted to dominate me just wanted to do whatever the hell they wanted with no care for how much harm it might cause me. Ideally, though, I'd prefer to be on both sides of D/s about have the time and have about half male and female partners (preferably at the same time). If you just took the raw numbers, though, I'm pretty close to gay and dominant due to the massive skewing of potential interested partners.

 

[bunny bondage]

wow, now i remember why i love coming to this particular board so much! nowhere else are there so many thoughtful and intelligent people who are, not only kinky, but happy to help other kinksters!

at this stage in my new relationship, i think we've settled pretty comfortably into D/s roles (me as the sub, of course!) he seems to have no problems being the one in control. of course, we're in that stage where we're still just retarded for each other, so i'm hoping he won't eventually get bored with it!

thanks everyone! (and it's good to be back!)

 

[Hardon4u21]

probably great advice!

I read your much needed spanking story. It was very hot! I found myself fantasizing about both spanking your tight bottom and about being the recipient of those firm swats across the ass. I love a nasty woman in a school girl outfit, but I also enjoy being spanked and fucked.