Chains

[ToPleaseHim]

Not to start this out as a total cliche, but I am quite new to this and learning every day. I'm curious about the use of chains in a bondage scene. My PYL prefers chains; based on my limited experience I have no preference so chains it will be! I am curious as to your experiences with chains as compared to ropes or other methods of restraint.

I scanned the BDSM library thread and used the search feature to try to find threads on this topic and came up empty. Whether this is indicative of low level of interest or my inability to effectively navigate this forum I don't know. So, please share with me if you have a preference or distaste for chains. I'd love to hear your experiences. Thanks!

 

[kellieanne]

Chains are a bit heavier and sometimes leave bruises. Well at least they did on me, so if you are one that also has a regular job or what not you may want to take that into consideration cause explaining where you got the bruises on both wrists or such becomes creative to say the least...but it does give an intesnse bondage experience...I prefer ropes though cause I seem to bruise very easily. this is just my opinion though

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Chains can be pinchy, if some skin gets caught between some links.

Also check the chain for any nasties on any of the links, burrs and such, that may need filing down first.

Have only played with chains once... was ok.. I prefer the snugness of rope, and how it's easier to get it just the way you want it

 

[kellieanne]

Chains can be pinchy, if some skin gets caught between some links.

Also check the chain for any nasties on any of the links, burrs and such, that may need filing down first.

Have only played with chains once... was ok.. I prefer the snugness of rope, and how it's easier to get it just the way you want it

You do have a point about checking the chains as well that is a good point to bring out...and ohhh pinchy is not the word...OUCHHHHH HURTSS BAD is better I too am more of a rope fan

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Kept a submissive on a 15' chain to the bed for a weekend.... good times good times...

 

[kellieanne]

my time was a well worth experience and all but most definately would rather Rope chains leave many more marks and with ropes they get in more places much better

 

[unregistered]

 

[kellieanne]

Chains are my kink as well, but I've never tried to use them as a substitute for rope. Never been a rope bondage fan, knotwork just never flipped my switch. I've primarily used chain to secure leather cuffs, leash the girl, etc. Chains used against flesh ala rope are probably a bad idea for all the reasons already identified. All in all, I favor a good set of come-alongs or even a nice bungee cord for those applications were chains are a bad fit. Industrial velcro is also a very handy tool!

ahh see now that is the key...not putting the chains on the skin.....well maybe one day Ill be able to go that route

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Chains are a bit heavier and sometimes leave bruises. Well at least they did on me, so if you are one that also has a regular job or what not you may want to take that into consideration cause explaining where you got the bruises on both wrists or such becomes creative to say the least...but it does give an intesnse bondage experience...I prefer ropes though cause I seem to bruise very easily. this is just my opinion though

Chains can be pinchy, if some skin gets caught between some links.

Also check the chain for any nasties on any of the links, burrs and such, that may need filing down first.

Have only played with chains once... was ok.. I prefer the snugness of rope, and how it's easier to get it just the way you want it

I bruise way too easy and, yes, my day job is not one in which regular bruising would be acceptable. Thanks for sharing!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Kept a submissive on a 15' chain to the bed for a weekend.... good times good times...

Chains are my kink as well, but I've never tried to use them as a substitute for rope. Never been a rope bondage fan, knotwork just never flipped my switch. I've primarily used chain to secure leather cuffs, leash the girl, etc. Chains used against flesh ala rope are probably a bad idea for all the reasons already identified. All in all, I favor a good set of come-alongs or even a nice bungee cord for those applications were chains are a bad fit. Industrial velcro is also a very handy tool!

Now this makes a lot of sense!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Kept a submissive on a 15' chain to the bed for a weekend.... good times good times...

Now, there's a thought....

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Now, there's a thought....

Actually it was quite a good time.

I let her off of the big chain, but kept her on a leash when we went out... Kept her on the floor w/o permission to get on the bed...

 

[CabbageRose]

Not to start this out as a total cliche, but I am quite new to this and learning every day. I'm curious about the use of chains in a bondage scene. My PYL prefers chains; based on my limited experience I have no preference so chains it will be! I am curious as to your experiences with chains as compared to ropes or other methods of restraint.

I scanned the BDSM library thread and used the search feature to try to find threads on this topic and came up empty. Whether this is indicative of low level of interest or my inability to effectively navigate this forum I don't know. So, please share with me if you have a preference or distaste for chains. I'd love to hear your experiences. Thanks!

IMHO, chains are symbolic of ownership in ways that rope can never surpass. There's a psychological connection. You can tie anyone up, but chains are symbolic of a greater desire and need to possess.

Be careful whom you become involved with. Having a collection of chains, rope and or other bdsm toys does not a Master make.

~ Rose

 

[ToPleaseHim]

IMHO, chains are symbolic of ownership in ways that rope can never surpass. There's a psychological connection. You can tie anyone up, but chains are symbolic of a greater desire and need to possess.

Be careful whom you become involved with. Having a collection of chains, rope and or other bdsm toys does not a Master make.

~ Rose

I appreciate this concern and am once again impressed by the sincerity of the people who frequent this board.

Before you posted this I had not considered the symbolic difference between chains and rope. I am going to ask his opinion when we speak next.

I am certain that he is the man to whom I should submit. We've been getting to know one another for more than a year and are just now introducing physical play. He deserves my trust.

Thank you Rose,
Me

 

[wisk]

Chains are my kink as well, but I've never tried to use them as a substitute for rope. Never been a rope bondage fan, knotwork just never flipped my switch. I've primarily used chain to secure leather cuffs, leash the girl, etc. Chains used against flesh ala rope are probably a bad idea for all the reasons already identified. All in all, I favor a good set of come-alongs or even a nice bungee cord for those applications were chains are a bad fit. Industrial velcro is also a very handy tool!

again yes use chains but only with cuffs or as a leash, certainly found the new velcros great one i use about 6cm wide and very thin. one particular sub who tended to delight in being a bit of a brat and escapist found this impossible more you struggle more secure with out tightening.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I have learned that his preference for chains does not extend to chains on the skin. Rather, like mentioned by several in the thread, he uses chains as a leash or similar restraint.

Thanks again for the tips in the thread. Y'all are great!

 

[unregistered]

 

[Light Ice]

IMHO, chains are symbolic of ownership in ways that rope can never surpass. There's a psychological connection. You can tie anyone up, but chains are symbolic of a greater desire and need to possess.

Be careful whom you become involved with. Having a collection of chains, rope and or other bdsm toys does not a Master make.

~ Rose

The latter of this bit is very poignant. I enjoy occasional BDSM play with my girlfriend. We dabble, mostly as a sexual exploration rather than a lifestyle expression. But I do have chains, rope, a swing, spreader bars... all that I've made. But I am in no way a Master. I have no desire, or care, to deal with the demands of a truly submissive woman.

And I -have- run into a woman who was a closeted submissive, who I was sleeping with, who made the mistake in assuming that I was. I broke her heart when I explained things. So do be careful. I'm not the kind of man to worry about, in that I make my comfort level pretty clear, but I am absolutely certain out there who fancy themselves dominate without understanding, truly understanding, how many needs a submissive needs met and how much work it truly takes.

They're in it for the gratification. And that can lead to some true disasters, or so I've heard.

-LI

 

[CabbageRose]

The latter of this bit is very poignant. I enjoy occasional BDSM play with my girlfriend. We dabble, mostly as a sexual exploration rather than a lifestyle expression. But I do have chains, rope, a swing, spreader bars... all that I've made. But I am in no way a Master. I have no desire, or care, to deal with the demands of a truly submissive woman.

And I -have- run into a woman who was a closeted submissive, who I was sleeping with, who made the mistake in assuming that I was. I broke her heart when I explained things. So do be careful. I'm not the kind of man to worry about, in that I make my comfort level pretty clear, but I am absolutely certain out there who fancy themselves dominate without understanding, truly understanding, how many needs a submissive needs met and how much work it truly takes.

They're in it for the gratification. And that can lead to some true disasters, or so I've heard.

-LI

Kudos to you for knowing the difference between your own desires and that of a D/s or M/s relationship, Light Ice.

I'm sorry that you had a difficult time explaining your desires and limitations to your closeted submissive friend, and that she was hurt because you couldn't deliver what she needed. You recognized that you couldn't fulfill her needs and bowed out. You gave her the chance to find the relationship that she needed. You did the right thing.

Your experience with your closeted submissive friend may have been an unusual one in that she wanted more than you could give. Most submissives (IMHO) don't push the limit or demand dominance from others. We are what we are. Submissive. We relinquish control because it fuels mutual desire. Manipulating another into feeding that desire is a lost cause.

Dominants aren't necessarily born with dominant tendencies. Dominance can mean that you are in control of a specific situation, and nothing else. If you're tying or chaining your current girlfriend up, you may have dominant tendencies. If she's using the chains and ropes on you, you might both be switches - or simply enjoy mutual kinkiness.

Enjoy what you have, LI. Explore. Treasure what you have. That's all that matters.

 

[CabbageRose]

I appreciate this concern and am once again impressed by the sincerity of the people who frequent this board.

Before you posted this I had not considered the symbolic difference between chains and rope. I am going to ask his opinion when we speak next.

I am certain that he is the man to whom I should submit. We've been getting to know one another for more than a year and are just now introducing physical play. He deserves my trust.

Thank you Rose,
Me

Symbolism aside, His chains are always attached to cuffs, collar, etc.
Safety is always a consideration.

 

[Light Ice]

Kudos to you for knowing the difference between your own desires and that of a D/s or M/s relationship, Light Ice.

I'm sorry that you had a difficult time explaining your desires and limitations to your closeted submissive friend, and that she was hurt because you couldn't deliver what she needed. You recognized that you couldn't fulfill her needs and bowed out. You gave her the chance to find the relationship that she needed. You did the right thing.

Your experience with your closeted submissive friend may have been an unusual one in that she wanted more than you could give. Most submissives (IMHO) don't push the limit or demand dominance from others. We are what we are. Submissive. We relinquish control because it fuels mutual desire. Manipulating another into feeding that desire is a lost cause.

Dominants aren't necessarily born with dominant tendencies. Dominance can mean that you are in control of a specific situation, and nothing else. If you're tying or chaining your current girlfriend up, you may have dominant tendencies. If she's using the chains and ropes on you, you might both be switches - or simply enjoy mutual kinkiness.

Enjoy what you have, LI. Explore. Treasure what you have. That's all that matters.

Thank, so much. These are kind words. I confess that the brevity of my reply, particularly regarding my closet submissive companion (we'll call her Bobby for now) perhaps did not paint as adequate a picture of the situation.

Bobby and I had many conversations where I asserted that I would not be with her in a relationship. The difficulty was that when she asked if I wanted to sleep with her still, I'd say yes, and she'd submit to that. She clearly wanted more. Unfortunately, unable to really voice her needs, I was presented with an opportunity to see them and interpret them as I could. She did not wish to work a full-time job and instead wanted to focus on painting and self-expressing. She told me that I made her feel safe, and calm, and enjoyed how I made plans as lead her through them. In my home, after sex, she would clean me and prepare food for me. Serving me, as it were.

Those were the things that gave her pleasure. But the needs that I could not meet were her desire for this in all facets. I require an assertive woman to feel challenged and a capable one to feel respect. There came a time where I realized that while I had a great affection for Bobby there was no condition of respect. None at all.

Breaking things off was extremely difficult because she consistently accepted boundaries, so long as I'd still see her. In the end I had to break contact entirely, something that broke her heart. But it was the only way I could convey to her that the ending of our fling had less to do with her as a person than with me not desiring the relationship. It was a powerfully difficult situation and one that I mishandled several times until I came to understand just what made her tick.

And I think the biggest thing I learned is that beyond my desires, my capacity for loving someone who aims to please so much is lacking. And when I realized that it wasn't just her happiness that I would have stolen from continuing things, it was my own.

When a woman submits herself to a man it's a potent and powerful thing. The experience gave me some understanding of it. It's like a current that defines who they are and the nature of the world around them. Swimming against it just tires them out and going with it, just letting it take them, is an incredibly freeing and liberating feeling. The fact that the submission is so soul-felt, so entwined with their identity, makes it one of the most misunderstood things that I have ever come across. I think so many men who end up being poor Masters have simply failed to understand just what it is they are embracing.

There is a certain power and innate poignancy of that submission. And it's such a soul-felt thing that I've come to feel it deserves a great deal of respect from those within the lifestyle and those outside it.

I only wish I had harbored a more in-depth understanding before running into Bobby.

 

[1WickedMistress]

Thanks for the kink to hotlanta kink test. I scored 883! Did think I was THAT kinky....

I actually do a demo/ workshop of the Erotic and Sensual use of Chains. I have never had a problem with bruising. You can with bigger chains and how tight you place them on the body. I usually do not wrap chain tightly around the body. It can be dangerous and not easy to remove. Safety is always first with me.
The weight of the chain is actually spread over a larger surface area and can be easier on the body than rope. A rope can cut off or interfer with circulation. A chain can't touch the area with even force unless you secure it super tight. Most of my play is sensual. There can be pain and restrains involved isn't an absolute.
Insertible chain is a whole other awesome experience!!!!!

 

[1WickedMistress]

Thanks for the hotlanta kink test. I scored 883! Didn't realize I was THAT kinky....

I actually do a demo/ workshop of the Erotic and Sensual Chains. I have never had a problem with bruising. You can with bigger chains and how tight you place them on the body. I usually do not wrap chain tightly around the body. It can be dangerous and not easy to remove. Safety is always first with me.
The weight of the chain is actually spread over a larger surface area and can be easier on the body than rope. A rope can cut off or interfer with circulation. A chain can't touch the area with even force unless you secure it super tight. Most of my play is sensual. There can be pain and restrains involved isn't an absolute.
Insertible chain is a whole other awesome experience!!!!!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank, so much. These are kind words. I confess that the brevity of my reply, particularly regarding my closet submissive companion (we'll call her Bobby for now) perhaps did not paint as adequate a picture of the situation.

Bobby and I had many conversations where I asserted that I would not be with her in a relationship. The difficulty was that when she asked if I wanted to sleep with her still, I'd say yes, and she'd submit to that. She clearly wanted more. Unfortunately, unable to really voice her needs, I was presented with an opportunity to see them and interpret them as I could. She did not wish to work a full-time job and instead wanted to focus on painting and self-expressing. She told me that I made her feel safe, and calm, and enjoyed how I made plans as lead her through them. In my home, after sex, she would clean me and prepare food for me. Serving me, as it were.

Those were the things that gave her pleasure. But the needs that I could not meet were her desire for this in all facets. I require an assertive woman to feel challenged and a capable one to feel respect. There came a time where I realized that while I had a great affection for Bobby there was no condition of respect. None at all.

Breaking things off was extremely difficult because she consistently accepted boundaries, so long as I'd still see her. In the end I had to break contact entirely, something that broke her heart. But it was the only way I could convey to her that the ending of our fling had less to do with her as a person than with me not desiring the relationship. It was a powerfully difficult situation and one that I mishandled several times until I came to understand just what made her tick.

And I think the biggest thing I learned is that beyond my desires, my capacity for loving someone who aims to please so much is lacking. And when I realized that it wasn't just her happiness that I would have stolen from continuing things, it was my own.

When a woman submits herself to a man it's a potent and powerful thing. The experience gave me some understanding of it. It's like a current that defines who they are and the nature of the world around them. Swimming against it just tires them out and going with it, just letting it take them, is an incredibly freeing and liberating feeling. The fact that the submission is so soul-felt, so entwined with their identity, makes it one of the most misunderstood things that I have ever come across. I think so many men who end up being poor Masters have simply failed to understand just what it is they are embracing.

There is a certain power and innate poignancy of that submission. And it's such a soul-felt thing that I've come to feel it deserves a great deal of respect from those within the lifestyle and those outside it.

I only wish I had harbored a more in-depth understanding before running into Bobby.

This is an amazing insight, and one that I have never heard voiced before.