"She must have daddy issues..."

[secreto_oscuro]

Sorry for posting another thread so early on in the game, but I thought of another interesting topic that I haven't seen discussed here. (My apologies if it has already.)

I have heard it said many times that girls who work in the sex industry "must have daddy issues". I have also heard it applied to people involved with BDSM, usually to females who willingly submit or those who enjoy age play and/or the company of a Daddy.

My question is...do you think this theory has any truth to it? Do past relationships with fathers/father figures have any effect on whether a female desires to be submissive and/or engage in age play?

I, for one, do not see this as true, but I only have my personal experiences to go off of. I had a loving and generally healthy relationship with my father growing up (and still do now). I would not consider it an "issue". I also have submissive tendencies and an interest in age play.

I apologize for bringing up a topic that may have potentially touchy subject matter, but I'm truly interested in what others have to say. I know that my personal testimony can't be a deciding factor on the matter, so I would appreciate any and all input.

(Edit: Forgive me for not including males in my original question. My question could apply to submissive males as well, it's just that the expression that someone "must have daddy issues" is used almost exclusively toward women.)

 

[BiBunny]

Not true. I'm a phone sex operator, and I love ageplay. (Calling a dude "Daddy" is icky for me, though.) I don't have any Daddy issues, except maybe the fact that I measure the integrity of any man I meet against my Daddy 'cause he's so awesome.

 

[secreto_oscuro]

Not true. I'm a phone sex operator, and I love ageplay. (Calling a dude "Daddy" is icky for me, though.) I don't have any Daddy issues, except maybe the fact that I measure the integrity of any man I meet against my Daddy 'cause he's so awesome.

That's really cool Thanks for sharing.

 

[HottieMama]

I had an absent father, but I have long since reconciled those issues. I am a former sex worker and "Daddy" is a title I have used for my Dominant. It is just what is comfortable to me.

 

[BiBunny]

I'm a hypocrite, though. I've been around a lot of males (submissive or otherwise) about whom I've said, "That boy has got Mommy issues." To me, it seems there are a ton of clueless males who just want someone to take care of them. You know, cook for them, clean for them, tell them what to wear, give them money, wipe their asses for them, etc.

I'm sure the same is true of females, too.

 

[Bandit58]

We don't do age play, but Sir does have some traits that remind me of my late Dad. However I didn't enter into a D/s relationship because of any "issues" - Dad and I had a great relationship

 

[00Syd]

I'm sure its true for some people, but its certainly not true for everyone. And I doubt that the people for whom "daddy issues" are a factor make up the majority. Submissive tendencies tend to pop up in huge, diverse swaths of the human population. Some of those people will have issues, some won't.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I don't get into age play. I do call my PYL "Daddy". But I am not a little girl. At first it was more a sign of repect and he doesn't like Master or Sir or LordRuleroftheUniverse. I had some problems with it at first because my father who I was very close to and I practically idolize passed away about 10 yrs ago. I have no father Daddy issues.

Over the past few years the term Daddy gets more and more comfortable for me. He is older than me, he is extremely protective, and he does love me unconditionally. (and of course he disciplines me too)

 

[sb2009]

that annoys me as well. Why can't someone just wrap thier head around the idea that women can enjoy sex, and being dominated without a pathology behind it?

 

[the captians wench]

I'm sure its true for some people, but its certainly not true for everyone. And I doubt that the people for whom "daddy issues" are a factor make up the majority. Submissive tendencies tend to pop up in huge, diverse swaths of the human population. Some of those people will have issues, some won't.

This is along the lines of what I was going to say, only I want to expand on it a bit.

My female cousins and I had simular up bringings, ie we were all abused sexually by our male parental units. When they got older, every one of them dabbled in prostitution and used sex to get everything they wanted. I kind of had the opposite reaction at first and became very prudish and reserved when it came to sex.

I do have some issues with both my natural father and my step father (who was the one to actually raise me). But it has very little to do with my submissive tendencies. Now it does have a part in my masochistic ways. I would be a self mutilater I'm sure if I didn't have nice sadists willing to do it for me. I need the physical pain some times to wrap my head around the mental pain. But then I also love the adriniline rush and how it can knock me out with out the icky out of control feeling alcohol provides.

but that's just my observation.

 

[jenniferbaby]

that annoys me as well. Why can't someone just wrap thier head around the idea that women can enjoy sex, and being dominated without a pathology behind it?

I agree with this. Sometimes people associate being kinky with some kind of mental disorder, and while I'm sure that's how it is for some folks, it's not always the case.

I have a variety of issues with my father, and it has been suggested to me more than once that my issues with him are the reason I enjoy daddy play. There was one guy who just knew I had some sordid sexual history with my father and he kept trying to drag the story out of me, but there is no such story. Another man, who knows me better than almost anyone, who knows the intricacies of my relationship with my father, who enjoys playing my daddy from time to time, has said that missing the nurturing and closeness with my father might have something to do with my interest in daddy play. I think he's right to an extent, but there's also more to it.

I do believe that even if I was closer to my father that I'd like calling a man daddy, just because I like calling a man daddy. I do think our pathologies seep into our sexuality, but to say that's the whole of it doesn't allow for the complexity that's inherent in human sexuality.

 

[smallgirl]

Sorry for posting another thread so early on in the game, but I thought of another interesting topic that I haven't seen discussed here. (My apologies if it has already.)

I have heard it said many times that girls who work in the sex industry "must have daddy issues". I have also heard it applied to people involved with BDSM, usually to females who willingly submit or those who enjoy age play and/or the company of a Daddy.

My question is...do you think this theory has any truth to it? Do past relationships with fathers/father figures have any effect on whether a female desires to be submissive and/or engage in age play?

I, for one, do not see this as true, but I only have my personal experiences to go off of. I had a loving and generally healthy relationship with my father growing up (and still do now). I would not consider it an "issue". I also have submissive tendencies and an interest in age play.

I apologize for bringing up a topic that may have potentially touchy subject matter, but I'm truly interested in what others have to say. I know that my personal testimony can't be a deciding factor on the matter, so I would appreciate any and all input.

(Edit: Forgive me for not including males in my original question. My question could apply to submissive males as well, it's just that the expression that someone "must have daddy issues" is used almost exclusively toward women.)

something that was said to me along the lines of this....that if a woman likes rough sex, or group sex..or being dominated then she must have been abused sexually in her past. why would anyone make that assumption?
i think it doesnt matter. we are who we are regardless.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Depends what "Daddy issues" means. my Daddy is a lot like my biological father and i am positive that plays into the bond i feel with him even though i have never in my life fantasized about having a sexual relationship with my real father. i carry what i consider to be fairly normal Daddy baggage. It is not uncommon and healthy for girls to feel a sort of immature romanticism for their father. Both of my girls love their father and practice their feminine wiles on him to try to get what they want. For some of us i think that relationship always feels unfulfilled and normal parenting problems can create odd desires later. my father is a pretty selfish and irresponsible person in general although i know he loves me very much he is just one of those never grew up, peter pans, always playing. i always felt second to golf, fishing and hunting and even tried to get interested in those things and do them with him as a way to just well, be with him. i have many memories of learning to ski with him. For many years skiing was just for he and i until my much younger siblings got old enough to participate.

i do think my interest in having a Daddy is about trying to fulfill and mend the relationship i had with my father, to have a real Daddy, not a peter pan. my Daddy is similar enough to my father to give me all those yummy little girl feelings for him but he also sometimes injures me and leaves me unfulfilled in the same way my father did, not intentionally i just think its how people are wired. We often seek people out like our parents to heal our childhood wounds and yet those people, like our parents, are often the least likely people to actually heal those wounds because they are well... like our parents.

They are the only ones who can, and the only ones who most likely never will.

Some people (most maybe) don't get caught in this trap. i cannot say i am one of those who has either escaped or fought my way out. i married someone nothing like my father which means... he is not qualified to heal those wounds in my eyes. Him doing all the things my father never did doesn't count. If Daddy did them it would count but Daddy rarely does because he's well... like my father.

Sometimes you can't win. That doesn't mean it isn't fun to play the game though

 

[callinectes]

My Dominant/boyfriend/partner is "Daddy" to me. We do not engage in age play at all. Our daddy/girl dynamic naturally evolved...he tends to be nurturing and protective, I tend to be vulnerable and desire guidance.

I have no issues with my own father. I was never abused, etc. etc. I am simply very horny, like older men, and he and I "go together like peas and carrots".


Sorry I don't have a dramatic or psychologically deep answer. It just is what it is with us.

 

[Etoile]

that annoys me as well. Why can't someone just wrap thier head around the idea that women can enjoy sex, and being dominated without a pathology behind it?

QFT.

 

[~Haze~]

When it comes to sex, a lot of people... particularly women, can use sex to try to compensate (or deal with) for paternal issues. Those issues can be anything from sexual abuse to physical abuse to an absentee father to an overbearing father. It could be anything.

It could be a way to deal with men, emotions, love. It could just be a way for a woman to gain control. It could be many things... any thing.

Because those "daddy issues" often cause emotional, sexual and intimacy issues, they might cause a woman to process sex, sexual feelings, intimacy differently and yes, many people who process these emotions/feeling differently, gravitate to the sex industry for exactly that reason. They're best equipped to compartmentalize those feelings and be able to keep sex and love away from each other.

I don't think these issues have much to do with submission though. If anything, it's probably quite the opposite.

Of course there are some submissive women who have "issues" and I think you'll start to see those issues on the extremes (extremely D/s or extreme SM)but I don't think the ratio is anywhere near as high for those in the sex industry.

By no means does this mean everyone, though.

 

[Etoile]

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

 

[00Syd]

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

You win the thread.

 

[BiBunny]

I gravitated toward the sex industry because there were no jobs to be had, and I was broke and too proud to take handouts. Just for the damn record.

 

[Netzach]

When it comes to sex, a lot of people... particularly women, can use sex to try to compensate (or deal with) for paternal issues. Those issues can be anything from sexual abuse to physical abuse to an absentee father to an overbearing father. It could be anything.

It could be a way to deal with men, emotions, love. It could just be a way for a woman to gain control. It could be many things... any thing.

Because those "daddy issues" often cause emotional, sexual and intimacy issues, they might cause a woman to process sex, sexual feelings, intimacy differently and yes, many people who process these emotions/feeling differently, gravitate to the sex industry for exactly that reason. They're best equipped to compartmentalize those feelings and be able to keep sex and love away from each other.

I don't think these issues have much to do with submission though. If anything, it's probably quite the opposite.

Of course there are some submissive women who have "issues" and I think you'll start to see those issues on the extremes (extremely D/s or extreme SM)but I don't think the ratio is anywhere near as high for those in the sex industry.

By no means does this mean everyone, though.

And men, of course have no Daddy issues.

Why aren't we spending a tenth of the time on this that we do when it comes to female sexuality, other than a desire to control same?

I think it's because the community has a secret perv fest on the idea that Daddy issues make sub girls and Mommy issues make sub boys. As though Mother/daughter dynamics also exist in some sort of vacuum. I'd say something Tolstoy like about families and point out that sexuality is sexuality, and if it's not harming puppies or babies, there's no point pathologizing it until the person themself feels something needs changing.

I've seen more pain and suffering among people who *cannot* differentiate between love and sex than I ever have among those who can and do.

I've got buckets of parental "issues" and a sexuality I enjoy. I work in a sex-related field and I priovide outlet to literally hundreds of people. My husband said to me today "I think there are small countries that might be more fucked up if it weren't for you" which made me laugh. I'm about to do my dishes like a normal enough person.

I find what passes for healthy sexuality to be terrifying.

 

[00Syd]

I think it's because the community has a secret perv fest on the idea that Daddy issues make sub girls and Mommy issues make sub boys.

Don't forget the secret perv desire to fix all those poor, helpless, broken little girls out there.

Shhh its allll better now that daddies here.

 

[BiBunny]

Don't forget the secret perv desire to fix all those poor broken girls out there.

Shhh its allll better now that daddies here.

Vomitrocious!

 

[~Haze~]

I gravitated toward the sex industry because there were no jobs to be had, and I was broke and too proud to take handouts. Just for the damn record.

I didn't say all of them. In fact, I went out of my way to say it's not all of them. Just said many of them.

Don't you agree? You work in the industry - although PSO, IMO, is more of the business aspect of the sex industry.

I know a number of strippers and have been involved with clinics that offer therapy to prostitutes (well actually, it was drug addicts, but I encountered many prostitute/addicts) and many of the people I met, did in fact come from abusive homes.

 

[Etoile]

I know a number of strippers and have been involved with clinics that offer therapy to prostitutes (well actually, it was drug addicts, but I encountered many prostitute/addicts) and many of the people I met, did in fact come from abusive homes.

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/appeal-to-authority.html
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/confusing-cause-and-effect.html
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/hasty-generalization.html

 

[00Syd]

http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/appeal-to-authority.html
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/confusing-cause-and-effect.html
http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/hasty-generalization.html

Man. You are hitting it out of the park today.

Thread winner 4 life.