For women in this lifestyle with children

[halfticket]

This question is for all you sexy women in the BDSM lifestyle who live with children (any age) and follow this lifestyle... So how do you manage ? Do you children have an idea about it ? do you care about it if they know? what clothes do you wear around the house when they are around ? do you wear any of the special kinky stuff ? or do you try to just successfully hide it from them.

 

[00Syd]

What about the unsexy women?

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=28093732#post28093732

 

[intothewoods]

This question is for all you sexy women in the BDSM lifestyle who live with children (any age) and follow this lifestyle... So how do you manage ? Do you children have an idea about it ? do you care about it if they know? what clothes do you wear around the house when they are around ? do you wear any of the special kinky stuff ? or do you try to just successfully hide it from them.

I manage pretty well. My child has no idea. Yes, I care, but it's a non-issue. I wear my regular clothes. Toys are in a box. I don't typically wear collar.

What about the unsexy women?

Stop that, you'll destroy the MILF fantasy!

 

[Ravenwind]

This question is for all you sexy women in the BDSM lifestyle who live with children (any age) and follow this lifestyle... So how do you manage ? Do you children have an idea about it ? do you care about it if they know? what clothes do you wear around the house when they are around ? do you wear any of the special kinky stuff ? or do you try to just successfully hide it from them.

My kids are utterly clueless about it (and probably still haven't had the 'horrific epiphany' of "mom and dad had sex once!!!"). Outside our private time, the rest of the family see us as vanilla (with the exception of my leather bracers, which everyone else considers as part of my heavy metal-based clothing, so again, not 'out of the ordinary for me'). We don't use terms like 'Master' or 'slave' outside of common contexts (ie losing a bet involves a 'slave day', or incessant requests get a smart-ass reply of 'yes, Master', regardless of who is doing what).

Our relationship is moreso a mental thing... I serve him unquestioningly as 'the good wife', he exhibits his strength and wisdom as 'the good Husband'. Some people use pet names, or titles, or whatnot to show position... Because we use pet names so often, we use our actual names to publicly show our position to one another, and no one is the wiser ('so-and-so, get me some coffee." "Okay, do you want the mug or the cup, So-and-so?", as opposed to saying "Dear, get me some coffee" or whatnot).

Whatever we do privately is kept completely hidden from the rest of the family. I wouldn't dare wear anything remotely different than my average clothes... even wearing *nice* clothes elicits strange looks from the rest of the family, knowing that I'm up to something (as I rarely wear anything other than t-shirts and jeans), so certainly, anything that's less-than-normal doesn't get seen by anyone, and are kept well away from prying eyes.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I have two adult children and one minor child. All they have ever seen are two parents that love each other. My eldest child (my daughter) has known the "truth" about us for 3 years, and the only reason she knows for sure is because I finally had to tell her to shut her up about "how controlling" her dad was being.

It also has worked out pretty well for us because "Daddy" has a double meaning in our household.

 

[unregistered]

 

[graceanne]

Deja vu?? Nice catch.

Yeah, seriously.

 

[unregistered]

 

[StrayKat]

While my kids were young I was too focused on struggling through war and poverty to think about anything else but how to manage to have warm meal on the table for them day after day and how to soothe their nightmares from having to run in shelter in the middle of the night.

What I wear around the house, OP, is none of your business, how about posting at least some kind of introduction before you demand wanking material?


I am kind of annoyed with wankers anonymous today.

 

[sb2009]

eeek...this reminds me of one "close call" when our youngest (around 4 at the time) found something that had a chain on it...I can't even remember what it was, a piece of some sort of sexy outfit, I'm sure. My husband said the first thing he thought of, that it was for a puppy we were thinking about getting.

We were in no place to get a puppy, a major move coming up, an one again in two years, and it was horrible to deal with the "but what about the puppy?" wailing......

To answer the OP- we are not any sort of official lifestyle people - we have lots of toys, and some handmade furniture, etc. It's kept put away. The kids don't know anything about out sex life. The 12 year old figures we had sex twice, one for each kid, but is horrified about the whole thing.

I have a good friend that is the designated "search and destroy all kinky evidence" person in case my husband and I get hit by a bus.

 

[eastern sun]

I have a good friend that is the designated "search and destroy all kinky evidence" person in case my husband and I get hit by a bus.

I haven't decided yet whether or not I want it all to be found. (Actually, what I really want is to find a way to tell my own story in a more selective way.) But the search and destroy campaign is an interesting idea.

 

[HottieMama]

I have three children ranging on age from 5 yrs old to 1 month old. They don't know squat about what I do in my bedroom. In day-to-day life they see me doing normal household tasks and taking care of EVERYONE, so it's not abnormal to them. I'm not a "kneel at your feet" type of sub 24/7, so I don't have to deal with those things.

As for what I wear, I wear clothes..LOL... My "collar" is body modifications hidden by those clothes, and my wedding band. Again, nothing the kids can't see...

 

[sb2009]

it's funny, because I have much worse stuff than anyone I know...they are worried about a couple of bullet vibrators ruining thier reputations after they're dead - forget restraints, etc.

 

[eastern sun]

it's funny, because I have much worse stuff than anyone I know...they are worried about a couple of bullet vibrators ruining thier reputations after they're dead - forget restraints, etc.

In the midst of my mother's things, the vibrators and marijuana were funny, but only slightly shocking to discover. My brother and I totally cracked up when we found all the different edible, flavored stuff that her boyfriend had given her over the years. And threw it in the garbage.

It's the private letters, journals, photographs, books and clippings. All those reflections of her internal world that fascinate and amaze me. I love having them.

Even though. . . or rather, especially because they don't match the image she projected to the world.

 

[sb2009]

that was very touching, Eastern Sun.

 

[sereneone4u]

it's funny, because I have much worse stuff than anyone I know...they are worried about a couple of bullet vibrators ruining thier reputations after they're dead - forget restraints, etc.

This reminds me of something hilarious that happened in our household a couple of years ago. My son was rifling through my jewelry box, I think to look at his baby teeth or something to that effect and he pulled out my bullet. At first he had a look of wtf on his face and then absolute complete horror as he yelled in disgust," This has been in my mom's vagina!" He threw it back and ran to the bathroom to wash his hands, lmao!

I got it back though, because a couple of months ago I was going through my son's phone photos looking for one he took of his little sister at the pool and I came across his penis shot, from when he was having phone sex. I was and am mortified and never touch his phone no matter what.

Anyways, back to reading, but your post reminded me of that and I literally lol'd

 

[graceanne]

This reminds me of something hilarious that happened in our household a couple of years ago. My son was rifling through my jewelry box, I think to look at his baby teeth or something to that effect and he pulled out my bullet. At first he had a look of wtf on his face and then absolute complete horror as he yelled in disgust," This has been in my mom's vagina!" He threw it back and ran to the bathroom to wash his hands, lmao!

I got it back though, because a couple of months ago I was going through my son's phone photos looking for one he took of his little sister at the pool and I came across his penis shot, from when he was having phone sex. I was and am mortified and never touch his phone no matter what.

Anyways, back to reading, but your post reminded me of that and I literally lol'd

My best friend and I were moving her into her new place and her son was taking a shower. He got out and yelled 'Mom, I'm gonna borrow a pair of socks', and we heard him open the top drawer. Instantly my friend was SPRINTING to that room, yelling 'DON'T OPEN THAT DRAWER'. Almost instantaneously he yelled 'AAAAAAAAAAAH' and slammed the drawer shut. My friend said "Stay out of my top drawer!" and he said "I NOTICED!"

I just lay on the floor and wheezed. I laughed till I couldn't breathe.

 

[Roamme]

My kids are too young right now

My kids are very right now. I don't have much fetish wear and I don't wear anything not normal around the kids. Besides our homemade porn and pictues, we don't have anything locked up.

 

[SimonBrooke]

H'mmm...

This one's tricky. I have no children, never have had, never wanted them. However, my new toy, who may be invited to move in, has a (minor) child. It is not at all that I dislike children, but I really don't want the sort of relationship where sex is restricted to bedrooms at night. And I really don't the sort of relationship where my toy can't wear the things I find interesting around the house.

The child is not my child, of course. The child has a father, and I'm not seeking to usurp his position. So as far as the child is concerned, I am mummy's lover, nothing else. I may discipline the mother, but I shan't discipline the child.

However. Obviously, if she moves in, there are going to have to be compromises. But...

• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother wearing a collar (I'm thinking of one of the nice German industrial metal ones)?
• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother wearing sexy clothes?
• Is it so bad if a child sometimes sees her mother naked?
• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother being kissed, or cuddled?

And after those,

• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets tied up?
• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets spanked?
• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets hit with things?

I mean, obviously, the child must never hear her mother scream or sob (although both my toy and I will want screams and tears more than sometimes). Obviously the child must never see her mother being hit. Obviously the child must grow up to know that women deserve to be treated with as much respect as men. But, surely it's not completely wrong for a school-age child to see any of those things in the first group, and not completely impossible for an adolescent child to know (but not see) those things in the second?

We're thinking about going into this relationship because we both want a fairly no-limits D/s relationship, tending towards M/s. If having a child around the house actually means that what we end up with is a 95% vanilla relationship, with all the BDSM aspects squeezed entirely into the interstices where the child is absent... that needs some very careful thought.

So help me here. How does one build aspects of BDSM practice into a family life with children? I'm either going to have to find a way to believe this is possible, or else to drop a relationship which looks extremely promising.

 

[LilTexanGal]

Single Mom in the Lifestyle

This question is for all you sexy women in the BDSM lifestyle who live with children (any age) and follow this lifestyle... So how do you manage ? Do you children have an idea about it ? do you care about it if they know? what clothes do you wear around the house when they are around ? do you wear any of the special kinky stuff ? or do you try to just successfully hide it from them.

I have 2 girls 13 & 7. They have no idea about the lifestyle I lead. Granted...at this point I do not live with Master. Master has a young son of his own and He and I agree that O/our children should not know about such things. It is their jobs to be kids...plain and simple.

I do not wear kinky stuff around the house. I have a toy bag that stays under the bed and has locks at every opening. I have taught my girls that Mom's things are her own and they stay out of them and know that my things are none of their business. Thats exactly how I would put it if they asked questions.

 

[StrayKat]

If having a child around the house actually means that what we end up with is a 95% vanilla relationship, with all the BDSM aspects squeezed entirely into the interstices where the child is absent... that needs some very careful thought.

So help me here. How does one build aspects of BDSM practice into a family life with children? I'm either going to have to find a way to believe this is possible, or else to drop a relationship which looks extremely promising.

I am sure there are others with more experience in lifestyle you lead, with children, that can answer your question.
I personally think that minors should not be exposed to any kind of "deviant" sexual behavior, they have enough problems accepting their parents are sexual beings at all. It all depends on age I guess, the way the kid was raised before you came into their life and how the child feels about parents being separated in first place. You *might* have a problem dealing with jealousy just because you are a new man in their mothers life. Anything remotely violent toward the mother can make things worse.

I can only say about how my children act when its about my second husband, they are anything but happy with him. It has nothing to do with him really, he accepted them like they are his own and he loves them very much. The problem is they never took for granted I am not going back to my ex, they obviously keep hoping Mom and Dad will "make up" and they can only see my new husband as intruder. They would act hostile at any man in my life.
I have been divorced for 9 years, my kids are 19 and 22, and I have been married second time for 8 years. Nothing I do changes the situation.... obviously my ex did good job in persuading my children in something that will never happen

 

[Netzach]

H'mmm...

This one's tricky. I have no children, never have had, never wanted them. However, my new toy, who may be invited to move in, has a (minor) child. It is not at all that I dislike children, but I really don't want the sort of relationship where sex is restricted to bedrooms at night. And I really don't the sort of relationship where my toy can't wear the things I find interesting around the house.

The child is not my child, of course. The child has a father, and I'm not seeking to usurp his position. So as far as the child is concerned, I am mummy's lover, nothing else. I may discipline the mother, but I shan't discipline the child.

However. Obviously, if she moves in, there are going to have to be compromises. But...

• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother wearing a collar (I'm thinking of one of the nice German industrial metal ones)?
• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother wearing sexy clothes?
• Is it so bad if a child sometimes sees her mother naked?
• Is it so bad if a child sees her mother being kissed, or cuddled?

And after those,

• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets tied up?
• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets spanked?
• At what age/stage of development is it OK for the child to know that her mother gets hit with things?

All of these things are completely dependent on the child in question. I don't have any, but I was one, not too terribly long ago.

I'll tell you that if my mother started dating someone and had never in her life worn a collar and suddenly one appeared, it would not be rocket science to figure out WHY.

And I'd hate him. And I'd hate her. This is the kind of thing that happened all the time whenever my mother got involved with a man - my mother is one of those fluid inherently submissive people who likes whatever makes everyone around her happy. And when you're the child of someone like this, the prioritization of your OWN happiness feels very precarious, even if it isn't in actuality.

If I saw my mom naked or whatever on the way to the bathroom it was never a BFD. If I'd NEVER seen my mom walk around naked much and it was suddenly the new trend and there just HAPPENED to be a new BF in the scene, you can bet that again...
I'd hate him I'd hate her.

You're dealing with a child. You are dealing with a small human who requires consistency and the ability to trust her mother to put her needs in front and protect her from other people and other interests. Just by dating this woman you are upsetting the balance and shifting things around. If you want to go rubbing this in her daughters face, forge ahead with the changes in the open.

My mother for all my conflict with her social submissive non-self ways, never let on to me until well over 15 years after my stepdad died, the exact things they were doing in bed at times, the stockings she wore under her jeans the ENTIRE time they were together. I mean I saw the frilly stuff in her drawer, I found the copy of Delta of Venus (thanks mom!) but I never knew the extent of the kink. That was a nicely done bit of subterfuge on her part.

I do recall confusing and distressing noise from her room one night. Please think about what your most verbal scene sounds like to someone who is hazy on what sex is and how it works. Adults are pretty delusional about what sounds carry and how deeply even someone who sleeps like a footsoldier sleeps!

 

[StrayKat]

Adults are pretty delusional about what sounds carry and how deeply even someone who sleeps like a footsoldier sleeps!

That is a great observation.
I would say adults are pretty delusional overall about ability of a child to notice even the smallest thing "out of picture". If one doesnt know much about children one would almost call them psychic.

My aunt and her husband used to argue on Italian so their kids would not understand. Result was that both my cousins spoke fluent Italian before they were 10 yo though they never actually "learned" the language.


I am sorry but I find this slightly disturbing:

I have no children, never have had, never wanted them. It is not at all that I dislike children, but I really don't want the sort of relationship where sex is restricted to bedrooms at night. And I really don't the sort of relationship where my toy can't wear the things I find interesting around the house.

So as far as the child is concerned, I am mummy's lover, nothing else. I may discipline the mother, but I shan't discipline the child.

You know nothing about children, you dont really want them and you want your life basically undisturbed. That cant happen if you start living with a child. You cant be "just mummy's lover" and nothing else, it is not really for you to decide what kind of figure you might have to be in that kids life, you will have to be what child needs from you.

Sex and things your toy wear around the house will certainly not be the same with her child living in that same house, that is something you should know already.
I somehow have the feeling you consider that child a sort of possible nuisance and that is a wrong kind of attitude in my opinion. You should be more worried about their mental well being than your pleasure if you are really set to make that kind of union work.

 

[sb2009]

I would have no idea how to do that and not somehow have the child know. And while my children know about sex and I'm pretty open minded about it with them, they don't know anything AT ALL about how mom and dad have sex.

They see us being affectionate with each other often, and have run into us naked on a few occasions - coming out of the shower, etc. The 12 year old makes puking noises if she sees my back when I'm trying to change a shirt and she has barged into my room, so I think she would plot to kill me if I showed any sort of overt kink in front of her.

The 7 year old just started not wanting dad to start her bath and things like that, because "he's a boy," but she still will come in when I'm in the shower and talk to me (can I get a minute alone, here???)

The child's age and thier relationship with you are variables that can throw the whole thing off kilter.

If it were me, and this is by no means judgemental on my part, I would leave probably have her stay when the child is with the father, instead of it being a full time thing. Just my opinion, though.