This upsets me

[gloriann]

I rarely read the local newspaper and today I caught a glimpse of it; more specifically, I caught a glimpse of the syndicated column "Ask Amy." She was taking a response for an earlier letter about a kid going away to college and finding out that his roommate is gay, and wanting out of the assignment, but the college wouldn't immediately let him. Amy basically responded that the kid and the roomie would figure it out, either deal with it, or request to change rooms after the mandatory waiting period.

What upsets me is that the parent was so proud that the other siblings who had lived in a dorm prior to this child had successfully roomed with people of other creeds and cultures and races than themselves, but it seemed to be just fine to discrimate against the gay kid without even getting to know him first.

 

[Wolf of Mibu 69]

We always fear what we don't understand. It's too bad the son hadn't had a chance to get to know anyone who was gay (and out) before he got put in a room with someone who was. I can imagine someone who had limited exposure to gay people and who came from a background where he was raised by parents who didn't understand them either would have problems adjusting to suddenly living with someone who was gay.

I'm not saying it's right. It's obviously not. But I know that I probably would have been uncomfortable at that point in my life if I'd known one of my first couple roommates (was only in dorms for two years) were gay. I was raised much more conservatively, and hadn't met many people who I knew were gay. So when I was 18 or 19, I probably would've had trouble living with someone who was gay, because I wouldn't have trusted that they would be able to be a decent roommate and not just sneaking peeks all the time.

Obviously, I've changed a lot since those days. I'm even bi now. Heh.

 

[TheEscapist]

Speaking as someone who keeps an apartment with a gay roommate (a lesbian), I can't really fault this guy based on looking at it from his perspective and my own personal experience. I have heard too many horror stories about bad experiences with mismatched roommates to say that the kid should just suck it up. You've got to be comfortable with the people you're living with and you have the right to be comfortable in the place that, for all intents and purposes, is your home for a given period of time.

We aren't in a position to know what is going through this guy's head. All we can do is make assumptions about his decision, which, at the end of the day, are just as prejudiced as the ones he made about his roommate. Only ours are less informed.

 

[A_Kefka]

I can honestly say that when it comes to living in a small room that has no private space that anything about the other person's lifestyle that makes you very uncomfortable is a legitimate issue. Maybe it shouldn't make him uncomfortable, but since it was brought up it obviously does. I haven't read the article in question, but from what was said about it it doesn't sound like the person did anything mean or derogatory, just wasn't comfortable rooming with a homosexual and wanted to get a different room. He didn't harass or attack this person, or try to force him to move, but asked to move himself. This sounds like an appropriate response (again, with anything that makes you uncomfortable, from your roommate being gay to him being straight and just having sex in the room all the time so you can't use it, to him jsut being a slob). It bothered him so he tried to leave the situation.

 

[gloriann]

Let me add something I may have missed earlier: the two roommates haven't yet met, nor have they even tried to live together. The guy in question found out via facebook that his new roomie is gay.

If they guy's a jerk, a slob, inconsiderate, whatever, fine, move out... but they haven't even met yet.

 

[quimsical]

Hopefully these first year college students will just work it out between themselves, arriving at rules about what's acceptable and what's not. I wonder if the dorm's RA (Resident Assistant) can use this brouhaha to give a small talk about getting along to the incoming floor in the dorm?

 

[ImOnIt]

If its an ordinary guy who is gay, then the unhappy room-mate can cry more and maybe leave.

If its a flamboyant/attenttion whore/dramatic prima donna gay dude who is acting plain unsociable, then the roommate is probably quite justified in wanting out.

Sensitivity goes both ways. Who even knows, theres hardly any information to go by.

 

[Bystander]

I wonder if the homophobic guy thinks that just cause his roomie is gay he will get jumped on by him in the middle of night or something and end up turning him gay too? I'm only half kidding.

 

[Wyldfire]

I wonder if the homophobic guy thinks that just cause his roomie is gay he will get jumped on by him in the middle of night or something and end up turning him gay too? I'm only half kidding.

For the part that isn't kidding, get a fucking life! Dude's got a right to be comfortable in his living condition! He did everything by the book on this from what I've read about it.

I myself am Bi. I don't think a seriously straight should have to put aside their beliefs. I also feel that if the roles were reversed there would be a hue and cry from the gay community that there was abuse and bigotry at hand! How dare the homophobic society force a gay person to room with a straight! The gay rights folk are some of the craziest there are out there.

Come on folks, use some sense here.

 

[Wyldfire]

Hopefully these first year college students will just work it out between themselves, arriving at rules about what's acceptable and what's not. I wonder if the dorm's RA (Resident Assistant) can use this brouhaha to give a small talk about getting along to the incoming floor in the dorm?

Thank you!

 

[Wyldfire]

Let me add something I may have missed earlier: the two roommates haven't yet met, nor have they even tried to live together. The guy in question found out via facebook that his new roomie is gay.

If they guy's a jerk, a slob, inconsiderate, whatever, fine, move out... but they haven't even met yet.

And moving away from home isn't traumatic enough? Come on, if the guy's straight and homophobic, do you really want to add that to the stress of moving away from home?

Now to be fair, think about the gay guy. Do you want him to be put under the added stress of having to be anything but what he is on top of the stress that all kids have when they make such a serious change in lifestyle as moving off on their own?

If either is uncomfortable with the idea, then they should be accommodated.

 

[gloriann]

What I'm getting from all this is that it's ok with you (people in the GLBT forum, which, except for a couple of threads, is a complete joke, honestly) to be homophobic.

When I went to school, I had no choice in roommates; I filled out a little questionnaire and they put me with who they put me with. I'm assuming that this school functions in much the same way. If the questionnaires match, then the two are similar enough to at least give it a try.

 

[Etoile]

What I'm getting from all this is that it's ok with you (people in the GLBT forum, which, except for a couple of threads, is a complete joke, honestly) to be homophobic.

That's what I'm seeing in this thread, too. Quite frankly, I'm surprised to see the responses here.

 

[TheEscapist]

What I'm getting from all this is that it's ok with you (people in the GLBT forum, which, except for a couple of threads, is a complete joke, honestly) to be homophobic.

When I went to school, I had no choice in roommates; I filled out a little questionnaire and they put me with who they put me with. I'm assuming that this school functions in much the same way. If the questionnaires match, then the two are similar enough to at least give it a try.

I'm not going to defend homophobia.

However, at what point does demanding that someone think and feel a certain way become appropriate? Doesn't that violate our own convictions in the defense of personal freedom? Doesn't that crossover into the same territory as moralizers who condemn the thought and behavior of others?

Respect of differences goes both ways, I'm afraid. Even when you don't approve of the other individual's feelings or opinions.

 

[none2_none2]

I'm not going to defend homophobia.

However, at what point does demanding that someone think and feel a certain way become appropriate? Doesn't that violate our own convictions in the defense of personal freedom? Doesn't that crossover into the same territory as moralizers who condemn the thought and behavior of others?

Respect of differences goes both ways, I'm afraid. Even when you don't approve of the other individual's feelings or opinions.

I think the point of what bothered the original writer point is that there is a badge of honor for being into diversity and that one can still claim that smug superiority even if they want to discriminate against gays. If your into diversity, then fine. If you cannot stand gays, then cut the crap about claiming to be opened minded and into diversity.

I don't claim to be the Mother Theresa of diversity, so if I had to have a roommate (was single or broke) you would bet I'd be picky. Assuming I didn't have the opportunity to know the individual and had to rely on past experiences:

I'd be open to a mature acting female roommate. As for males, I would choose an undersexed male of any persuasion. I don't want the driveway to turn into another adult bookstore parking lot. If I just HAD to know the sexuality of a male roommate (again roommate -- not lover or f-buddy), my order of preference would be: a non-campy, non-in-your-face homosexual male, then a heterosexual male. It would be a tie for last place between bisexual males & campy homosexual males. I cannot relate to campy gay males. I've known enough of them to know they WANT to act that way to get attention. As to bisexual males, they tend to be rather arrogant in my experiences. If they find out you aren't 100% straight, they just assume you want their cock whenever they hit a dry spell. (By bisexual, I don't mean people who are capable of loving someone regardless of gender. I mean people (mainly guys) who demand to get off and don't care who it is with.
Or they have some weird cock fetish where they pine for a penis as if you are obligated to go find one for them if you aren't interested. I had two room mates that were that way, and I wish I hadn't been forced to room with them. )

 

[TheEscapist]

I think the point of what bothered the original writer point is that there is a badge of honor for being into diversity and that one can still claim that smug superiority even if they want to discriminate against gays. If your into diversity, then fine. If you cannot stand gays, then cut the crap about claiming to be opened minded and into diversity.

I really dislike that attitude, myself. It is best typified by people who claim to be open-minded, but are only saying that as a disclaimer before they say something bigoted. "Diversity" as it is promoted today generally falls into the same trap.

 

[gloriann]

I think the last two posts summed up my feelings pretty well. While I certainly allow anyone their opinions, no matter how I may feel about it, it's irksome to hear how strongly people feel about acceptance, but single out something or someone about which to be unaccepting.

 

[Etoile]

Those of you who are okay with this kid's behavior - what if he didn't want a black roommate? He doesn't have to know the person AT ALL. But let's say he found his picture on Facebook, saw his roommate was black, and wanted to change his room assignment. How would that be any different from this situation?

 

[Wyldfire]

If there were a moral standpoint that is held as valid I would say the same thing as with the gay room mate.

This is exactly the same crap Miss California got put through. He's against gays so he must be clumped in with the racists and the other evil.

Get over it people. Everyone has the right to their moral views.

Here's my point, if you knew you're room mate to be was a serial rapist would you ask for a room change? This is the exact same point of view that's being espoused as wrong.

 

[gloriann]

It's not the same thing at all. We're not talking about putting your personal safety at risk, or anyone else's, this is talking about simply getting to know another individual.

 

[Etoile]

If there were a moral standpoint that is held as valid I would say the same thing as with the gay room mate.

This is exactly the same crap Miss California got put through. He's against gays so he must be clumped in with the racists and the other evil.

Get over it people. Everyone has the right to their moral views.

Here's my point, if you knew you're room mate to be was a serial rapist would you ask for a room change? This is the exact same point of view that's being espoused as wrong.

This doesn't answer my question. How is preferring not to be placed with a gay roommate any different from preferring not to be placed with a black roommate? They are either both morally defensible, or both morally indefensible.

 

[sugaredwalls]

Those of you who are okay with this kid's behavior - what if he didn't want a black roommate? He doesn't have to know the person AT ALL. But let's say he found his picture on Facebook, saw his roommate was black, and wanted to change his room assignment. How would that be any different from this situation?

A very good point and also, if the gay roommate proclaimed to the straight one, "gee, I don't think this is going to work out, I'm uncomfortable with your heterosexuality". People would think that completely absurd.

Straight people never have to answer to their sexual preferences or be questioned about it, so why do gay people get that crap?

It's about equal rights, and being treated equally. It was prejudiced and judgmental for the person to want to switch before they even got to know the gay person.

 

[Safe_Bet]

if you knew you're room mate to be was a serial rapist would you ask for a room change? This is the exact same point of view that's being espoused as wrong.

WTF?????

Well, gee, thanks for equating sexual orientation with serial rape!

 

[Palba_Noruda]

If its an ordinary guy who is gay, then the unhappy room-mate can cry more and maybe leave.

If its a flamboyant/attenttion whore/dramatic prima donna gay dude who is acting plain unsociable, then the roommate is probably quite justified in wanting out.

Sensitivity goes both ways. Who even knows, theres hardly any information to go by.

What about the flamboyant/attention whore/dramatic prima donna assholes like you?!

I think the point of what bothered the original writer point is that there is a badge of honor for being into diversity and that one can still claim that smug superiority even if they want to discriminate against gays. If your into diversity, then fine. If you cannot stand gays, then cut the crap about claiming to be opened minded and into diversity.

I don't claim to be the Mother Theresa of diversity, so if I had to have a roommate (was single or broke) you would bet I'd be picky. Assuming I didn't have the opportunity to know the individual and had to rely on past experiences:

I'd be open to a mature acting female roommate. As for males, I would choose an undersexed male of any persuasion. I don't want the driveway to turn into another adult bookstore parking lot. If I just HAD to know the sexuality of a male roommate (again roommate -- not lover or f-buddy), my order of preference would be: a non-campy, non-in-your-face homosexual male, then a heterosexual male. It would be a tie for last place between bisexual males & campy homosexual males. I cannot relate to campy gay males. I've known enough of them to know they WANT to act that way to get attention. As to bisexual males, they tend to be rather arrogant in my experiences. If they find out you aren't 100% straight, they just assume you want their cock whenever they hit a dry spell. (By bisexual, I don't mean people who are capable of loving someone regardless of gender. I mean people (mainly guys) who demand to get off and don't care who it is with.
Or they have some weird cock fetish where they pine for a penis as if you are obligated to go find one for them if you aren't interested. I had two room mates that were that way, and I wish I hadn't been forced to room with them. )

This post doesn't even make sense. Did you mean "I would NOT choose an undersexed male of any persuasion?"

Could you please define "weird cock fetish?" Would that encompass anybody who likes to suck dick? Is that like saying 99% of straight men have a weird tit fetish?

As for your experiences with gay and bisexual men... Do you want attention? Are you arrogant? Do you want cock?

If there were a moral standpoint that is held as valid I would say the same thing as with the gay room mate.

This is exactly the same crap Miss California got put through. He's against gays so he must be clumped in with the racists and the other evil.

Get over it people. Everyone has the right to their moral views.

Here's my point, if you knew you're room mate to be was a serial rapist would you ask for a room change? This is the exact same point of view that's being espoused as wrong.

Seriously?

 

[Wyldfire]

WTF?????

Well, gee, thanks for equating sexual orientation with serial rape!

Same right back at you in regards to having one's right to believe as they wish taken away from them. Real happy to see the Mind Police starting up.