Punishment and Confession

[YourCaptor]

A question to those submissive.

In a relationship that freely utilizes punishment, does it promote or discourage the confession of something that will without doubt greatly upset your PYL?

 

[CutieMouse]

As wishy washy as it may sound, a lot would depend on how emotionally healthy the relationship was.

The happier I am [generally speaking] in the relationship, the harder it is for me to avoid my penitent streak and more likely I am to want/need punishment/discipline for XYZ failing; the closer to miserable I become, the more likely I am to commit the sin of omission and get pissed off at the whole idea of punishment, period.

 

[graceanne]

I'm a blabber mouth.

I might plan on not telling K something, but it will eventually come out.

 

[Hisbeauty]

As i am a perfectionist (and working on becoming less of one) i find it hard to admit a failing. i can punish myself harder than Sir can.

With that said, if a failing is not confessed, then all my Tenants of Submission (Respect, Honesty, Trust, and Obedience) are broken by me. i am not respecting Sir by not admitting a fault, i am not being honest, i am not trusting Him to be fair and humane in punishment, and i am not being obedient, as He has told me to tell Him. i am not practicing integrity, or anything else i wish to be as a submissive.

i still quake in my boots at times because i think it is a much bigger deal than it really is. i tend to make mountains out of molehills.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I confess no matter what simply because I can't lie. Especially not to him. I can't even avoid confessing.

So punishment reminds me not to do something I will have to confess. I haven't had to be punished in a couple of years and I hope it remains that way.

 

[eastern sun]

A question to those submissive.

In a relationship that freely utilizes punishment, does it promote or discourage the confession of something that will without doubt greatly upset your PYL?

I imagine it would depend on the people involved. Others have already stated that they'll end up confessing, no matter what.

But in my own relationship, periods of heavy punishment have usually succeeded in shutting me up, but not necessarily changing the underlying behavior.

I'm more likely to confess (the really big stuff) when the internal pressure is greater than the external pressure.

 

[rosco rathbone]

My take is that confession>punishment>cleansing expiation>happiness and balance.

Sins unconfessed and unatoned-for rankle and fester.

The CHurch has known this for ever.

 

[the captians wench]

I confess no matter what simply because I can't lie. Especially not to him. I can't even avoid confessing.

So punishment reminds me not to do something I will have to confess. I haven't had to be punished in a couple of years and I hope it remains that way.

This is me. I am so terrible at lying that he's given me pointers on it a few times to keep work from taking advantage of me.

I also have a bit of gracie in me too. I've done this since I was a child. When I do something wrong I run and tell some one right away.

I also have a terrible issue with guilt. So I have to tell right away, the guilt just eats at me too much.

 

[bakedbeams]

As others have said, I too am a Bean Spiller. If I think I've done something wrong I am so mortified that I HAVE to fess up

The punishment I give myself trying to hold something in, is far greater than any he could give.

 

[Kajira Callista]

My take is that confession>punishment>cleansing expiation>happiness and balance.

Sins unconfessed and unatoned-for rankle and fester.

The CHurch has known this for ever.

*fans self*

 

[Keroin]

A question to those submissive.

In a relationship that freely utilizes punishment, does it promote or discourage the confession of something that will without doubt greatly upset your PYL?

Nope.

 

[ownedsubgal]

A question to those submissive.

In a relationship that freely utilizes punishment, does it promote or discourage the confession of something that will without doubt greatly upset your PYL?

this is a difficult question to answer really. my first instinct is to say "neither," because if i did something wrong or bad, or messed up in some way, it is just my nature to confess to my Mate, that is how i have always been.

but the fact that there is a punishment dynamic in this household does make confession a bit easier. i know that the issue will be directly confronted, discussed, resolved and paid for. then the air is cleared and you can move on with life in a positive frame of mind, something that is just not possible for me without punishment.

 

[graceanne]

This is me. I am so terrible at lying that he's given me pointers on it a few times to keep work from taking advantage of me.

I'm actually a good liar - I grew up in a household where the state of your ass was defendant on your ability to judge moods and lie appropriately. What was OK one day might not be the next.

I also have a bit of gracie in me too. I've done this since I was a child. When I do something wrong I run and tell some one right away.

I don't know why I do this with K, but it takes a lot of effort to keep any secret from him. I have to constantly remind myself not to tell - and that includes secrets that don't involve transgressions. Secrets that friends tell me and stuff.

I only have this problem with K, too. *shrugs*

 

[YourCaptor]

Majority of responses come from compulsive confessors. What about the rest of you, don't want the truth out?

Hmm, well, to stimulate discussion. Knowing myself, theoretically punishment would just cheapen the deal, decreasing the likely hood of a confession.

So what would you do theoretically?

Nope.

What do you mean nope, you can't just say nope.

"you prefer vanilla or strawberry?"
"nope"

Thats does not compute.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Majority of responses come from compulsive confessors.

well YC, you did ask the question of submissives...as a general rule we seek to please.

 

[intothewoods]

I didn't answer because my PYL doesn't do punishment. I like to be open and honest, so I do tell my PYL if I've made a mistake or forgot to do something. I really can't think of anything I've needed to confess to him though.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I didn't answer because my PYL doesn't do punishment. I like to be open and honest, so I do tell my PYL if I've made a mistake or forgot to do something. I really can't think of anything I've needed to confess to him though.

Always interesting to see how other people make things work.

I was hopeless at relationships until I discovered punishment.

 

[intothewoods]

Always interesting to see how other people make things work.

I was hopeless at relationships until I discovered punishment.

I think mine puts that into the bdsm protocol category and is just not interested. He really doesn't plan play, or assignments, or orders ahead of time. It's like, gee, I want x right now, so get upstairs/go get it etc. There have been times where there's been an aspect of releasing some aggression towards me, but if he's really pissed off then he'd rather just be left alone for a while.

ETA - so what does punishment do for you, rosco?

 

[ownedsubgal]

I think mine puts that into the bdsm protocol category and is just not interested. He really doesn't plan play, or assignments, or orders ahead of time. It's like, gee, I want x right now, so get upstairs/go get it etc. There have been times where there's been an aspect of releasing some aggression towards me, but if he's really pissed off then he'd rather just be left alone for a while.

intothewoods, so what happens when you just plain make a mistake, step somewhat out of line, or fail to please him in some way?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I think mine puts that into the bdsm protocol category and is just not interested. He really doesn't plan play, or assignments, or orders ahead of time. It's like, gee, I want x right now, so get upstairs/go get it etc. There have been times where there's been an aspect of releasing some aggression towards me, but if he's really pissed off then he'd rather just be left alone for a while.

ETA - so what does punishment do for you, rosco?

It allows me to release anger and stress in a controlled safe way, so that I don't build it up (which is my natural tendency). I'm the "keep it all in , then blow up" type without some kind of safety valve.

It's not part of kinky play with me, like "The Secretary" or whatever.

 

[intothewoods]

It allows me to release anger and stress in a controlled safe way, so that I don't build it up (which is my natural tendency). I'm the "keep it all in , then blow up" type without some kind of safety valve.

It's not part of kinky play with me, like "The Secretary" or whatever.

In my mind, punishment is: pyl did x, thereby violating my rule or pissing me off or mutually agreed upon rules or whatever the deal is, and now I will dole out this bad thing that the pyl hates in order to deter pyl from repeating said action in the future (or because pyl deserves it, or because pyl gets a release from it, again, whatever). Are you releasing anger and stress towards her, life or both?

Mine definitely does spanking/belt/paddle to release stress/anger/aggression, but it's not typically prompted by anything I did per se.

 

[rosco rathbone]

In my mind, punishment is: pyl did x, thereby violating my rule or pissing me off or mutually agreed upon rules or whatever the deal is, and now I will dole out this bad thing that the pyl hates in order to deter pyl from repeating said action in the future (or because pyl deserves it, or because pyl gets a release from it, again, whatever). Are you releasing anger and stress towards her, life or both?

Mine definitely does spanking/belt/paddle to release stress/anger/aggression, but it's not typically prompted by anything I did per se.

No, it's in the context of "you know damn well that pisses me off no end when you do it, but you do it anyway" or sometimes, "I told you never to do that again". So I guess it could be put in your abstracted terms, but it definitely doesn't feel rigid or rule bound and it's not really about changing behavior with me.

It's not anger towards life I'm releasing, it's specific interpersonal pissed-offness. Back before I discovered BDSM (irony) I had no recourse.

 

[intothewoods]

No, it's in the context of "you know damn well that pisses me off no end when you do it, but you do it anyway" or sometimes, "I told you never to do that again". So I guess it could be put in your abstracted terms, but it definitely doesn't feel rigid or rule bound and it's not really about changing behavior with me.

It's not anger towards life I'm releasing, it's specific interpersonal pissed-offness. Back before I discovered BDSM (irony) I had no recourse.

Eh, well, give us a few years.

 

[Netzach]

We also don't do punishment.

I'm considerably *less* transparent with punishments. I clam up, tighten down, disengage and turn into a fairly worthless example of "yeah, well fuck YOU buddy."

Game ends. Very dull.

I do very well with *consequence.*

If I do not tidy before T comes over, we don't get to fuck in a nice, relaxing, fuck-friendly space. That's crappy enough to me that it fosters the right actions. I feel safe to discuss it, ask for help with doing it better, have no inherent desire to sabotage it.

 

[eastern sun]

No, it's in the context of "you know damn well that pisses me off no end when you do it, but you do it anyway" or sometimes, "I told you never to do that again". So I guess it could be put in your abstracted terms, but it definitely doesn't feel rigid or rule bound and it's not really about changing behavior with me.

It's not anger towards life I'm releasing, it's specific interpersonal pissed-offness. Back before I discovered BDSM (irony) I had no recourse.

I think the situation you describe is about changing behavior in the long term. Where the goal is that I really will stop doing the thing that drives him crazy, or I really will start doing the things he wishes I would do, but that I don't do regularly on my own. You need either tremendous consistency on the part of the PYL or a really long relationship to pull it off, though.