Help with Dialogue

[SMFP842]

I apologize if the is getting placed in the wrong spot, but I couldn't quiet find the right place that this post would fit.

I searched through the How-To's and was unable to locate an article for my particular issue... the sex scenes that I've written when I read them back fall a little flat. All that I have are various versions of "Ohs" and "Uh' which is incredibly boring... but I don't know how to fill it. The personal experience is lacking... I have expanded the old cliches of those that can, do. Those that can't, teach (or write).

If anyone is interested, I'd appreciate the help.

Thanks in advanced.

K.

 

[impressive]

Try incorporating all the senses, not just sight and sound. Add some metaphor (but don't get too flowery).

Then, publish it & wait for the constructive criticism (and/or applause).

 

[Darkniciad]

And if you want to hit the female half of the audience, get the emotion in there, too. That's naturally easier from the female point of view, but you can touch on it from a guy's perspective, too.

With respect to dialogue, think about the quality of the sounds. Warbling, tight-throated, rising and falling in pitch in time with what's going on, sudden, sharp explosions...

Don't be afraid to use a little creative license with your dialogue, either. You don't want to go full-blown porn movie dialogue, but a few risqué exclamations in the heat of passion can really add something to a scene.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Writing porn is like breeding thoroughbreds; the pinnacle of quality was reached long ago, and all that really changes is the name of the horse or the story.

 

[Weird Harold]

... the sex scenes that I've written when I read them back fall a little flat. All that I have are various versions of "Ohs" and "Uh' which is incredibly boring...

NEOMs aren't a "dilaogue" problem, they're a "descriptive" problem. (NEOM == Never Ending Orgasmic Moan)

You need to either give your characters some actual "dirty dialogue," as in "harder, deeper, faster!" or just describe the sounds they make without trying to "spell the unspellable sound."

 

[Stella_Omega]

My advice is; If your couple say anything with words-- write it as dialogue. If they moan or groan, describe that, using the emotions that made them make the noises. Usually, you'll get just a few words, and much description;

"God, Meg-- your ass tastes like candy." He loved the way her head went back when he nipped the smooth skin, and the whimper she made had nothing to do with pain.

 

[sr71plt]

Do it however it excites you. Chances are good there's a large enough number of readers on Literotica who will be excited by the same imaging.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do it however it excites you. Chances are good there's a large enough number of readers on Literotica who will be excited by the same imaging.

"OOOOH I'mmmm CUUUUMINNNNGGG!!!"

 

[_Lynn_]

"OOOOH I'mmmm CUUUUMINNNNGGG!!!"

Right here? Right now? From this thread? WOW!

 

[sr71plt]

Right here? Right now? From this thread? WOW!

Oh, how it excites me. I want to read more (and maybe send a check to the author).

(This to the Stella post) Again, don't be so snobbish. Read and write what you want and let others read and write what they enjoy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh, how it excites me. I want to read more (and maybe send a check to the author).

(This to the Stella post) Again, don't be so snobbish. Read and write what you want and let others read and write what they enjoy.

I'm a porn snob, I admit it!
And I admit also-- I don't know how to give generic advice, like darkniciad did; mine is about the same as his, with an example.

 

[freshface]

I'm a porn snob, I admit it!
And I admit also-- I don't know how to give generic advice, like darkniciad did; mine is about the same as his, with an example.

Well, I liked your example, and the OP was asking for specific help and advice. Generic advice is good, but some of us are still at the crawl stage and need details.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, I liked your example, and the OP was asking for specific help and advice. Generic advice is good, but some of us are still at the crawl stage and need details.

thanks!

it occurs to me I could be much more didactic, so;


"God, Meg-- your ass tastes like candy."* He loved** the way her head went back when he nipped the smooth skin,*** and the whimper**** she made had nothing to do with pain.*****

*reported dialogue-- in words
**emotional content about action
***action description
****sound described, not transcribed
*****emotional content for the sound

 

[damppanties]

thanks!

it occurs to me I could be much more didactic, so;


"God, Meg-- your ass tastes like candy."* He loved** the way her head went back when he nipped the smooth skin,*** and the whimper**** she made had nothing to do with pain.*****

*reported dialogue-- in words
**emotional content about action
***action description
****sound described, not transcribed
*****emotional content for the sound

Oh, dammit Stella, I'm cumminnnnggggggg!

 

[cloudy]

Stella makes me want to kik down the door and camed in her fas.

 

[amicus]

One suggestion, which was offered at an earlier time, is to watch and 'listen' to pornographic videos from all over the world and 'hear', what the sounds actually are. The Japanese and Russian sounds are mosting interesting...


amicus...

edited to add: I would amend that by saying that 'Homemade' or 'Amateur' would be preferable to the practiced porn stars in terms of audible clues....

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've never experienced an ass that tastes like candy. I've tasted one or two pussies that smelled like a garbage truck, and I've smoooched a few gals who tasted like ashtrays. But never candy.

 

[driphoney]

I've never experienced an ass that tastes like candy. I've tasted one or two pussies that smelled like a garbage truck, and I've smoooched a few gals who tasted like ashtrays. But never candy.

Then you have surely missed out, you poor thing. I suggest you attempt to elevate your standards!

Because some of us ...

driphoney

 

[sr71plt]

I've never experienced an ass that tastes like candy. I've tasted one or two pussies that smelled like a garbage truck, and I've smoooched a few gals who tasted like ashtrays. But never candy.

Not surprised. Probably has something to do with the women who would let you near them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Not surprised. Probably has something to do with the women who would let you near them.

*snerk* Not to mention his utter lack of sexy talking skills.

Driphoney, you sure do!

 

[Dragonlipz]

The bikini barista at the expresso stand

has nipples that arouse and a pussy that inspires:
Smells like fish - tastes like ice cream......

 

[Katyusha]

I gotta go with Stella's post...use little dialogue and much description. The "oh's" and "uh's" don't paint a picture in the reader's head. The best feedback I ever got was someone saying that he wanted to beat off three or four times reading one of my stories because of the way I described the sex scenes; he felt like he was there in the story. "Oh's" and "uh's" and "I'm cuuuummmiiinnnnnngggg" don't put the reader in the story; they feel like they're reading a cheesy half-assed porn script (although there are those who enjoy that). But if you do things like Stella suggests, your character interactions might not fall so flat.

Hope this helps.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

DRIPHONEY

The proof of the pudding is in the eating. I suspect, though, that my experiences are the usual fare.

SR71PLT

You might be surprised at my appeal.

 

[sr71plt]

SR71PLT

You might be surprised at my appeal.

Oh? What were you convicted of this time?

 

[tickledkitty]

I don't usually write a lot of dialogue in sex scenes. I think imp was right about engaging all the senses and making it more descriptive.

You might also try reading stories by some of the authors here, paying particular attention to how they handle sex scenes. I know that sounds dumb, but I think reading for pleasure is different than reading with a critical eye. Anyway, then choose whatever feels comfortable for you. Also, try reading the dialogue aloud.

My final bit of advice is to pay no attention to people like JBJ, who are not helpful at all and have no stories posted here to support their assertions of being a crackerjack writer.