How to find myself again when kid starts school?

[tenchikoi]

Our little one started his first day of school today. He's 3. Yes, he's young for it. But it's needed so he can catch up to his age group before he begins pre-school. He was born 3 months early and has had numerous health and developmental issues. But anyway, now I don't know what to do with myself. I've spent these last 3 years focusing solely on him, everything was about him. Now, he'll be gone most of the day and I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I know there's so much more to me than just being this child's nanny. His parents have been very kind to me and have offered to let me watch another child in their home. But I'm not comfortable with that and at this point I'm a little burnt out with kids for now. I think I need some me time. So what do other mothers and caregivers do once the kids start venturing out into the world? I don't know who I am anymore.

 

[ZoeBird]

I know exactly what you are going through! I did the same thing. It can be easy to go into a depression right now, which is what I did. That should be avoided if possible, obviously. What ultimately helped me was getting some enjoyable and meaningful activities outside the home that were just for me. I made a point to meet a friend once a week for lunch, I started swimming laps at the pool downtown, I got a part time job, I started working in my garden again. I just found things to do to fill up that time that were for ME. At first it was hard because I felt depressed and I didn't want to do anything. I guess it was a "fake it til you make it" kind of deal. But now I have come to enjoy my "me" time a lot. Of course, I still love having my family all around on holidays and weekends too. But I have a balance now that I can enjoy my own personal time when my family is gone from the house all day.

 

[Ryeman]

Maybe I shouldn't comment 'cos I'm not a Mum. Never will be 'cos I aint got the bits and bobs. But...of course there is more to you than being a mother! I think you already know that and see this as positive time, a time to explore who YOU are, but perhaps not knowing where to begin (which assumes an end?) is a hinderance? Maybe a book like 'The Artists Way' might be in order. And thanks for being open.

 

[ZoeBird]

Maybe a book like 'The Artists Way' might be in order.

Oh wow, that is SO weird...I was going to suggest the same book but didn't because I didn't know if she was into creating art of any kind. I was just thinking to myself "I need to get that book back from my friend who borrowed it". How weird! lol

Maybe it's a sign - read the book! LOL

 

[Ryeman]

What's really weird is that you, Zoebird, read my post within minutes of posting....yeah..get the book back... LOL xx

 

[ZoeBird]

What's really weird is that you, Zoebird, read my post within minutes of posting....yeah..get the book back... LOL xx

I clicked on this thread and read your post AS I was thinking about getting that book back from my friend. Trippy! lol It's definitely a sign, read the book tenchikoi!!!

 

[tenchikoi]

Maybe I shouldn't comment 'cos I'm not a Mum. Never will be 'cos I aint got the bits and bobs. But...of course there is more to you than being a mother! I think you already know that and see this as positive time, a time to explore who YOU are, but perhaps not knowing where to begin (which assumes an end?) is a hinderance? Maybe a book like 'The Artists Way' might be in order. And thanks for being open.

Yes, I am a very artsy/creative sort. I've been considering taking up my sketching again. I may read the book anyway if I can find it.

 

[Ryeman]

http://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Spiritual-Creativity-Workbook/dp/0874776945 there you go!

 

[tenchikoi]

http://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Spiritual-Creativity-Workbook/dp/0874776945 there you go!

Thank you!

 

[SassySally]

You should find other mothers and do things together. I have one friend that picked up a part-time job during the day.

 

[tenchikoi]

You should find other mothers and do things together. I have one friend that picked up a part-time job during the day.

Yes, I've applied for several already. But they seem to only want afternoon workers for now.

 

[bailadora]

So what do other mothers and caregivers do once the kids start venturing out into the world? I don't know who I am anymore.

*raises hand* I've resembled this remark. When my middle child went off to pre-k and before I had my youngest child, I experienced that same lost feeling. A point in your favor is that you recognize you need to reconnect with who you are outside of the caregiver role. Take some time to indulge in the things you loved to do in the past, but haven't had or made time for and see if they still resonate with you. Enroll in new classes or volunteer with local programs to discover and explore new passions. You'll soon find yourself busy and fulfilled. Best of luck to you.

 

[tenchikoi]

*raises hand* I've resembled this remark. When my middle child went off to pre-k and before I had my youngest child, I experienced that same lost feeling. A point in your favor is that you recognize you need to reconnect with who you are outside of the caregiver role. Take some time to indulge in the things you loved to do in the past, but haven't had or made time for and see if they still resonate with you. Enroll in new classes or volunteer with local programs to discover and explore new passions. You'll soon find yourself busy and fulfilled. Best of luck to you.

I've decided to enroll in an on-line class. I've always wanted to complete my education, having never gotten the chance to attend college. I'm also going to pick up my art again and read all those books I kept meaning to get to. I hope I'm not being too selfish.

 

[bailadora]

Good for you and no, you are not being selfish.