Help Guys! I need Advice!

[Mel_Loves_Jess]

I'm very much in love with my bf of over a year (can't u tell by my username?) and I am wondering..how do I..well...introduce the idea that I don't just want him to be rough in bed, but that I want him to be my Master? Over the course of our relationship, I've been able to lure him to the "dark side" by having him do breath control, choking, slapping, hair pulling, dirty talk, etc, . Recently, he's starting spanking/slapping me for "talking back", going so far as to not allow me on furniture until I "behave" ("Act like a bitch and u get treated like a bitch" he says.) <swoon!!!> It's never in an ACTUAL abusive way, and I've let him know thats how I like it, but how do I let him know that nothing turns my crank more than the thought of him as my Master? Tap dancing Christ, I want him to control me...dammit, how do I go about ALL of this??? Of course, I would not want to do anything that makes him uncomfortable, but how would I know unless I ask? I'm just terribly shy about asking for this, and need advice on how to broach the subject.

Yours
The "Mel" in Mel_Loves_Jes

 

[SweetErika]

I'd suggest summoning your courage and talking to him, but maybe it'd help if you wrote your thoughts down to use for reference or in a letter that you could read to him.

However you decide to communicate your desires, I'd recommend being clear on what you mean by "Master," i.e., what would that role likely entail for him, how it would make you feel, what you have to offer him as a sub/slave, etc.

If he agrees to give it a shot (you might even ask him to do so for a month or two, then you both can evaluate how it's going then, so he has an "out" if it's not his thing), you might ask him to go through a BDSM checklist with you so you can both get ideas on each others interests.

 

[seflamaster]

Get yourself some bondage videos and show them to him.

Meet him for dinner with a collar on and tell you are his slave to do with as he wishes.

If you live alone invite him for dinner meet him at the door nude on your knees. Have your toys on a tray and hand it to him as he comes in.

Like more get in touch!

 

[myinnerslut]

Get yourself some bondage videos and show them to him.

Meet him for dinner with a collar on and tell you are his slave to do with as he wishes.

If you live alone invite him for dinner meet him at the door nude on your knees. Have your toys on a tray and hand it to him as he comes in.

Like more get in touch!

i disagree. while some of these ideas are hot, i think they will ultimately just say "playtime" and not "i want you to be my master"

i think your best bet is simply to talk to him. as sweeterica has mentioned, you dont have to do it in person if you think it will be too tough. try sending him an e-mail or writing a letter. with both of those ways you can edit your words before you share them. if you do decide to talk in person, i find that not looking directly at his face will help, as will asking him not to inturrut you once you start and just letting you ramble a bit.

 

[Primalex]

It's never in an ACTUAL abusive way, and I've let him know thats how I like it, but how do I let him know that nothing turns my crank more than the thought of him as my Master?

Ever thought about the idea that he already is?

 

[Kikori]

Talking directly is the best solution. If he's already that much in control of you during playtime, it shouldn't be hard to tell him you want him to be controlling when it's -not- playtime.

The only idea above I agree with from selfamaster is putting a collar on yourself. Just make sure, if you do have it on and talk to him, he recognizes it as a sign of servitude, not a horny gesture.

 

[Zoots_owner]

Last night I promised the OP some comments on this after I'd had a chance to sleep & think it over a little...

I like the suggestions here, and agree that the discussion (whether verbal or written) should be happening soon. The only significant addition I can think of to make to what's already been said is the idea that you might want to draw up a simple, short term contract* and offer it to him. Slave for a day, or a few days. Give him a chance to try it on and see if it fits. I'm thinking that you might be ready for a more detailed, long-term, negotiated contract after that.




---
*Google "slave contract" and you'll find dozens of examples to look at.

 

[WickedEve]

Over the course of our relationship, I've been able to lure him to the "dark side" by having him do breath control, choking, slapping, hair pulling, dirty talk, etc, . Recently, he's starting spanking/slapping me for "talking back", going so far as to not allow me on furniture until I "behave" ("Act like a bitch and u get treated like a bitch" he says.)

[...]

I'm just terribly shy about asking for this, and need advice on how to broach the subject.

If you've lured him into all that, then how shy can you possibly be? And if he's slapping you and treating you like a bitch, then I bet he won't find it too outrageous that you're suggesting D/s.
In my first D/s relationship, I was the one to suggest it. I had a clue he'd go for it, so I decided to... go for it.

 

[Mel_Loves_Jess]

Well, Jess HAS gotten rougher, but Master he is not... yet The disipline for talking back, though, he has done on his own, which is what makes me think HE'd enjoy it as well,,,,

 

[FurryFury]

Just talk with him. Make it clear how much you LOVE what y'all are doing now. This next step doesn't sound like it's much further down the path y'all are walking to me.

 

[Mel_Loves_Jess]

Yay!

Thank you all so much for the great advice, especially the "write him a letter" ideas. It IS easier to write things down than to say it sometimes.

But, I think you all are right. I guess I just have to put on my big girl panties and be straight up, right?

I'll let you all know how it went, and post pics to go with it! LOL

Thank ya'll again!

It's weird, I've been coming to this site for over a year, and just last night I registered to do the discussion boards...

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hand him a copy of "The Loving Dominant" by John Warren
or "Ties That Bind" by Guy Baldwin
Try "The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance" by Jack Rinella (although written from a gay male perspective your bf should find it useful).
Also by Rinella "Becoming a Slave: The Theory & Practice of Voluntary Servitude"

There are several good books ut now abut forming loving Master/slave relationships.

And don't forget getting involved in your local BDSM/Leather or M/s community. To find local Munches, email groups, and events in your area, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html

Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/

The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.

SirPaul's National Munch Page - http://phoenixdragon.dreamknight87.com/nmp.htm

Good luck!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think one of the simplest things you can do is to be more submissive and service oriented outside the bedroom. Defer to him on decisions where possible, pre-empt his needs with service like automatically refilling his drink or offering a massage if he's tired. Show him what there is to be gained in having a sub permanently at his beck and call. It shouldn't take long for him to see where you're going with this. A letter is a very good idea too though.

I am a slave, rather than a 24/7 sub. I have no safewords and no automatic rights. It's not everyone's cup of tea but it's the only perspective I can speak from so don't panic if this sounds like more than what you're seeking. D/s is whatever you two agree it to be.

Master and I became 24/7 M/s when we moved in together but it was something that we talked about a lot and tried on for size. I spent a weekend as his slave and he kind of 'worse case scenario'd' me. I had to ask permission for everything - to use the toilet, call someone on the phone, leave the house for any reason etc. During that weekend I was forbidden to utter the word 'No' or to refuse him anything he asked. I did all the cooking, chores etc and he had me perform tasks like fetching him drinks, spending an hour or two as a footstool and so on.

What this taught me was that, although there was quite a lot of playtime, to be his slave meant existing for him and performing a lot of mundane tasks that most people don't find arousing. Furthermore, I was not permitted to masturbate, to cum without permission or to utter my safeword and attempt to impose any limit on how he wanted to use me. It taught me that my pleasure would always be second to his and sometimes, his pleasure was solely my pain. I also learned what it would mean to defer to him in all things and allow him to make all the major decisions. It was good to try it on for size and have a better idea of what I was signing up for. After a few weekends and visits like this (we had an LDR before we moved in together) I signed my contract and became his slave.

I have been a slave for a year now but I still retain a lot of autonomy. Master has no interest in micro-managing my life when I'm capable of doing so myself. I manage my own finances and take care of household bills, I have a career and co-own my own business with a friend. I see my friends and family as I choose but I keep him informed and occasionally he will want me to stay at home. We are real people who live in the real world with PC public personas to maintain. He's not an asshole and asks only that I do my best for him. He does retain ultimate power of veto though. He has all my card numbers, passwords etc and if he doesn't like something in one area of my life, I have to change it. He makes the important decisions though and I do defer to him wherever he expresses a specific will.

 

[subwannabe]

I'm missing something somewhere. You got him to do breath control and choking but you're too much of a whimp to ask him to be your master?