I just can't imagine ever calling another man "Master"

[LittleJade]

I was just on the phone with my ex-sister-subbie, listening to her talk to her Master (my ex-Dom), and I just seriously cannot ever fathom calling another person Master. They want me back, and I can't fathom being part of that triangle again, and anyone else... I just... no.

I seem to wax and wane in the lifestyle- I fluctuate between being top or bottom, domme or sub... and right now, I just want no part of any of it.

Does anyone else wax and wane like this? Does anyone else get utterly turned off by the thought of submitting or topping? Why? Is it because your last or current experiences have gone or are going badly? What is it that makes you love or loathe the idea of the lifestyle, when you're waxing or waning?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I don't wax or wane... this is who I am.

*smiles and takes your hand* But it is quite all right for your journey to take you many places and teach you many things.

And I think you could call someone Master at some point. If the love and trust were there.

 

[BiBunny]

I was just on the phone with my ex-sister-subbie, listening to her talk to her Master (my ex-Dom), and I just seriously cannot ever fathom calling another person Master. They want me back, and I can't fathom being part of that triangle again, and anyone else... I just... no.

I seem to wax and wane in the lifestyle- I fluctuate between being top or bottom, domme or sub... and right now, I just want no part of any of it.

Does anyone else wax and wane like this? Does anyone else get utterly turned off by the thought of submitting or topping? Why? Is it because your last or current experiences have gone or are going badly? What is it that makes you love or loathe the idea of the lifestyle, when you're waxing or waning?

Yes.

There ain't never going to be another Master for me. Sorry. BTDT, not going back.

I'm finding I like the Domme side better, anyhow. I think I'm going the way of Netzach.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'm finding I like the Domme side better, anyhow. I think I'm going the way of Netzach.

Oh holy shit!

I have times when I enjoy my submission less and days when I wish I could tell him to shut the fuck up or bugger off and leave me alone. As we're TPE I don't get to opt out when I'm not feeling particularly submissive or service oriented and sometimes I really wish I could. These moments pass though and are usually more to do with existential issues than any kind of genuine dissatisfaction with my chosen place.

I do wonder if I'll end up jaded or reach submission saturation point and go on strike. Sometimes Master is inconsiderate or makes a decision that impacts negatively on me and I have such a desire to do an 'I bloody told you so!' dance. I guess if either of us ends up truly unhappy with our dynamic we'll have to sit down and have a re-think and I'm sure a compromise could be reached.

I've never had any desire to top another or switch so that's not an issue for me and probably why I'm so secure and content in my chosen dynamic. I do feel from reading the boards that switchy types have to do more soul searching before they find partner/s and dynamic/s that work for them.

 

[sexycaz22]

At the beginning of my journey about a year ago (bloody hell, have it been a year already???) I thought I was a submissive, throughly and through. Now I am a switch, but I see myself as a Domme, more than as a bottom.

For a while, I struggled with my feelings, like would I really want to submit fully, to one Dom? Would I be really happy being a sub? And then all of suddenly, I found myself wondering about Domming, and decided to give it a go, and I found myself loving it.

That is when I came to realise, that even though I love to be spanked and flogged, I don't see myself submitting to others, doing other things, doing what the Dom tell me, outside of the bedroom. So, I call myself a bottom in that area, and I make it clear in my profiles that I do not want to submit fully or whatever.

However, as a Domme, I find it a big turn on if I have boys submitting to me, to see them on their knees, bowing in front of me, and me controlling every movement they make. (within reasonable limits, and agreed beforehand, of course!)

I am very happy now, having made the decision. However, I do miss being on a bottom, as I don't have a regular Top....yet! lol

 

[kinkyknickers]

You're making me think.... But I can't put it into words... maybe later.

 

[minx1]

I seem to wax and wane in the lifestyle- and right now, I just want no part of any of it.

Does anyone else wax and wane like this? Does anyone else get utterly turned off by the thought of submitting or topping? Why? Is it because your last or current experiences have gone or are going badly? What is it that makes you love or loathe the idea of the lifestyle, when you're waxing or waning?

I can relate to this very well at the moment. I haven't felt my submissive self for a while; perhaps because I haven't had the opportunity to be that lately and also no doubt due to my present circumstances and the numerous things that have happened of late.

Its stange because part of me misses it so very much and longs for my D to take control of me again and the other part just like you, doesn't want it.

At the moment I both love it and loathe it for a number of reasons not least the position I find myself in; for being here, for trusting as I have never trusted before, for serving, for sacrifices I have made, for giving myself so completely and discovering this 'new' part of me . For all those reasons today in equal measures I love it and loathe it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. And yes, I get days when I crave it and days where the thought of it makes my blood boil or at worst inspires feelings of disinterest. Why? For me it usually has to be caused by a prolonged situation (think weeks/months as opposed to hours or days) which just does not result in me feeling good about me in one way or another and which is not acknowledged or dealt with. Fortunately or unfortunately it is part of who we are and it has to be worked through. For you it may move to a more accepting place with time.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

A couple years ago, all I could think about was being TPE and anything less just would not satisfy me. Infact that cause one of the very few fights Jounar and I have had. After a while tho, and actually after another fight between him and myself, I had decided that I didn't want the complete control of TPE. I like being able to tell him, "you are being an arse right now" and having the issue addressed then and there. I feel this is healthier for me because I tend to bottle feelings up until they explode. And he incourages me to speak my mind, what ever is on it, and let him know what I feel is better for me. Now that doesn't mean that I always get my way. Infact most of the time I hear "tough " as the responce to my "but I'm tired" or sleeping or what ever. Still I have the op to say those things and that's what's important to me.

When I am going thru particularly stressful times at work, all I want to do is go back to that little slave that had no choice in anything (different relationship that didn't last). Jounar can get me thru that, but after the period is over we go back to our witty wize cracks and banter.

I some times wonder which way it would be if I was there all of the time. Would he keep me under toe 24/7 or would he allow his cheeky bitch to play as much as she does now? Something tells me I'd be just as much a smart ass as ever.....it'd just be red a lot more often.

 

[LittleJade]

For me it usually has to be caused by a prolonged situation (think weeks/months as opposed to hours or days) which just does not result in me feeling good about me in one way or another and which is not acknowledged or dealt with.

I think this may be a big part of what it is for me, right now... things just ended with a submissive that I adored. I love him to pieces but it just wasn't working... and I just... I hadn't felt good about myself, in that relationship for quite a while... and I haven't felt good about myself, independently of that relationship for a while.

Life's too bloody stressful right now... I need a break from it all...

 

[LittleJade]

I don't wax or wane... this is who I am.

*smiles and takes your hand* But it is quite all right for your journey to take you many places and teach you many things.

And I think you could call someone Master at some point. If the love and trust were there.

Thank you, EG. *smile*

 

[catalina_francisco]

Life's too bloody stressful right now... I need a break from it all...

LOL, I have days when I just want the merry go round to stop and let me off and pick me up later after I've had time to run free in a few fields of wildflowers with lots on cute critters to hug. Then reality bites.

Catalina

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I had decided that I didn't want the complete control of TPE. I like being able to tell him, "you are being an arse right now" and having the issue addressed then and there. I feel this is healthier for me because I tend to bottle feelings up until they explode.

Obviously I can only speak from my own experience but I'm not forced to bottle things unhealthily. I would have to edit 'arrogant arse' into something that falls within the bounds of respect but I am able to bring issues up as they arise. Of course, even if I bring an issue up, he's not obliged to change his mind on anything. If he back-pedalled whenever I questioned him, my respect for him would suffer anyway. I know that he has our wellbeing both as a couple and as individuals at heart so I stand by his mistakes as well as his successes. I would not be able to live in a situation where I was oppressed or my feelings weren't sought and considered.

I some times wonder which way it would be if I was there all of the time. Would he keep me under toe 24/7 or would he allow his cheeky bitch to play as much as she does now? Something tells me I'd be just as much a smart ass as ever.....it'd just be red a lot more often.

Master loathes any form of micromanagement as he considers it to be 'serving the slave' in many respects. I could not have given myself to a micromanager anyway. It always makes me feel like I'm not trusted to serve well of my own volition and I like being able to show initiative and assign myself tasks that (being a typical man) he wouldn't even consider.

I don't raise my voice to him, I don't swear at him and I don't argue with him. Outside of that, I speak freely to Master and we banter just as much as we ever did. He knew I was a cheeky, sammy-assed bitch when we met and it's one of the things he loves about me - in moderation.

Occasionally, if tension has built between us for any reason, Master will instruct me to say what I really think. I always have to do this without hesitation, so that I don't censor my thoughts. It's often very cathartic for both of us and I was really impressed when he first thought of it. Because I have been ordered to speak freely, it doesn't feel like I'm being disrespectful or taking off my slave hat and cheating on the dynamic. There are always ways around things. We are real people with real issues and we're reasonable in our expectations of one another.

 

[the captians wench]

Obviously I can only speak from my own experience but I'm not forced to bottle things unhealthily. I would have to edit 'arrogant arse' into something that falls within the bounds of respect but I am able to bring issues up as they arise. Of course, even if I bring an issue up, he's not obliged to change his mind on anything. If he back-pedalled whenever I questioned him, my respect for him would suffer anyway. I know that he has our wellbeing both as a couple and as individuals at heart so I stand by his mistakes as well as his successes. I would not be able to live in a situation where I was oppressed or my feelings weren't sought and considered.



Master loathes any form of micromanagement as he considers it to be 'serving the slave' in many respects. I could not have given myself to a micromanager anyway. It always makes me feel like I'm not trusted to serve well of my own volition and I like being able to show initiative and assign myself tasks that (being a typical man) he wouldn't even consider.

I don't raise my voice to him, I don't swear at him and I don't argue with him. Outside of that, I speak freely to Master and we banter just as much as we ever did. He knew I was a cheeky, sammy-assed bitch when we met and it's one of the things he loves about me - in moderation.

Occasionally, if tension has built between us for any reason, Master will instruct me to say what I really think. I always have to do this without hesitation, so that I don't censor my thoughts. It's often very cathartic for both of us and I was really impressed when he first thought of it. Because I have been ordered to speak freely, it doesn't feel like I'm being disrespectful or taking off my slave hat and cheating on the dynamic. There are always ways around things. We are real people with real issues and we're reasonable in our expectations of one another.

As you said, expeiriences vary, and one confusing part about my experience is that while I was still involved with Jounar, I had a playmate that demanded more of me and that turned into as close to a TPE as I have ever experienced. Long story, and in the end he was an asshole, but it has left a mark on what my mind views as what TPE is, healthy or no, and i didn't mean it to say that all TPE is like that. There are enough different views on this board to see that plainly.

But while I was involved with master asshole, I was not permitted to speak freely. I was told that my feelings ment nothing, and that I needed to deal with them and not bother him with them. I was misserable, lonely, craving things he would not deem me fit for, and the whole while I was reminded that these issues which eventually lead to the ending of that relationship were not his concern.

Jounar and I have mused on the idea of what life would be like if I was there, and we have come to realize that we have different views of what TPE or even the difference between sub and slave means. And perhaps it is because of what I've experienced and what I've seen from friends, but my view of it is a lot stricter than his view. This is a issue we have discussed before, as some times he feels like he's making a point when I feel like he's not re-enforcing his position enough.

He also likes me being a smart ass, and he's also a lot more into me speaking my mind, but it's going to take time before I can see that as the same....level (for lack of a better word) that the other relationship was. Shortening this distance will help a lot as well.

 

[pink]

No, i can't say that i do. i am submissive, i can roleplay Domme but it's not who i am. i had someone not long ago, who wanted me to be his online Domme. i just couldn't do it. i felt silly when he constantly called me Mistress.

 

[Recidiva]

I'm an experimenter. I have to try new ideas and see if they work.

Sometimes that means that stricter conditions work and sometimes no conditions work. When the urge to change strikes me, even if something absolutely was the best thing for me before, I will change and I demand that my circumstances adapt with me or I will leave. However, sometimes my urges to change are destructive and shouldn't be indulged. It's hard for me to know the difference without someone else's perspective and help.

Within certain boundaries I thrive. Without boundaries at all and without allowing those boundaries to evolve, I crash and burn.

So I can't be involved in something that doesn't have organic boundaries that adapt to every day.

Anybody's title within that framework is irrelevant to me. I don't care if they want me to call them Snookiekins. If it's what I want, and that's what they want, and we're both cruising along, I'm fine with it.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

I've been top all my life, well a vanilla kind of top. I tended to lead in school, sports, work and in my personal life. More because I was willing to take the initiative. It's not like I was asking my girlfriends to call me master or anything. I'm tired of it, so I have no desire to be the top in a BDSM way. I enjoy being a sub, my actions pleasing her.

So I can totally understand how one or the other can be a turn off.

 

[Netzach]

The way of Netzach? lol....

I relate, but take it all with a grain of salt. What was it on the quiz again, seven percent sub?

I've never felt *as* good about switching with anyone other than my lover I do switch with, and if he walked out of my life, well, it would be the poorer without him, but I don't think I'd be going "ah, will I ever submit again?"

It's an exceptional cocktail of personalities and histories, and I don't really care to know if lightning's gonna strike twice.

Do I get sick of myself in general? Yes, hell yes. I think "sick of myself" sent me into a switching bender for a while there indeed, kind of a slash and burn after being SO immersed in the scene as a very constructed Domme personality for other people - kind of a chance to reject a lot of that stuff and then embrace it again and enjoy it all on my own terms - there's a lot of psychology that can be read into all this that doesn't do the sexual fun of it justice though.

 

[LittleJade]

Do I get sick of myself in general? Yes, hell yes. I think "sick of myself" sent me into a switching bender for a while there indeed, kind of a slash and burn after being SO immersed in the scene as a very constructed Domme personality for other people - kind of a chance to reject a lot of that stuff and then embrace it again and enjoy it all on my own terms - there's a lot of psychology that can be read into all this that doesn't do the sexual fun of it justice though.

Maybe this is what I'm struggling with... it rings familiar in my mind, as I read it...

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

..........

 

[*RavenC]

I could only call one man master (sir).