Got a giggle from this...

[Zeb_Carter]

The Three Little Pigs

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read ... 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?'

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, fuck me!! A talking pig!'

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

 

[MagicaPractica]

An Italian friend once told me a different version of The Three Little Pigs. It went something like this...

So, the three little pigs had built their three houses, the first of straw, the second of wood and the third of bricks.

They were all over at the first pig's house of straw one day for dinner when the Big Bad Wolf showed up.

He stood outside the little hut of straw and bellowed, "little pigs, little pigs, let me in! Or I will huff, and I will puff, and I will blow this house down!"

With that, a big black limosine pulled up and the last window zoomed down. The muzzle of a machine gun stuck out and RAT-A-TAT-TAT, it gunned the wolf down!

"Who was that?" the third little pig asked the others.

The first little pig looked smug. "Don't you know? That was the Guinea Pigs."

 

[TE999]

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest taking a basket of goodies to her grandma.

The Big Bad Wolf jumped from behind a tree onto the path in front of her.

"I'm going to eat you Little Red Riding Hood," he growled.

"Eat, eat, eat," she said angrily. "Doesn't anybody want to fuck anymore?"

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Mary, Mary quite contrary how does you garden grow...

With silver bells and cockle shells and one big fucking egg plant.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest taking a basket of goodies to her grandma.

The Big Bad Wolf jumped from behind a tree onto the path in front of her.

"I'm going to eat you Little Red Riding Hood," he growled.

"Eat, eat, eat," she said angrily. "Doesn't anybody want to fuck anymore?"

A female sergeant told me this version:

One day Little Red Riding Hood set out for Gramma's and as she trotted down the path a fox stuck his head out from behind a bush and said, "Hey Red! You'd better go right back home because the Big Bad Wolf says that he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red thong and fuck your little red socks off."

"Uh-uh," says Red, "I've got a gun!"

So she trips her way into the woods until she comes to a field of beautiful flowers where a coyote sticks his head up and hollers, "Hey Red! You'd better go right back home because the Big Bad Wolf says that he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red thong and fuck your little red socks off."

"Uh-uh," says Red, "I've got a gun!"

And so Red continues into the woods. The sky gets dark and the trees get closer together together and a bear looks out of his cave and says, "Hey Red! You'd better go right back home because the Big Bad Wolf says that he's going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red thong and fuck your little red socks off."

"Uh-uh," says Red, "I've got a gun!"

Finally Red arrives in the deepest part of the forest. It's dark. It's scary. And suddenly the wolf jumps out into the middle of the path and says, "Get ready, honey, 'cause I'm going to lift up your little red skirt, pull down your little red thong and fuck your little red socks off."

So Little Red Riding Hood sticks her hand down into the basket and pulls out a .45 that she sticks up the wolf's nose. Then she says, "Uh-uh! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the story!"

 

[kimbalee]

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

His mom replies, 'Ok, no w tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

His mom replies, 'Ok, no w tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.

indeed!

 

[Guest]

THE WEDDING NIGHT

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think!
Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think!
Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

His mom replies, 'Ok, no w tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...

I gave him my airplane glue.

Oh my!

 

[kimbalee]

Another joke for you:

The girls are all talking at lunch and Karen announces she is going to get breast implants. Susan says to her, "You should go see Dr. Smith. I did and had great results. He gives you exercises to enhance naturally."

Karen takes the advice. Dr. Smith tells her to rub her breasts every morning saying, "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

So she starts the routine of doing this every morning... "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

She goes back to Dr. Smith so he can see her results. "I think you have increased, but want you to double your efforts." Karen agrees.

"Don't skip any exercises, or they will start to shrink," he tells her.

One morning Karen is running late and the car won't start. She has to run for the bus instead. As she gets on and finds a seat, she realizes she forgot to do her exercises this morning in her rush... so she looks around her and sees everyone resting with eyes closed. She decides to just do it... whispering softly... "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

Just then, a finger taps her shoulder and she turns around to see the man in the seat behind her.

"Excuse me ma'am," he says, "you wouldn't happen to be a patient of Dr. Smith, would you?"

She is embarassed that he heard her, but says, "Yes, I am, but how do you know?"

"Hickory, dickory, dock," he replied...

 

[Guest]

Another joke for you:

The girls are all talking at lunch and Karen announces she is going to get breast implants. Susan says to her, "You should go see Dr. Smith. I did and had great results. He gives you exercises to enhance naturally."

Karen takes the advice. Dr. Smith tells her to rub her breasts every morning saying, "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

So she starts the routine of doing this every morning... "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

She goes back to Dr. Smith so he can see her results. "I think you have increased, but want you to double your efforts." Karen agrees.

"Don't skip any exercises, or they will start to shrink," he tells her.

One morning Karen is running late and the car won't start. She has to run for the bus instead. As she gets on and finds a seat, she realizes she forgot to do her exercises this morning in her rush... so she looks around her and sees everyone resting with eyes closed. She decides to just do it... whispering softly... "Scooby, dooby, dooby... I want bigger boobies."

Just then, a finger taps her shoulder and she turns around to see the man in the seat behind her.

"Excuse me ma'am," he says, "you wouldn't happen to be a patient of Dr. Smith, would you?"

She is embarassed that he heard her, but says, "Yes, I am, but how do you know?"

"Hickory, dickory, dock," he replied...

 

[kimbalee]

A kindergartener told his teacher he passed a dead cat on his way to school.

The teacher asked, "Jimmy, how do you know it was dead? Maybe it was just sleeping."

"Nope," Jimmy told her, "I know it was dead 'cause I pissed in its ear and it didn't even move."

"You did WHAT???" the teacher asked incredulously.

"You know, I leaned down real close," he explained, "and I went 'Pssst' in it's ear and it didn't even move."

 

[Oblimo]

This is the first "dirty" joke I was ever told. I was in Kindergarten, the teller was my mom, and for a second or two I didn't get it. The next day I got in trouble at school singing it.

"Oh give me a home,
Where the Buffalo roam,
And I'll show you a house full of shit."