How do you like to hurt?

[intothewoods]

Okay, I'm back before I thought I'd be but that's all for the better. ;-)

As a hijack: that part I highlighted reminds me of my own kids. LOL I try really hard to not be the kind of mom who makes my kids feel guilty but I will show them I'm dismayed. Case in point: I make EXCELLENT spaghetti sauce. I"m not bragging. (It's a fact ;-) lol Indulge me this because I rarely brag. Mostly I'm an award winning whiner.)

And my kids will both but Tabasco sauce on it!!!! In front of me!!! Can you imagine that?

Did you ever see the Joy Luck Club movie? (I don't think this was in the book version, but I could be wrong) Remember when the white guy husband of one of the main characters says to the Chinese mother: oh, this is fantastic, it just needs a little soy sauce.

 

[FurryFury]

Did you ever see the Joy Luck Club movie? (I don't think this was in the book version, but I could be wrong) Remember when the white guy husband of one of the main characters says to the Chinese mother: oh, this is fantastic, it just needs a little soy sauce.

Yes.

LOL

Loved the book! Liked the movie.

 

[bisexualsmoker]

My little fetish aspects I generally like to keep between I and the sexual partner I'm
with.If you talk about them too much it loses it's mystique.The partner your
with should also be smart and know how to pick up on things.
Otherwise it can be a huge waste of time.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

ADR, I've been trying to figure out how to answer this thread because you've asked a tough question for me. I don't care for emotional pain at all... I'll get that one out of the way first. I've had my emotions fucked with by a former husband and former friends way too many times and I HATE that, so we don't play those games. Those are bad triggers for me.

As for physical pain... well there are two types in my world. There's the pain I have to live with from my RA... that's what I call bad pain and I don't like that stuff, but I deal with it and move on. Then there's the stuff I call good pain... like spankings and other sensation play. However here's the rub... lately I haven't been able to take as much of the good pain as I used to be able to take, although I'm getting better at it slowly but surely with "practice"...

So in answer to your question... emotional pain is a big HELL NO... physical pain is a OMG yes please! (as long as it is the good stuff... ) I hope that answers your question and sorry I took so long in responding my dear friend.

 

[Desdemona]

I want some

Okay, I'm back before I thought I'd be but that's all for the better. ;-)

As a hijack: that part I highlighted reminds me of my own kids. LOL I try really hard to not be the kind of mom who makes my kids feel guilty but I will show them I'm dismayed. Case in point: I make EXCELLENT spaghetti sauce. I"m not bragging. (It's a fact ;-) lol Indulge me this because I rarely brag. Mostly I'm an award winning whiner.)

And my kids will both but Tabasco sauce on it!!!! In front of me!!! Can you imagine that?

Will you make it for me when I get there? I promise not to put Tobasco sauce on it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The first thing I thought when I read this thread was "how many people claiming to hate emotional pain are romance junkies with long histories of exciting, chemical, high-low relationships behind them?"

I think this is a real good point.

I was talking about psychological pain (of staying with someone who 99% of the time seems to not care, etc.) and I kinda think there's something of this post in that inclination.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Will you make it for me when I get there? I promise not to put Tobasco sauce on it.

Yes I will and you will love it! ;-)

Gotta go to work... grrr. MIss you!

 

[A Desert Rose]

ADR, I've been trying to figure out how to answer this thread because you've asked a tough question for me. I don't care for emotional pain at all... I'll get that one out of the way first. I've had my emotions fucked with by a former husband and former friends way too many times and I HATE that, so we don't play those games. Those are bad triggers for me.

As for physical pain... well there are two types in my world. There's the pain I have to live with from my RA... that's what I call bad pain and I don't like that stuff, but I deal with it and move on. Then there's the stuff I call good pain... like spankings and other sensation play. However here's the rub... lately I haven't been able to take as much of the good pain as I used to be able to take, although I'm getting better at it slowly but surely with "practice"...

So in answer to your question... emotional pain is a big HELL NO... physical pain is a OMG yes please! (as long as it is the good stuff... ) I hope that answers your question and sorry I took so long in responding my dear friend.

I"m lucky in that I don't have any physical pain (unrelated to the sex part) that I need to incorperate or disregard somehow. I'm sure that's a big challenge for you, Dixie.

And quite frankly, I'm not a pain slut. Mostly, I don't enjoy it. I no longer crave it and I think that the times I did crave it, it wasn't about the pain but all about the attention I was getting.

Yep that's me... a real attentio whore.

's to you darling!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Did you ever see the Joy Luck Club movie? (I don't think this was in the book version, but I could be wrong) Remember when the white guy husband of one of the main characters says to the Chinese mother: oh, this is fantastic, it just needs a little soy sauce.

No, I've not read it or seen the movie but it's always been on my list of stuff to read.

Since you and Fury reccommend it, I guess I'll move it up on that list. ;-)

 

[Recidiva]

No, I've not read it or seen the movie but it's always been on my list of stuff to read.

Since you and Fury reccommend it, I guess I'll move it up on that list. ;-)

Great book, great movie.

I can't wait for "The Hundred Secret Senses" to be made into a movie. That book kicks my ass all round town.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The first thing I thought when I read this thread was "how many people claiming to hate emotional pain are romance junkies with long histories of exciting, chemical, high-low relationships behind them?"

I keep going back to this post. I'll be thinking about this all night now, I'm sure.

I do believe that for a lot of people (myself included) there's just a lot of truth in this. I think for the most part, I've gotten past it. I don't react to attentions by men now, like I did 10 or 15 years ago.

I know that most of the attention is wanker material. I'm not bad mouthing men with that statement because lots of men react this way and that doesn't make it wrong or mean or unseemly. How I (or anyone else) choose to react to this is really the crux of the matter.

If you know going in that you are going to be wank material, then you have no reason to expect any thing else. I think that's it... don't read anything deep or romantic into something.

And what's stopping me (or anyone else) from using men for the same thing? As long as they know from the get go what it's about, it's not a bad thing.

Is it? ;-)

 

[her_soffie]

I keep going back to this post. I'll be thinking about this all night now, I'm sure.

I do believe that for a lot of people (myself included) there's just a lot of truth in this. I think for the most part, I've gotten past it. I don't react to attentions by men now, like I did 10 or 15 years ago.

I know that most of the attention is wanker material. I'm not bad mouthing men with that statement because lots of men react this way and that doesn't make it wrong or mean or unseemly. How I (or anyone else) choose to react to this is really the crux of the matter.

If you know going in that you are going to be wank material, then you have no reason to expect any thing else. I think that's it... don't read anything deep or romantic into something.

And what's stopping me (or anyone else) from using men for the same thing? As long as they know from the get go what it's about, it's not a bad thing.

Is it? ;-)

I agree with you DR. I actually believe it can be fun and a bit of an ego boost to know you are the object of someone's erotic fantasy. But that's what it is, fantasy. And you don't read any more or less into it. Sometimes you just want to enjoy the moment.

 

[faeriefire]

<snip>...I think for the most part, I've gotten past it. I don't react to attentions by men now, like I did 10 or 15 years ago.

I know that most of the attention is wanker material. I'm not bad mouthing men with that statement because lots of men react this way and that doesn't make it wrong or mean or unseemly. How I (or anyone else) choose to react to this is really the crux of the matter.

If you know going in that you are going to be wank material, then you have no reason to expect any thing else. I think that's it... don't read anything deep or romantic into something.

And what's stopping me (or anyone else) from using men for the same thing? As long as they know from the get go what it's about, it's not a bad thing.

Is it? ;-)

*nodding* well, as far as the *ahem* wanking *wicked grin* I've seen this from both the male and female sides throughout college. There are many guys and many gals who go out looking for a good time and enjoy themselves and the hunt. There are also those who go to parties and events looking for the love of their life. It does work out sometimes and when it does more power to them. More often the marriage-minded seekers (often female at least anecdotally) end up having their expectations dashed and feelings hurt. Don't get me wrong. I don't think they should stop per se. Just that there is definite potential for heartbreak if you look for romance and happily-ever-after with a partner who's only goal is to relieve their sexual needs.

For me the whole 'using men' thing could easily turn into caring for that individual and as such I've avoided those who wanted a convenient lay where all they saw was a warm body. It's a weird place to be: intimidated by commitment, not wanting something casual. There's got to be a middle ground in there somewhere. Some of my dearest female friends are really comfortable with their sexuality and don't hesitate to share their experiences. For them sexual freedom and exploration work well and they enjoy themselves thoroughly, so no, I've realized it's not a bad thing atall. I just know that I'm one of those who can't do casual for very long before bonds start to develop.

Mostly I've been of the 'avoidance is bliss' policy, but I'm learning from talking with various folks that there are valuable lessons to be learned in the trying. Lessons that invariably aid us for the long-haul if we can see both good and bad relationships for what they are and grow in that knowledge. Hopefully then when the relationship worth fighting for comes along it can be recognized and collared

 

[zyzyg]

when we were young the games were not 'sexual' but the dom/sub paradigm was firmly established. physical pain was the motivator and pleasure for me. I also craved the public humiliation Mia would put me through.I t wasn't until I was older that our experiments began getting sexual. And Yes we were young and wise enough to keep our actions secret from parental observation, or I have no doubt many years of therapy would have ruined both of our lives.

 

[nh23]

I like some forms of physical pain, and I can tolerate most others. A lot of factors go into that, like how the other person is administering it, what kind of mood I'm in, and how often I've played lately (which affects my tolerance for it). There are some types of physical pain I love and crave, and those are the things I'm interested in dishing out to others as well. Like someone else said, it's not so much the pain itself that I'm interested in (though that's certainly nice in its own right), but the violence and the brutality when I'm on bottom.

As for emotional pain...I need it. I need it more than I need to breathe sometimes. No, it probably isn't healthy, and, yes, it does get me in trouble a lot of times. But it's a craving that never goes away. It doesn't wax and wane like my need for physical pain. There's practically never a time that I won't welcome humiliation, degradation, and just plain emotional cruelty.

Furthermore, it's not something most people are any good at, either. It's hard to convince a man that I need something more than having sexual insults hurled at me ("whore," "slut," whatever). I'm not easily humiliated or easily wounded, so I guess I run around most of the time trying to get my fix by jumping into supremely stupid situations.

That being said, it's not something I want non-stop. While it's happening, I need to believe that he means what he says. If I think he's play-acting, it kills the whole mood, and I'll laugh in his face. I have to think it's real. And him telling me the second it's over that he didn't mean any of it kills the mood, too. I need to be allowed to wallow for a little while, then loved back to where I need to be. It makes the bond stronger, in my opinion.

There are some definite bad sides to this, but the post is already long enough. I'll write more later if y'all are interested.

*ding, ding ding* This pretty much describes me. I've not always been like this..but in the last few years it has pretty much increased to this point. I need physical pain..but I also need emotional pain just as much. My Dom and I had a discussion about this the other day..that may help clear up how it is for me. I asked him..ok I'll be honest.. I was practically begging him for pain. So he started pinching, pulling, hitting, and I said umm..no I need emotional pain. He had some hesitations because of the mood I had been in the few days prior to this and wanted to discuss it with me.. I am the type of masochist that sometimes I need pain just for pain's sake..not for pleasure, not to cum..kind of to calm the inner storm..hurt me this way..and this hurts less.

But in that moment the reason I needed emotional pain was this...I've had two relationships in the past that ended in a lot of pain..very hard to get over. One reason for this was because the entire time I was with both of these people they would tell me, "you're perfect, I love you just the way you are" all that bullshit. Well..evidently not. Either relationship worked out. I hate to be told I'm perfect. I hate to be told that I don't need to ever change anything..mostly because no one is and it's just something people say to appease others. In that moment I needed emotional pain to feel that this relationship was real..that he sees my faults, can taunt me for them..and still loves me in spite of them. That he recognizes there are things about me that I need to change..and loves me enough to point them out.

Now there are other times..often that this is not the reason I need emotional pain..but I'm not going to go into all that. I realize that in those times it most likely comes from an unhealthy part of me. But I wanted to point out this one example to try to explain it.

 

[BiBunny]

*ding, ding ding* This pretty much describes me. I've not always been like this..but in the last few years it has pretty much increased to this point. I need physical pain..but I also need emotional pain just as much. My Dom and I had a discussion about this the other day..that may help clear up how it is for me. I asked him..ok I'll be honest.. I was practically begging him for pain. So he started pinching, pulling, hitting, and I said umm..no I need emotional pain. He had some hesitations because of the mood I had been in the few days prior to this and wanted to discuss it with me.. I am the type of masochist that sometimes I need pain just for pain's sake..not for pleasure, not to cum..kind of to calm the inner storm..hurt me this way..and this hurts less.

But in that moment the reason I needed emotional pain was this...I've had two relationships in the past that ended in a lot of pain..very hard to get over. One reason for this was because the entire time I was with both of these people they would tell me, "you're perfect, I love you just the way you are" all that bullshit. Well..evidently not. Either relationship worked out. I hate to be told I'm perfect. I hate to be told that I don't need to ever change anything..mostly because no one is and it's just something people say to appease others. In that moment I needed emotional pain to feel that this relationship was real..that he sees my faults, can taunt me for them..and still loves me in spite of them. That he recognizes there are things about me that I need to change..and loves me enough to point them out.

Now there are other times..often that this is not the reason I need emotional pain..but I'm not going to go into all that. I realize that in those times it most likely comes from an unhealthy part of me. But I wanted to point out this one example to try to explain it.

Get out of my head, girlfriend!

 

[Xelebes]

Emotional interrogation may cause meltdowns. Suspense is ok, though.

Physical is more of my cup of tea. Especially percussive and compression play.

 

[nh23]

Yes, you're on the right track.

Staying with someone who treats you with indifference, makes you constantly wonder if you matter at all... stuff like that. But when they come 'round again, your whole world lights up.

You sit on the edge waiting for the next time.

And when the next time happens, he canes and bites and beats you black and blue. And you tolerate it not because you like that kind of pain, because you don't, but because you're getting his attention again.

Does this mean anything to anyone besides me?

*sighs* Yeah this actually means a lot to me. A relationship like this is pretty much what showed me how much of an emotional masochist I am...

 

[nh23]

Get out of my head, girlfriend!

Awww....but I like it there so much. Feels like home.

 

[BiBunny]

Awww....but I like it there so much. Feels like home.

Ain't that the truth?

Been missin' you like crazy.

 

[nh23]

Ain't that the truth?

Been missin' you like crazy.

I miss you too!! Like mad. Hopefully have net soon at home again. And am going to try my best to make it to bama for a least a few days this summer.

 

[Tebazile]

I like physical pain, not emotional. But I occasionally like humiliation... which makes no sense at all, I know. And I like different degrees of physical pain. Sometimes, if I don't have a lasting mark (not FOREVER kind of lasting... just like a couple of days to a week), I'm not satisfied. Other times, just getting spanked is too much for me.

I'm weird.

 

[Netzach]

Emotional interrogation may cause meltdowns. Suspense is ok, though.

Physical is more of my cup of tea. Especially percussive and compression play.

This.

THIS is why I play with boys as much as I do. *sighs happily*

While I live for psych play eventually it only leads up everyone's ass. M's a lot like this, and it's tonic for me, I swear.

 

[Jades]

A short exchange with someone today prompted me to think about this:

Assuming that you are a masochist, what kind are you? A physical or emotional one? Or a combination of the two?

Mine would be physical. I have been on the emotiona/humiliationl side and didn't enjoy it at all.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I agree with you DR. I actually believe it can be fun and a bit of an ego boost to know you are the object of someone's erotic fantasy. But that's what it is, fantasy. And you don't read any more or less into it. Sometimes you just want to enjoy the moment.

Kinda goes back to being fuck-buddies. Nothing wrong with that as long as everyone's on the same page.

In some cases after all, I guess, what are friends for? ;-)