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Safe Words – What Do You Use?

My ex and i used the traffic light system, so your standard Red- Stop, Yellow- Slow/Pause, Green- Good/Keep Going

Within our dynamic we had also implemented another system to help us check in emotionally because of my cptsd and history of trauma (for those unfamiliar, cptsd comes with a lot of complications and that can shift things frequently). So the other set of "safewords" made it a lot easier for me to communicate where things were at with me emotionally/psychologically and let him know if/what kind of extra TLC i would need, if any. It was particularly helpful when i encountered a trigger, on/around an anniversary, if it was a bad day for flashbacks, etc.

Those basically looked something like this:
  • Green: all is good; emotionally stable (as much as i can be at any given point)
  • Grey: not feeling anything; numb
  • Pink: a bit of a rough day; can recover with a bit of time; TLC welcomed but not "required"
  • Purple: fragile; some fracturing; can go pink or crimson; can recover with time but needs a little TLC to help; some tears; high anxiety/stress
  • Crimson: bad day; some spiraling; need TLC; fracturing has occurred; minor panic attacks/ptsd episodes; struggling with dissociation; communication difficult
  • Vermillion: major panic attacks/ptsd episodes; active spiraling; dissociation active; nonverbal; lots of care needed; potentially shattered
He would ask me what color i was and if it was easy to identify, i'd give whatever color; if he was checking where i was at if something had happened i'd say something like "Pink into Green" if i was recovering well enough or "Pink into Purple" if i was struggling or whatever combination was going on. The system really helped the longer we were together. It helped him more easily identify signs and symptoms of the color spectrum at a glance to the point that sometimes we could get ahead of things when an anniversary was nearing.
 
your_reverie_to_keep said:
My ex and i used the traffic light system, so your standard Red- Stop, Yellow- Slow/Pause, Green- Good/Keep Going

Within our dynamic we had also implemented another system to help us check in emotionally because of my cptsd and history of trauma (for those unfamiliar, cptsd comes with a lot of complications and that can shift things frequently). So the other set of "safewords" made it a lot easier for me to communicate where things were at with me emotionally/psychologically and let him know if/what kind of extra TLC i would need, if any. It was particularly helpful when i encountered a trigger, on/around an anniversary, if it was a bad day for flashbacks, etc.

Those basically looked something like this:
  • Green: all is good; emotionally stable (as much as i can be at any given point)
  • Grey: not feeling anything; numb
  • Pink: a bit of a rough day; can recover with a bit of time; TLC welcomed but not "required"
  • Purple: fragile; some fracturing; can go pink or crimson; can recover with time but needs a little TLC to help; some tears; high anxiety/stress
  • Crimson: bad day; some spiraling; need TLC; fracturing has occurred; minor panic attacks/ptsd episodes; struggling with dissociation; communication difficult
  • Vermillion: major panic attacks/ptsd episodes; active spiraling; dissociation active; nonverbal; lots of care needed; potentially shattered
He would ask me what color i was and if it was easy to identify, i'd give whatever color; if he was checking where i was at if something had happened i'd say something like "Pink into Green" if i was recovering well enough or "Pink into Purple" if i was struggling or whatever combination was going on. The system really helped the longer we were together. It helped him more easily identify signs and symptoms of the color spectrum at a glance to the point that sometimes we could get ahead of things when an anniversary was nearing.
Click to expand...
Sorry it’s a bit too complicated for me. Fuck that’s good or stop that it’s too big. Is enough for me.
 
JordynRose said:
I have found the words “harder” and “make me your bitch” are not the perfect answers needed in times requesting mercy.

Good talk.
Click to expand...
I suppose not. Simple stop or calm down or make me your bitch is about all that is needed. Don’t you think. I was watching a bit of Kink Porn while my wife was away. They use Red for stop and another colour for calming it down but I can’t remember what it was as I was in the throws of an orgasm as the actress said it.
 
KindredFlame said:
Sorry it’s a bit too complicated for me. Fuck that’s good or stop that it’s too big. Is enough for me.
Click to expand...

For clarificarion, the traffic light system was used during Scenes in my dynamic and the Color system was for other times and designed specifically to help with challenges we faced due to my mental health issues.

Dynamics tend to be partner specific. Just because I shared what worked for us and the tweaks we had, doesn't mean it's a one size fits all and to show newbies that it's ok to ask for accommodations be made. If anything its healthy to ask for that and can be very important, especially when someone has chronic or mental health illnesses, no matter what side of the slash one is on.

I'll probably do something similar in future dynamics and would hope that whatever Dom or Sub I'm involved with would feel safe and comfortable enough to ask for any special care they might need.

It's also important to note that this was a long term relationship and those changes were not made over night. They did however greatly improve our relationship and dynamic. While I'm no longer collared to that Dom, we are still incredibly close.
 
your_reverie_to_keep said:
For clarificarion, the traffic light system was used during Scenes in my dynamic and the Color system was for other times and designed specifically to help with challenges we faced due to my mental health issues.

Dynamics tend to be partner specific. Just because I shared what worked for us and the tweaks we had, doesn't mean it's a one size fits all and to show newbies that it's ok to ask for accommodations be made. If anything its healthy to ask for that and can be very important, especially when someone has chronic or mental health illnesses, no matter what side of the slash one is on.

I'll probably do something similar in future dynamics and would hope that whatever Dom or Sub I'm involved with would feel safe and comfortable enough to ask for any special care they might need.

It's also important to note that this was a long term relationship and those changes were not made over night. They did however greatly improve our relationship and dynamic. While I'm no longer collared to that Dom, we are still incredibly close.
Click to expand...
You are so right. It’s like arm bands in a club. One means one thing and another means something else. This is great until they turn the lights down and all you can see is naked bodies. If I have a cock down my throat and one up my arse it’s very unlikely I am going to remember a load of different colours, let alone say them.
 
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