Unsafe

[smalltownmixedchick]

So I just recently had sex with a man who .... Ignored a lot of things. I have rarely ever felt unsafe with someone for so many reasons. As I have only in recent months been dabbling in something I enjoy I worry I may be misunderstanding something.

The first thing I learned about bdsm was safe words and codes. I have done red, yellow, green, light methods. I do have a safe word. And of course reading your partner is important. I ask my partner to repeat the safe word to me before starting anything to make sure they know it. Not hearing my safe word in the moment I can understand, but valiantly ignore after I used it repeatedly.

There were many other things beside the safe word that were ignored or he just didn't care about. Such as threating to punch me for not listening (something we had never discussed). When I was said it hurt and to slow down he sped up and got rough. I worry about how he treats others and if I should report him. Since this is a he said she said kind of thing. (P.S. He is not on lit but another site). I just don't wanna see someone else hurt or worst is all. And maybe I should just talk to him and the things he did that made me uncomfortable if we were to continue.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Hello,
Sorry to hear you’ve been through that awful experience
There’s a thread on someone who’s suffered something similar, with a lotta supportive comments and hotline numbers etc, I recommend having a look through it
Help is out there, and you shouldn’t and don’t have to suffer that
Also, probably self-evident after what you’ve experienced, but be careful of in-person meet-ups here as well as with the other site - there are a lotta great people here, but also some abusive and dangerous ones
Thread 'My BF likes to be too aggressive...'
https://forum.literotica.com/threads/my-bf-likes-to-be-too-aggressive.1645437/

 

[smalltownmixedchick]

Hello,
Sorry to hear you’ve been through that awful experience
There’s a thread on someone who’s suffered something similar, with a lotta supportive comments and hotline numbers etc, I recommend having a look through it
Help is out there, and you shouldn’t and don’t have to suffer that
Also, probably self-evident after what you’ve experienced, but be careful of in-person meet-ups here as well as with the other site - there are a lotta great people here, but also some abusive and dangerous ones
Thread 'My BF likes to be too aggressive...'
https://forum.literotica.com/threads/my-bf-likes-to-be-too-aggressive.1645437/

Thank you but I don't think I will need the DV number in this case. It was one time. I just need to know how to prevent him from hurting others in the future.

 

[MiaBabe23]

Thank you but I don't think I will need the DV number in this case. It was one time. I just need to know how to prevent him from hurting others in the future.

Okay, I see what you mean, yes
Report him to the police

 

[MiaBabe23]

Okay, I see what you mean, yes
Report him to the police

And obviously report him to the site where you met him, if you haven’t already, that could help mitigate risk
But the only real way is to report him to the police

 

[average_red]

I don't know as you want to involve the police, things can get out of hand once government gets involved, but definitely report to the other site at a minimum. feel free to escalate from there, but you have to make that decision for yourself.

 

[crazysexywants]

The police would not likely take action. They would take a statement and it would be he said she said and it looks like rough sex.

Your best bet is to go back to the site you found him on and look for their process. He is not likely to be responsive to your bringing it up with him. If he is that fare outside the boundaries its probably a pattern.

It is also helpful if you talk about your experience, if you are ok with that, so that others can learn from it.

 

[LifestyleDom]

So I just recently had sex with a man who .... Ignored a lot of things. I have rarely ever felt unsafe with someone for so many reasons. As I have only in recent months been dabbling in something I enjoy I worry I may be misunderstanding something.

The first thing I learned about bdsm was safe words and codes. I have done red, yellow, green, light methods. I do have a safe word. And of course reading your partner is important. I ask my partner to repeat the safe word to me before starting anything to make sure they know it. Not hearing my safe word in the moment I can understand, but valiantly ignore after I used it repeatedly.

There were many other things beside the safe word that were ignored or he just didn't care about. Such as threating to punch me for not listening (something we had never discussed). When I was said it hurt and to slow down he sped up and got rough. I worry about how he treats others and if I should report him. Since this is a he said she said kind of thing. (P.S. He is not on lit but another site). I just don't wanna see someone else hurt or worst is all. And maybe I should just talk to him and the things he did that made me uncomfortable if we were to continue.

I am very sorry to hear you had this experience. It's bang out of line on every level. Safe words have a reason and basic play demands their respect on both sides.
Please, definitely report. Both to the site and police. He may have history this plays into, or at minimum, it will be a formal log of his conduct. Once you use your safeword, games over. Everything he did after the second you safeworded was abuse and/or rape, depending on the details, there is no escaping that.
It may not get a conviction, but I have heard of it happening especially if you have texts/proof of what you agreed to and maybe some evidence he did other things outside the agreement.
His behaviour was absolutely out of line, reprehensible and in no way are you to blame. Please look after yourself and I hope you can deal with it. Good luck with the future

 

[smalltownmixedchick]

I did report him on the site but not to the police. I live in a good ole boy area. I sought a second opinion here because sometimes I am quick to blame myself in such situations.

 

[LoneMilf]

I did report him on the site but not to the police. I live in a good ole boy area. I sought a second opinion here because sometimes I am quick to blame myself in such situations.

There is literally nothing you could have done that would make his actions acceptable. This is not your fault.

 

[crazysexywants]

I agree with LoneMILF.