How do you like to hurt?

[Vail_Indigo]

I think if it's something you're aware of, something you've accepted, and something you enjoy (I use the word loosely), though, I don't think it's "abuse." I think, deep down, what makes a truly meaningful experience for me as a sub is knowing I don't have power over the other person.

Yeah, it's easy for a man to tell you that you're powerless and that you have to do whatever he tells you, etc. But the truth is, I've almost always been in control, even when I was "submitting." I might be on my knees crawling around because some jackass tells me to, but inside, I'm thinking, "Yeah, I'm only doing this to humor you, dipshit. If I look up at you with my big blue eyes and whimper, 'I'm horny,' there's no doubt in my mind that you'll do my bidding."

Which I suppose goes back to my assertion that most "Doms" aren't really, but I digress.

I suppose it takes real cruelty to prove to me that you're not under my thumb. But once you do prove that to me...well, to say I'd move mountains for you is an understatement.

That's not to say that I don't crave kindness, either. I actually need more kindness than cruelty, but kindness doesn't have to mean I have him wrapped around my little finger, either. I think when kindness and cruelty are used in conjunction with one another, each makes the other that much more meaningful.

Or else I'm talking like a crazy person. Whatever. Bring on the straitjacket.

nah, not crazy.
I love that moment, when I realize I really am not in control, that this person is, and that she's going to do what she fucking feels like.
its like I enter another world, almost, where I'm not myself
and I love it
I've found it so very rarely, but...

 

[Vail_Indigo]

(actually, the 'wandering the woods' SRP I'm in is a pretty good example of that...though there's some real question of whether or not either of them are in control...and what that means)

 

[A Desert Rose]

To me what you are talking about as emotional pain is that, not so much humiliation though a lot associate emotional masochism with those elements because that is their trigger. I think EM can also get into areas where the emotions are teased, abused, played with in a way which is painful and deep and these are some of the places we can go...it is a fine line though in terms of not pushing it too far and what is painfully pleasant and which is just pain beyond endurance.

Catalina

That fine line is hard to find. And just when you think you've found it, who comes knockin' on your door?

HA!

I'm a living, breathing, walking joke. ;-)

 

[FurryFury]

I was raised by people who habitually hurt me both emotionally and physically.

I believe that subconsciously that led me to be with my first husband who also hurt me emotionally and physically. I was so mentally screwed up I thought that was love. I loved him with everything I could but nothing was ever good enough. I think in somewhat that was my "comfort zone", to be treated like shit.

Happily, I have broken out of that rut somehow. I think this is usually very hard to do.

My current husband rarely hurts me emotionally, at least not on purpose. Physically he only hurts me in ways he knows I enjoy.

I feel very lucky.

 

[FurryFury]

I see right away that my definition of emotional pain is not the same as everyone else's. ;-)

I like humiliation and degradation. And that is definately emotional pain.

My definition (the one I had in my mind when I started this thread) is wrong. Or has another name. But is entirely different from what has been posted.

mmm I have to think on how this works...

LOL

I fantasize about it but I could only truly enjoy it in a certain framework of relationship with someone I felt respected and loved me. I'd have to trust that person completely. It would have to be things that happened en scene only, not in the rest of the relationship.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm more into the emotional side than the physical, but it's hard for me to describe it. Probably objectification is the best description, but not the human footstool thing (although I'd totally do it). More like - you're just a hole. That sort of degradation. I don't like humiliation at all. I mean, it could probably be interesting, but I certainly don't crave it. I really do need the degradation/objectification bit though, far more than a spanking, to feel like things are right.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes......... oh, yes... Reading this took me right back to my teenage years, to the first guy I 'loved'... He hit. He bit. He was abusive... but I stayed around. I didn't like that kind of pain, but it did mean I had his attention. I hadn't thought of this for many years, but I wonder if it has something to do with where I am now... Discovering a submissive side of myself and 'needing' some physical pain to balance out the hurt I feel inside.

You were not being stupid. Different people, different perceptions, different experiences... It's great to hear the entire spectrum of responses.

(love your new AV, btw)

Thank you about the AV. It's an old one but feet never change much, do they? LOL

Regarding the part I put in red: It makes me laugh (in a good way, a self-deprecating way) because many times I feel like how I feel (the psychological aspects) is pretty childish. LOL

And I can't figure out why all that stuff keeps creeping back into someone's life?

 

[FurryFury]

I'm more into the emotional side than the physical, but it's hard for me to describe it. Probably objectification is the best description, but not the human footstool thing (although I'd totally do it). More like - you're just a hole. That sort of degradation. I don't like humiliation at all. I mean, it could probably be interesting, but I certainly don't crave it. I really do need the degradation/objectification bit though, far more than a spanking, to feel like things are right.

I do think this kind of thing can easily be abusive and that's a line I'm not interested in crossing ever again. It's also not D/s to my way of thinking.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm more into the emotional side than the physical, but it's hard for me to describe it. Probably objectification is the best description, but not the human footstool thing (although I'd totally do it). More like - you're just a hole. That sort of degradation. I don't like humiliation at all. I mean, it could probably be interesting, but I certainly don't crave it. I really do need the degradation/objectification bit though, far more than a spanking, to feel like things are right.

I fantasize about it but I could only truly enjoy it in a certain framework of relationship with someone I felt respected and loved me. I'd have to trust that person completely. It would have to be things that happened en scene only, not in the rest of the relationship.

I think like most things there are spectrums or degrees regarding how much one person will accept and how much another will. They are very subjective things; pain, humiliation, degradation. So what might trip one trigger might blow someone else to kingdom come.

And it's like making pizza, some people like anchovy and onions and some people like anchovy/pepperoni/mushrooms. Everyone's combination of what "does it for them" is different. Every couple is different.

But what causes someone to keep going back for the psychological pain? That part baffles me.

Were those metaphors? Or similes? I think metaphors. How'd I do?

 

[Vail_Indigo]

I think like most things there are spectrums or degrees regarding how much one person will accept and how much another will. They are very subjective things; pain, humiliation, degradation. So what might trip one trigger might blow someone else to kingdom come.

And it's like making pizza, some people like anchovy and onions and some people like anchovy/pepperoni/mushrooms. Everyone's combination of what "does it for them" is different. Every couple is different.

But what causes someone to keep going back for the psychological pain? That part baffles me.

Were those metaphors? Or similes? I think metaphors. How'd I do?

(they were similes)

 

[A Desert Rose]

(they were similes)

Well shit... Are You sure?




lol

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Well shit... Are You sure?




lol

Similes start with 'like' or 'as'
(ok, say, 92% certain)

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Similes start with 'like' or 'as'
(ok, say, 92% certain)

"the pizza of life comes with different toppings and combinations" would be a metaphor

 

[intothewoods]

I do think this kind of thing can easily be abusive and that's a line I'm not interested in crossing ever again. It's also not D/s to my way of thinking.

You have to understand, no one would ever dare to treat me this way without my consent. No one I've ever been with would ever in a million years be abusive, and that includes my current PYL. That I consent to this is the thrill.

I've never been in an abusive relationship, but I have tasted a bit of seduction that abusers use. This isn't that, and I say that with the utmost confidence. In the beginning when we'd do this, and I'd freak out a little afterwards, he'd sit with me and hold me and stroke my hair. Now I'm like, yeah, bring it on. I want this, and I'm completely conscious of the fact that I want it. Without it, I'd be bored. I have been bored! This is the best sex I've ever had in my life. And I was no slouch to begin with.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Similes start with 'like' or 'as'
(ok, say, 92% certain)

Oh yea, I remember hearing that once... LOL

"the pizza of life comes with different toppings and combinations" would be a metaphor

You're smart dolly. I like you!

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Oh yea, I remember hearing that once... LOL


You're smart dolly. I like you!

!
you'd never believe the mnemonic I use to remember that.

 

[A Desert Rose]

!
you'd never believe the mnemonic I use to remember that.

Speaking for the club, we'd welcome it if you liked to share!

 

[intothewoods]

I think like most things there are spectrums or degrees regarding how much one person will accept and how much another will. They are very subjective things; pain, humiliation, degradation. So what might trip one trigger might blow someone else to kingdom come.

And it's like making pizza, some people like anchovy and onions and some people like anchovy/pepperoni/mushrooms. Everyone's combination of what "does it for them" is different. Every couple is different.

But what causes someone to keep going back for the psychological pain? That part baffles me.

Were those metaphors? Or similes? I think metaphors. How'd I do?

Exactly! It's not a trigger for me, because I've never been abused. I've always been treated like a princess, and I'm a feminist, so M/f bdsm is pretty woowoo edgy and taboo! I know it sounds silly, but there it is.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Speaking for the club, we'd welcome it if you liked to share!

Similes begin with like or as.
Simile begins with S
'as' has an S in it.
which is stupid because, well, it isn't like 's' is uncommon.

Steinbeck wrote a book, something about a bus?, where a character thinks he's come up with some clever mnemonics to help him remember things. However, it is the act and effort of coming up with the trick that causes him to memorize the information. Not the trick itself.
The things I use to remember are so silly and ineffective for anyone else that I can only assume that the same thing is happening

 

[BiBunny]

But what causes someone to keep going back for the psychological pain? That part baffles me.

The lows make the highs that much better, I think. Like being addicted to heroin or something. (That was a simile, too.)

 

[A Desert Rose]

Similes begin with like or as.
Simile begins with S
'as' has an S in it.
which is stupid because, well, it isn't like 's' is uncommon.

Steinbeck wrote a book, something about a bus?, where a character thinks he's come up with some clever mnemonics to help him remember things. However, it is the act and effort of coming up with the trick that causes him to memorize the information. Not the trick itself.
The things I use to remember are so silly and ineffective for anyone else that I can only assume that the same thing is happening

If it works for you, it's not stupid. It's creative! ;-D

 

[Vail_Indigo]

The lows make the highs that much better, I think. Like being addicted to heroin or something. (That was a simile, too.)

its very unbuddhist
but not only do the lows make the highs better, but the lows make the anticipation of the highs better

 

[Vail_Indigo]

(very much like waiting for the call when you're dealer has been gone or dry)

 

[A Desert Rose]

The lows make the highs that much better, I think. Like being addicted to heroin or something. (That was a simile, too.)

aaaaaaaaahahahaha!!! This could be a fun exercise, like riding a bike with a dildo attached to the seat.

Simile? Correct?

 

[rida]

(not wanting to get lost at the end of the page ... )