D/s regarding Public and/or Family

[NightMuse]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?

2. How about family? If so, please explain

 

[VelvetDarkness]

D/s is present in everything that Master and I do together but it's covert when in public. We go out for dinner regularly and Master will quite often talk to me explicitly when nobody else is in earshot, just like any romantic couple would.

In public I remain his slave. I would never contradict him, disobey him or otherwise disrespect him in public. If I used the fact that we were in public to get away with being argumentative and disobedient he would punish me for it later, when we were alone and no doubt he would also have issues with our dynamic as a whole.

We're very aware that if we neglect our public personas and act inappropriately people will misjudge us as a result. I have no wish to make him out to be an abusive asshole and he has no desire to make me look like a weak-willed, oppressed woman. The societal stereotypes that public displays of D/s engender are not generally enlightened or positive ones.

We also consider it to be nobody else's business. Just as we have no wish to see random strangers fight or sit there necking each other, we don't inflict our dynamic on other people who haven't consented to witness it. Those who don't know us well might get the impression that he's a little alpha and I'm service oriented and happy to be directed by him. They will also be able to see the love and mutual respect between us, which is lacking in abusive relationships that have no bearing on consensual D/s.

I hope that clarified things a bit for you. I can only speak from personal experience.

 

[Bandit58]

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?

Like Velvet said, it's not overt. When we're out, I walk on His right because He prefers it, and we hold hands, again because He prefers it (and I like it too ). At dinner, we normally go to a pub and order counter meals. When they're ready, I will go and collect them. There are little sneaky gropes under the table, or when no one is looking He will grab my hair at the back of my head and pull I also wear a choker necklace as a public collar.

2. How about family?

My family live in New Zealand and do not know we are D/s. My grown kids have seen the dynamic though, but they just think I am being an attentive wife Sir's family have some idea I think, His daughter has always known He is kinky! His sister thinks I just run after Him too much, and His mum thinks again that I am an attentive and loving wife. It's not necessary for us to announce our type of relationship from the rooftops - it's something that concerns us only. Our friends all know we are a kinky couple, and accept us fully even though most of them are vanilla

 

[her_soffie]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc? I have just begun training with my Domme, and one of the prerequisites is in public life our image is very much vanilla, although she would still be given the respect and service due her. It would be notched down a peg.

2. How about family? If so, please explain The family is not to be aware of anything other than my Domme is the love of my life and that i adore and want to be with her forever. The D/s aspect of our relationship is for us and those who share our lifestyle.

 

[humbledoll]

D/s is present in our life 24/7. There are rules that I follow like walking on his right, never wandering off on my own and addressing him with "Darling" (instead of Daddy) when we're out in public.

What the outside world and our families see when they look at us is an old fashioned marriage in which he leads and I follow.

 

[EmpressFi]

Well, we're in a LDR... so it does change things a bit...

But when we are together..

In public, we're very much a happily romantic couple. I dont have rules about which side I walk on or stand on.. he only cares that I'm by his side. When he's here, I cook for him and bring him his food, even if we have take away. But that's not public.. hehe ..

As far as family,

None of our family knows. Malin's parents think I travel for work alot. (Those who know what I do for a living will laugh at that).

I've said it in other places, I have one brother who would be .. ok..as long as you're safe and happy..and dont flaunt it in front of the kids.. but the others would pretty much condemn me to hell. Malin's folks ..well his mom..would freak out.

It kind of saddens me from time to time, because I want to share this love with people.. I want to share things we've seen and done..anecdotal things.. romantic things he's said..and other than Malin.. I have no outlet

 

[catalina_francisco]

In public we maintain the dynamic without having to demonstrate or announce it to the world. I am not a toddler likely to rush off and throw a tantrum in public, so there really is no need to do anything very pointed when out in the general public. Some who do not know about our M/s status have felt he asks too much of me and/or I give too much of myself, others just see us as being fairly committed to each other, not to mention madly in love.

As far as family goes, my children and one of F's sisters know, the rest do not, nor do I feel a need for them to know. Just as we would not discuss with family what position we enjoyed most to have sex, or that we had sex last night if we were vanilla, so I have no inclination to discuss anything personal about our M/s dynamic. Even though those I mentioned do know of the dynamic, it still does not lead to us doing anything overt in front of them or even discussing anything about it and what we have done or seen, with them. It just is not something which comes up in conversation.

Catalina

 

[SubKekiLee]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:/QUOTE]

These are My Sirs and Mine anwsers to these two questions cause we discussed this morning..We too are in LDR currently we have been for about 7 months now..

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?
Depends on who you ask.. If we are with lifestyle friends it is present cause they know the dynamics of our relationship, he will quietly tell me something not within earshot of anyone "nilla". I always show him extreme respect and will not ever disrespect what so ever my actions in public are a reflection of my submission to him. and he always opens doors for me and that sort but I do not belive anyone realizes it is a D/s dynamic I am not currently collared but when he collars me he says I will have something to wear full time that no one will realize is the symbol for us If we were at a lifestyle function or a ren-faire he would act accordingly and I would be his submissive and I would be wearing a leash and collar


2. How about family? If so, please explain ?
Well some of my family is aware of our dynamic not from our wanting them to know but from someone else wanting to blab, we do not believe that personal business is something that should be shared by all what happens behind closed doors should be behind closed doors should stay there but this "mole" leaked the information and shared it and we are now working through it, but the family and us are now working through it and they are wanting to read up on it and we appreciate that they are doing it. We both think that each realtionship is different and it depends on who you are. Sirs family isnt aware of his D/s dynamic cause it isnt something they need to be aware of this, they wouldnt be aware of his "nilla" activites why be involved in D/s. As well as we both have high public jobs and we wouldnt want that getting back to work as something we participated in... Just our opinion not that we are ashamed in anyway just midstream america doesnt really accept our lifestyles.... so easier to keep it to our friends, that know..

 

[EmpressFi]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:/QUOTE]

These are My Sirs and Mine anwsers to these two questions cause we discussed this morning..We too are in LDR currently we have been for about 7 months now..

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?
Depends on who you ask.. If we are with lifestyle friends it is present cause they know the dynamics of our relationship, he will quietly tell me something not within earshot of anyone "nilla". I always show him extreme respect and will not ever disrespect what so ever my actions in public are a reflection of my submission to him. and he always opens doors for me and that sort but I do not belive anyone realizes it is a D/s dynamic I am not currently collared but when he collars me he says I will have something to wear full time that no one will realize is the symbol for us If we were at a lifestyle function or a ren-faire he would act accordingly and I would be his submissive and I would be wearing a leash and collar


2. How about family? If so, please explain ?
Well some of my family is aware of our dynamic not from our wanting them to know but from someone else wanting to blab, we do not believe that personal business is something that should be shared by all what happens behind closed doors should be behind closed doors should stay there but this "mole" leaked the information and shared it and we are now working through it, but the family and us are now working through it and they are wanting to read up on it and we appreciate that they are doing it. We both think that each realtionship is different and it depends on who you are. Sirs family isnt aware of his D/s dynamic cause it isnt something they need to be aware of this, they wouldnt be aware of his "nilla" activites why be involved in D/s. As well as we both have high public jobs and we wouldnt want that getting back to work as something we participated in... Just our opinion not that we are ashamed in anyway just midstream america doesnt really accept our lifestyles.... so easier to keep it to our friends, that know..

a leash and collar at a Renn-Faire?

 

[SubKekiLee]

a leash and collar at a Renn-Faire?

It is what he would want.. at least that what he said.. and what he wants he gets

 

[Netzach]

With my husband, absolutely not. I'm sure he comes across as the follower in the relationship, but that's not unusual among couples I'm friends with in general.

H and I share a primary fetish for humiliation that borders on the absurd. Especially in public. I balance this with a keen appreciation for the fact that "no one wants to see that shit" though, but I also think that people won't implode if confronted with something weird.

With H I do whatever the traffic will allow, as it were. Nothing is overtly obviously sexual, and nothing could not be written off as something else, even if that something else is "well that man is crazy, let's walk on the other side of the street." I would never expose someone in public or make them do anything masturbatory, as a lot of people seem to enjoy as entry-level humiliation. I would have two men go into a store and buy enemas and lip balm together. I would have a woman wear two totally mismatched but elegant shoes. If that serves as an illustration.

I also believe in being sensitive to place. What plays ok in downtown DC or NYC or SF doesn't play the same in suburban Cincinnati and the games are thus adjusted.

As for family, my mother knows I'm a raging perv, she's asked to see my various outfits and seems to enjoy the bizzare rubber fashion aspect, but I'd never DO anything in front of her or illustrate anything.

 

[TenJed69]

We maintain a D/s relationship in public and in front of family, but it's covert. It should be clear to people who wears the trousers in our relationship, but they shouldn't get a sense of anything sexual or fetish-like about it. Of course, anyone who is themselves into D/s might well be able to figure it out.

 

[EmpressFi]

It is what he would want.. at least that what he said.. and what he wants he gets

but at a RENN-FAIRE???

ohhhkayyy

to each their own

 

[FurryFury]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?

2. How about family? If so, please explain

1. No

2. No

*Except in the sanctity of my own mind.

 

[intothewoods]

but at a RENN-FAIRE???

ohhhkayyy

to each their own

I've never been, but I hear it does happen. I guess it goes with the role playing - prisoners, slaves, something like that?

 

[intothewoods]

Ok, I really don't remember what got me on this track of thinking, but I was wondering two things. I was curious as you waht you guys do regarding the following questions:

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?

2. How about family? If so, please explain

1. Not anything you could ever tell. I think we look like a couple who love and take care of each other, but there's nothing too weird about that.
2. My sister knows, and that was really hard for me. I'm not telling anyone else because there's just no reason to.

 

[rida]

1. Is D/s present in your public life? Doing out to dinner? Movies? etc?

2. How about family? If so, please explain

1) With Hubby: not really. unless you consider a friendly smack on the behind, or being all attentive to his needs (passing a napkin, getting him drinks, and so on) as a sign of the lifestyle. I've always been like that even before I knew anything about D/s.
On a date with the Sadist: subtle or not so subtle things like rising my skirt under the table (the waiter might have got a glimpse of my upper tights but you do see way more skin walking around), asking me to show him my bra in the back of a dark cab (the bra was black, the dress was black, you couldn't really tell even looking into the back mirror), walking along empty streets with him holding my neck are the things that happened so far.

2) No. Mom & sister think that I cater too much to my Hubby's needs while dad probably just think I'm a good wife. As for the kidlets, they see that I do all the house chores, but that's about it. If I'm not around, Hubby will do things so they know that men can do them too. They also see us kissing and cuddling all the time, so they know that we are much in love. As for any other aspects of our private lives, I hope I'll be good at teaching them the sanctity of privacy... hard at the moment when they just barge in and jump on the bed with us. LOL

 

[caela]

but at a RENN-FAIRE???

ohhhkayyy

to each their own

I see it all the time at Ren-Faire's here. I think people are more comfortable with it in that atmosphere because of all the fantasy and costumes and such. I'v seen parents eyes go wide when kids ask about "Why does that man have that girl on a leash?" The couple in question are most commonly in some sort of costume so the parents just shrug it off as a game the adults are playing.

 

[EmpressFi]

I see it all the time at Ren-Faire's here. I think people are more comfortable with it in that atmosphere because of all the fantasy and costumes and such. I'v seen parents eyes go wide when kids ask about "Why does that man have that girl on a leash?" The couple in question are most commonly in some sort of costume so the parents just shrug it off as a game the adults are playing.

,,,,,,,,,,

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Trust Me. I've seen the horrible consequences of family finding out you are in a D/s relationship.

It's not pretty. Especially coming from people who "love" you.