Political wives and sex scandals - Revisited

[angela146]

In the original thread, I argued that political wives whose husbands are caught in sex scandals deserve some serious credit for standing with/by their men.

I also argued that high-power long-term-married people who travel a lot without their spouses might tend to allow each other to have affairs on the road.

However... there may be another factor going on here. (Of course, there are plenty of other factors, but I'm creating this thread to discuss one in particular).

A lot of the guys who get caught in these situations are in their late forties (e.g. Clinton, Spitzer).

Is it possible that some of these wives have reached perimenopause and are among that subset of women whose sex drive goes kaput - sometimes completely kaput?

I have a number of women friends in that general age range and more than one of them has said things like "that part of my life is behind me now" (referring to the part of her life where she had sex).

Yes, I'm serious. There are women out there - I have no idea what percentage - who reach a certain age, get hit with hormonal changes, and have zero desire to have sex of any kind. Some of them still love their husbands and like being married, but they don't want to have sex. *And* now that HRT is linked to some bad side effects, some of them decide to leave things as they are.

What happens in those marriages if the husband very much wants to have sex and the wife very much doesn't?

Let's assume that she did like it - perhaps a lot - in her twenties and thirties, so this comes as quite a surprise to the husband. Would we expect him to say, "OK, you don't want sex anymore, so I'll live without it for the rest of my life." (???)

No, this isn't about "blaming the wife". It's just that a woman who no longer has any (or much) desire for sex has right to say "no", but a man married to her might not feel that he should have to live without sex.

Even a couple who was seriously into fidelity in their younger days - even a guy who was really self-righteous about it - might decide that the best compromise would be to let the husband "have some on the side" and keep the marriage together.

The alternatives seem rather unpleasant: HRT and health risks; or wife has sex with husband despite not wanting to; or husband goes without; or that old standby - fight about it for a couple of years and then get divorced (OK, maybe get divorced without fighting about it).

Obviously we don't know what's going on in the privacy of those marriages, but I wonder if this scenario explains why some wives silently stand by their husbands while they confess.

Maybe there is some guilt going on inside her head that she feels she is to blame because she couldn't live up to her end of the marital bargain (I'm not saying she is at fault, I'm saying she may feel like it's her fault).

On top of that, she might stand by him in order to keep the secret. By staying with him, she looks like a brave, suffering wife. If she leaves, he might tell the reporters, "My wife refused to have sex with me for the preceding three years and had expressed her desire to not have sex in the future."

Even though that would make him a worse cad than he already was, her position would be a lot worse. If she stands by her man, the press leaves her alone. If it came out that she "wasn't giving him any" and didn't support him through the scandal, the press would probably take the gloves off.

It might also explain why Spitzer sent hookers and their johns to jail in his younger days and then did an about-face later on. As a guy in his thirties - married to a woman at her sexual peak - he had little sympathy for men who frequented prostitutes.

Later on, if the shoe is on the other foot, it's not like he can say, "Oh, now I get it. Can we repeal the prostitution laws? Please?"

In Bill Clinton's case, he allegedly fooled around long before he and his wife turned 45. Still, it might have been more frequent and more reckless starting in the late 1980's, and culminating in the Lewinski thing when Bill and Hillary were about 48 and 49 years old.

But who knows? Maybe Hillary and Silda were the hotest wives since Eve and their husbands still cheated on them. The fact that we *don't* know says something for them.

Why am I writing about this? Why do I care?

Well, I'm turning 33. Suddenly 43 doesn't seem so far away. My husband and I have been talking about what to do when and if I go through those changes.

I can put the shoe on the other foot pretty easily: right now my sex drive is stronger than my husband's. I want it a couple/three times a day (at times) and he's more like once a day. He meets me half-way and enjoys giving more than he gets.

If he were to say, "I'm tired of this. Let's have sex twice a week like normal married folks," ... well, the pool-boy might start looking pretty good. (And we don't even have a pool).

As good as he is to me right now, I don't want to let him down when it's my turn.

I guess I feel some compassion for Bill, Hillary, Elliot and Silda.

I'm not so sure that Bill and Hillary stayed together for political reasons. I wonder if Hillary spent some time of her own under the desk in the oval office. And I wonder if maybe she misses getting bent over it.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

I think Chelssea Clinton said it right to an audience the other day when asked to coment. She said, "It none of your business." That got a nice round of applause.

I have to agree with here. Besides, we will never really know, at least, not for a very long time.

Although, Angela, I was told by an old girlfriend who worked in the capital building in Arkansas when Clinton was governor, it was well know he was porking as many female staff aides he could find even back then.

 

[3113]

The problem with the menopausal wife theory, Angela, is that most of the wives are younger than these philandering men. (And just to add to this, most women go menopausal when they're closer to fifty, not forty, though there are those who go through premature menopause). Jackie Kennedy was stunningly beautiful, certainly fertile, and only 35 when her husband was assassinated. There was no reason in the world for JFK to fool around with a wife like that, and yet he did.

I'd say that if there's a hitch or problem with the sex in the marriage, it's more likely because of kids and the wife's general exhaustion from being a politician's wife. Imagine all a wife does with taking care of the kids and home and such, and add onto that wife as helping with campaigns and hosting parties, going to dinners, etc. And that's assuming she has no job of her own. And then let's keep in mind the politician's hours. Meetings with lobbyests, other politicians, concerned citizens, meetings to cast votes, be seen, and hey, going to church every Sunday. When DOES he get a chance to have sex with the wife?

Easier for him to arrange for a hooker to come up to his hotel room when he's staying for a month in Washington, D.C. or after a late-night session arguing over appropriations. If he goes home, he'll likely find the wife asleep and needing to get up early to take care of kids and make arrangements for that dinner they're hosting.

In short, I don't see that menopause even needs to be tossed into the mix. But let's face it, even with every "excuse" under the sun here, from busy wives to busy husbands to menopause, I'd say it was pretty clear that these guys are indulging in the power of their position. They like being at the top of that political pyramid, having influence, making laws and such. And they like being able to feel that power either by playing with soldiers and making war, or by having women falling at their feet. There's nothing at all shocking or new about the fact that guys associate fucking beautiful women with being in power. It's the rock star life, the alpha male and his harem. Why should there need to be any other "excuse" for it?

 

[cloudy]

Why am I writing about this? Why do I care?

Well, I'm turning 33. Suddenly 43 doesn't seem so far away.

To be honest, I think you're putting the cart way before the horse.

My sex drive went through the roof right around when I turned 40. It's leveled off some now, but "no sex drive"? I don't think so. And I'll be 47 this summer.

 

[DeeZire]

Intimacy and sex are sometimes lumped together, but you can have intimate moments without having intercourse. If the desire for intimacy is gone, that would be a symptom of a stale marriage, which is usually the result of a multitude of factors, of which sex is only one.

I suppose if a woman is menopausing so badly that the mere act of being touched is repulsive to her, then it could be a factor, but is menopause really that bad? ( I know hot flashes are bad. I'm talking about menopause in general.) Don't women still want to cuddle? Couldn't a cuddle-fest lead to a handjob now and then? I need something to look forward to in my old age.