Honesty on the Lit boards

[Mitsouko]

Fucking around with someone else's partner online is nothing more than prostitution in the 21st century.

Only if money is exchanged, otherwise it is simply adultery or cheating depending on their relationship.

 

[pleaz_me]

Honesty?

Scenario one: Flirts/jokes/idle chatter on the threads. Over time leads to PM's/IM's/e-mails. Via PM/IM/e-mail ~ Are you single? Yes. Are you? Yes. Discussions of our lives, our families, etc. Phone calls ensue. "Half-way meeting points" arranged. Actual feelings developing. Things are halted (by me) because of the seriousness of the feelings and logistics being a problem. Less than a month later? ~ring ring~ "Can I ask who this is?" "Ummm ... sure, but who are you and why are you asking who I am?" "Because your number came up several times on my husband's phone log." ~THUD~ Like I had needed THAT to happen again.

Scenario two: Flirts/jokes/idle chatter on the threads. Over time leads to PM's/IM's/e-mails. Dude admits he's married. That's cool. Friendship develops. Daily/constant IM's/e-mails/phone calls. "So who else have you talked to from the boards?" "I've only talked to one other lady via phone (names name) but we're just friends, we don't talk like you and I do." "Okay, that's cool. Have you ever met anyone from the boards?" "Only one, and it was just for lunch." After time, an opportunity arises for us to meet and fulfill a few *dreams* we'd each had. "But I'd rather just keep it between you and I because you know how people talk on the boards, and it's really not their business." Yup. I fell for it. After encounter? IM'ing ... "Hang on, my wife is on the phone." Five minutes later? A "smile" post from another lady about a wonderful phone call. So I asked him. Yes, he had just talked to her. Yeah. Some friend.

Now I may be a bitch in my heart and soul, but I'm not a big enough bitch to bust anyone out. I've let my heart open to a few and trusted when I obviously shouldn't have. I've shared things that are very deep-down secrets. But I've purposely left out the names of these fine upstanding honest gentlemen. Funny thing is, if you're reading it and it sounds awfully familiar ~ yeah. It's you I'm talking about. So if you're stupid enough to quote me and post to defend yourself? You're on your own.

 

[pink]

i am so glad this thread was successful. It is always good to bring out an issue and talk about it. Maybe, just maybe, it can help someone else not get hurt.

 

[AboutFace]

Wow, hon. I guess we all fall for it at times and open our hearts to ultimate jerks.

What's the problem with just being honest? Really? If you are messing around with other women... fine... be honest. But the finding it out later just REALLY pisses me off. There's no reason that a friendship can't develop - unless wait.... it wasn't friendship that they wanted. Just wanted to get their rocks off. Hell - even with that - let me know and then there won't be much time invested in pure and total fantasy.

Whatever.... have to remember... you are NEVER "the only one"... it's a fantastic line that "I'm so lucky to have a person like you want me"... or even "you are so special to me" - special just like anyone else that crosses their path.

 

[pleaz_me]

Wow, hon. I guess we all fall for it at times and open our hearts to ultimate jerks.

What's the problem with just being honest? Really? If you are messing around with other women... fine... be honest. But the finding it out later just REALLY pisses me off. There's no reason that a friendship can't develop - unless wait.... it wasn't friendship that they wanted. Just wanted to get their rocks off. Hell - even with that - let me know and then there won't be much time invested in pure and total fantasy.

Whatever.... have to remember... you are NEVER "the only one"... it's a fantastic line that "I'm so lucky to have a person like you want me"... or even "you are so special to me" - special just like anyone else that crosses their path.

~Nods~

I've never told anyone that they were my "only" one. The one that I did fall in love with here on the boards? We had an understanding. I flirted, he flirted, but we both knew where our hearts were. If things started going too far with someone on the boards during that time, I would back off. I didn't respond to the random PM's. It was also obvious that we were an "item."

Now on to a fresher idea -----> If I pinch your cute nipples will you help me get my rocks off?

 

[AboutFace]

~Nods~

I've never told anyone that they were my "only" one. The one that I did fall in love with here on the boards? We had an understanding. I flirted, he flirted, but we both knew where our hearts were. If things started going too far with someone on the boards during that time, I would back off. I didn't respond to the random PM's. It was also obvious that we were an "item."

Now on to a fresher idea -----> If I pinch your cute nipples will you help me get my rocks off?

I was told I was the "only" one... and then find out that it was "only" in between cybers and flings with others. So I guess I was the only for a few days here and there. Damn! All that fucking wasted time! I've got a LOT to make up for.

Pinch away baby.... and I'll help you in any way in which you'll let me.

 

[pleaz_me]

I was told I was the "only" one... and then find out that it was "only" in between cybers and flings with others. So I guess I was the only for a few days here and there. Damn! All that fucking wasted time! I've got a LOT to make up for.

Pinch away baby.... and I'll help you in any way in which you'll let me.

Been there, done that!

~Pinch~

 

[AboutFace]

Been there, done that!

~Pinch~

Watch out.... I want to just enjoy myself now. (next one that says "I love you" will have his balls cut off)

mmmm..... love your pinches.... and watch sticking out the tongue unless you plan on using it.

 

[pleaz_me]

Watch out.... I want to just enjoy myself now. (next one that says "I love you" will have his balls cut off)

mmmm..... love your pinches.... and watch sticking out the tongue unless you plan on using it.

Oh no honey .. I'm just gonna keep stickin it out and let you THINK I'll use it on you

back off to writing

 

[AboutFace]

Oh no honey .. I'm just gonna keep stickin it out and let you THINK I'll use it on you

back off to writing

Tease.

 

[omahaman2]

This really upsets me to hear all this!! This place has become special to me! Ive been here like forever and I found not only my significant other but lots of people I consider friends! When friends get hurt,I probably hurt as much as they do! I feel so helpless,not knowing how to prevent this.or take away their hurt. Please dont barricade your heart,there are alot of special people here! In numbers here,there are only a few bad apples!

 

[pleaz_me]

This really upsets me to hear all this!! This place has become special to me! Ive been here like forever and I found not only my significant other but lots of people I consider friends! When friends get hurt,I probably hurt as much as they do! I feel so helpless,not knowing how to prevent this.or take away their hurt. Please dont barricade your heart,there are alot of special people here! In numbers here,there are only a few bad apples!

We just learn to be more cautious about who we open up to. I've made plenty of others here too that will be my friends forever. Some of them I turn to before my closest r/l friends.

You know you and Jenny are lucky to have found each other here, which gives me that glimmer of hope!

 

[Noor]

I have met some really great people from lit, but I have also met some really players. Sometimes I wonder if its worth it, as it has made my trust in others take a real nose dive.

I have been told so many lies, been let down so many times that it gets hard to believe much of anything at face value.

 

[Guest]

One thing that has always puzzled me greatly is that all of the people who say that these men (or women... there are plenty of women who play predator on this board too) have played them and hurt them or whatever... why do they not name and shame them.. so that other's won't be sucked into the same hurt?

I have no doubt this has happened. And happens every day. But why the secrecy of who the person who hurt you. It's very rarely someone is named and shamed in the cry/blurt/fuck/whatever threads..... and I've never understood it in this case as surely any loyalty must evaporate?

 

[Colton_White]

@pink

I want to ask you
[size=+1]

1. How many guys you date here?

2.How much honesty have you showed to him?

3.How much of your online time have you alloted to him?

4,How many men you flirt with on the threads?

I think we all need to see other side of the story too, rather than jumping to conclusion that all men on lit are bad. And some ladies here need to see in the mirror first.[/size]

 

[Guest]

I want to ask you
[size=+1]

1. How many guys you date here?

2.How much honesty have you showed to him?

3.How much of your online time have you alloted to him?

4,How many men you flirt with on the threads?

I think we all need to see other side of the story too, rather than jumping to conclusion that all men on lit are bad. And some ladies here need to see in the mirror first.[/size]

I have been reading this thread since it started and have so many things I want to say but have not had the time and opportunity to write a reasoned and sensible post. I should be getting ready for work so I still don't have the time but I had to respond to this one.

Can you "date" on a message board?
Since when was flirting a crime?
When has anyone on this thread said it is just the guys that are bad?

Yes more ladies have posted on here about being hurt but maybe it is because they are prepared to admit to it? I wonder what proportion of guys who have been hurt will not openly admit it because of their masculine pride?

And for those of you who don't know me, yes I am in a long term relationship (almost 14 years), yes we both flirt and mess around on Lit and by IM, yes we have made some wonderful friends from Lit and have had/continue to have some wonderful sexual experiences thanks to Lit. But friendship and honesty come first. Ask anyone who really knows me how much I value that!!

 

[Colton_White]

Can you "date" on a message board?
Since when was flirting a crime?
When has anyone on this thread said it is just the guys that are bad?

[size=+1]
if dating & flirting is not crime from honesty point of view, then Cybersex shouldn't be a crime either.
That lady is complaining only because she found her guy cybersexing with 4 gals. and as she said she wasn't serious reln with him. [/size]

If that man was cheating, may be he didn't tell because he never wanted to make miss pink hurt.
or may be because he really loved her, but was feeling unsatisfied. [I could write on and on but I dont personally know them, so I refrain to make any more remarks on their characters]

may be he was horny all the time while Miss Pink was not? so he cybersexed around?

As I said, you need to take a look on the other side of the story

 

[pleaz_me]

One thing that has always puzzled me greatly is that all of the people who say that these men (or women... there are plenty of women who play predator on this board too) have played them and hurt them or whatever... why do they not name and shame them.. so that other's won't be sucked into the same hurt?

I have no doubt this has happened. And happens every day. But why the secrecy of who the person who hurt you. It's very rarely someone is named and shamed in the cry/blurt/fuck/whatever threads..... and I've never understood it in this case as surely any loyalty must evaporate?

1) In number one's case, he's since moved on ... divorced (yes, I know this for certain) and is currently in a relationship. There's truly no point in naming him.

2) How easy it is to create an alt? It happens on a daily basis. You and I both know one lady in particular that creates alts as quickly as the wind changes.

3) This isn't a "bash" thread. I didn't post what I did to hurt anyone (although they know who they are if they read it). P, AB, and L all posted about the experience with one man. I posted to let people know that it happens more than some think. Theirs wasn't the only case.

4) Come on now ... honestly ... if I were to post names, what man would be willing to talk to me after? Is our whole "relationship" going to be posted? His first instinct after reading this post would be to stay clear with the thought that "if I do her wrong is she going to put my name out there and tell the whole world who I am and what happened?" I know better than that, and as I said, I may be a bitch but I do have a heart (shhhhh ... don't tell anyone ).

Do I want someone else to get hurt by these men? No. It's each persons' responsibility to be careful of whom they talk to.

 

[Miss Eggroll]

Wouldn't it suck if you thought you were talking to a lady and he turns out to be a man lying to be one.

It's my personal opinion that about 60% of the "women" on this board are probably men. I have no concrete evidence of this and I can't begin to tell you how I came up with that number, other than the fact that it's pretty much a wild ass guess. But if you read enough threads, and get between the lines, you develop a feel for it. Some people are good at masquerading, others are blatantly obvious. Just as in most life situations, it's "caveat emptor" here as well. I'm not being critical to those who have been reeled into romantic or sexual postions by unscrupulous liars, but you've got to use your radar here, do your research, and think with your brain and not your heart. Too often it's easy to follow the trail that seems paved with roses, and when your logic is clouded by emotions, it can sometimes be hard to see the obvious!

I'm in a well established relationship and have no desire to work outside of that. But to those who use this forum as a meeting place for a potential partner, you need to be diligent in your research and as levelheaded in your decision making. And I'm not being gender specific here either...both men and women need to think clearly and act rationally before getting too involved with someone you've only met online. I think if you believe about 10% of what you read here as gospel truth, you might be on the right track!

Christine

 

[pink]

[size=+1]
if dating & flirting is not crime from honesty point of view, then Cybersex shouldn't be a crime either.
That lady is complaining only because she found her guy cybersexing with 4 gals. and as she said she wasn't serious reln with him. [/size]

If that man was cheating, may be he didn't tell because he never wanted to make miss pink hurt.
or may be because he really loved her, but was feeling unsatisfied. [I could write on and on but I dont personally know them, so I refrain to make any more remarks on their characters]

may be he was horny all the time while Miss Pink was not? so he cybersexed around?

As I said, you need to take a look on the other side of the story

i think you have the dynamics of our story screwed up. i wasn't the one who got terribly hurt here.


i did meet this guy in real life but my heart was not into him in that way. What i am disappointed in was his treatment of other women that he led on. He clearly led them to believe they were his only online lovers. He made serious serious statements to all of them, he really led them on badly and on purpose. He would have continued this, had the women not found out about each other.


All i am talking about here is honesty and not making false statements and promises. Just respect who you are chatting with.

 

[ClassInAtl]

I've read this post with an found it both interesting and enlightening. I was introduced to Lit by a Lady I mt in another online forum. We chatted and flirted for a while before it kind of just "faded" out.

Let me say that in the beginning, I was like a lot of other nubes...I PM'd ceaselessly hoping to find a female partner - or as many as I could. I had a couple of "flings" and one or two that lasted longer. Yes, I even met someone I met here.

Also, in the beginning I was not sure how ladies would react to my seeking out multiple partners, so I lied about it. I'm not proud of that, but it's a fact. As I got to know some folks here, (well, at least "e-know" them), I became more comfortable and confident. I don't feel the need to hide anything about myself here if asked, but I'm careful about volunteering information.

Yes, I'm married, and NO, she doesn't know.

Currently, I'm not having regular contact with anyone (not for lack of effort mind you), but I'm maturing, so I'm a little more discriminating in my contacts. I I'd be lying to say I don't want some type of sexual component to a "relationship". However, that wouldn't sustain m for long, as I need some conversation outside that.

I'm very sorry for those who have gotten hurt. Some of the lying - judging from my own imperfect conduct, is to hide the truth until you're sure it's a two -way street. Some of it is because of a lack of decency. I wouldn't trust anything here completely for a long time as a general rule. It's better to err on the side of caution.

Ladies, also remember that while most of the guys here are nice decent folks, this is PRECISELY the type of site someone will visit if they want anonymity with the ability to deceive and manipulate.

I hope we can all have safe careful fun here.

 

[Lorilei]

i think you have the dynamics of our story screwed up. i wasn't the one who got terribly hurt here.


i did meet this guy in real life but my heart was not into him in that way. What i am disappointed in was his treatment of other women that he led on. He clearly led them to believe they were his only online lovers. He made serious serious statements to all of them, he really led them on badly and on purpose. He would have continued this, had the women not found out about each other.


All i am talking about here is honesty and not making false statements and promises. Just respect who you are chatting with.

Thank you for this thread, Pink, and well said. It's the violation of trust that hurts the most, but it's a lesson learned. It's just too bad it had to be learned in such a painful way.

 

[ntsu]

i learn that this man, this man i considered somewhat of a friend, was playing predator on Lit. He got busted cybering 3 different women on Lit, all at the same time. i know men act this way but here's what i don't understand, why lie about seeing more than one woman? Why not be honest, and not tie yourself down. Just say i see more than one person, why play games and hurt individuals?

sounds like a woman here I use to know.

 

[Colton_White]

Hard to buy your story?

He would have continued this, had the women not found out about each other.

I doubt your story - three women online find out they've commen lover? HOW? can you elaborate it? i 'm doubting you're just making a story here from a film i saw named 'Kill JOe or something' in that 3 ex g/f gather up to get the cheating one man straighten up with a introducing a new g/f to him who'll later dump him.

 

[Lorilei]

I doubt your story - three women online find out they've commen lover? HOW? can you elaborate it? i 'm doubting you're just making a story here from a film i saw named 'Kill JOe or something' in that 3 ex g/f gather up to get the cheating one man straighten up with a introducing a new g/f to him who'll later dump him.

You're kidding, right? Why should she give you any details, and what possible reason would she have for making it up? As one of the other women involved, all I'm going to say to you is that she is absolutely telling the truth, and the entire situation was actually worse than she made it sound.

And by the way, your last sentence made no sense whatsoever.