Gentle bondage

[EttienneB]

I seem to be a rarity, a man who enjoys being a gentle dom, who enjoys providing gentle bondage. I leave the sadomasochism out of my relations, intentionally. I began when I was an adolescent and have stayed this course ever since. And it is as much a thrill for me as anything that draws blood or raises welts! And you?

 

[BiBunny]

Not so much, no.

Bondage doesn't do that much for me. I'm a pretty hardcore pain player on either side of the whip. Honestly, "gentle" tends to annoy me.

 

[nh23]

I seem to be a rarity, a man who enjoys being a gentle dom, who enjoys providing gentle bondage. I leave the sadomasochism out of my relations, intentionally. I began when I was an adolescent and have stayed this course ever since. And it is as much a thrill for me as anything that draws blood or raises welts! And you?

I say to each his own. If the Dom I was involved with choose to only have gentle bondage..well I guess that's all I would get. That being said I'm not likely to be involved with someone who only wanted that because we would not be a good match. To me gentle bondage is something I get with my vanilla husband. It's not enough for me.. It's not my definition of BDSM. Now I'm not knocking anyone for the choices they make..just saying it wouldn't be ideal for me. Oh and I'm a bit of a painslut too..so you know I enjoy the blood and welts greatly..

 

[ecstaticsub]

Gentle bondage can be very good if it is with a high level of mental submission. I am very much into mental submissive surrender and/or humiliation along with gentle bondage/restraint. I like a good flogging, but I'm not so much into it to the point of welts and blood.

 

[catalina_francisco]

While I have been known to enjoy and crave bondage, it has never equalled harder areas of SM, and these days doesn't often feature on the pleasure meter but has been known to send me unpleasantly over the edge but we're working on that still.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2233/2052066401_be7d982856_t.jpg Catalina

 

[SubKekiLee]

I have now been with 2 different Doms, One who enjoyed leaving bruises and welts on me, at times I was so far into subspace it never hurt. but looking at it now it wasnt exactly my cup of tea, but because I submitted to him I did it cause it made him happy. Now I am Pet to a wonderful Dom who is more sensual then Ive ever known. He can be strict and prefers skin on skin spanking rather than with any item such as a floggers, or crop or whip. Although he has his side of things he wants to explore with me on this journey. So I enjoy a tad bit of gentle bondage as well.. But I also enjoy some pain... Rope, flogging, and that sorts.. IMO YMMV

 

[Netzach]

Is there some law of mutual exclusivity?

I like really sadistic acts and shibari. I know a lot of people who prefer both at the same time, but I tend to keep em separate.

 

[Homburg]

Is there some law of mutual exclusivity?

I like really sadistic acts and shibari. I know a lot of people who prefer both at the same time, but I tend to keep em separate.

Agreed. Shibari tends to be its' own thing for me. The pain that figures into it comes from stress positions, not heavy play. I'm in a different headspace, and vigourous action on my part would disrupt my enjoyment.

Other times, yeah, I'll beat that ass good and solid. I see no reason to play only one way or the other (and have done heavy play combined with shibari too. I hate being pigeon-holed).

 

[JMohegan]

I seem to be a rarity, a man who enjoys being a gentle dom, who enjoys providing gentle bondage. I leave the sadomasochism out of my relations, intentionally. I began when I was an adolescent and have stayed this course ever since. And it is as much a thrill for me as anything that draws blood or raises welts! And you?

This explains a lot about your post to me on Marquis' rare sexual experience thread.

As for your question here, I would say that my passion tends toward the athletic, feral, sensual, or emotional - depending on my mood. More artistic endeavors, such as complex rope work, just don't hold much interest for me.

However, I do have a very close friend who is the artistic type. I wrote about him in this post, and offer that link as a tally mark, by proxy, for the gentle Dom column on your thread.

 

[Marquis]

As for your question here, I would say that my passion tends toward the athletic, feral, sensual, or emotional - depending on my mood. More artistic endeavors, such as complex rope work, just don't hold much interest for me.

Ha ha, I think I'm with you on this one.

It's kind of funny. Like, I want to like that stuff, but it's hard.

 

[CynMarie]

Not that strange. I don't like a lot of pain.

 

[Bandit58]

Gentle bondage can be very good if it is with a high level of mental submission. I am very much into mental submissive surrender and/or humiliation along with gentle bondage/restraint. I like a good flogging, but I'm not so much into it to the point of welts and blood.

Hmmm.....I can see me tied, unable to move, being brought to the brink of orgasm and then being frustrated when He stops....lets things settle and then He does it all again.... My earliest BDSM fantasies involved this very thing

For me it's not all about the pain aspect, although I do have masochistic tendencies. Welts and blood don't come into it for us either. Sir prefers to tease and control my pleasure, although He's not averse to using the crop or flogger.

 

[JMohegan]

Ha ha, I think I'm with you on this one.

It's kind of funny. Like, I want to like that stuff, but it's hard.

I've decided to save Shibari and other forms of complex rope work for my elderly years. A challenging but low-energy hobby to keep the mind active and the heart young. You know, like some people take up painting.

I'm thinking that predicament bondage will be most rewarding and fun.

 

[Netzach]

I've decided to save Shibari and other forms of complex rope work for my elderly years. A challenging but low-energy hobby to keep the mind active and the heart young. You know, like some people take up painting.

I'm thinking that predicament bondage will be most rewarding and fun.

I plan on having the best insane monkey sex of my life at 65, personally.

 

[Homburg]

I've decided to save Shibari and other forms of complex rope work for my elderly years. A challenging but low-energy hobby to keep the mind active and the heart young. You know, like some people take up painting.

Low physical energy requirements (well at least for slow forms and floorwork) but the mental/emotional energy requirements can be draining.

For me, the even pace has its' own rewards now. The meditative benefits are excellent for me, and counterpoint the usual urgency of sexual congress beautifully.

I'm thinking that predicament bondage will be most rewarding and fun.

Predicament bondage is good stuff, aye.

 

[JMohegan]

I plan on having the best insane monkey sex of my life at 65, personally.

Yeah, neither of my parents was elderly at 65. But ten years later? Sure.

Low physical energy requirements (well at least for slow forms and floorwork) but the mental/emotional energy requirements can be draining.

For me, the even pace has its' own rewards now. The meditative benefits are excellent for me, and counterpoint the usual urgency of sexual congress beautifully.

A true Renaissance Dom would be proficient in sophisticated forms of both athletic and artistic play, no doubt!

 

[Homburg]

A true Renaissance Dom would be proficient in sophisticated forms of both athletic and artistic play, no doubt!

Aye, though I can't really imagine considering myself a "Renaissance Dom" regardless of how much I dig that term.

There is also the simple fact that artistic play breaks less beds

 

[chauderlos]

I would tend to lean on the aesthetic side of bondage, hence preferring the gentle over the ... hard? harsh?
And the same goes for spanking, flogging, and other activities...
Slow, with a lot of control, of words, beauty and grace...

Even if, yes, it can eventually become a wee bit sweaty and rough nearing the end


ETA: Oupps, forgot to ask... Renaissance Dom? Like in Renaissance XVth-XVIth century Europe or Renaissance as in Renn fairs?

 

[Netzach]

I'm pretty tanked and fried after running 2 suspensions in a day now. Whereas fucking twice is still within the realm of dandy, even if I'm not 20.

 

[Homburg]

I'm pretty tanked and fried after running 2 suspensions in a day now. Whereas fucking twice is still within the realm of dandy, even if I'm not 20.

I really need to get some instruction on suspension. We've done partials a coupla times now, but we both want full suspension to happen. I'm mostly sure of what I'm doing, but that whole "she can die" thing keeps me from jumping in. I do have a set-up that will prevent death, if used right, though it will still be unpleasant and painful if the suspension fails. Maybe that will mitigate sufficient worry for me to get some suspension work in. Because sure as fuck, no one around this bible belt burg does full suspension and talks about it.

Said idea involves the squat cage and the pins etc. Anyone interested can PM for discussion, and maybe help me figure out if this is bugnuts crazy or not.

And, yeah, that kinda what I was thinking and feeling. Saturday, when I did that public tie and waxplay, wow, I was blasted afterwards, and didn't really fully recover for a coupla days. It wasn't just the tie, of course, it was also how draining I find public play, and just parties in general, but I was zapped.

 

[Netzach]

I really need to get some instruction on suspension. We've done partials a coupla times now, but we both want full suspension to happen. I'm mostly sure of what I'm doing, but that whole "she can die" thing keeps me from jumping in. I do have a set-up that will prevent death, if used right, though it will still be unpleasant and painful if the suspension fails. Maybe that will mitigate sufficient worry for me to get some suspension work in. Because sure as fuck, no one around this bible belt burg does full suspension and talks about it.

Said idea involves the squat cage and the pins etc. Anyone interested can PM for discussion, and maybe help me figure out if this is bugnuts crazy or not.

And, yeah, that kinda what I was thinking and feeling. Saturday, when I did that public tie and waxplay, wow, I was blasted afterwards, and didn't really fully recover for a coupla days. It wasn't just the tie, of course, it was also how draining I find public play, and just parties in general, but I was zapped.

something very helpful to remember is that you can suspend someone 2 inches off the ground the first, oh, 85 times if that helps any. They're still suspended. Have 'em blindfolded and they've really no idea where they are. (careful with that, too, clearly, but it DOES mitigate your risk some) If you have done a lot of partial suspension, know everything you need to know about nerve damage and where to keep your load bearing OFF of, AND you are going very close to the ground on a point which is sound or rated using your REI 'biners and you are fairly competent, there's really no hugely compelling reason not to try a caterpillar tie 2 in off the floor.

If you have done the single leg standing partial, you are 2/3 of the way there, it's really only an issue of getting that other leg up. I was SOOO close too, but I forced myself to wait till I was at a workshop, just 'cause I'm paranoid that way and I at least wanted a spotter who'd done it a lot.

 

[Homburg]

something very helpful to remember is that you can suspend someone 2 inches off the ground the first, oh, 85 times if that helps any. They're still suspended. Have 'em blindfolded and they've really no idea where they are. (careful with that, too, clearly, but it DOES mitigate your risk some) If you have done a lot of partial suspension, know everything you need to know about nerve damage and where to keep your load bearing OFF of, AND you are going very close to the ground on a point which is sound or rated using your REI 'biners and you are fairly competent, there's really no hugely compelling reason not to try a caterpillar tie 2 in off the floor.

That's kind of what I'm thinking. If I can mitigate falling damage, then all I need to worry about is compression and rope related stuff.

This is a power rack, and is the specific model I own.

http://www.newyorkbarbells.com/92563.html

This rack is steel, and is rated in excess of a thousand pounds. It is stable and structurally solid, and can take FAR more than any force I'll ever generate on it from a suspension (as I've personally lost 400lb squats in that cage with no problem, and a 400lb barbell crashing down fast and hard produces far more force that a 170lb person). I've rigged all kinds of weight to it via chains and ropes and such for various movements. It is a dead stable cage.

The black bars are called "pins", and are designed to be moved into different height holes to allow for a variety fo exercises and saefty precautions. Those pins are likewise rated in excess of a thousand pounds. My idea is to tie the model in the same axis one would lay a bar in the cage, ie across the pins, or left-to-right in this picture. The model would be tied with chest and thighs over the pins, in essence, and secured to the top most beams. Once the tie begins to elevate her into position, the pins would be placed a very short distance underneath her. If the tie fails for whatever reason, she will hit the pins well before she hits the floor. It's not going to feel good, but it beats the concrete, and it should give me enough time to come to her aid, as it will certainly support her weight and keep her from crashing down.

Obviously it wont be terribly aesthetic, but I'm more concerned with safety. Assuming I've described it sufficiently, does this seem like a workable idea to help mitigate the specific dangers inherent to the suspension failing?

If you have done the single leg standing partial, you are 2/3 of the way there, it's really only an issue of getting that other leg up. I was SOOO close too, but I forced myself to wait till I was at a workshop, just 'cause I'm paranoid that way and I at least wanted a spotter who'd done it a lot.

I had her up on her toes too, so the harness was supporting most of her weight. I'm just paranoid. This isn't a doll, it's my gal. I'm just deep in the fucking bible belt, and nobody around here does suspensions. Hell, I'm regarded as the rope expert by a lot of people in our munch group, and I'm a tyro in my own estimation.

I think I'll tie low or in the rack (if it sounds workable), and have a normal spotter on hand. My chances of getting instructions are basically nil at this point.

 

[JMohegan]

I would tend to lean on the aesthetic side of bondage, hence preferring the gentle over the ... hard? harsh?
And the same goes for spanking, flogging, and other activities...
Slow, with a lot of control, of words, beauty and grace...

Even if, yes, it can eventually become a wee bit sweaty and rough nearing the end


ETA: Oupps, forgot to ask... Renaissance Dom? Like in Renaissance XVth-XVIth century Europe or Renaissance as in Renn fairs?

I meant the modern, Domly version of the 15th & 16th century ideal. Educated and highly skilled in multiple, varied areas of sophisticated play.

 

[chauderlos]

Thank you for the answer, JM. This definition suits me pretty well, I think...

 

[Chicklet]

I seem to be a rarity, a man who enjoys being a gentle dom.../QUOTE]


I just wanted to comment because I see this SOOOOO often - the "rare" dom who enjoys being gentle.

Another one is the "rare" dom that respects a submissive.

Neither of these things are rare. The assholes out there are just louder and more noticeable.