Tallulah82
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2021
- Posts
- 5,775
Thank you.
Tallulah needs YOU.
- Thread starter Tallulah82
- Start date
Tallulah82
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2021
- Posts
- 5,775
I've girl fanned already over yourself and @LadyLascivious1 but I'll do it one more time.
You both have been such a boost to me, with both of you being able to talk and explain in good detail what I was feeling. Due to your explanations, I've been able to word it more effectively to my husband, who now understands better and accepts my preferences.
deft
AVpocalypse Survivor
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2002
- Posts
- 15,653
Ooooh! Girl-fanning is on the cards, too?I've girl fanned already over yourself and @LadyLascivious1 but I'll do it one more time.
You both have been such a boost to me, with both of you being able to talk and explain in good detail what I was feeling. Due to your explanations, I've been able to word it more effectively to my husband, who now understands better and accepts my preferences.
Tallulah82
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2021
- Posts
- 5,775
Absofuckinglutely.Ooooh! Girl-fanning is on the cards, too?
deft
AVpocalypse Survivor
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2002
- Posts
- 15,653
Oh, myyyyyy...Absofuckinglutely.
Peter_Out
Peu dormi, vidé
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2024
- Posts
- 1,002
Well! This was surprising news!
I have things to say, but I'm going to try to keep them brief.
Firstly: Go you! (Both of you, actually!)
In my opinion you really do need to work out between you what sort of (E!)NM will work for the two of you, as pretty much a first step, i.e. whether it's to be "sex-only" or full-on emotional relationships. It's not only important for your marriage, but also for your own happiness in whatever new relationships you build. In my experience (I've been in both monogamous and poly relationships at different times of my life), the relationships only work when everyone is on the same page in terms of what is expected. If you're going to be poly, rather than it being "just" sex, then even the style of poly will be important - the expectations in RA are very different to those in "kitchen table" relationships, for example. I know it's trite, but communication really is key.
Don't be afraid to set out boundaries - no fluid bonding is a common one, no sex under the same roof, in the "marital bed", etc.; whatever you are both comfortable with - and communicate them to potential partners so that they can make informed decisions for themselves.
Monogamy and non-monogamy suit different people at different times of their lives. Don't be afraid to say "This isn't working", and go back to being closed (it's also fine for one of you to not "take part, so to say, while the other still does, if your personalities allow that). Neither open nor closed are inherently wrong (or right come to that), only right/wrong at certain times for certain people. You don't have to decide and stick with it, come what may. You don't even have to go back to closed and then stick with that. You're your own people, and you get to decide what's good for you.
Good luck! It can be rough at times, but rewarding, too. I think it's really brave of you to do this. Especially him, actually. It's often the case that a man wants to open the relationship ("Urg... more woman! Me want! *drools*), and the woman is reluctant, and then the man watches as the woman dips a metaphorical toe into things, has a huge amount of success and realises that, "Hey, this is wonderful!" And the guy is sitting there going, "Wait. Wait. It's not supposed to be like this! When do I get my turn?!", because he gets nary a flicker of interest from other women. I do try not to find the irony hilarious. Honestly. (I'm using men and women here, but the same may apply with other genders, I just don't have experience in that situation.)
I have things to say, but I'm going to try to keep them brief.
Firstly: Go you! (Both of you, actually!)
In my opinion you really do need to work out between you what sort of (E!)NM will work for the two of you, as pretty much a first step, i.e. whether it's to be "sex-only" or full-on emotional relationships. It's not only important for your marriage, but also for your own happiness in whatever new relationships you build. In my experience (I've been in both monogamous and poly relationships at different times of my life), the relationships only work when everyone is on the same page in terms of what is expected. If you're going to be poly, rather than it being "just" sex, then even the style of poly will be important - the expectations in RA are very different to those in "kitchen table" relationships, for example. I know it's trite, but communication really is key.
Don't be afraid to set out boundaries - no fluid bonding is a common one, no sex under the same roof, in the "marital bed", etc.; whatever you are both comfortable with - and communicate them to potential partners so that they can make informed decisions for themselves.
Monogamy and non-monogamy suit different people at different times of their lives. Don't be afraid to say "This isn't working", and go back to being closed (it's also fine for one of you to not "take part, so to say, while the other still does, if your personalities allow that). Neither open nor closed are inherently wrong (or right come to that), only right/wrong at certain times for certain people. You don't have to decide and stick with it, come what may. You don't even have to go back to closed and then stick with that. You're your own people, and you get to decide what's good for you.
Good luck! It can be rough at times, but rewarding, too. I think it's really brave of you to do this. Especially him, actually. It's often the case that a man wants to open the relationship ("Urg... more woman! Me want! *drools*), and the woman is reluctant, and then the man watches as the woman dips a metaphorical toe into things, has a huge amount of success and realises that, "Hey, this is wonderful!" And the guy is sitting there going, "Wait. Wait. It's not supposed to be like this! When do I get my turn?!", because he gets nary a flicker of interest from other women. I do try not to find the irony hilarious. Honestly. (I'm using men and women here, but the same may apply with other genders, I just don't have experience in that situation.)
Similar threads
- Sticky
