Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[MindYaBitness]

I’m actually an A cup and not DD, what everyone has seen was an illusion…

Me too, totally (does math real quick...) If you're an A, I'm only a C. Let's go with that.

 

[kathyisgr65]

Can't read..I'm just here for the tits

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Me too, totally (does math real quick...) If you're an A, I'm only a C. Let's go with that.

I C what you tried to do there!

 

[Ratchetman1982]

I was asked to join the Avengers, but don't like associating with nerds like that

 

[Bloodandglitter]

I do not have bad anxiety

 

[Bloodandglitter]

I was asked to join the Avengers, but don't like associating with nerds like that

Go hang out with Bob *

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Go hang out with Bob *

I'm gangster, just like Bob

 

[Bloodandglitter]

Hahaha I loved him. Him and the Red Guardian had me in hysterics

 

[Pad_Foot]

I can quit Lit anytime I decide to really do it

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I think ghosters and people who play mind games are awesome!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Mind games are always negative - cheaters, ghosters, etc - and never positive - roleplay, long-distance, etc

 

[PotNoodle79]

In an emergency situation, my anus can generate enough heat to boil an egg.

 

[kathyisgr65]

Was my high school mascot...we were the eager beavers...who would have known how true that would be

 

[EMPTYSTAR]

I invented socks

 

[Baztrachian]

I am known far and wide for my limitless patience and tolerance for fools.

 

[Sexydrana]

I’m never posting topless pics again!

 

[EMPTYSTAR]

I accidentally rewrote gravity last Thursday

sorry if your tea floated away.

 

[MrPimms]

I love that my inbox rarely lights up

 

[DynamicFigure]

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

 

[BBWcum_slut75]

I am most definitely not a cumslut

 

[EctoJohn]

I stopped playing chess because I got tired of always winning.

 

[alexandria744]

Being pregnant does not make me a horny slut and I'm not at all desperate to be bred again immediately. In fact, the idea of being filled and bred over and over again until menopause doesn't interest me in the slightest.

 

[Justabaldguy70]

I like eating my vegetables

 

[Hopeful1972]

Being good, no, great at sex just comes naturally to me

 

[Sexydrana]

I don’t believe in sex toys and stimulating enhancers…