Let's talk about women and edging

[KindredFlame]

With regards to favorite techniques, I would say the single most common one I use is to have her rub herself swollen against various pieces of furniture or the like (this came from an earlier episode of disobedience - long story) and then periodically present herself for inspection. I can then use a toy or the crop handle to push it farther.

"Edging combined with application of pussy spanking/pain can also induce a ruin."

Exactly. A sharp snap of the crop loop is best, I think. Another ploy is distracting pain on the breasts can also sink her attemprs - stinging nettles are particularly delicious.

This sounds like something my wife would have me do before we were married. I so miss those days.

 

[dct10538]

This sounds like something my wife would have me do before we were married. I so miss those days.

Not to play counselor, but perhaps you should go back to those days!

 

[cascadiabound]

Thank you so much for adding your (obviously experienced) voice to this thread.

Domina (domme) here. My sub typically visits for a long weekend every couple of months. For a couple of weeks before arriving, she denies herself. What I have found from a top perspective is that this generally makes her much more compliant and eager. If we could time her visits with her cycle, it might be better. (I'm old enough now that my cycle is very unpredictable.)

Such denial also makes extending it with edging once she arrives so much more enjoyable for me. It's usually in those situations that I can introduce some new rigorous humiliation play and she is enthusiastic. It has the effect of pushing me over the edge sometimes.

I bet the combination of extended denial with edging once you are together is very heady for both of you. I'm not at all surprised your sub becomes very eager to please and finds a deep enthusiasm for "rigorous humiliation play". I would say you have a very lucky sub.

"When I have cum without permission I already feel like my body has betrayed me and that I have disappointed him. That alone is a huge form of self punishment, right?!?"

Yes. Personally, I see no problem with punishment in the case where she has some control and chooses to go over the line without permission. (That hasn't happened with my sub once she saw how serious I took it.) If I have her dancing on the edge with toys or similar, and she happens to orgasm, then that feels different. But "disappointment" is the word and I can see it in her eagerness to please after it happens.

I think punishment or at least funishment is the prerogative of a Dom/Domina (as long as that is within the lines of the relationship consent structure). I appreciate you making a distinction between your sub orgasming *accidentally* as opposed to cumming without permission and reacting accordingly - recognizing they are not the same thing.

I believe that if you are engaging in orgasm control, cumming without permission IS a serious infraction and it should be treated that way.

But when the body betrays and you just can't hold it back any longer and your D either isn't in the room with you or misses the signals that they might need to interrupt the arousal cycle with pain or similar, the disappointment (at least for me) that I feel is real.

Having there be consequences for that failure to hold the edge or to have cum without permission feels necessary and cathartic to me. When I break a rule I've agreed to, even if I didn't mean to, getting a serious spanking or corner time of writing lines or having denial/edging play extended or whatever punishment he comes up with, feels good on a certain level. I submit to punishment. And the slate is reset. I can let go of feeling bad or guilty or anything else because he's washed me clean of it.

 

[dct10538]

"I'm not at all surprised your sub becomes very eager to please and finds a deep enthusiasm for "rigorous humiliation play". I would say you have a very lucky sub."

Thank you. It does lead to some truly inspired oral. Slow. Focused.

And it can extend from there. Scrubbed floors and washed cars.

I appreciate you recognizing the distinction.

 

[cascadiabound]

With regards to favorite techniques, I would say the single most common one I use is to have her rub herself swollen against various pieces of furniture or the like (this came from an earlier episode of disobedience - long story) and then periodically present herself for inspection. I can then use a toy or the crop handle to push it farther.

I won't ask for the details, but I'm starting to make up a story in my head which makes that particular edging style especially apropos.

I think there is something slightly humiliating and desperate feeling about being made to edge/masturbate on furniture or similar. Humping the arm of the couch trying to get some stimulation and mostly failing would definitely hit the masochistic list. And requiring it a certain amount of sadism.

Is it amusing for you to watch her do this? And do you tend to "inspect" pretty frequently?

"Edging combined with application of pussy spanking/pain can also induce a ruin."

Exactly. A sharp snap of the crop loop is best, I think. Another ploy is distracting pain on the breasts that can also sink her attempts - stinging nettles are particularly delicious.

Stinging nettles... I've read about those being used as part of pain play. Sounds delicious. And wicked. Especially if applied to breasts or inner thighs.

Thanks for the tips

 

[dct10538]

"Is it amusing for you to watch her do this? And do you tend to "inspect" pretty frequently?"

Well... yes.

"I won't ask for the details, but I'm starting to make up a story in my head which makes that particular edging style especially apropos."

Yes, details are for DMs. Interesting statement.

 

[cascadiabound]

Posting on behalf of another Litster:

I was reading your post on edging for women and wanted to give you some of my thoughts and what/how I help female subs edge effectively.

First off, with anything communication is so key. I have really honed my Dom side online and having several subs edge themselves for me is so hot, but not if it is just done randomly. I like to pay attention to what they say and share, bringing in those little tidbits to help create the most erotic/intense edging session possible. For instance, what that would look like is when in the feeling out stage, lets say a sub mentioned that their favorite flower was a rose. I would ask them, once we had established a connection and trust, to go out and buy a rose and use said rose to tease themselves, using it over their clit, teasing their nipples etc. maybe on the way home from purchasing said rose, find a public bathroom and edge there for a minute, nice quick erotic and "risky" but not too risky, just enough to get the juices flowing quite literally.

Another thing I like to do is have them DM me when they start edging, an ownership of sorts like when you have a goal of say working out and need a partner to help with that follow through, same instance except I ask them to describe what they are doing o themselves, making it as sexy as possible.

Third, I ask them to take pictures, they do not have to send them, but taking those pics I have found really enhances the erotic nature, because they are now thinking about sending those pics or they want to perform and get more and more "free".

 

[dct10538]

As I am apart from my current sub, pictures do not provide much outside of the visual. But your second point is absolutely essential in my humble opinion and very well put. In the buildup to a visit, it is wonderful to see the change in tenor of a denied sub over, say, the two weeks before her visit. And what I have found is once I got to know my sub and the tides of her emotions, I can sense any pulling away that might indicate s slip. Maybe it's my imagination. Maybe not.

 

[cascadiabound]

Cross posted from another thread (How does it feel to be a Dominant), excerpts:

When I became sexually active, it was "natural" for me to be assertive and dominating. Orgasm control/edging/denial is probably my first truly dominant act I felt like I had my sub's entire world in my hands. There was a learning curve but I learned quickly that in BDSM, I was able to focus my sub on whatever their goals/needs were.

[edit] I quickly learned that my skills and care made what I did with and to my lovers, fulfilling for them. For me, their reaction manifest in total devotion, subservience and worship born of explicit trust made me whole. The control and responsibility I felt when I did apply punishment, funishment, etc. somehow made my pleasure intensely powerful.

That my pleasure was enhanced at bringing pain (albeit directed and purposeful) to a woman giving me her obedience surprised me. The things I learned I was capable of when a sub wanted extreme treatment disturbed and titillated me. There's something feral that's just below the surface, controlled but fed when a sub is under my hand.

There was always the immense pleasure in driving a sub mad with desire before allowing her to experience her own that made me even more voracious and aggressive in bed. I don't have the words to adequately describe the overwhelming power and satisfaction when a subs entire world is centered on what I give her or allow her to have.

[snip]

It's difficult to describe the feeling of power AND responsibility when she submits to something that holds trauma for her. Rewriting the significance of what those acts mean to her. Trust is a hell of an aphrodisiac.

Having someone trust you enough to give over their orgasms, to give over to regimens of edging and denial - that is a LOT of trust.

I have written elsewhere about how BDSM helped me heal from traumas. Edging and control are part of the pathway to that healing for me.

And it creates a powerful aphrodisiac on both sides I would argue.

 

[KindredFlame]

Not to play counselor, but perhaps you should go back to those days!

I didn’t say it stoped did I. These days it is a little more refined as I am a married woman after all. like if that makes a difference.

 

[cascadiabound]

I didn’t say it stoped did I. These days it is a little more refined as I am a married woman after all. like if that makes a difference.

Any thoughts or tips on edging you might like to share? Sounds like you have quite a demanding Domme/wife. I would think kinky lesbian couples would have a lot of experience with this topic.

 

[KindredFlame]

I am only one half of a couple. It’s simple or is it?

The first and often easiest technique for prolonging pleasure involves a simple "stop and start" method. As the exhilarating wave of orgasm begins to build and you feel it approaching, immediately cease all stimulation, whether you are touching yourself or being stimulated by a partner. Take a deliberate pause, allowing the intense sensations to recede and your arousal to dip slightly. Once the overwhelming urge has subsided, you or your partner can then resume stimulation, gently restarting the build-up of pleasure. This process is repeated as many times as desired, enabling you to ride the edge of climax and extend the period of heightened arousal.

 

[SirSparky]

I am only one half of a couple. It’s simple or is it?

The first and often easiest technique for prolonging pleasure involves a simple "stop and start" method. As the exhilarating wave of orgasm begins to build and you feel it approaching, immediately cease all stimulation, whether you are touching yourself or being stimulated by a partner. Take a deliberate pause, allowing the intense sensations to recede and your arousal to dip slightly. Once the overwhelming urge has subsided, you or your partner can then resume stimulation, gently restarting the build-up of pleasure. This process is repeated as many times as desired, enabling you to ride the edge of climax and extend the period of heightened arousal.

Exactly this with maybe a pussy spank or two lol.

I love making a woman edge and deny her orgasm

 

[KindredFlame]

Exactly this with maybe a pussy spank or two lol.

I love making a woman edge and deny her orgasm

You would.

 

[dct10538]

I am only one half of a couple. It’s simple or is it?

The first and often easiest technique for prolonging pleasure involves a simple "stop and start" method. As the exhilarating wave of orgasm begins to build and you feel it approaching, immediately cease all stimulation, whether you are touching yourself or being stimulated by a partner. Take a deliberate pause, allowing the intense sensations to recede and your arousal to dip slightly. Once the overwhelming urge has subsided, you or your partner can then resume stimulation, gently restarting the build-up of pleasure. This process is repeated as many times as desired, enabling you to ride the edge of climax and extend the period of heightened arousal.

This, punctuated by occasional and unpredictable impacts.

 

[SmilingLez]

my ex would put an ice cube in each of my hands (I would have to make clenched fists) after stopping all touch. definitely a pleasurable pain. Adding this to over stimulation bumps up the jolt

 

[KindredFlame]

my ex would put an ice cube in each of my hands (I would have to make clenched fists) after stopping all touch. definitely a pleasurable pain. Adding this to over stimulation bumps up the jolt

My wife used to and still dose make me run on our treadmill with a remote discrete vibrator inside my knickers and set it at a speed just above my comfort level the distance normally 5k with it set at random surfaces ultimate running or what

 

[SmilingLez]

My wife used to and still dose make me run on our treadmill with a remote discrete vibrator inside my knickers and set it at a speed just above my comfort level the distance normally 5k with it set at random surfaces ultimate running or what

Damn woman, i don't know if i could stay upright and running while being vibrated

 

[KindredFlame]

Damn woman, i don't know if i could stay upright and running while being vibrated

By the end my legs are normally jelly. She keeps me on the edge adjusting the speed. She has been away for a week and she says she has got me some new toys so I hope to enjoy them or not soon.

 

[KindredFlame]

I suppose I could go and play on my Sybian for a while.

 

[SmilingLez]

I suppose I could go and play on my Sybian for a while.

i googled that. looks like fun - riding an "internal" bull

 

[KindredFlame]

Yes it can be but wow it can be mind blowing as a tournament we have a stool that it sits on very nicely. If I have been very naughty my wife bless her silk knickers picks an attachment and I sit on it in what ever whole she says. On the stool and with me on top I can only touch the ground with. My big toes and she will leave me there hands tied above my head so I can not get off. While she takes a shower. Riding the wave is nothing compared to this.

 

[cascadiabound]

Yes it can be but wow it can be mind blowing as a tournament we have a stool that it sits on very nicely. If I have been very naughty my wife bless her silk knickers picks an attachment and I sit on it in what ever whole she says. On the stool and with me on top I can only touch the ground with. My big toes and she will leave me there hands tied above my head so I can not get off. While she takes a shower. Riding the wave is nothing compared to this.

Sybian is definitely on my bucket list of things I'd like to try

Having it used as a prolonged edging machine sounds absolutely devious. Your wife is brilliant and sadistic. Lovely!

 

[dct10538]

One more occurred to me in the gym: anxiety can tamp down an impending orgasm. As in, whisper in her ear that you're going to [something not loved] to her, or something as mundane as waving a paddle in front of her face or the like.

 

[KindredFlame]

One more occurred to me in the gym: anxiety can tamp down an impending orgasm. As in, whisper in her ear that you're going to [something not loved] to her, or something as mundane as waving up paddle in front of her face or the like.

Anxiety is a passion killer or mood dampening at the least.