First time swingers club advice

[MaturemanAJ]

Then by god, her hookup for the evening had better respect that or he should be beaten, kicked out and maybe even charged with rape. He ignored her boundaries. Forcing your fingers inside of a woman who tells you not to, is rape.

But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a husband telling his wife what HE IS allowing her to do during her hookups. That, to my thinking, is bullshit and will ultimately fail. ..If you're giving your partner permission to have sex with others that then it's for HER to decide and express to her hookup what she is or isn't comfortable with. Not you.

When we did swap we really had no rules because these were long time friends.
For me making out with someone becomes way too intimate and the rules go both ways not just me dictating things

 

[MyMostSecretLife]

Swingers’ clubs - at lest the nicer ones - are always very chill and respectful. Nobody will push you into doing something uncomfortable and everybody respects boundaries.

Maybe turn up and just watch, check out the vibe? There are always drinks and nibbles, and you can take your time figuring out which room to visit or even whether to strip down completely. Nobody will pressure you.

I love the lifestyle. Nobody judges you and you get to have lots of amazing sex with attractive, interesting people. Stick to the nicer meet-ups if you can. A particularly classy example I discussed here recently is the Penthouse Playroom in London (my welcome: https://www.imagebam.com/view/ME15B1UL) but there are equivalents in every major city.

Good luck!

Thank you for your advice, EmmAgain. Have you visited any in the US?

 

[hugh_jarce69]

This sounds really exciting @LittleGreene . I hope it works out for you. Some great advice here

Wish I had this sort of relationship.

 

[LittleGreene]

This sounds really exciting @LittleGreene . I hope it works out for you. Some great advice here

Wish I had this sort of relationship.

Thank you. Less than 2 weeks now

 

[bondandmoneypenny]

Rules are mutual, not one sided. And malleable. You're going to find that, if you continue in the LS, rules change. No kissing? That was one of our rules at the outset. It quickly became...odd not to kiss someone. Rules aren't him telling her what she can and can't do. They are mutually agreed upon and applied. And they change.

MP

 

[LittleGreene]

Thank you much. You’re not the first to tell us that rules can bend.

And I’m not sure I could do sex without kissing. In fact for our first visit kissing is a thing we’ve both agreed we can explore if available and willing.

 

[bondandmoneypenny]

We figured out early on that kissing is like an appetizer for us. We like appetizers.

MP

 

[LMWM321]

Thank you much. You’re not the first to tell us that rules can bend.

And I’m not sure I could do sex without kissing. In fact for our first visit kissing is a thing we’ve both agreed we can explore if available and willing.

Okay, so rules can bend? Do you mean bending a rule in the moment then admitting to it and apologizing for it later, or finding you really want to something that was forbidden so you ask to do it going forward?

To my thinking, if you're permission for your partner to have sex with others is predicated on what can and can't go where in the heat of the moment, it's inevitable a line will be crossed.

I think the only rule that makes sense is to agree that there aren't any. A couple needs to be fully okay with whatever consensual sex happens with the other's hookup or they're not really ready to share their partner with someone else. So I'd take swinging off the table.

 

[LittleGreene]

Okay, so rules can bend? Do you mean bending a rule in the moment then admitting to it and apologizing for it later, or finding you really want to something that was forbidden so you ask to do it going forward?

To my thinking, if you're permission for your partner to have sex with others is predicated on what can and can't go where in the heat of the moment, it's inevitable a line will be crossed.

I think the only rule that makes sense is to agree that there aren't any. A couples needs to be fully okay with whatever consensual sex happens between their spouse and his/her hookup or you're not really ready to share your partner with anyone else. So I'd take swinging off the table.

No - sorry, I meant over time they should bend with experience (not in the heat of the moment)

That was badly worded from me.

This first visit has hard boundaries we have set and won’t be broken.

 

[Live4themoments]

Since you are going for the first time you might want to consider this. It will take a couple of times though. The first time going it may "blow your mind" and the things you see are beyond imagination. Or on the other hand, if you already have a preconceived idea based on what you were told or read it may be a little disappointing. The first time going if you can maintain self control, just go and watch/observe what takes place. Take mental notes of situations, the people there, people you talked and flirted with, any propositions, etc. Don't engage in any sexual activity there (yeah much willpower is called for), go back to your place and discuss what happened that night with husband/sig other. Talk about details, what you enjoyed or disliked, what to do in certain situations, what you are interested in doing, and so on. Then modify or create your rules with a better understanding what takes place. Think about and discuss what if situations and how your partner would feel or respond. The next night (or opportunity) revisit with these new rules and enjoy yourselves. Best of luck.

 

[Trailrider6647]

Our first and only time happened way back in 1995. We picked a Saturday night, but for some strange reason, it was a small crowd. We watched one couple go at it pretty good. Once he finished, the woman had a friend who used a dildo on her until she had one last climax. After that things got slow so we left the couples area. There were several single guys hitting on my wife too hard, so we went back to the couples only area. There were a few couples, but nobody was playing. A younger couple showed up and the female was very drunk, and trying to give her partner a blow job. It wasn’t a pretty sight. On the drive back to our hotel, my wife admitted she had several orgasms from just watching, and not touching herself. That lead to a night of all out fucking.

 

[EmmAgain]

Thank you for your advice, EmmAgain. Have you visited any in the US?

Oh definitely! Eden (west coast), Bowery (NY), Bliss in Miami, SNCTM (varies) - all great, classy meet-ups with fun people. There are generally age limits and photo applications for these places. This was a large part of my life 2018-19.

Otherwise, there are plenty of local groups on FB. Once you’re in and people know you, word of mouth travels fast and you’ll find yourself being invited to private events (of varying quality).

 

[LMWM321]

I can see the appeal of going to a swingers club. ..It's a way for a couple to engage in non-monogamy that compartmentalizes the activity which helps to prevent it from spilling over into their personal live. By comparison, allowing hall-passes and travel hookups could perhaps more easily morph into ongoing relationships which could imperil the marriage. So, yeah, I get the appeal of Swingers Clubs from that perspective.

But the chances that my wife and I would both meet someone we're sufficiently interested in fucking, seems very very low. In a bar full of attractive men, my wife might be sufficiently physically attracted to maybe just 3 or so. ..Then, after having a conversation with those 3, her interest may dwindle down to just one or none at all. Not great odds.

As for watching other people having sex? Well, that might excite her which could make sex for us later more exciting. So maybe it would be worthwhile for that reason.

 

[Lifestyle66]

When a married couple is planning to go to a club or hook up with another couple, there need to be some "rules".

These are not necessarily hard and fast laws, forbidding some things or giving your spouse "permission", as if you own your spouse's body. The rules come from discussions ahead of time to define your partner's limits or expectations, and to remain together as a couple to get more out of the experience, while remaining "faithful" to your spouse.

The rules might be as simple as a husband saying: "Don't even TRY to kiss me after you've had another guy's cock in your mouth until you've brushed your teeth!" Or the wife might say: "Don't put your cock in me after you've been in another woman until you've showered!" Or a rule might be "Condoms are REQUIRED for penetrative sex! No exceptions!"

A husband may not want to use condoms. But a wife might be leery of her husband impregnating another woman. Or it may be that one is deathly afraid of their spouse picking up an STD. A wife might have unprotected sex, only to find afterwards the husband saying, "I'm not fucking you without a condom at least until after your next period, so if you're pregnant, I'll know it's not mine!"

You need to know your spouse and their opinions and limits. Whether you call them "rules" or not is your choice. But without those rules, what is it that you as a couple are looking for in the sharing lifestyle? Are you in it together? Or are you each out there just looking for as much sex as you selfishly can get, without regard to your spouse?

 

[LittleGreene]

pro tip:
when in doubt, ask for ass to mouth

Seems like a good first visit limit…..

 

[LittleGreene]

Since you are going for the first time you might want to consider this. It will take a couple of times though. The first time going it may "blow your mind" and the things you see are beyond imagination. Or on the other hand, if you already have a preconceived idea based on what you were told or read it may be a little disappointing. The first time going if you can maintain self control, just go and watch/observe what takes place. Take mental notes of situations, the people there, people you talked and flirted with, any propositions, etc. Don't engage in any sexual activity there (yeah much willpower is called for), go back to your place and discuss what happened that night with husband/sig other. Talk about details, what you enjoyed or disliked, what to do in certain situations, what you are interested in doing, and so on. Then modify or create your rules with a better understanding what takes place. Think about and discuss what if situations and how your partner would feel or respond. The next night (or opportunity) revisit with these new rules and enjoy yourselves. Best of luck.

Thai is great advice that needs great control

 

[Live4themoments]

Thai is great advice that needs great control

A definite test of willpower. Hopefully after you go back to your place the pent up passion will be put to good use! Oh yeah, another tip.....drink some coffee so you won't fall asleep once you get back to your place, a definite mood killer.