How NOT to Get Lit Laid- A Parody Thread

[Apisto42]

It couldn't be you! You'd get the spelling all wrong, Antipasta!

All spelling mistakes are autocorrects fault.

I’m fucking impeccable.

 

[AtramentousRex]

Guys, Guys! This is supposed to be a funny thread, why are you all posting about me?? I'm flattered, truly, but we should stick to ways NOT to get laid.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Become forklift certified. The ultimate panty dropper

 

[HopefulRetirement]

Nothing screams sexy like pulling out your scab collection. Seriously, each jagged, fleshy scab is a story on its own. They'll love it!

 

[Pad_Foot]

Ask if you can send them free, never been used, crazy kinky sex toys. Do this before you even begin any intimacies. Let your freak fly!!

 

[barefootgirl69]

Nothing screams sexy like pulling out your scab collection. Seriously, each jagged, fleshy scab is a story on its own. They'll love it!

That's gross.
But funny.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Show her your official Buzz Light-year: Space Ranger bedding set

 

[AtramentousRex]

Ask a Lit Beauty in a public thread if she will spank you while you call her mommy. Especially if you're the same age. Its bound to make her panties wet.

 

[Apisto42]

Ask a Lit Beauty in a public thread if she will spank you while you call her mommy. Especially if you're the same age. Its bound to make her panties wet.

Hey, I’m sure there’s more than one woman out there that would. No kink shaming here.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Show her your official Buzz Light-year: Space Ranger bedding set

To INFINITY

And don't forget the beyond!

 

[JustinCase1313]

Show her your official Buzz Light-year: Space Ranger bedding set

Wouldn't showing your Buzz Light-year be a nice change? ...since most guys rush to show their Woody?
The thing to remember - at the end of a long day, women always have their 'toys and stories'

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Explain the art of accounting when they are revealing something intimate. Works every time.

 

[Neanderthal247]

We're men, most of us don't need to try, the ladies are just stingy and don't want to share with regular folk

 

[Pad_Foot]

Mansplain even if you are absolutely clueless

Women love a strong authoritarian know it all !!

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Nag. Nag about everything. That's how your connection knows you care.

 

[EvaLane]

Ignore everyone!! Even people you like?!!! Post photos while ignoring people!?? Sure to win ‘em over every timeeee, ladies

 

[GallantWriter]

Just send dick pics to everyone. Even if they say not too. You won't alienate anyone.

 

[Apisto42]

Don’t try to get laid. You’ll get mixed results, but it’s heavily weighted to not getting laid.

 

[barefootgirl69]

•Whine and complain in every post!

•Act like you know everything, even if it's obvious that you don't.

•Write every female Litster that posts, and copy/paste to all the new ones, we don't want anyone feeling left out.

 

[smtst5]

Tell someone all of the reasons why they should sleep with you.

 

[Wand3rlust]

<furiously making notes>

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Tell them they remind you of OnlyFans model

 

[Wand3rlust]

Tell them they remind you of another OnlyFans model...

 

[Wand3rlust]

Correct their grammar during sexting.

 

[HopefulRetirement]

Sure fire way to avoid what everyone wants in here?

Easy. Tell them you love them. Tell them that although you've only ever seen a breast picture or funny post, that your soul is intimately intertwined with theirs.

Share how your babies are going to look and how you'll raise them out in a double wide you share with your cousin-uncle.

Tell them your heart screams in rage when they react to other people's posts and describe in intimate detail how you curl into a ball of tears and agony.

Fellas, remember, a woman loves a man who's in touch with his feminine side. Share how you carry feminine products on you just in case they need it.