Five_Inch_Heels
Unexpected
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2015
- Posts
- 2,867
Won't be getting any more.
A dog ate my comments.
A dog ate my comments.
Last edited:
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Success does breed the thieves. One truncated a story at a place I never would have, Maybe trying to hid the theft. Copyright software found it anyway. The hilarious part...it was the so-called site moderator doing it.There is a bit more to that. I stopped posting stories here when I found out that ALL my Lit stories are being sold on Amazon by somebody else! Contacted Amazon and they did NOTHING. Had to create an Amazon account under this name and upload the stories there. So now there are at least two copies of exactly the same content with exactly the same titles, but different authors. Oh, well. As far as I know, if one first publishes on Amazon, their work is a bit more protected. Though given that most of if us don't write under our real names we are not going to file law suits to enforce the copyright issues.
For just your fourth story, an amazing job. You have received some excellent comments. So I will just offer a few suggestions to further improve.
1) The subtitle: A man is set up for a prank, but who will be the victor? It gives too much away and removes some of the tension that makes the story interesting.
2) For an erotic coupling story the quick action with Liz would sound natural. In a Romance, that was too fast and made it seem like an older more experience guy took advantage of a young woman's youthful crush, which seems predatory instead of romantic.
3) Don't let the early high ratings go to your head.
4) Consider getting a strong editor and use the editor once you have an idea what you want to write. That approach can help you avoid the pitfalls that take away from the story's quality.
I’m always amazed by your virtuosity. You did everything right: The tone, the voice, the plot, even the name of the narrator. You also succeeded in capturing the essence of the authors you mentioned. Bradbury, in particular.
Your stories are always so smart and I often have to pause to look up things (which is awesome). I had never heard of a Hidebehind or a Buck Moon, for example. And I wound up going down a rabbit hole about Magic Lanterns.
On a side note, your works have pushed me to improve my own writing.
You conjured up not just the idiom of the time and place, but the mindset and thought processes too. So entirely convincing, I could feel the heat and smell the superstition (which turned out to be entirely justified). What you've done here is manage to adapt South American magic realism for a North American milleu, so that the Cohens were an influence seems entirely apt. There was a timeless quality to this - it felt like it could have been set at any point post WW2, which was entirely in keeping with the theme of some forces in the world being almost outside of time - the mountains for one. Loved seeing libraries playing a small but vital role once more.
This tale is most delightful and compelling. It is completely captivating. I'll add another author to the list that your tale brings to mind: Manly Wade Wellman. Like this story, his writings typically were set in Appalachia. They also tended to have a hunt of the fantastic.
OKAY FINE I'LL READ ITI wasn't sure whether to stick my head above the parapet again, but fuck it. These comments, back-to-back, mean so much. Thank you @EmilyMiller and @FrancesScott. I'm very much still on the learning curve here, but this will keep me going for a while.
EmilyMiller
PennyT told me recently that I sometimes wrote about subjects that she found ick IRL, but in such a way that I sucked her into the story. Maybe that’s true, but I have to bow down to you in this area. I never though T/I could be as moving and real and heartfelt and explicable as how you wrote it. It was affecting, and sweet, and sad, and believable. Congratulations, you have real ability, and a real sense of human feelings and frailties.Emily
FrancesScott
It takes a bit to make me tear up. I was very uncertain about reading this. Incest is not something I have any interest in. But the humanity was the most important thing. And that was there in surfeit. I’m not going to make a habit of reading this category. But I’m glad I made an exception for an exceptional story. I need a Kleenex.
Okay so… I don’t even know where to start and I already feel weirdly emotional? This story completely wrecked me - in the gentlest, kindest, most beautifully respectful way.
There was so much care in every word. Every boundary you honored. Every moment you let breathe instead of rushing. Ram’s story was handled with such tenderness - I actually had to put my phone down more than once just to sit with it. The way you wrote her trauma… it wasn’t just accurate, it was felt. You didn’t try to fix her. You just let her be. And that - that was everything.
And Liz? Sweet, earnest, slightly-disaster queer baby deer Liz? I loved her. So much. The way she fumbled and asked and waited and kept showing up. I saw myself in her - not in the cool, aspirational way, but in the “oh god please don’t let me ruin this” way that’s so real it hurts a little.
The intimacy in this story wasn’t loud. It wasn’t performative. It was slow, and awkward, and true. And weirdly? That made it hotter. You made safety sexy. You made love feel like something possible again - not because it’s easy, but because it’s chosen. Carefully. Day by day.
Also. The ferry scene? Yeah. That one’s going to live in my chest for a while. Rent-free. Probably rearranging furniture.
I just… really respect this. Not just as a reader but as a human person who needed to see that this kind of love can exist. Thank you for writing it the way you did. Thank you for trusting us with it.
Honestly, it was perfect.
You 100% deserve these words here and more!Okay, so this one on "Forty" by @BeneathHerBraid made my month, not just my day. She'd told me via DM that she'd written a comment but it wasn't showing up, and then, like a week later, it finally got approved. Sometimes, the anticipation leads to anticlimax. Not with this comment:
Wrecking readers gently: life goals!
That story and its 82K words has been sitting on my 'to read' list, staring at me, for a while now. Thanks for the push. Right after the book club novel. By the way, 'probably rearranging furniture' is one of the most awesome lines I've seen in a comment!You 100% deserve these words here and more!
Nice.Finally your works has awoken my own lust at writing again. It's a slow awakening but there is a few works in the pipeline. Not sure how soon they will be finished and it what order. And even if they will ever be good enough for me to publish. But thanks anyway for the wake up call.