✨Highlights and Bombshells💥

[birdy]

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

I’m glad that you made that move for your family and that you get to make a fresh start. I hope that it is going well!

I think some people are naturally blunt and it can come naturally, I'm just not one of those people lol.

Thank you! So far so good!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I think I am the opposite, hard and blunt. A lot of people think of me as standoffish, or direct ( If they are being polite ). It's unfortunately suited me well in regards to a career etc

Sorry to barge into the conversation, on brand I guess.

You are welcomed to participate in the conversation

 

[velona]

What a gift that you learned this, and in your 20, too. To have that perspective at such a young age is really impressive.

It sounds like such a cathartic experience- maybe it sounds corny but it was a chrysalis moment- like you were emerging as a new form of yourself.

It was an important moment but I don’t want to give the impression that things magically changed! It gave me an insight that I return to again and again, but I still fight against the perfectionist tendencies or (worse) sometimes hear her critical voice coming out of my mouth. It’s always a journey.

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

I think it’s a skill like any other. Some people learn it the hard way but it’s so important to teach kids how to identify emotions, talk about needs, and set boundaries so they don’t have to figure it out in their own as they go. I think of how much time and energy I would have saved in my life if I had been taught some of these skills early on!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

It was an important moment but I don’t want to give the impression that things magically changed! It gave me an insight that I return to again and again, but I still fight against the perfectionist tendencies or (worse) sometimes hear her critical voice coming out of my mouth. It’s always a journey.

Absolutely. Good days and not so good days. I still hear my dad’s voice too. Usually if I’m already in a negative place (especially if I haven’t eaten anything - it is really a thing with me) I will hear and believe those nasty things he has said over the years. Then I need to recenter, (eat some protein), and remember more healthy thoughts.

I think it’s a skill like any other. Some people learn it the hard way but it’s so important to teach kids how to identify emotions, talk about needs, and set boundaries so they don’t have to figure it out in their own as they go. I think of how much time and energy I would have saved in my life if I had been taught some of these skills early on!

It’s starting to be part of the curriculum but it needs to be a bigger focus in school, I think. So many people would benefit from it.

 

[Lmizzler]

Oh man. This is brutal and there is nothing simple about it. Big Hugs for you.

Thanks for your honesty in talking about it so candidly with all of us.

The best moments of confrontation that I have seen or experienced (both me doing it or me seeing it happen) have been the firm but kind method. It's direct and firm in tone but also seasoned with an element of understanding for the other person. They are not blasting the other person but they are letting them know that you aren't going to put up with that and explaining why. They are generally already on the defensive so blasting them only makes the situation that much worse. But if you can counter them with a firm statement of why the way they are treating you isn't acceptable, then it is more easily accepted. That doesn't mean that they won't still be upset for a little while, but it does seem to sink in better than other methods I've seen.

For the record, I've also had people communicate this way to me when I was being too much. It stings at first but looking back I realize I was being an idiot and the person was working hard to protect themself and still maintain a relationship with me at the time.

 

[hotwords229_A]

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

This is me you are describing.

I think a lot of it is luck. My parents aren’t perfect, but they did a hell of a job and are still great today.
There were very hard times and some personality issues to overcome, but it all worked out for the better.

Was I raised to be my own person? Sure. But some of that is also just who I am.

I think nature and nurture are on pretty even ground in this one.

I’ve never been a people pleaser. I’ve never fit in with people, in general. And somehow, whether it was taught or just within me, I was comfortable being me and if nobody liked it they could take a hike.

I think my parents helped me through that, but didn’t necessarily teach it to me.

The great irony I’ve discovered is that the more honest and direct I am with people, even when I tell them I don’t care about them at all, the more they seem to like me. Or, at least, respect me.
So I guess I people please by not trying to please them. People are weird.

This is a little off topic. Just thought I’d throw my perspective of a non-people pleasing lifestyle.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I should also mention that I’m single with no kids.

I wonder if there’s a connection.

 

[Qky75]

I miss being able to sing

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

I should also mention that I’m single with no kids.

I wonder if there’s a connection.

There’s a difference between not being a people pleaser and then repelling people. You do not repel people, in fact quite the opposite, as evident by how many people frequent your threads and enjoy talking with you here.

I miss being able to sing

I hope that you’re able to return to it if that’s what you want to do in the future. If not, hopefully you can look back fondly on those memories.

 

[Mei5ter]

As I’m writing this list, I’m thinking, are there people who this just comes naturally to? Like if someone in their lives is pushy or demanding, they have no trouble telling them to step back and if they can’t respect their space, they can’t be in their life, and that’s that. And then they don’t think twice about it. Are their people like that? Or do people get to be like that at an early age because they’ve had to sink or swim? Because they’ve had to learn those coping skills early on and they are just really good at them at a young age for that reason?

Not really. If someone in my life is pushy or demanding, I'll just quietly withdraw.

Defining boundaries for people who won't respect them is just exhausting and a waste of time.

I'm not sure that this is a coping skill or anything to be proud of. It's probably emotional laziness if anything. But there are people who, as soon as they meet your boundaries, keep wanting to poke them, or test them, or feel the urge to move just a little bit past them, or renegotiate them.

I get this all the time at work, where clients want me to give them slightly different or preferential treatment. Bend the rules for them. Bend what's legal. Cut them a deal. Do them a special favour. It's a combination of greed, power games, and ego, and I hate it.

Happens on Lit too sometimes. I don't like that much either. Testing my boundaries and poking to get a reaction isn't cute and adorable. It's disrespectful and annoying, and it's probably why I stopped talking to you.

I'm grumpy this morning. Carry on.

 

[SimonSex]

Hello, It’s Me…​

No, not Adele. Just me. I do like that song though. I wish I could sing like her. Or like BadAmy. If you were here when she was here, you might remember a Litster who could siiiing. I mean, really sing. She was so good. Can anybody here really sing? Well… I know one person — yes I’m looking at YOU. There are actually a number of people here who can.
If you can sing, and you want to let us hear it, leave a vocoroo. I’d love to hear. !! I know there’s real talent here.
Ok. That was a complete tangent.
I was starting to explain why I’ve been mostly away for a while.
I was spending time with THAT FAMILY MEMBER who makes me feel the broadest range of emotions of anyone in my life. We all have someone like that in our lives. For me, it’s my dad..

Exhale. Inhale. Repeat.

Oof, that’s tough stuff, L_I_B. Thanks so much for posting and yes, writing such inner thoughts is cathartic for me as well.

Your lived experience reads like so many scenes played out on film under similar circumstances, but sure is different when it’s your own life and your own feelings. Hugs

My own dad was a fatally flawed human, but a very decent one. When I received the phone call informing me of his death, from a complete stranger, I was somehow simultaneously shocked and prepared for that news. I suppose I had been bracing in anticipation of it for much of my life.

He had dependencies (alcohol & nicotine),
poor health and depression. Mom left him when he refused help, and by that point I was an adult. In many ways, his swift passing was a blessing as he laid no burdens on us, and those potential burdens could have been numerous and suffocating.

He never met his grandchildren, and for that I am sad. I do get to cherry pick the very best of him in stories and photos with my children.
So, it has been my choice to embrace the best of him and discard the rest which has already been processed through therapy and time. It’s over a quarter of a century now since he left the building, and while I seldom think of him, when I do it is with happiness.

 

[Endless_Night]

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.? ​

My family group is dysfunctional, meaning there have been a few problematic relationships. Being family oriented, it was something of a struggle to deal with people who saw nothing wrong with the status quo and vilified any member of the tribe who spoke against or tried to change the established norm. Trying to maintain interaction was stressful, and exhausting, and took a heavy toll.

About ten years ago I started walking away from those relationships. As of five years ago I'm no longer in contact with any of my original or extended family.

It was a grueling, painful process, but, honestly, I wish I had done it much sooner.

As far as non familial boundaries, those aren't much of an issue. I am reserved as to opening up to new relationships and I don't work in a public sphere.

 

[Mrtenant]

I guess as far as a prompt goes, I’d welcome you to share about whether you can relate to having that person in your life who has caused you to have the most therapy bills or that you’ve had to figure out how to manage. How did you do it? What were the challenges? Have you managed some victories? What do you still need to do to protect yourself l, if anything.?

Thank you for reading, if you’ve made it this far. Sometimes it just helps to write and put it out there.

For me, it was both my parents. Mom was shot and killed when I was 18, six months after HS graduation. Mom and dad were divorced for many years prior. He lived 24 hour drive away in Ohio and died a year later of cancer.

First of all. I was broken in all kinds of ways that year from those two events.

I ended up in jail for a misdemeanor. Dallas jail, sucks. Is scary as fuck. I was there only a day. Granted, I had done so many other things prior to that where I could have gone to prison, but managed to avoid.

I got a court appointed probation officer- who was fine as hell. I still have fantasies about her.

I also had to do counseling for a year. I saw the benefit it was having in me and did it for 3 years. I got my head together. Healed a lot of emotional wounds inflicted on me from poverty and being different than many people. I learned some emotional intelligence. Grew up a little. Still growing. I have more tools to deal with things now than I did then.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Happens on Lit too sometimes. I don't like that much either. Testing my boundaries and poking to get a reaction isn't cute and adorable. It's disrespectful and annoying, and it's probably why I stopped talking to you.

Yes that “cute” poking and prodding gets old real quick. It’s one thing to tease and be playful if you’ve already worked out that you’re both safe people to do that with, but it’s another entirely if it’s with someone who never earned that to begin with. Or who lost that privilege long ago.

I'm grumpy this morning. Carry on.

I’m hoping that your day got better and that you feel better now.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

He never met his grandchildren, and for that I am sad. I do get to cherry pick the very best of him in stories and photos with my children.

This is going to stay with me— I love how you phrased this - “cherry picking the very best of him”. Thank you for that phrase. I think that that is such a gracious way to describe it.

So, it has been my choice to embrace the best of him and discard the rest which has already been processed through therapy and time. It’s over a quarter of a century now since he left the building, and while I seldom think of him, when I do it is with happiness.

Yes. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

 

[Mei5ter]

I don't work in a public sphere.

So this isn't you?

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

About ten years ago I started walking away from those relationships. As of five years ago I'm no longer in contact with any of my original or extended family.

This must have been so hard to do, especially if you were the only one. But wow, good for you for being so brave and making that change for your own emotional health.

It was a grueling, painful process, but, honestly, I wish I had done it much sooner.

Yes I can see how it would be, but also worth it.

I also had to do counseling for a year. I saw the benefit it was having in me and did it for 3 years. I got my head together. Healed a lot of emotional wounds inflicted on me from poverty and being different than many people. I learned some emotional intelligence. Grew up a little. Still growing. I have more tools to deal with things now than I did then.

Thank you so much for sharing what you have learned and how you have coped throughout the years. I agree that it’s important to remember that we are all still learning and growing constantly. And each of these experiences gives us more tools to work with.

 

[SimonSex]

For me, it was both my parents. Mom was shot and killed when I was 18, six months after HS graduation. Mom and dad were divorced for many years prior. He lived 24 hour drive away in Ohio and died a year later of cancer.

First of all. I was broken in all kinds of ways that year from those two events.

I ended up in jail for a misdemeanor. Dallas jail, sucks. Is scary as fuck. I was there only a day. Granted, I had done so many other things prior to that where I could have gone to prison, but managed to avoid.

I got a court appointed probation officer- who was fine as hell. I still have fantasies about her.

I also had to do counseling for a year. I saw the benefit it was having in me and did it for 3 years. I got my head together. Healed a lot of emotional wounds inflicted on me from poverty and being different than many people. I learned some emotional intelligence. Grew up a little. Still growing. I have more tools to deal with things now than I did then.

Respect, my friend. Respect and well done.

 

[Mrtenant]

Respect, my friend. Respect and well done.

Thank you, sir. What I posted was the short version. Life was really hard then. It took years to build a life from nothing.

 

[Mrtenant]

Exhale. Inhale. Repeat.

Oof, that’s tough stuff, L_I_B. Thanks so much for posting and yes, writing such inner thoughts is cathartic for me as well.

Your lived experience reads like so many scenes played out on film under similar circumstances, but sure is different when it’s your own life and your own feelings. Hugs

My own dad was a fatally flawed human, but a very decent one. When I received the phone call informing me of his death, from a complete stranger, I was somehow simultaneously shocked and prepared for that news. I suppose I had been bracing in anticipation of it for much of my life.

He had dependencies (alcohol & nicotine),
poor health and depression. Mom left him when he refused help, and by that point I was an adult. In many ways, his swift passing was a blessing as he laid no burdens on us, and those potential burdens could have been numerous and suffocating.

He never met his grandchildren, and for that I am sad. I do get to cherry pick the very best of him in stories and photos with my children.
So, it has been my choice to embrace the best of him and discard the rest which has already been processed through therapy and time. It’s over a quarter of a century now since he left the building, and while I seldom think of him, when I do it is with happiness.

That's the way of it. I like it. Good man!

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

You made me think of this when I saw it today. When you look back over what you wrote, I hope that you see something inspiring. I did.

Thank you for sharing those sensitive and personal parts of your lives. And for reading and commenting on mine. Or just thinking about it.

 

[Endless_Night]

I do get to cherry pick the very best of him in stories and photos with my children.
So, it has been my choice to embrace the best of him and discard the rest which has already been processed through therapy and time. It’s over a quarter of a century now since he left the building, and while I seldom think of him, when I do it is with happiness.

This is lovely.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Questionnaire​

Let’s (high)lighten the mood! I love a good questionnaire, especially one that allows for some creativity. Below you will find 20 questions. Yes, 20. That’s a lot. You do not have to answer all 20. You can answer whichever ones you want to answer. We won’t judge.

1. Do you make wishes on your birthday candles before blowing them out? Would you care to share what your last birthday wish was?
2. You discover a spider in your kitchen. What do you do?
3. What is your favorite comfort meal?
4. What is something about which people have a misconception?
5. Where do you feel the most at peace?
6. Finish this sentence. My favorite _____ is ______.
7. What are you looking forward to?
8. What was your last memorable encounter with something found in nature?
9. Hidden talents or hobbies? Something you are trying to master?
10. If you could make grilled cheese sandwiches with anyone alive or dead, who would it be? And what is your grilled cheese recipe?
11. Who are your heroes or heroines, real or fictional?
12. Are you optimistic about the future?
13. What is a smell that stops you in your tracks?
14. If you could come back as any organism, what would you come back as?
15. What is something new you’ve done recently
16. What's a small, seemingly insignificant thing that brings you immense joy or comfort
17. What's a goal or dream you've been hesitant to pursue? What's holding you back, and what's one small step you can take towards it?
18. If you could write a letter of appreciation to someone who deeply impacted your life, who would it be and what would you say?
19. Describe a time when you experienced a deep connection or understanding with another person. What made that moment special?
20. If your life had a theme song, what would it be and why?

 

[LordofDargaardkeep]

1. I am old and don't think I have had a cake of my own with candles in at least 25 years
2. The spiders fate rests in the fact of who else is around. If no one is around I let him do his thing. If my significant other is freaking out I guess he gets squashed.
3. A smash burger and onion rings
4. The US constitution
5. In a field of prairie grass on the open plain watching my dogs run
6. My favorite season is fall
7. I am looking forward to watching my grandchildren grow up
8. I got into a big school of walleye out on the river recently
9. If it has an internal combustion motor on it I can make it keep running
10. The secret to the perfect grilled cheese is melting lots of butter in the pan first with garlic salt and letting brown up a little before laying the bread in it.. I prefer mine with white american cheese. I wish my deceased bestie could come back and smoke a joint with me while we made them.
11. I have no hero's.. hero worship and ideology like that just aren't for me. I think all people are just people. Each and everyone of us is flawed in multiple ways so elevating people on pedestals just isn't my thing.
12. I don't know if I am very optimistic about the future but I am hopeful that things might get better
13. A good strong coffee smell makes me tingle
14. If its something other than a human I guess maybe an oak tree but then with my luck someone would want to turn me into a desk.
15. I tried a new BBQ joint that everyone was raving about and thought it sucked. Serves me right for trying new stuff lol..
16. Warm towels fresh from the dryer that smell like Downey
17. I want to fish the boundary waters between Minnesota and Canada. It will happen when I retire and can be gone for a month
18. My parents, but I don't need to write a letter. I tell them thanks often for putting up with the boy I was growing up and doing their best to raise me right. ( I was a bigger dick back then than I am now if thats even possible)
19. A relationship in the D/s dynamic that was the most beautiful fucking thing ever from my perspective
20. my theme song

 

[Lmizzler]

Questionnaire​

Let’s (high)lighten the mood! I love a good questionnaire, especially one that allows for some creativity. Below you will find 20 questions. Yes, 20. That’s a lot. You do not have to answer all 20. You can answer whichever ones you want to answer. We won’t judge.

1. Do you make wishes on your birthday candles before blowing them out? Would you care to share what your last birthday wish was?

Nope. Just never got into that.

1. You discover a spider in your kitchen. What do you do?

Step on it or squish it with a napkin and throw it away.

1. What is your favorite comfort meal?

Though not a meal.... Ice cream! I've found myself dipping into the container way too often lately.

1. What is something about which people have a misconception?

This is a massive question with a million possible answers.

1. Where do you feel the most at peace?

Lawn Mower.

1. Finish this sentence. My favorite _____ is ______.

My favorite color is sex.

1. What are you looking forward to?

Vacation with the family next week.

1. What was your last memorable encounter with something found in nature?

Sitting outside watching storms roll through 2 nights ago.

1. Hidden talents or hobbies? Something you are trying to master?

Slowly learning some Spanish.

1. If you could make grilled cheese sandwiches with anyone alive or dead, who would it be? And what is your grilled cheese recipe?

Colonel Sanders. He had a rough life but endured. You know that man has some stories!

Sourdough bread, turkey, pepper jack cheese, and a little bbq sauce.

1. Who are your heroes or heroines, real or fictional?

People who lived their lives with purpose. Some in an outward fashion. Others just by steadily plodding through the daily grind, but seeing their end game all the while.

1. Are you optimistic about the future?

Yes, I live a generally optimistic life. Plenty of things to be down about but why waste the time fretting over them. Do something about them instead.

1. What is a smell that stops you in your tracks?

My wife's perfume.

1. If you could come back as any organism, what would you come back as?

The superb bird of paradise. Not only does it look incredible but has some sweet dance moves!

1. What is something new you’ve done recently

Answer a massive list of 20 questions!

1. What's a small, seemingly insignificant thing that brings you immense joy or comfort

Cleaning out the inside of my car.

1. What's a goal or dream you've been hesitant to pursue? What's holding you back, and what's one small step you can take towards it?

Starting my own side hustle. Time and Money are limiting factors. Research and some bravery would go a long way towards making it happen.

1. If you could write a letter of appreciation to someone who deeply impacted your life, who would it be and what would you say?

My mom. So many things that I should have said before.

1. Describe a time when you experienced a deep connection or understanding with another person. What made that moment special?

I wouldn't say this was a deep and lasting connection, but had a great conversation yesterday with a stranger about our tattoos and the meanings behind them. I suppose the connection came from each of us as we shared the person meaning behind them. Only lasted 2 minutes but was a cool encounter of some personal transparency.

1. If your life had a theme song, what would it be and why?

Louis Armstrong - What a Wonderful World.