Question for people who've gone from bi hookups/experiences to fully gay relationships

[cdstefi]

It's more of academic interest than a request for advice, as I'm happily married to a great woman and staying that way (although I do have the occasional gay hookup and love it).

For those who have taken the plunge and committed to a full on same-sex relationship, specifically coming from a curiosity, then bi experiences and hookups background, does the everyday experience live up to the excitement of having something different to your usual sexual menu?

I suppose because I've found sex with men to be so different to straight sex, so much more immediate raw lust and less on the romance, I'm very curious about how it works in a gay (or lesbian come to that) LTR.

 

[Britva415]

How what works? The sex?

My longest relationship besides my wife was with a man. In fact it was my first LTR. I could say that it was from a curiosity, then bi experiences and hookups background, but I was only 21 when it started, so, it wasn't like after a lifetime of curiosity and closeting. It was just 4 years after losing my virginity, and 3 years after my first gay experience and coming out.

Anyway, it's like any other relationship. Except that, with a male partner, the subject matter of the inevitable emotional dramas aren't the same as what women get wound up about, and the way a pair of men work through emotional drama isn't the same as the way a man and a woman do.

And the sex is different too. Or, maybe not the sex, but the initiation of sex. Both in a LTR and in casual/uncommitted pairings, a man just doesn't need to be seduced into the mood the way a woman typically does.

 

[Britva415]

if you're going to suggest that the emotional/mental components of hetero relationships and same sex relationships are not different, the emotional stressors are not different, i just don't understand.

I didn't suggest any of that.

Plus, you named a whole bunch of stressors I simply didn't have.

And which are all external/peripheral to the actual relationship.

And which aren't gender-specific at all - though, you somehow made it a gender issue:

But yeah, I'll bet the men work through that with so much less drama. Really?

Everyone's experience is different. Go ahead and represent your own, in response to OP's question. But you don't have to project it onto mine, or question my honesty.

I greatly appreciate how good I had it: I was uncloseted, I had understanding and supportive family, welcoming community, and no homewrecking or infidelity. It's almost like being free from external problems like those allowed me to be free to really focus on the actual interpersonal relationship, without a bunch of side issues creating unfortunate distractions.

I'm sorry it wasn't so easy for you. And maybe this is important for OP to hear.

Just don't tear me a new one over it.

Especially not just because I'm a man.

 

[OralAllOver]

Good thread, I'm trying to learn about this

 

[Vitriolhack]

Good thread, I'm trying to learn about this

Feel free to ask questions

 

[kccasey]

I have recently experienced fully gay sex for the first time. When I say fully gay, I am considering previous experience with Trans girls as a divergence from straight sex, but not fully gay. I have found that so far I am enjoying gay sex much more than straight sex. I have been upset with myself for not trying gay sex earlier, I think I may have been much happier in my life with gay sex. I plan on exploring more and more and hope my sex life becomes more fulfilling.

 

[Busy54]

I met a man through Craigslist many years ago. I was at the time looking for someone I could talk to about my gay fantasies and urges. He invited me to his house and we talked. After the first couple of meetings he had me blowing him. a few meetings later he took me to his bed and made love to me. It eventually progressed to him sharing me with his gay friends. Some times I would show up and he would be naked in his chair in the living room and I would go to him, and blow him, til he said “stand up, go to the kitchen, drop your pants and bend over the counter” where he would unceremoniously follow me and enter me hard and roughly, fucking me while I looked out the front room window watching passerby’s on the sidewalk ( some would occasionally pause to watch) Other times he would meet me at the door make out with me for a while, I would reach for his cock, he would take my hand and lead me to his bedroom where he would make love to me. I never knew til I entered his condo if he was going to make love or just bend me over. ( I loved both). I saw this man for many years visiting him 2-4 times a month. I know I was in love with him and fully gay for him….

 

[stargame]

I met a man through Craigslist many years ago. I was at the time looking for someone I could talk to about my gay fantasies and urges. He invited me to his house and we talked. After the first couple of meetings he had me blowing him. a few meetings later he took me to his bed and made love to me. It eventually progressed to him sharing me with his gay friends. Some times I would show up and he would be naked in his chair in the living room and I would go to him, and blow him, til he said “stand up, go to the kitchen, drop your pants and bend over the counter” where he would unceremoniously follow me and enter me hard and roughly, fucking me while I looked out the front room window watching passerby’s on the sidewalk ( some would occasionally pause to watch) Other times he would meet me at the door make out with me for a while, I would reach for his cock, he would take my hand and lead me to his bedroom where he would make love to me. I never knew til I entered his condo if he was going to make love or just bend me over. ( I loved both). I saw this man for many years visiting him 2-4 times a month. I know I was in love with him and fully gay for him….

I admit without being seduced by masculine man.

 

[cdstefi]

I have recently experienced fully gay sex for the first time. When I say fully gay, I am considering previous experience with Trans girls as a divergence from straight sex, but not fully gay. I have found that so far I am enjoying gay sex much more than straight sex. I have been upset with myself for not trying gay sex earlier, I think I may have been much happier in my life with gay sex. I plan on exploring more and more and hope my sex life becomes more fulfilling.

Yeah, same as me. I used to think I'd only consider a penis if attached to a fem-looking CDTV. But I had a recent meet with a guy with a beard and lots of body hair and it was hot as fuck. He was still a dresser and greeted me at his door in a skirt and blouse and stockings and heels, but there was nothing feminine about how he kissed me, or how we had each other's cock in our hands within seconds

 

[CharlieBoker]

I met a man through Craigslist many years ago. I was at the time looking for someone I could talk to about my gay fantasies and urges. He invited me to his house and we talked. After the first couple of meetings he had me blowing him. a few meetings later he took me to his bed and made love to me. It eventually progressed to him sharing me with his gay friends. Some times I would show up and he would be naked in his chair in the living room and I would go to him, and blow him, til he said “stand up, go to the kitchen, drop your pants and bend over the counter” where he would unceremoniously follow me and enter me hard and roughly, fucking me while I looked out the front room window watching passerby’s on the sidewalk ( some would occasionally pause to watch) Other times he would meet me at the door make out with me for a while, I would reach for his cock, he would take my hand and lead me to his bedroom where he would make love to me. I never knew til I entered his condo if he was going to make love or just bend me over. ( I loved both). I saw this man for many years visiting him 2-4 times a month. I know I was in love with him and fully gay for him….

That sounds a familiar story. I was seduced and groomed as a young man too. Eventually I was also shared with his gay friends, it was part of my sexual development and acceptance of my gay side. I saw him for years, all through my late teens and twenties. I had a few different girlfriends during that period but he was a constant, both sexually and emotionally.
I look back on those times with a certain fondness and definitely a high level of arousal, now that I’m in my 50s and in a monogamous heterosexual marriage, devoid of any bisexuality.

 

[BiDrew42]

My first gay experience led to a 3 1/2 year-long relationship. We weren't exclusive (I wasn't, at least) and I was having sex with other guys and girls during that time, but he was always there when I wanted him, as I was there for him. I was dating a girl during my senior year in high school who was saving her virginity for marriage. After an evening of making out and dry humping her, I always ended up with my male best friend.

More recently, I met a guy while hiking in the Royal National Park. After I gave him a casual blowjob, I thought that was the end of it, but we soon began hiking and camping together every other weekend, and sometimes more frequently. I wouldn't say we're in a relationship, but my feelings for him are getting stronger.