❓ PLP Inquires II ❓

[AlpineFresco]

On a scale of 1 - 10, I am approximately a 2 but like the lovely ladies above me have also said I try to make it very clear.

I was explaining to someone a few weeks ago that I tend not to think anyone is seriously interested until they they pop me on the forehead with their dick (or tits) and until then I think they are just being nice. But I try to make sure I'm conveying interest directly when I am interested. But probably other people just think I'm being nice. I do like the dance of first flirting though. It's so good.

I think with great fondness and bittersweetness about a time not so long ago when I was sitting on a couch holding hands with a girl that I wanted very badly to kiss but being so unsure if she wanted that too. Turns out, she did and was worried about how I felt too. This all gets so convoluted with bisexual women but that's a topic for another day.

Once the first move has been made and there's a clear situationship happening then I have very little problem making moves within that established knowledge.

I have no idea, honestly. Not something I've done in a very long time. That said, I feel comfortable in myself in a way that younger Alpine just didn't, and, while once I struggled to imagine anyone could be interested in me, in more recent times I've had women approach me and even though I said no thank you, I'm not interested, I felt more settled in myself so I think I wouldn't be worried about making a first move now. Would I sound stupid? Maybe, but confident and able to hear a no without it feeling like it's personal - early experiences of repeated rejections before I sort of 'grew into myself' honestly do help here (they just hurt at the time ).

Also my god, as I've said before, lesbian dating is amazing and I'll never hear again 'men just don't understand women' 'cause women bloody don't either

 

[LadyLascivious1]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

Really great when it comes to men. I can read them well and am very comfortable with giving obvious signals or just making a direct move. It feels easy and exhilarating.

Women are a different thing entirely. They’re often much harder to read and I have significant qualms about making a woman uncomfortable if I read things wrong. If I know she’s into it though, I enjoy making the first move. Immensely

 

[RosewoodTulip]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

Dunno, never tried.

But terrible I would imagine haha.

I'm not great at reading signals if someone might be interested in me and I'm far too anxious to just take a chance.

First time anyone ever went to kiss me I was so shocked (because I genuinely didn't see it coming) that I ran away and threw up!!!

If I'm interested in someone it can go one of two ways...
1 - I get so completely flustered at the idea of anything happening that I go out of my way to appear uninterested.
2 - I hope beyond hope that they're a secret mind reader.

And yeah that seems ridiculous I know.
I know!!

But that's one of reasons I like Lit. You guys don't have to contend with how ridiculously awkward I am and I can hide behind written words.

I've also never tried to date since realising I'm bi. Can't imagine how much of a deer in the headlights I'd be if I met a woman I was interested in

 

[AlpineFresco]

OK, I'd like to add something here. I know I joked above, but it seems like enough of a thing (in my IRL friends as well as on this thread) that I'd love to ask the women here directly - what is it about the idea of asking out/making the first direct move on another woman that feels so much more difficult (or different) than asking out a man?

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking, or around women's friendships generally being more emotionally open/more platonically touchy than men's friendships are so maybe harder to judge interest vs friendliness (I think this is what @LadyLascivious1 was getting at), or... I'm thinking, I just don't see any of this when men are dating men (I'm sure it happens, but y'know).

 

[RosewoodTulip]

OK, I'd like to add something here. I know I joked above, but it seems like enough of a thing (in my IRL friends as well as on this thread) that I'd love to ask the women here directly - what is it about the idea of asking out/making the first direct move on another woman that feels so much more difficult (or different) than asking out a man?

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking, or around women's friendships generally being more emotionally open/more platonically touchy than men's friendships are so maybe harder to judge interest vs friendliness (I think this is what @LadyLascivious1 was getting at), or... I'm thinking, I just don't see any of this when men are dating men (I'm sure it happens, but y'know).

For me it's that, except for a couple of wonderful encounters here, I have no experience with women other than as friends and I don't know how to change that.

I can strike up a conversation with a woman so much easier than with a man and I've had some intense friendships that on reflection have clearly been at least a crush but as I thought I was straight I didn't realise.

Also I remember my days of going out in bars and - I don't know if it was just that specific small lgbt+ community - I was always in awe of how direct the women who were out and proud were when they were interested in someone.

Basically I worry I won't know what to do and, at 45 years old, am I too old to learn?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

OK, I'd like to add something here. I know I joked above, but it seems like enough of a thing (in my IRL friends as well as on this thread) that I'd love to ask the women here directly - what is it about the idea of asking out/making the first direct move on another woman that feels so much more difficult (or different) than asking out a man?

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking, or around women's friendships generally being more emotionally open/more platonically touchy than men's friendships are so maybe harder to judge interest vs friendliness (I think this is what @LadyLascivious1 was getting at), or... I'm thinking, I just don't see any of this when men are dating men (I'm sure it happens, but y'know).

Good question.

I think my reasons are three (I'm leaving the weird phrasing of that. I've very clearly been doing D&D prep.)

1. I'm generally bad at it no matter who you are.
2. It's quite difficult to read the differences between girls friendship and the first awkward step towards something sexier. Like any relationship, once established interest is clear, I'm more forward but figuring that out is difficult. It's why I think men have a hard time realizing some girls are just being friendly v. flirting. They can look very similar.
3. Like LadyL, I never want to overstep, assume or make anyone uncomfortable. I think on Lit especially it's hard to judge flirty forum banter from true intention
Sometimes girls just want to flirt and it's less pressure to do it with other girls (for obvious reasons). I don't want to take that for granted. I've certainly been guilty of it myself.
4. Ok one more - I also don't want to lead anyone on if they are looking for something more. I'm very bisexual but I lean heteroromantic. I do best with an intimate friendship where I can make you moan my name while I'm between your thighs and then smack you on the ass and send you back to your man. There's care there but not exactly the same thing. If that makes sense.

 

[velona]

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking

I agree with both PLP and Rosewood above, but I also think that there is a more clear dance pattern between men and women where women can signal openness to have men feel like they are making the move.

For example, you start with eye contact. More and more sustained and more direct. Then you get physically closer. Start the little touches - hand on the forearm, touch his back unnecessarily when coming up behind or walking away, maybe even hand on the thigh.

I know there can be missed, mixed, or confused signals, and some women are more touchy and flirty, even with men, but there does seem to be more of a pattern (that I’ve seen) of women dropping hints and men taking the big step. So it’s figuring out who takes the big step when it’s two women, right?

 

[morelikeasong]

OK, I'd like to add something here. I know I joked above, but it seems like enough of a thing (in my IRL friends as well as on this thread) that I'd love to ask the women here directly - what is it about the idea of asking out/making the first direct move on another woman that feels so much more difficult (or different) than asking out a man?

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking, or around women's friendships generally being more emotionally open/more platonically touchy than men's friendships are so maybe harder to judge interest vs friendliness (I think this is what @LadyLascivious1 was getting at), or... I'm thinking, I just don't see any of this when men are dating men (I'm sure it happens, but y'know).

 

[RosewoodTulip]

I'm so glad it's not just me

 

[AngelicaS1780]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

It’s a skill that I haven’t used IRL for a very long time, but I used to be pretty good at it. At least in the “see a person at a party and flirt or dance with them” way. I figured the worst that could happen was that they wouldn’t be interested. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I also knew that I wasn’t the person that people would be falling over themselves to flirt with based on looks and/or having a super outgoing personality. I figured that, if something was going to happen, it would be up to me to make it happen.

In terms of making the first move with someone who was already a friend, I was/am less confident. I think a big part of that is because, in my mind, there is more at stake. I don’t want to risk damaging the friendship by making the other person uncomfortable. I would also feel more embarrassed if my advances were rejected.

 

[Cindy027]

I think with great fondness and bittersweetness about a time not so long ago when I was sitting on a couch holding hands with a girl that I wanted very badly to kiss but being so unsure if she wanted that too.

I could show you my journal or maybe this meme can sum it up

 

[hotwords229_A]

All this talk of lesbians . . . would it be easier if you had a Wingman there—a standard horny guy, to just flat out say “You two should make out, you’re clearly into each other, why don’t you fuck? That would be hot”. Then you can both scold us and we will walk away in shame. After we leave, you can make fun of us for how ridiculous we are, and how, now that horny guy is gone, you should totally hook up.

Every guy everywhere is willing to provide that service, if necessary. Just saying.

ETA: most of us are going to do that anyway, but we will do it more purposefully if it helps you.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

All this talk of lesbians . . . would it be easier if you had a Wingman there—a standard horny guy, to just flat out say “You two should make out, you’re clearly into each other, why don’t you fuck? That would be hot”. Then you can both scold us and we will walk away in shame. After we leave, you can make fun of us for how ridiculous we are, and how, now that horny guy is gone, you should totally hook up.

Every guy everywhere is willing to provide that service, if necessary. Just saying.

A very sweet offer. And my last lady relationship was facilitated by a totally selfless man. Personally, I'd like to figure it out myself and for now, the dance is also fun.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

All this talk of lesbians . . . would it be easier if you had a Wingman there—a standard horny guy, to just flat out say “You two should make out, you’re clearly into each other, why don’t you fuck? That would be hot”. Then you can both scold us and we will walk away in shame. After we leave, you can make fun of us for how ridiculous we are, and how, now that horny guy is gone, you should totally hook up.

Every guy everywhere is willing to provide that service, if necessary. Just saying.

ETA: most of us are going to do that anyway, but we will do it more purposefully if it helps you.

Actually that would help me massively

Anyone really to be my shadow and tell me whether someone is into me or not would solve so many problems!

 

[Cindy027]

Actually that would help me massively

I wrote a book in responding to this and then for all your sakes deleted it and you just get this;

On a forum (not this one) a gay guy asked why we don't have straight male friends like they have straight female friends and I posted "Because my sex and sexual orientation are not a man's fetish". Even though hotwords's post is in jest we are just every mans fantasy at the end of the day. I did give his post one of these originally but I removed it because he's a man and doesn't understand the shit we have to deal with in public spaces.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

I wrote a book in responding to this and then for all your sakes deleted it and you just get this;

On a forum (not this one) a gay guy asked why we don't have straight male friends like they have straight female friends and I posted "Because my sex and sexual orientation are not a man's fetish". Even though hotwords's post is in jest we are just every mans fantasy at the end of the day. I did give his post one of these originally but I removed it because he's a man and doesn't understand the shit we have to deal with in public spaces.

I didn't for one second think hotwords was doing anything other than being funny. He certainly made me laugh!

There are definitely a lot of men who think lesbian and bisexual women are there to be fetishised and that's very frustrating. There are also many straight women who believe they can "turn" a gay man too. I personally absolutely have friends of various genders and sexualities - including straight men and I have little tolerance for being used and won't entertain anyone acting in bad faith.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

OK, I'd like to add something here. I know I joked above, but it seems like enough of a thing (in my IRL friends as well as on this thread) that I'd love to ask the women here directly - what is it about the idea of asking out/making the first direct move on another woman that feels so much more difficult (or different) than asking out a man?

I'm kind of curious if it's anything to do with tradition gender roles being the man doing the asking, or around women's friendships generally being more emotionally open/more platonically touchy than men's friendships are so maybe harder to judge interest vs friendliness (I think this is what @LadyLascivious1 was getting at), or... I'm thinking, I just don't see any of this when men are dating men (I'm sure it happens, but y'know).

A big part of this for me is that it's usually more difficult to tell interest and friendliness apart with women than with men. I also have less experience with this type of interaction with women. I might become more comfortable with the situation after more interactions. Additionally, I had a couple experiences of being told by a woman that she was interested but wouldn't consider anything other than friendship with me because I am bi. One said that it would only be a matter of time before I broke her heart by leaving her for some guy. I know that did contribute to my cautiousness with women.

Basically I worry I won't know what to do and, at 45 years old, am I too old to learn?

You're certainly not too old. And I think that there's far less to "learn" with someone who has the same anatomy as you. If that's the kind of learning you were talking about.

 

[AngelicaS1780]

I wrote a book in responding to this and then for all your sakes deleted it and you just get this;

On a forum (not this one) a gay guy asked why we don't have straight male friends like they have straight female friends and I posted "Because my sex and sexual orientation are not a man's fetish". Even though hotwords's post is in jest we are just every mans fantasy at the end of the day. I did give his post one of these originally but I removed it because he's a man and doesn't understand the shit we have to deal with in public spaces.

I didn't for one second think hotwords was doing anything other than being funny. He certainly made me laugh!

There are definitely a lot of men who think lesbian and bisexual women are there to be fetishised and that's very frustrating. There are also many straight women who believe they can "turn" a gay man too. I personally absolutely have friends of various genders and sexualities - including straight men and I have little tolerance for being used and won't entertain anyone acting in bad faith.

I know that @hotwords229_A was acting in good faith and just making a joke.
At the same time, I can understand how Cindy is tired of the joke and the premise behind it.

 

[EvaLane]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

I’m bitchin’ at it, when I want to be. I’m fairly confident in my personality, appearance, and ability to handle myself well-enough academically, all things considered. I also think I’m funny, but now I’m just sort of bragging.

My point issssss, is that I’m great at initiating contact if there’s a reason to initiate contact. Ok? Does that make sense?

That’s why, online, I really only ever make the first move when it comes to writers or creators - people who aren’t posting or publishing looking for me, but I sureeee found them

And in reality, I just haven’t had to, but I think I am a good enough flirt to try my hand

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

I’ve only ever dated two people and I married the second one. I asked both of them out. So I guess okay. But way out of practice.

If I needed to, I think I’d be pretty good at it. One of the advantages of age is that I’m pretty confident in who I am and what I offer. I’m pretty good at picking up on social cues. If I misread it or I’m not what you want, I won’t take it personal.

Here? I kind of aggressively do not push boundaries. The few people I’ve been involved with here might disagree but I’d say they made the first move. Just once that door was opened I was fine stepping through with confidence and enthusiasm

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

This seemed relevant to the conversation.

 

[deft]

This seemed relevant to the conversation.

Hey! Fancy a fumble?

 

[RosewoodTulip]

View attachment 2547443

This seemed relevant to the conversation.

I sent that to a fwb once. He just "" and said nothing
I thought that was pretty forward for me!

 

[AlpineFresco]

Hey! Fancy a fumble?

You saying that Pulpy is, on this forum, a... Critical Miss?

OK I've used up my nerdiness allowance for at least a fortnight on that one. I'll get my coat.

 

[Whiskeyjack]

06.07.25

Simple question for a Saturday night...

How good are you at making the first move? Tell me about it.

I am absolute dogshit at making the first move. But then again, with every girlfriend I've ever had, it was always me having to make the first move, because they've all been shyer or more awkward than me (or just plain didn't know I was interested). I don't think anyone has ever made the first move in trying to flirt with me, which is kind of a bummer to my ego now that I think about it.

Also, "first move" is kind of a misnomer for me, since it's rarely a single move. Most often it's conversations that build into friendships that lead to deeper conversations until I say something like, "I'd really like to make out with your thighs." And then I either get slapped, laughed off, or get to make out with her thighs.