Lil_Jenni's Adventures, Past and Present...

[lil_jenni]

I found out last night that my crush, Paula, and my Hubby's boss have ended their relationship. Hubby says his boss told him it was mutual because Paula wanted a family and Hubby's boss had already done that and didn't want to do it again. So, they decided to end their relationship so she could move forward with what she wants.

Is it wrong of me that I was wondering if she might want a casual bi fling while looking for a guy who wants a family?

But seriously, I did text her to let her know I was sorry it hadn't worked out and that she could talk to me if she wanted. She politely thanked me, but that was it. I'm guessing now that the connection through my husband is broken, we probably won't be seeing her. Oh well. It's probably time I gave up on that anyway.

 

[13Fantasies]

I found out last night that my crush, Paula, and my Hubby's boss have ended their relationship. Hubby says his boss told him it was mutual because Paula wanted a family and Hubby's boss had already done that and didn't want to do it again. So, they decided to end their relationship so she could move forward with what she wants.

Is it wrong of me that I was wondering if she might want a casual bi fling while looking for a guy who wants a family?

But seriously, I did text her to let her know I was sorry it hadn't worked out and that she could talk to me if she wanted. She politely thanked me, but that was it. I'm guessing now that the connection through my husband is broken, we probably won't be seeing her. Oh well. It's probably time I gave up on that anyway.

Fantasies are always fun, even when they cease to have any possibilities in the real world.

Maybe you'll find a new fantasy.

 

[lil_jenni]

Fantasies are always fun, even when they cease to have any possibilities in the real world.

Yep... except silly me, I was rather hoping someday this one would have real word possibilities. But I'm going to accept that it doesn't.

Maybe you'll find a new fantasy.

Maybe. Or maybe I just need to be content with what I already have great in my life.

It's funny. I was feeling really good about myself yesterday, with the new clothes and the appreciative looks from our waiter and all. But today I looked at the dress I liked so much yesterday and think it's frumpy. It's really not, and I know that, but...

Oh, fuck it. I need to not dwell on this. It's not a fucking rejection. I don't think she has any idea that in attracted to her. Hell, she knows me as a wife and mother. She might not even have an inkling I'm bi, although I would have thought she must have caught me looking at some point. But women look at other women, and it's usually not sexual, so maybe she never put it together. So, not a rejection. And if I keep saying it enough, maybe I'll believe it...

 

[lil_jenni]

Sometimes, I hate my brain. I know what's happening and why I'm thinking and feeling what I'm thinking and feeling, but I still can't stop it. I'm trying to redirect, but it isn't sticking. And it's all over something entirely in my own head.

 

[dkak001]

I think we all have those days.

Time to change gears, and just do something different that you enjoy doing? What would be out of the norm, but fun for an hour or two, even with the kiddos in tow?

 

[13Fantasies]

Yep... except silly me, I was rather hoping someday this one would have real word possibilities. But I'm going to accept that it doesn't.


Maybe. Or maybe I just need to be content with what I already have great in my life.

It's funny. I was feeling really good about myself yesterday, with the new clothes and the appreciative looks from our waiter and all. But today I looked at the dress I liked so much yesterday and think it's frumpy. It's really not, and I know that, but...

Oh, fuck it. I need to not dwell on this. It's not a fucking rejection. I don't think she has any idea that in attracted to her. Hell, she knows me as a wife and mother. She might not even have an inkling I'm bi, although I would have thought she must have caught me looking at some point. But women look at other women, and it's usually not sexual, so maybe she never put it together. So, not a rejection. And if I keep saying it enough, maybe I'll believe it...

It's absolutely not a rejection. You're amazing. If anything, shes probably more bummed to lose you in her life!

 

[13Fantasies]

Sometimes, I hate my brain. I know what's happening and why I'm thinking and feeling what I'm thinking and feeling, but I still can't stop it. I'm trying to redirect, but it isn't sticking. And it's all over something entirely in my own head.

I've had more episodes of this lately too.

Just remember how great you are and how loved you are. Helps beat back the inner demons for a while.

We all love you too!

 

[lil_jenni]

Thanks, guys.

I've been texting Misty, but she isn't really much help. She doesn't understand why I'm worrying about it. She told me just to go for it, and if Paula's not interested, no big deal.

When I was younger, I used to be that way with guys. If I offered a hook up and the guy wasn't interested for whatever reason, I just moved on. No big deal. But I've had bad bad luck trying that with women. Plus, I've built this up in my head in a way I never would have with a guy... Except when I did, back when I was lusting for or vice principal. Fuck.

Maybe it's because I build this shit up in my head. When I was just hooking up with guys, I saw a guy I thought was cute and just went for it. No build up. No longing. No worshipping from afar. Just me and my 'prey'.

What the fuck happened to my mojo? Maybe it was getting married...

See... It's better. I'm laughing about it.

 

[13Fantasies]

Thanks, guys.

I've been texting Misty, but she isn't really much help. She doesn't understand why I'm worrying about it. She told me just to go for it, and if Paula's not interested, no big deal.

When I was younger, I used to be that way with guys. If I offered a hook up and the guy wasn't interested for whatever reason, I just moved on. No big deal. But I've had bad bad luck trying that with women. Plus, I've built this up in my head in a way I never would have with a guy... Except when I did, back when I was lusting for or vice principal. Fuck.

Maybe it's because I build this shit up in my head. When I was just hooking up with guys, I saw a guy I thought was cute and just went for it. No build up. No longing. No worshipping from afar. Just me and my 'prey'.

What the fuck happened to my mojo? Maybe it was getting married...

See... It's better. I'm laughing about it.

Clearly all your mojo went to making pint-sized replicas of yourself and you need time to recharge it to full.

I wouldn't go all out like Misty said, but maybe reach out in a week or so, she how she is, and if she'd like to grab lunch or chat. Gauge her response.

If that fails, put her in your sights and blast! Happy hunting.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Thanks, guys.

I've been texting Misty, but she isn't really much help. She doesn't understand why I'm worrying about it. She told me just to go for it, and if Paula's not interested, no big deal.

When I was younger, I used to be that way with guys. If I offered a hook up and the guy wasn't interested for whatever reason, I just moved on. No big deal. But I've had bad bad luck trying that with women. Plus, I've built this up in my head in a way I never would have with a guy... Except when I did, back when I was lusting for or vice principal. Fuck.

Maybe it's because I build this shit up in my head. When I was just hooking up with guys, I saw a guy I thought was cute and just went for it. No build up. No longing. No worshipping from afar. Just me and my 'prey'.

What the fuck happened to my mojo? Maybe it was getting married...

See... It's better. I'm laughing about it.

Your mojo is fine, your risk tolerance has changed and you’re more content (subconsciously or not)- which are all great things! I highly recommend you have some positive affirmations- I realize that might seem weird and I’m not saying it’s a panacea but I do think it will help you with your brain. Be kind to yourself

 

[lil_jenni]

I wouldn't go all out like Misty said, but maybe reach out in a week or so, she how she is, and if she'd like to grab lunch or chat. Gauge her response.

I like this idea. I should have thought of it, but I can be a little all or nothing sometimes. And Misty feeds that. I think I've mention before that she has a chaotic streak....

I highly recommend you have some positive affirmations.

Okay. I'm trying.

 

[13Fantasies]

I like this idea. I should have thought of it, but I can be a little all or nothing sometimes. And Misty feeds that. I think I've mention before that she has a chaotic streak....


Okay. I'm trying.

Sometimes it's hard to stay logical with the possibility of a fantasy being lost.

We got you.

 

[dkak001]

She doesn't understand why I'm worrying about it. She told me just to go for it, and if Paula's not interested, no big deal.
...
But I've had bad bad luck trying that with women. Plus, I've built this up in my head in a way I never would have with a guy...
...
Maybe it's because I build this shit up in my head.

I've been thinking about this post. Do you ever fantasize, just for the sake of fantasy? Like daydream/lust after/want something you know you can't have, and decide ahead of time it's OK. It doesn't have to be real?

Fantasy and being interested in other people doesn't have to happen, that sort of stuff can just live in the mind. By deciding ahead of time that you don't need to make it real, it's a way to enjoy something in the safety of your own head. I think doing this is a perfectly healthy way to approach attractions and desires that might not be possible or easy to make happen in real life. You get to explore, without jeopardizing anything.

I know some people have trouble separating fantasy from reality. I find that fantasy is a nice way to escape from reality. Honestly, I had trouble letting go and enjoying it. Eventually I accepted the fact that it's OK to enjoy things in the mind. Now I find it's a nice way to take a break from life, and enjoy something different now and again.
Just a thought...

 

[lil_jenni]

I've been thinking about this post. Do you ever fantasize, just for the sake of fantasy? Like daydream/lust after/want something you know you can't have, and decide ahead of time it's OK. It doesn't have to be real?

Fantasy and being interested in other people doesn't have to happen, that sort of stuff can just live in the mind. By deciding ahead of time that you don't need to make it real, it's a way to enjoy something in the safety of your own head. I think doing this is a perfectly healthy way to approach attractions and desires that might not be possible or easy to make happen in real life. You get to explore, without jeopardizing anything.

I know some people have trouble separating fantasy from reality. I find that fantasy is a nice way to escape from reality. Honestly, I had trouble letting go and enjoying it. Eventually I accepted the fact that it's OK to enjoy things in the mind. Now I find it's a nice way to take a break from life, and enjoy something different now and again.
Just a thought...

This is difficult for me. When I set my sights on something, I don't want it just to be fantasy. I mean, I can do that, but it's not what I want. But if it's all I can have...

 

[13Fantasies]

This is difficult for me. When I set my sights on something, I don't want it just to be fantasy. I mean, I can do that, but it's not what I want. But if it's all I can have...

Same.

 

[dkak001]

This is difficult for me. When I set my sights on something, I don't want it just to be fantasy. I mean, I can do that, but it's not what I want. But if it's all I can have...

I get that. I do feel the same way sometimes too. But if you limit any possible disappointment ahead of time...
Just another way to look at hard to achieve wants.

 

[lil_jenni]

The twins are at that age (days away from ten months... how the fuck did that happen?) where every time one stands, I wonder if it will be her first steps, or every time one of them makes a sound I wonder if it will be her first word.

So, today I was nursing Twin A. Twin B was in her pack 'n play with her bottle (she got tired of the boob a while back). Twin A got me good with her teeth, and I let out a loud "fuck", as anyone would do, right? Anyway, I heard what I'm 90% sure was "fuck" come from Twin B's pack 'n play. I didn't have eyes on her, so I'm not sure but... well, she is my daughter. And it's not like I don't say "fuck" all the fucking time, or that I didn't kinda expect/fear this.

I thought about telling Hubby she said "Mama" so he doesn't know she said "fuck" as her first word, and so he doesn't think it's her first word if she says it around him. But I won't. I'll tell him the truth.

Now, let's just hope Twin A's first word isn't "fuck" too, or worse. Not that I use worse words.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

That’s funny l

 

[lil_jenni]

I have a headache. I tried giving myself a climax, since sometimes that can cure a headache for me. Nope. Not today.

 

[hairball18]

Ask hubby to cure your headache.

 

[13Fantasies]

I have a headache. I tried giving myself a climax, since sometimes that can cure a headache for me. Nope. Not today.

Okay. Ill come over and help.

But just this once.

 

[lil_jenni]

I have a headache. I tried giving myself a climax, since sometimes that can cure a headache for me. Nope. Not today.

I was able to get myself there this afternoon... twice.

My headache is abated but not gone.

 

[13Fantasies]

I was able to get myself there this afternoon... twice.

My headache is abated but not gone.

You're welcome.

 

[lil_jenni]

You're welcome.

 

[13Fantasies]

PSA MEN: If your ego is too big to get in the door, let @lil_jenni bring you down to size.