Female doms and male subs

[Kinky_Randy]

I know that as a submissive man it's hard to connect with dominant women here. Most of that is occurs in a relationship I think. Are there any women out there with male subs or men with dominant women? Couples not in a regular relationship i.e. not married or otherwise attached?

 

[cascadiabound]

I know that as a submissive man it's hard to connect with dominant women here. Most of that is occurs in a relationship I think. Are there any women out there with male subs or men with dominant women? Couples not in a regular relationship i.e. not married or otherwise attached?

Recommend you check out the BDSM talk/chat forums.

 

[cdstefi]

Women do relationship dynamics in the context of, well, relationships. Not as mere fetishes. This is a fundamental difference between the sexes and is why if a male sub wants a porn-style domme, he's paying for it.

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Recommend you check out the BDSM talk/chat forums.

I’d like to nominate this thread for a move to BDSM Cafe. lol

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I’d like to nominate this thread for a move to BDSM Cafe. lol

Not the Cafe. The Talk forum is more appropriate as it’s a serious thread.

 

[~Elizabeth~]

Not the Cafe. The Talk forum is more appropriate as it’s a serious thread.

Thank you for clarifying.

 

[Dearelliot]

I'm old and I have been doing this for years. If I want to play I have to pay.
Usually $200 to $300 for the hour session, and it's hard to find a decent Domme...So many wannabes, for the bucks...Course if you're single and good job, okay in appearance you might find a woman to marry who would play as a Domme.
I'm married and have been since I'm 24 ao that avenue hasn't been available for me.
Or if you're really tall and handsome, and single you will do better than I did.

 

[Kinky_Randy]

It's interesting that there seem to be quite a few women looking for dominant men. Looking for an online relationship not necessarily a live together kind of thing.

 

[Thomas_Hardy]

So, my experience here has been that just as there are men who like to be in a dominant role without this being anything approaching a relationship in the sense mentioned above, so there are women who like to engage in this more focused way, where the BDSM dynamic or however you like to call it is the main if not the only purpose and definition of the interaction. Yes there may be not be as many women as there are men seeking this kind of play but this can have many reasons unrelated to anything intrinsically 'male' or 'female' about it. It may also be the case, in fact that's my observation actually, that many male subs seek a different form of submission than what the dommes are prepared to engage with, but domination I have been seeking here, and domination was what I found, every so often, if not always for as long as I would have wished for but that is life.

 

[Kinky_Randy]

Thank you. I will keep looking then.

 

[subdudeme13]

I know that as a submissive man it's hard to connect with dominant women here. Most of that is occurs in a relationship I think. Are there any women out there with male subs or men with dominant women? Couples not in a regular relationship i.e. not married or otherwise attached?

It isn't clear to me what you are looing for. There are a few dominant women that come to Lit but they are few and far between. There are a few that write stories and I follow them. If you are looing for a relationship, Lit is not the place to look.

 

[AnnieLit]

It's interesting that there seem to be quite a few women looking for dominant men. Looking for an online relationship not necessarily a live together kind of thing.

That's because dominant women don't really need to look for anything, it takes 10 seconds to be approached as soon as I mention that I might be open for this role. (Just in case, no I am NOT at the moment. And probably never will be, not online).

Another reason is that many of those people in the ads are men, pretending to be a woman. Some are playing out gender role fantasies, but many, I think, just want to be dominated in any shape or form and think that presenting themselves as a woman they have better chances.

Plus, in general there are more submissive people, of any gender.

 

[BlazonG]

I like both sides of the D/s dynamic and yeah it mostly happens as fun roleplay when you are already in a relationship.

 

[Will527]

Unable to convince some women to indulge, it's easier to hire a hooker who will do whatever role play you want to pay for. And communication is a must; if she knows exactly what to do to you, it will be worth the money.

 

[AnnieLit]

Unable to convince some women to indulge, it's easier to hire a hooker who will do whatever role play you want to pay for. And communication is a must; if she knows exactly what to do to you, it will be worth the money.

Just my 5 cents: if you tell her exactly what to do to you and that's what she does, that's not submission, that's topping from the bottom or whatever it's called. But maybe no strictly transactional one off interaction is, I wouldn't really know.

 

[cocokittysurprise]

Just my 5 cents: if you tell her exactly what to do to you and that's what she does, that's not submission, that's topping from the bottom or whatever it's called. But maybe no strictly transactional one off interaction is, I wouldn't really know.

I agree. I would also express caution to any men seeking this dynamic with someone who is not experienced with domming, as that can lead to some very bad experiences. While pay-for-play has always been available, it is not something that I would necessarily recommend to someone seeking an established D/s pairing. I think one of the most important parts of the D/s dynamic as a sub is the relationship/trust you build with your domme, and in my eyes, that takes time and a real investment in getting to know one another. You need to know that this person will take care of you and has your best interests at heart, as it can be an extremely vulnerable position to be in, especially in the wrong hands.

I've been approached by men who were very excited about exploring their submissive side, and they sought to rush into a connection just because 1) I've been a domme for a while (20+ years), so they figured they'd hit the ground running and 2) they had some misconceptions about what the dynamic actually entails. While most of my subs have also been my partners, I've had a few that were non-romantic, yet the cultivation of the relationships with them was just as important as my romantic ones. My subs trusted me, because I knew them like the back of my hand. Having that amount of responsibility over another person's well-being isn't easy, or a decision to be made lightly, on either side. Just my .02

 

[HappyToBeAlive]

I agree. I would also express caution to any men seeking this dynamic with someone who is not experienced with domming, as that can lead to some very bad experiences. While pay-for-play has always been available, it is not something that I would necessarily recommend to someone seeking an established D/s pairing. I think one of the most important parts of the D/s dynamic as a sub is the relationship/trust you build with your domme, and in my eyes, that takes time and a real investment in getting to know one another. You need to know that this person will take care of you and has your best interests at heart, as it can be an extremely vulnerable position to be in, especially in the wrong hands.

I've been approached by men who were very excited about exploring their submissive side, and they sought to rush into a connection just because 1) I've been a domme for a while (20+ years), so they figured they'd hit the ground running and 2) they had some misconceptions about what the dynamic actually entails. While most of my subs have also been my partners, I've had a few that were non-romantic, yet the cultivation of the relationships with them was just as important as my romantic ones. My subs trusted me, because I knew them like the back of my hand. Having that amount of responsibility over another person's well-being isn't easy, or a decision to be made lightly, on either side. Just my .02

This is what I want!
I do enjoy the rush of chatting about dominance for a few hours but what I really look on a D/s (I am sub) is a long term build up of trust and connection. I long a telation where I can give my free will entirely because I know them will not exploit it. That I am safe with them. That they will make sure that at no time I will be harmed in anyway or that any of my hard limits will be crossed even if I would be willing to do them… the limits are a special category because some of my kinks could have real harm on my life (blackmail, group humiliation, being pierced or getting a flashy tattoo) and I fear when I’m in subspace I would be “consenting” to such actions even if they are hard limits for now… consent during sub-space is not valid and that requires a level of trust that cannot be paid or achieved in a few months…

I know it is very likely I will never experience such relationship as a submissive… but I do have that level of trust with one person although she is not really dom…

Such is life…

 

[MasterDarcy]

Nothing really to add other than a female Dominant is called a "Domme."

I feel condescending saying it. But some people don't know.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I'd suggest finding a local Munch - a meetup for kink-minded people, in a neutral place where play isn't allowed but people can chat - and making friends.

Once you know people, you can take it from there. But there's always way more people wanting to be submissive or bottom than there are willing to dominate or top. There's a lot to be said for trying switching and taking turns.

Nothing really to add other than a female Dominant is called a "Domme."

Surely she's called whatever she wants to be called!

A domme, dominatrix, dominant woman, Mistress...