Sexless marriage

[Winchester3030]

This is so true.

I love giving pleasure, I have a lot of love and affection to give. I wish I had someone who wanted it.

I also crave being desired, for someone to see me and WANT me there and then, for the sight of me to give them little flutters.

The lustful wanting.

I've had it in the past, but many years ago, but it was electric, making me feel alive.

I don't think I'll ever feel it again, which means I was 27 when it last happened, and I'm 42 now. It is hard to get my head round.

I totally get this! I had once also and long to have that feeling again

 

[Britva415]

If she’s on the phone to a friend she’ll laugh and joke about me wanting sex, as if it’s something I should be embarrassed about.

Man...

Having a different level of interest in sex is one thing. And it's hard enough.

But if she's going to belittle you about it... what in the world keeps you together? I'd be out. Nothing calls for that kind of treatment.

 

[rainmakerace]

Very frustrating

Wife wasn't interested in sex, so I found several women (all her on Lit erotica). I fucked them all on a regular basis and as a bonus they wre all much younger than me. They didn't mind as I am am expert at eating pussy and they ALL loved that.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Wife wasn't interested in sex, so I found several women (all her on Lit erotica). I fucked them all on a regular basis and as a bonus they wre all much younger than me. They didn't mind as I am am expert at eating pussy and they ALL loved that.

No, you didn't.

 

[SuperUser1]

I feel for people..men and women in sexless marriages..must be frustrating x

Been married for 49 years, the first few years were fantastic sex wise, then my wife started putting up barriers, almost had to make an appointment for sex, all downhill from there. We haven't had sex now for almost 10 years. Do I still love her? Yes I do and I think she loves me but she just doesn't want sex, not even touching. It's now a business arrangement. That's why I'm on this site and Tumblr. With the advent of AI, I can now swap her face onto other bodies and that, along with writing stories on here, will have to suffice. Actually, having a lot of fun with it!

 

[SuperUser1]

It is beyond Frustrating, it affects every aspect of your life

I'm a 70 year old male and in the same position as you. DM me if you like, maybe we'll cheer each other up!

 

[volunteerdiver]

I take no personal pleasure or happiness when I hear about how worldwide this seemingly simple issue is and don't wish it to anyone.

But, to be honest, I can't really see any problem with her getting her needs met and it is always amazing when I do it and don't know why it's so difficult to put your dick in your wife or think I have ever had opportunity leading to putting my cock in a wife who I didn't hear say the same thing was her problem and it led her to getting in bed and having it fixed with me.

 

[BudgieSmuggler]

Been married for 49 years, the first few years were fantastic sex wise, then my wife started putting up barriers, almost had to make an appointment for sex, all downhill from there. We haven't had sex now for almost 10 years. Do I still love her? Yes I do and I think she loves me but she just doesn't want sex, not even touching. It's now a business arrangement. That's why I'm on this site and Tumblr. With the advent of AI, I can now swap her face onto other bodies and that, along with writing stories on here, will have to suffice. Actually, having a lot of fun with it!

Very similar situation here. Unfortunately I found that it didn't turn out to be a viable solution for me. I've been married 45 years with 20+ years of no sex. I started trying the swap faces on pics idea 10 or more years ago and while I found it enjoyable rummaging around for images of similar body types I could doctor to fit my fantasies to start with (mostly pretty tame suspender and stockings stuff) but it was ultimately pointless and just made me more aware of what I wanted but was missing. It eventually came to feel like I was acting out some form of passive aggressive coercive control. It was done without her consent and not something she ever wanted to be for me in real life.

I progressed to writing stories which seemed like a better option as it involved less of her and allowed me to solidify some old good memories and also rewrite the story lines of a few ghosts of girlfriends past. Then after luckily finding a couple of girls on here to flesh out a few very enjoyable new and complete fantasies, it sort of just fell in a heap. Having a virtual affair with a girl half my age on the other side of the world turned out to be more damaging to my psych than I could have imagined.

What's a man in his 70's to do? However I think about it I can't see any upside to trying to start again at this age. My last shot on here was savaged by Millenial/Gen Z ageism. Forgetting the real world logistics of even doing it, the thought of being single now in the real world is pretty unappealing. Writing that also seems to be a pretty chicken shit excuse for staying and becoming ever more resentful.

 

[rainmakerace]

No, you didn't.

jealous?

 

[rainmakerace]

that's one way to put it.
it's just baffling that it's such a common issue for people.

It seems like that its all the men who are complaining. Best to marry a much younger woman if you can as they might be able and interested in you later in life, when you still crave sex.

 

[Britva415]

With the advent of AI, I can now swap her face onto other bodies and that, along with writing stories on here, will have to suffice. Actually, having a lot of fun with it!

I’m the complete opposite - I don’t see my sexless spouse in a sexual way at all anymore. She’s my loved one but not my lover - not even in my mind. Definitely not in my fantasies or my spank bank.

 

[Britva415]

No, you didn't.

https://i.imgflip.com/9h8fx6.jpg

 

[PapaRomantic]

jealous?

No, not of a liar trying to make shit up.

 

[Carolinaguy1367]

i am lucky to get a kiss or cuddles at this point from my wife, and i do try for sex but she always says no.

I’m in the same boat. Extremely frustrating.

 

[Tessinwales]

I feel for people..men and women in sexless marriages..must be frustrating x

Frustrating is just the beginning of it. You find yourself thinking about sex often, then all the time. Next thing you start to crave it. Even just a kind word from someone drives you into thinking about sex with them!
And amongst all that frustration begins to eat away at you, destroying your confidence, making you feel undesired, unsexy, a reject.

 

[Carolinaguy1367]

Frustrating is just the beginning of it. You find yourself thinking about sex often, then all the time. Next thing you start to crave it. Even just a kind word from someone drives you into thinking about sex with them!
And amongst all that frustration begins to eat away at you, destroying your confidence, making you feel undesired, unsexy, a reject.

This, sadly, is a perfect description.

 

[Tessinwales]

This, sadly, is a perfect description.

Happy to say I survived and have a better life now.

 

[Snow-Guy]

Frustrating is just the beginning of it. You find yourself thinking about sex often, then all the time. Next thing you start to crave it. Even just a kind word from someone drives you into thinking about sex with them!
And amongst all that frustration begins to eat away at you, destroying your confidence, making you feel undesired, unsexy, a reject.

Oh man, if I had a currency unit for every time I've had to remind myself that just because they're smiling at me, it doesn't mean I need to run off to imagine our new life (or at least twenty minutes) together....

 

[drobert44]

Oh man, if I had a currency unit for every time I've had to remind myself that just because they're smiling at me, it doesn't mean I need to run off to imagine our new life (or at least twenty minutes) together....

Half of the sissies I date are married..so is my current gay bud.

 

[Snow-Guy]

Half of the sissies I date are married..so is my current gay bud.

Not my thing sadly, would make my life easier but my hot friend Alex couldn't convince me otherwise and he's a super chill dude.

 

[drobert44]

Not my thing sadly, would make my life easier but my hot friend Alex couldn't convince me otherwise and he's a super chill dude.

a serious step

 

[IASFPWTF]

Its very frustrating but I find my outlet playing with other men and must admit I enjoy it. A lot of men I play with are in sexless marriages also

Same here!

 

[AlexBailey]

I’ve been reading about hyper sexuality and ADHD - yep, I’m a poster child for both and recently in a (nearly) sexless marriage and I just read something that really resonated, ADHD or not.

My menopausal wife has no interest in sex and almost no interest in intimacy - they are different things and have different effects on me.

Sex and getting off provide a dopamine release while Intimacy (touch and close interaction) provide a serotonin and oxytocin release.

Dopamine is addictive and is more of an instant gratification. It can feel amazing and when I feel a need for it or if I’m feeling down it can be just the thing - for just a moment. It can satisfy the initial craving but afterwards it’s often a letdown, like ‘oh great, now I need to clean up and take a shower.’ What the fuck is wrong with me?

Serotonin and Oxytocin, on the other hand, is produced by touch and emotional connection. It feels great at the moment but it also has lasting effects on mood and can provide a general feeling of appreciation and stability.

A quick extramarital tryst can provide the dopamine but usually not the more lasting effects. If the extramarital sex involves secrecy and cheating it can have a negative effect on the marital relationship, making serotonin and oxytocin less likely to be produced due to a whole cocktail of psychological factors, creating more disconnect even if the cheating is never revealed. Worse yet is that it can become easier to get a serotonin/oxytocin response which can provide a desire for an emotional connection from someone other than your spouse.


This can also be the case with hidden self-pleasure such as masturbation or cross dressing for self gratification because it’s something that becomes a distancing secret that can increase resentment, yet it may still be the best go-to for dopamine.

In my case CDing is not just a sexual dopamine thing. I get positive feedback from it on many levels including a feeling of alignment of identity within my self when I am able to dress casually and feel accepted by my wife. Her reaction to my CDing is more often of tolerance than of acceptance, so on the rare occasion when she is supportive or says something complimentary I can feel the surge of natural chemicals and I feel a strengthening of my emotional connection to her - I get that warm and fuzzy feeling and just want to make her feel good too - whether that’s making a fancy dinner, rubbing her tired feet, or just hanging out listening to her thoughts about the day. When she isn’t supportive, I feel resentful and like I’m in the wrong relationship. I start imagining having a partner who wants me.

Again, intimacy and sex are NOT the same thing, and in a relationship, lacking one can have a negative effect on the other.

 

[BudgieSmuggler]

Sex and getting off provide a dopamine release while Intimacy (touch and close interaction) provide a serotonin and oxytocin release.

Dopamine is addictive and is more of an instant gratification. It can feel amazing and when I feel a need for it or if I’m feeling down it can be just the thing - for just a moment. It can satisfy the initial craving but afterwards it’s often a letdown, like ‘oh great, now I need to clean up and take a shower.’ What the fuck is wrong with me?

Serotonin and Oxytocin, on the other hand, is produced by touch and emotional connection. It feels great at the moment but it also has lasting effects on mood and can provide a general feeling of appreciation and stability.

There must be some other connection. I think for many of us when we find ourselves involuntarily sexless not only the dopamine high is lost. When my sexless spouse declares she still loves me and the sexless thing is for me to cope with and my problem alone, not any problem of hers, and then wants to touch and be held to get her dose of Serotonin and Oxytocin it just feels antagonistic to me and does not induce any feel good hormones at all. Sex and emotional connection are intimately linked for me. Delete one and the other evaporates as well.

 

[AlexBailey]

There must be some other connection. I think for many of us when we find ourselves involuntarily sexless not only the dopamine high is lost. When my sexless spouse declares she still loves me and the sexless thing is for me to cope with and my problem alone, not any problem of hers, and then wants to touch and be held to get her dose of Serotonin and Oxytocin it just feels antagonistic to me and does not induce any feel good hormones at all. Sex and emotional connection are intimately linked for me. Delete one and the other evaporates as well.

That’s too bad. It sounds like lack of sex is a dealbreaker for you.

Have you given up on communication? I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, just that you have to still value the relationship if you want to make things better.

Most women have a better understanding of the effects of oxytocin, especially any nursing mom who has seen their baby get drunk off of tit. Women going through menopause often have a better understanding of the effects of hormones and body chemistry too.

Is your wife a compassionate, empathetic person? She may understand what you’re feeling if you can describe it in terms she can relate to. If she genuinely loves you she’s going to care about your wellbeing, but putting demands on her that she can’t comfortably satisfy builds resentment.

I’ve been reading about this a lot lately and I see that many men try to take a stance that if they don’t get PIV sex they aren’t getting what they need in the relationship. That’s an ultimatum. They rarely go well and tend to contribute to the snowballing of resentment.

It’s up to you and your values to decide whether your relationship is worthwhile. Remaining together while harboring resentment is a sad situation. I hope you find a way to make things better.