What has being kinky cost you?

[Yarglenurp]

Anyone here ever wonder “what if I wasn’t dom/sub or into feet/cuckolding/etc.?” Do you think your life or your relationships would be better?

Wishful thinking of course… if we could get rid of our preferences that easily, kinks wouldn’t really exist at all.

 

[SweetLittleFox]

I have been a major kinkster for my entire active sex life and oh boy have I been in some strange situations and relationships. Have always wondered what would have been different were I not the way I am.

 

[MrQuiet314]

I have been a major kinkster for my entire active sex life and oh boy have I been in some strange situations and relationships. Have always wondered what would have been different were I not the way I am.

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

 

[Stxhm]

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

 

[SweetLittleFox]

And the follow-up question I suppose is…has exploring those interests and predilections brought a sense of wholeness and sexual liberation, or do you feel in some sense captive to those desires? Do you ever wish you didn’t have them? As someone who has not fully explored his own kinky inclinations, I wonder if you feel the journey has been worth it.

Funnily enough, both liberated and captive.

I have finally become at peace with my sexuality. Confident, unashamed, and unafraid to ask for what I want. It is amazingly freeing. I love sex, in all its wild ways, and I want it often, and I am no longer afraid of being shunned or judged for what I like. If they don't like it, they are more than welcome to step aside.

However, I am very much captive in the fact that I know I would be entirely unfulfilled in a relationship that was most vanilla or even just lightly kinky. To say it's been difficult to find a healthy relationship that ticks the kink boxes is an understatement. Perhaps if I were more vanilla it would be easier to find romance.

I feel my sexuality has been overwhelming or off-putting for men, and all I want is a nice guy to whom I can say "Hey darling, after dinner would you tie me up and rape me? Oh and don't forget to grab my hair and hold my head back so your friend can cum on my face. He missed last time."

Hahaha...ahh to dream.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Nothing. I’d say I’m not kinky. I found a partner that we feel comfortable with each other that it’s easy to try whatever.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I'm not kinky as such. Maybe I am, who knows! I've always got off on being an enabler for men's kinks though. It's cost me a bit of sanity and a lot of self respect sometimes, taught me more about myself sometimes.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I'm not kinky as such. Maybe I am, who knows! I've always got off on being an enabler for men's kinks though. It's cost me a bit of sanity and a lot of self respect sometimes, taught me more about myself sometimes.

Doesn’t that mean you have a submissive kink? I can’t imagine doing something I find insane unless some part of me enjoyed it, at least a little.

Also.. what kinks cost you your sanity?

 

[Recooter]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

Well said! I think we all do.

 

[SissySalina]

Started exploring the feelings at a young age, cross dressing as it is called today, started with mother, holding onto the youngest as she was a dominant (which sissy didn’t really figure out until much later in life). She was trying to teach cooking and washing and ironing and then the big step was making sissy the first dress, an excuse was a part of being “Little Bow Peep” after that the feeling of wearing women’s clothes took over.

No real interest in girls until the end of school, the last 2 years did a little dating, very little sex. The first marriage was pretty dry, once a week then once a month then once or twice a year then nothing, sex was still not a big thing. During this time it was mostly work and work and work. Not dressing, that feeling being forgotten by a constant of other things.

Then meeting Her by chance one day at lunch, then it seemed that we kept running into each other, mostly at lunch time. Talking and becoming friends, no sex, no kissing, just friends. Then after a while She asked sissy into marriage, there had been no discussion She just asked one day. She convinced sissy that it was for the best for both parties. The sex was still not there but it did come into play after a while and it was deeply discussed between Her and sissy. Sissy was tiny in that department and never has been able to satisfy a woman with that so the sex did not matter much to sissy. Yes, She is Bi and sissy almost feels that is why She asked sissy for marriage, it gave Her a front on normalcy. After a while and a lot of discussion sissy wanted to start dressing again and asked for Her approval, just on weekends and holidays. She agreed and sissy started doing the house work as Her business was starting to take off and grow.

Then came that time that sissy felt it was time to retire, sissy had acquired enough money to do so, so sissy asked Her if sissy could dress full time and She said She would think about it. Several days later She came back with a counter proposal. She would go along with the full time dressing if sissy became Her sissy and did as She requested, sissy immediately agreed to it and that’s how sissy was made without any looking back.

So for this sissy following the Kink has been the best thing to happen.

 

[Deleted member 6789170]

Time

 

[ImpishSeraph]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

Well said! I think we all do.

Very well spoken above. Cost me 27 years

 

[Hipshot1554]

I've been divorced for 8 years. A contributing factor to my divorce was the inability to be myself, or be honest about my kinks. While I understand that the fantasy and the reality of a kink can be vastly different, just broaching the subject with your partner can be tricky. In my case, when I disclosed my curiosities to my then husband years into our marriage, I was met with scrutiny and condemnation.
That ultimately led to me feeling embarrassment and shame.

On one side:
I believe that we should be able to be our authentic selves with the partner we've chosen in this life. If we have to hide who we are or what we want, for the sake of avoiding our partner's judgment, it will likely lead to us finding an outlet for acceptance. Such as what this platform offers.
On the other side is timing.
When we choose to disclose our innermost kink matters.
For me, waiting years into my marriage was a huge mistake.
That's because when I shared things I always wanted to explore, he made it about him.
If we're not careful, revealing our kinks to our partner can leave them feeling as though they are inadequate to meet our sexual needs.
We definitely don't want that either.
So that was my takeaway from my own divorce.
Be true to myself.
That doesn't mean I discuss my kinks over a first date.
It does mean that having open & honest communication in a relationship is critical.
I wouldn't want anyone to feel the level of humiliation and shame I felt having my partner refer to me as a sexual deviant for simply wanting to explore something commonly seen in heterosexual porn.

Do I ever wish I didn't have these curiosities? No.
I realize I just didn't have the right partner to feel safe with being myself from Day 1.

So many feel this same way!

 

[Easypeter]

Wish I could change my mind ! Be bisexual at an earlier age

 

[What_Motivates_a_Man]

So, I'm new here and a had a relatively late in life awakening. I was 30 when I met my wife. Before that, I had been cheated on, hated, and abused to the point of drinking a bottle of whiskey a night just to fall asleep.

When I met my wife, she was in her early twenties and loved to share me with her friends. In her words, she wanted to share me to "show what a man can be".

That all being said, my wife and I have dated four women in the past eight years.

A lot of people ask how I do it, I get claps on the back, but mostly jealousy-laden comments, bitter stares, and the like.

One of our most recent relationships was with the girl at one of my last jobs. She was a stunner. A beautiful mix of Indian-Latina, about 5'2 and perfectly curvy. Every man wanted to fuck her, every women *hated* how gorgeous she was.

Well, just so happens being funny and kind drop panties faster than most dudes realize. A few short months after she started working at my job, the three of us were fucking on the regular. She and my wife would fuck when they had their days off, co-worker and I would fuck on our days off, and the three would fuck together when we could.

She stayed married through our triad, keeping us a secret from her husband, our co-workers, friends, and so on.

Of course, anyone who has seen a secret relationship at a job knows when there's something up. Rumors swirl, people get caught.

Now, for what I've lost. After half a year of some of the most mind-blowing, filthy, cheating sex, my co-workers had all but started to ignore me. I started getting less and less work given to me.

Friends I had had at work for years stopped inviting me over. Work slowed so badly I had to find another career. All due to jealousy and, I would wager, a mix of moral grandstanding.

The girl we had been sleeping with wanted a more 'normal' relationship, finding that having to explain everything to her kids to be something she didn't want to do, and we could understand that.

But yeah, the nasty, slippery, dirty filthy threeway relationship cost me a job, friends, and rapport.

After this, I would still fuck her, but I doubt I would ever date another person I work with again.

 

[Britva415]

I’m amused at how many of these answers could be paraphrased as “what has NOT being kinky cost me.”

I mean, that was what I myself showed up to say, come to find out I don’t seem to be alone.

 

[LookN2Talk]

A little embarrassment and awkwardness when some local couples saw our pics online that had our face masks cleaned off. The pics of her sucking me off, her with my cum on her tongue, having sex, were all fine, no problem it was many of the others that were more risqué: my wife was taking it doggy dp from me and a strap on with her mouth sucking an attached wall toy; my wife was taking it dp from me and a strap on on her back legs up near her head; I was scooping cum out of her bent over while taking a strap on anally; a 69 with her on top dildoing me while sucking, my cum dripping out of her on me with my mouth open to tongue out; my wife jerking me off into my own mouth while doing me with a dildo; us cum kissing (one of the best pics we ever took); and several more along the same lines. Surprisingly, my wife didn't mind the ones of me taking her anally. She also didn't mind our nude full body pics. Of course she didn't want them out there with our faces exposed but even when they were she was okay with it for the most part (except for the mentioned ones), until locals saw them and hit on us like crazy.

Oh, I supposed the big cost would be that darn camera. It was awesome. Still do not know what happened to it. My wife was amazing with it.

 

[EdgySubMic]

I’m amused at how many of these answers could be paraphrased as “what has NOT being kinky cost me.”

I mean, that was what I myself showed up to say, come to find out I don’t seem to be alone.

Count me in as well. My kinkyness has not cost me anything. On the contrary: it led me to the one person I am insanely loyal to and would take a bullet for if needed. But, as I recently commented in another post, it took me a long time to fully understand my kinkyness, so I surely missed out some experiences by initially not behaving as kinky as my nature "dictated".
Not that I regret anything, however...

 

[SmokingFap]

I wouldn't say my kinks and fetishes have cost me a damn thing in life. Only made my sex life better. Although my ex-wife did embarrass me one time about my smoking fetish when we went out with our neighbor friends.

 

[Britva415]

I never thought of myself as kinky, never thought I had kinks, never thought I was interested or would know what to do if I should find myself with a partner who wanted me to participate in kinks. Up until now I guess I was just happy with vanilla sex and didn’t look any more broadly for anything different.

Now at my age my marriage has opened, for reasons unrelated to kink, and what I find is that the prospect (and experience) of having other partners, plus the recognition that people in kink spaces and lifestyles seem to be generally more open to playing with a (permissively) married guy, these things have made me kind of say, fuck it, why the hell not. Maybe I should really lean into some “out-there” things which I wouldn’t have asked past partners to try with me.

Mostly because I wasn’t really missing those things, and I didn’t think I would have known what to do. It also never occurred to me to seek people with experience to show me the “ropes” so to speak.

A handful of chance conversations with recent sex partners and other people I know well enough to know a little about their sex lives have gotten me to think about kink more, and I find myself very interested in a couple of kinks. Specifically spanking and rope play. So I’m legit putting myself out there to start exploring these both.

About to order some gear, and putting ads out asking for mentorship. I’m a natural switch so I expect I’ll bottom first to get introduced to the scene and the things to know. Rope topping is of interest to me and I’d want to switch regularly for the spanking.

I don’t think I can honestly say that not being kinky for 35 sexually-active years has cost me, but I do think that if I had realized at, say, age 25 or 30 what I know now, my sex life for those decades would have been very different and probably a lot more intense and varied.

 

[ImpishSeraph]

Being with someone were there's no sexual attraction... life is a bitch sometimes

 

[Glassnslate]

.

 

[NightBirdNYC]

What has being kinky cost me, you ask? Probably a year's worth of sleep? But as I always say, I'll have plenty of that when I'm dead... lol! Carpe Diem!
And I love quenching thirsts!
https://ibb.co/xXJGs2b

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Thousands of dollars. Literally.
My particular kink that we indulged in was group sex -- swinging, threesomes, foursomes and more. It started with a search for a single bi female for a threesome. We searched in all the free places, then turned to more expensive options, such as going to strip clubs and courting strippers. An evening in a private booth in the bottle room cost us anywhere from $250 to $400, depending no how long we stayed. We did this several times.
We eventually abandoned that avenue and started going to swing clubs. Between membership fees and door fees, plus bringing our own alcohol, paying our baby sitter, a night at the club typically cost $200 -$500, depending on the club and whether we needed to renew our membership. We did this about 3-4 times a year for about 5-6 years. We also had paid subscriptions to swinger websites, which I cannot remember the cost.
After several years we met a group of couples similar in age and background to ourselves, which allowed us to quit the clubs and websites.

 

[EdgySubMic]

Thousands of dollars. Literally.

I did not think in terms of $$$ when I replied previously. Of course, in that sense my kink has cost something – toys, travel costs, a few participation fees...

However, I do not really consider that as true kink costs. Had I not engaged in the things I did for kink, I would have done something else – likely even similar – with the same money anyway. Especially w.r.t. travel costs, since I have other interests that cause me to travel even more. And as far as toys are concerned, I built several myself anyway, often out of scrap materials, and I enjoy doing such projects in any case.