Sammael Bard
Suit Up
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2013
- Posts
- 5,181
This is a small portion from a story that has been banging around in my brains. Don't know where it'd go, but it would be long enough, focussing more on the emotional aspect and plot, rather than the erotica.
Tell me what you think about it, however ridiculous it may sound. Does it sound intriguing, or just plain damn boring?
The silence of the house was pierced by a single gunshot.
The thunderous crack had erupted from Dad’s bedroom, its echo ensuing loud and clear for an awfully long time. I buried my face further into Mike’s chest, if that was possible. I could feel his heart beating a rapid beat against my cheek. Despite our current circumstances, I felt safe with him. My brother had always been there to protect me.
“Liz?” He whispered.
“Hmm?” My voice cracked, despite my promise to Dad to be stronger. I felt fresh tears erupt, staining his favourite Nike T-shirt in the process.
“I want you to stay right here, okay? I'll go and check.”
For the first time in an hour, I felt scared.
“I’m coming with you.” I whispered.
“No!” He almost yelled, compromising our location for one terrifying moment. He caught himself, and then whispered back, trying to placate me, “I’ll be back before you know it. Be strong for me, okay?”
I knew he was lying. He wouldn't be coming back if he left this place. He read my mind somehow, and kissed my forehead gently.
“I’ll be back, Liz…I promise.”
And like the fool I was, I believed him. I let go, watching him crawl out from beneath the bed where we were hiding. He never looked back as he slowly opened the door and quietly closed it behind him.
That was the last time I saw my brother.
*~*~*
There it goes. Yeah, I know there's a forum limit somewhere, but I think this is short enough, just too much space that makes it look big.
Related advice would be appreciated.
Tell me what you think about it, however ridiculous it may sound. Does it sound intriguing, or just plain damn boring?
The silence of the house was pierced by a single gunshot.
The thunderous crack had erupted from Dad’s bedroom, its echo ensuing loud and clear for an awfully long time. I buried my face further into Mike’s chest, if that was possible. I could feel his heart beating a rapid beat against my cheek. Despite our current circumstances, I felt safe with him. My brother had always been there to protect me.
“Liz?” He whispered.
“Hmm?” My voice cracked, despite my promise to Dad to be stronger. I felt fresh tears erupt, staining his favourite Nike T-shirt in the process.
“I want you to stay right here, okay? I'll go and check.”
For the first time in an hour, I felt scared.
“I’m coming with you.” I whispered.
“No!” He almost yelled, compromising our location for one terrifying moment. He caught himself, and then whispered back, trying to placate me, “I’ll be back before you know it. Be strong for me, okay?”
I knew he was lying. He wouldn't be coming back if he left this place. He read my mind somehow, and kissed my forehead gently.
“I’ll be back, Liz…I promise.”
And like the fool I was, I believed him. I let go, watching him crawl out from beneath the bed where we were hiding. He never looked back as he slowly opened the door and quietly closed it behind him.
That was the last time I saw my brother.
*~*~*
There it goes. Yeah, I know there's a forum limit somewhere, but I think this is short enough, just too much space that makes it look big.
Related advice would be appreciated.