Story feedback (Pam - The Thrill of Getting Caught Ch. 04) & category help?

[Tiesto1]

Hi all,

Quick question, how do you know which is the right category for a story when there are multiple elements from several categories?
Below is a link to a story where it could fit into the Group, Fetish, BDSM & the Exhibitionist & Voyeur categories. If I need to change/edit a category what is the proper/best way to do so?

Also can y'all give me feedback on my writing I'd appreciate. Thank you

Pam The Thrill of Getting Caught Ch. 04
https://literotica.com/s/pam-the-thrill-of-getting-caught-ch-04

 

[yowser]

Hi all,

Quick question, how do you know which is the right category for a story when there are multiple elements from several categories?
Below is a link to a story where it could fit into the Group, Fetish, BDSM & the Exhibitionist & Voyeur categories. If I need to change/edit a category what is the proper/best way to do so?

Also can y'all give me feedback on my writing I'd appreciate. Thank you

Pam The Thrill of Getting Caught Ch. 04
https://literotica.com/s/pam-the-thrill-of-getting-caught-ch-04

I'll take a look shortly.

In the meantime, review Love Your Readers: Categories the best piece in the 'confusing categories' category. A bible for posting here.

Synopsis: not all categories are created equal, and knowing the 'trump' ones makes a difference for your readers and reader reactions.

 

[yowser]

First of all, congratulations on a first effort, these 'first times' as a writer can consume a lot of energy, physical and emotional and you’ve gone and put yourself ‘out there’. (Correction, just noticed your profile, looks like you have done a pile of writing elsewhere, only just now posting to Lit. Ignore the rest of my 'first time' author comments below and perhaps my comments about introducing characters - as a fourth segment presumably you have done more of this earlier in the series, I just haven't read them.)

I can see why the category business is confusing for this tale, it straddles several genres. I think ultimately your 'group sex' choice was the right one. (It's not entirely obvious to me what 'Pam' being 'caught' means.)

I'll take you at face value that this is true event. If so, there is a lot of excitement automatically built-in to the scenario to exploit.

I'm a fussy reader, so brace yourself.

Your tale will go miles further with a better introduction to your main characters. We find out who 'Pam' is, but know almost nothing about her and her partner (the narrator.)

The location info dump early on is wasted (no one not familiar with San Francisco is going to know Otis or Jones streets.) Do the reader a favor and give them a hint about these locations, a sketch of their character. Overall, even just a few hints of description would go a long way here (not 'how many levels the place has' - more give us a feel - what's the lighting like? Hallways to the rooms? Atmosphere?) A sentence like 'It's not bad but not good either' tells us almost nothing.

When I say 'introduction' to your characters, I don't mean describe them - let them reveal themselves, perhaps via dialog or how they react to what's going on at the club. (Some possible ways to do this, my take, yours will be better, as the couple surely knows each other well:

I could tell Pam's energy was ratcheted up, she had taken more time than usual to pick out her outfit...

She gripped my hand tighter when we first came upon the four poster bed where the most amazing sight greeted us ....

Have her say your name or somehow recognise your presence. 'Brian! What's going to happen with that giant vibrator Mr. Beer Belly Dom has in his hand?'

We have no real revealed connection between Pam and the narrator - make us like them, root for them, want them to have a good time at the club. Let us share in their excitement, smell what they do, hear through their ears, get wide-eyed at the startling events unfolding before them and the feelings coursing through their veins.

I suggest a better descriptor than 'the exotic woman' which gets repeated far too many times. So she's tall, with long legs. Can you do something that will help us visualise her? ('She had legs up to her armpits...') Take a moment to make her special and stand out for us.

Mechanics need a bunch of work, verb tenses go from present to past without any good reason, agreement of subject and verbs don't always align ('There was several theme rooms.')

I'll throw in a few sentences and passages below that need work, I hope you'll be able to spot what's amiss. (Fragments, confused antecedents for pronouns, poor or inaccurate word choices.) There's plenty more.

So, sorry not to be more encouraging. You've done the first one, 'A' for effort, and the courage to put it out here on Lit, a wonderful workshop for your efforts. The skills I mention always can improve, I am sure with some work you will see a difference.

One suggestion (if you haven't done so already) is to read more on the site, picking categories that interest you, and look carefully at the stories that work well for you as a reader, appeal to your interests. Don't imitate them, but see how those authors handled their tale, word choices, characterizations, pacing, etc.

It's hard work to write well. Hard work to write good sex. Good luck.

------------

A common misconception is that at sex and swingers clubs it's an orgy full of porn stars.

Then she lounged forward to kiss me.

Then a sigh of disappointment from Pam, as the moan put her boob away and started to leave the room.

The lips on Pam's face were not the lips this woman wanted to engage with. But that tease move she did was epic.

 

[Tiesto1]

First of all, congratulations on a first effort, these 'first times' as a writer can consume a lot of energy, physical and emotional and you’ve gone and put yourself ‘out there’. (Correction, just noticed your profile, looks like you have done a pile of writing elsewhere, only just now posting to Lit. Ignore the rest of my 'first time' author comments below and perhaps my comments about introducing characters - as a fourth segment presumably you have done more of this earlier in the series, I just haven't read them.)

I can see why the category business is confusing for this tale, it straddles several genres. I think ultimately your 'group sex' choice was the right one. (It's not entirely obvious to me what 'Pam' being 'caught' means.)

I'll take you at face value that this is true event. If so, there is a lot of excitement automatically built-in to the scenario to exploit.

I'm a fussy reader, so brace yourself.

Your tale will go miles further with a better introduction to your main characters. We find out who 'Pam' is, but know almost nothing about her and her partner (the narrator.)

The location info dump early on is wasted (no one not familiar with San Francisco is going to know Otis or Jones streets.) Do the reader a favor and give them a hint about these locations, a sketch of their character. Overall, even just a few hints of description would go a long way here (not 'how many levels the place has' - more give us a feel - what's the lighting like? Hallways to the rooms? Atmosphere?) A sentence like 'It's not bad but not good either' tells us almost nothing.

When I say 'introduction' to your characters, I don't mean describe them - let them reveal themselves, perhaps via dialog or how they react to what's going on at the club. (Some possible ways to do this, my take, yours will be better, as the couple surely knows each other well:

I could tell Pam's energy was ratcheted up, she had taken more time than usual to pick out her outfit...

She gripped my hand tighter when we first came upon the four poster bed where the most amazing sight greeted us ....

Have her say your name or somehow recognise your presence. 'Brian! What's going to happen with that giant vibrator Mr. Beer Belly Dom has in his hand?'

We have no real revealed connection between Pam and the narrator - make us like them, root for them, want them to have a good time at the club. Let us share in their excitement, smell what they do, hear through their ears, get wide-eyed at the startling events unfolding before them and the feelings coursing through their veins.

I suggest a better descriptor than 'the exotic woman' which gets repeated far too many times. So she's tall, with long legs. Can you do something that will help us visualise her? ('She had legs up to her armpits...') Take a moment to make her special and stand out for us.

Mechanics need a bunch of work, verb tenses go from present to past without any good reason, agreement of subject and verbs don't always align ('There was several theme rooms.')

I'll throw in a few sentences and passages below that need work, I hope you'll be able to spot what's amiss. (Fragments, confused antecedents for pronouns, poor or inaccurate word choices.) There's plenty more.

So, sorry not to be more encouraging. You've done the first one, 'A' for effort, and the courage to put it out here on Lit, a wonderful workshop for your efforts. The skills I mention always can improve, I am sure with some work you will see a difference.

One suggestion (if you haven't done so already) is to read more on the site, picking categories that interest you, and look carefully at the stories that work well for you as a reader, appeal to your interests. Don't imitate them, but see how those authors handled their tale, word choices, characterizations, pacing, etc.

It's hard work to write well. Hard work to write good sex. Good luck.

------------

A common misconception is that at sex and swingers clubs it's an orgy full of porn stars.

Then she lounged forward to kiss me.

Then a sigh of disappointment from Pam, as the moan put her boob away and started to leave the room.

The lips on Pam's face were not the lips this woman wanted to engage with. But that tease move she did was epic.

Thank you for your feedback. Coming to Lit is my first time publishing anything. I started writing due to some relationship trauma. My therapist suggested that I should write about the good times and bad from my past. In essence a combo/form of journaling and writing a memoir. Anyhow, it’s evolved into me writing about some of my sexual experiences. I've been writing from more memory and less professional author. I appreciate how thorough your feedback is and will look at presenting my words in a better manner. I wish the editing content after the story is posted was easier. I hope to get some of my stuff corrected and the kinks ironed out in my writing.

 

[yowser]

Thank you for your feedback. Coming to Lit is my first time publishing anything. I started writing due to some relationship trauma. My therapist suggested that I should write about the good times and bad from my past. In essence a combo/form of journaling and writing a memoir. Anyhow, it’s evolved into me writing about some of my sexual experiences. I've been writing from more memory and less professional author. I appreciate how thorough your feedback is and will look at presenting my words in a better manner. I wish the editing content after the story is posted was easier. I hope to get some of my stuff corrected and the kinks ironed out in my writing.

I appreciate the context, thanks.

I am an advocate for writing as a tool for all manner of things, and if what you are doing puts you into a better place, that is all the reason you need to continue.

I gave feedback under the assumption that writing improvement was the goal and was responding to a desire for a writer to tell a better story.

I continue to think you have some wonderful material to work with, and if you can find a way to both become more vivid with your descriptions and make your narrator/main characters easier for a reader to relate to, you will have some superb tales.

When double-checking your profile (which I should have done first) and seeing a hefty number of stories all posted recently, I made the misapprehension that you had written elsewhere, and were putting (transferring) your corpus here on Lit, a common occurrence. My mistake.

This is a wonderful arena for test-writing, whatever your goals are. Pray continue, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Arlynn]

I wrote a story, and the comments point to it being mis-categorized. How do I change the category to better prepare potential readers for what they will encounter in my story?

 

[lc69hunter]

My first story could have gone in LW or essays. I gave admin the choice, and they actually chose the correct category, Essays. LW would have gotten a lot more reads, a lot more comments, and a lot more hate, as anything in that category generates foul shit from anonymous little trolls.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I wrote a story, and the comments point to it being mis-categorized. How do I change the category to better prepare potential readers for what they will encounter in my story?

Submit the whole story with the same title plus the word EDIT. Include a note to the site editor, advising the new preferred category. Laurel may or may not agree, it always her final call.

You probably won't get a reply, unless she won't make the change. If she does agree, it will take maybe a week or two, and should show up on your Control Panel. Scores and comments will remain as they were. The story won't get a run on the new category's front page, though.