So my wife may have a boyfriend

[One_ping_only]

Yes, that was crazy to me too. He brought it up very smoothly so she offered the info.

I'm sure it's been on his mind each and every day ...... often too!!!

 

[Leglover1234]

Gotta love when your spouse uses Snapchat.

 

[Uncut1969]

So hot he knows she is a married women and wants you there also

 

[Not Normal]

Kinda not cool to keep secrets in a marriage.

What would my wife be doing with her phone that she doesn't want me to know about? If she wants to flirt with some other guy, she knows she can do that. If she wants to coordinate to meet him and have sex, she can do that too.

And if she can do that with another man, I can do the same with another woman.

Keeping secrets is about changing that balance and trying to manipulate one into thinking the other is faithful.

I know of one marriage which ended due to the wife sexting and dissing her husband in texts to another guy. The husband's attitude was "If you think so little of me, then why are we married?"

People use their phones for a bunch of things including communications with family and friends. What if, the wife's sister confided something to her in confidence, now the snooping husband might have information that is none of his business. What if she were planning some sort of surprise for her husband that she is coordinating with others? Now they both lose out because he's snooping. It's beyond this one thing this thread is about.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

We have a pretty open phone policy. She has my code, and I know what her pattern is, and we answer each other's phones all the time. We aren't very technologically bound, so our phones are really just phones - neither of us are really into the apps, or multiple different social media things etc.

So updates: they made a sushi date for Saturday, but now he has to work Saturday, so she offered to do Sunday, and now he has to recover from work on Sunday and is waffling about meeting up... Maybe he is chickening out now? She told me it would be a two drink lunch (happy but not drunk, when she hits four she is drunk and horny, and at 5 clothes just fall off)

Anyways, originally she was going clothing shopping to buy some stuff for her new job. While shopping she would meet up with him for lunch. That turned into board games afterwards at his place, but she told me it would be a two drink lunch. Then he cancelled Saturday, so now we'll see if he goes for Sunday as she is going him a second chance - told him she wants his opinion on the clothes she has to buy. I have a feeling this may go further now into a 4-5 drink lunch but she is playing her cards close to her chest with me, but her texts seem a tad desperate to me. I hope he doesn't act all stupid now, because I know it will hit her self esteem.

I guess if they meet up the indicator will be what she wears. There is a particular "fuck me" dress she has, that I am guessing she will wear. If paired with a matching set of of bra and panties, this is going to go farther.

We haven't talk about that stage yet, so that's my current worry - is she going to put out on the first date for her own self esteem and gratification because it seems like he is pulling back now? I don't own her or tell her what to do, but our discussion so far was that it would go slow and that she would keep me informed of her intentions. I was hoping for an MFM and she was open to it under the right circumstances, but now it seems it may need to be her just with him first?

Thoughts from the experienced stags here?

 

[Lifestyle66]

People use their phones for a bunch of things including communications with family and friends. What if, the wife's sister confided something to her in confidence, now the snooping husband might have information that is none of his business. What if she were planning some sort of surprise for her husband that she is coordinating with others? Now they both lose out because he's snooping. It's beyond this one thing this thread is about.

Humans are creatures of habit. We all fall into our routines, and we depend on our routines to make life easier. The more things we do by routine, the less stress we have with making decisions.

So, people have their routines with their communications, too. My wife tells me who she communicates with via texts or Facebook messages. And she readily shares those with me. Everyone she knows also knows she shares with me. So, someone "confiding" a secret to her via text would realize I'm in on that secret. As for a surprise party, she doesn't do those things due to the stress of trying to keep a secret from me. None of the couples we know with happy, stable marriages ever try to set up such surprises on their spouse. I guess such secret activities are for the young, who are still into complicating their lives.

If my wife's cellphone was pinging with incoming texts late at night and she wasn't near it to pick up, I would be concerned there's an emergency with one of our friends or relatives. And that's what happened with a friend, his wife's phone was pinging with texts which she was responding to over and over on a holiday evening, when it was out of routine for her. None of her usual contacts would have been texting her that evening, and she wasn't telling him what was going on. So, the next day, the husband looked at her unlocked phone and noticed the texts.

Which is more important: Your ability to keep secret communications from your spouse? Or your spouse's feelings? If you choose the first, then it's up to your spouse to make a choice, too. And the worst betrayals are those you find with misplaced trust, which is what happened when the husband read those texts.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Sorry for the lack of updates. Its been a roller coaster.

We talked about this and agreed that he is definitely controlling this a little too much, in her words "I think I have been a little naive - he is playing chess while I am playing checkers". If he has done this before, all the better actually, but it's our first time, not our fifth or tenth, so it needs to slow down just a little to make sure we are all going to get out of it what we want. My wife is now thinking about what exactly she wants from this - it's actually a number of different things - sexual, emotional, entertainment, variety, etc.

She does like the idea of him being the only one at this point. It's too stressful to be doing this with several guys. One consistent boyfriend who can take her out, wine, dine and 69 her, no strings, just adult fun as an escape. It seems not all of it will involve me directly, so I need to think about that.

Last night she was looking at bodysuits, so I think she feels there is potential for something here. We were talking about her "boyfriend" all day yesterday.. To me a great deal of the value of the boyfriend is going to be boosting her self confidence - someone else finds her desirable and it's showing already - she's exercising more and buying new flattering clothing. She just told me that her shopping trip is going to run late and she won't be home for dinner and might even be late. She didn't tell me why but she winked at me when she said it. I think she is enjoying the teasing because she is hoping for something ad hoc/spontaneous with him by calling him when she is in his area. I did notice he is taking a more dominant role in the texts, calling her "missy" and correcting her spelling/grammer from time to time. I think he is the "bull" type and is starting to "put her in her place as his submissive". Thoughts?

We had some kinky discussion about his intentions last night, then she rode me to 3 orgasms and squirted while riding me too, so clearly her fires were lit. Luckily I was so turned on I could stay hard after I came! After that she had a retrospective moment where she starting doubting it again and feeling guilty, so we had to talk about it further and I had to reassure her. She is also worried again that she has been rushing it and should take more time to get comfortable with him first.

All that in the course of a day. Would really love to hear from the experienced ones here about how it went the first time; emotions and planning wise.

 

[cuckoldbill]

enjoying this thread

 

[L1511p]

A wonderful opportunity. Jealousy should not be a part of this, happiness of the opening up of a relationship, or simple honesty about one fading are both progress?

 

[curiouschattycouple]

So she's off shopping. The meetup is not confirmed, she's hoping to lure him out for a drink when she is in his area. She's wearing dressy mom-ish attire - skirt and blouse with strappy sandals, not the fuck-me dress she was musing about earlier this week. However, she is wearing her favorite set of sexy matching bra and panties, and you know what they say "if she is wearing matching bra and panties, it wasn't your idea to have sex." Unfortunately it was a very busy day for us so we didn't have a chance to discuss any of this and I also didn't get to help her prepare for the potential of this becoming a date. This leaves me completely blind as to what her plans are or what could happen. Next update probably when she gets home - I am guessing in 6-8 hours either way.

 

[Sconnie69]

So she's off shopping. The meetup is not confirmed, she's hoping to lure him out for a drink when she is in his area. She's wearing dressy mom-ish attire - skirt and blouse with strappy sandals, not the fuck-me dress she was musing about earlier this week. However, she is wearing her favorite set of sexy matching bra and panties, and you know what they say "if she is wearing matching bra and panties, it wasn't your idea to have sex." Unfortunately it was a very busy day for us so we didn't have a chance to discuss any of this and I also didn't get to help her prepare for the potential of this becoming a date. This leaves me completely blind as to what her plans are or what could happen. Next update probably when she gets home - I am guessing in 6-8 hours either way.

You have me on the edge of my seat on this one, can't wait to hear more. What an interesting situation. A bit scary and exciting at the same time!

 

[twister947]

So she's off shopping. The meetup is not confirmed, she's hoping to lure him out for a drink when she is in his area. She's wearing dressy mom-ish attire - skirt and blouse with strappy sandals, not the fuck-me dress she was musing about earlier this week. However, she is wearing her favorite set of sexy matching bra and panties, and you know what they say "if she is wearing matching bra and panties, it wasn't your idea to have sex." Unfortunately it was a very busy day for us so we didn't have a chance to discuss any of this and I also didn't get to help her prepare for the potential of this becoming a date. This leaves me completely blind as to what her plans are or what could happen. Next update probably when she gets home - I am guessing in 6-8 hours either way.

Or maybe tomorrow in time for lunch.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

She's home. Nothing to report yet.

 

[lustychimera]

Kinda not cool spying on her phone...

She's not exactly being honest with him, and the dude alludes to her acting dodgy. The fact that he's into it is irrelevant to the trust issue.

I'm also disappointed about how okay this guy is with how secretive his wife is being. That doesn't seem very healthy. This kind of reads like he's trying so hard to make this work and be supportive of his wife that he's okay with them not communicating and working together every step of the way.

 

[Not Normal]

Humans are creatures of habit. We all fall into our routines, and we depend on our routines to make life easier. The more things we do by routine, the less stress we have with making decisions.

So, people have their routines with their communications, too. My wife tells me who she communicates with via texts or Facebook messages. And she readily shares those with me. Everyone she knows also knows she shares with me. So, someone "confiding" a secret to her via text would realize I'm in on that secret. As for a surprise party, she doesn't do those things due to the stress of trying to keep a secret from me. None of the couples we know with happy, stable marriages ever try to set up such surprises on their spouse. I guess such secret activities are for the young, who are still into complicating their lives.

If my wife's cellphone was pinging with incoming texts late at night and she wasn't near it to pick up, I would be concerned there's an emergency with one of our friends or relatives. And that's what happened with a friend, his wife's phone was pinging with texts which she was responding to over and over on a holiday evening, when it was out of routine for her. None of her usual contacts would have been texting her that evening, and she wasn't telling him what was going on. So, the next day, the husband looked at her unlocked phone and noticed the texts.

Which is more important: Your ability to keep secret communications from your spouse? Or your spouse's feelings? If you choose the first, then it's up to your spouse to make a choice, too. And the worst betrayals are those you find with misplaced trust, which is what happened when the husband read those texts.

Your emergency analogy is kind of a strawman argument. I get the couple bubble thing, but there are even exceptions to that. If all of your people knows your wife shares everything, they either won't tell her what they don't want shared, or will ask her to make an exception. But again that is your relationship. What's important to me is that my partner doesn't feel that I'm spying on her, and that I trust her. She'll tell me what she needs to tell me. I won't demand it.

She's not exactly being honest with him, and the dude alludes to her acting dodgy. The fact that he's into it is irrelevant to the trust issue.

I'm also disappointed about how okay this guy is with how secretive his wife is being. That doesn't seem very healthy. This kind of reads like he's trying so hard to make this work and be supportive of his wife that he's okay with them not communicating and working together every step of the way.

My comment is based on more than this one aspect of their life.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Your emergency analogy is kind of a strawman argument. I get the couple bubble thing, but there are even exceptions to that. If all of your people knows your wife shares everything, they either won't tell her what they don't want shared, or will ask her to make an exception. But again that is your relationship. What's important to me is that my partner doesn't feel that I'm spying on her, and that I trust her. She'll tell me what she needs to tell me. I won't demand it.

People are very open in communicating with my wife, because they trust US. There have been a few times when I've seen my wife talking with someone when something seemed amiss. When I would ask her "What's that about?", the most secretive she's been was to avoid answering by replying "I'll tell you later."

The whole issue is about TRUST. If you read my stories, you'll find that's a common theme in several of them. The wife's pact with her husband is "Never lie to me..." because she was lied to by a previous lover who used her. In the story "Trusted Employees", the corporate executives have investigators checking web sites like "Ashley Madison" for employees who keep secrets, because of the company internal problems it created when they were outed.

I consider your whole argument FOR a spouse's privacy to be a strawman. You're saying you don't want her to feel like you're spying on her. That's a strawman reason, because she won't feel spied upon unless she is trying to hide something from you. "You don't know what you don't know", and there is NO trust in such a relationship. Such a secretive couple are two people sharing a portion of their lives, and they're both missing out on the feelings of sharing everything together. But you can't know what you're missing until you feel it.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

So there isn't much to tell. They may up for coffee, chatted for an hour and half, and that was it for now. It may set the grounds for further liaisons, but nothing exciting at this time.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Thanks to everyone for the comments and feedback. Please keep it coming. There are some hiccups that we are working out. We are new to this and there is an emotional element that we are trying to understand. I will keep you posted.

 

[shizzz]

My husbands wife has a boyfriend.

So there’s a 4-sum in your future?

 

[shizzz]

My husbands wife has a boyfriend.

So there’s a 4-sum in your future

 

[Not Normal]

People are very open in communicating with my wife, because they trust US. There have been a few times when I've seen my wife talking with someone when something seemed amiss. When I would ask her "What's that about?", the most secretive she's been was to avoid answering by replying "I'll tell you later."

The whole issue is about TRUST. If you read my stories, you'll find that's a common theme in several of them. The wife's pact with her husband is "Never lie to me..." because she was lied to by a previous lover who used her. In the story "Trusted Employees", the corporate executives have investigators checking web sites like "Ashley Madison" for employees who keep secrets, because of the company internal problems it created when they were outed.

I consider your whole argument FOR a spouse's privacy to be a strawman. You're saying you don't want her to feel like you're spying on her. That's a strawman reason, because she won't feel spied upon unless she is trying to hide something from you. "You don't know what you don't know", and there is NO trust in such a relationship. Such a secretive couple are two people sharing a portion of their lives, and they're both missing out on the feelings of sharing everything together. But you can't know what you're missing until you feel it.

Yeah, if trust only comes from being told everything, I don't think that's truly trust. I trust my partner completely, and that means if she needs to say "I can't tell you _____" then I know there are things in play that are none of my business. I'm glad you and yours have a good vibe. My and mine is different.

 

[SilvaTungDevil]

After reading this thread, I'm pretty sure I accidentally banged someone's wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or something. I gotta quit getting banged by, and or getting banged by randoms.

 

[Lifestyle66]

After reading this thread, I'm pretty sure I accidentally banged someone's wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or something. I gotta quit getting banged by, and or getting banged by randoms.

Guys who have never accidently fucked someone else's wife or girlfriend ... just are not very experienced or even trying.

 

[shizzz]

Guys who have never accidently fucked someone else's wife or girlfriend ... just are very experienced or even trying.

Nah, some asshole fucked my wife and 20 years later I still have issues with that. But I get it, it was her, if it hadn’t been that guy, prolly just woulda been some other guy. That’s why I have a love/hate relationship with my wife. I’m not the kind of guy who likes to share

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Guys who have never accidently fucked someone else's wife or girlfriend ... just are very experienced or even trying.

Had an ”accident“ like this once. Met a girl where we had instant mutual attraction. Like smoldering flirting. We start seeing each other and this relationship ran 3-4 months. She didn’t tell me she was married.

There were several red flags that looking back on it, I should have seen. Maybe I just ignored them because I didn’t want it to be true. I was smitten.

The last red flag, she wore her ring on a date, was the straw that broke the camels back. I was so in love her at that point I even ignored that as she gave me some bullshit excuse about an arranged marriage to get her a green card (she was Egyptian) so don’t worry about it sort of thing.

She’s the only “accident” I know of. All these years later, I wonder how I could have handled that differently?