So my wife may have a boyfriend

[Lifestyle66]

Nah, some asshole fucked my wife and 20 years later I still have issues with that. But I get it, it was her, if it hadn’t been that guy, prolly just woulda been some other guy. That’s why I have a love/hate relationship with my wife. I’m not the kind of guy who likes to share

Too many guys try to blame the other guy. But unless its rape, the wife makes the final decision to spread her legs and invite him in.

"No means NO, unless she means 'I just couldn't resist'."

When I was younger, I dated a woman exclusively for about six months. We went out about three times per week. But I found out that when I wasn't with her, she was getting drunk in a local bar and fucking guys in the parking lot. About four months into our relationship, I needed a shot of penicillin (and took her for one, too). After that, I used condoms with her, still getting laid, but now knowing she just wasn't exclusive. It finally ended when she got pregnant, and we both knew it wasn't mine.

Do I blame the other guys who fucked her? Of course not. Feminists would claim those guys were taking advantage of her and getting her drunk. But she made her own choices, repeatedly, always going back for more.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Had an ”accident“ like this once. Met a girl where we had instant mutual attraction. Like smoldering flirting. We start seeing each other and this relationship ran 3-4 months. She didn’t tell me she was married.

There were several red flags that looking back on it, I should have seen. Maybe I just ignored them because I didn’t want it to be true. I was smitten.

The last red flag, she wore her ring on a date, was the straw that broke the camels back. I was so in love her at that point I even ignored that as she gave me some bullshit excuse about an arranged marriage to get her a green card (she was Egyptian) so don’t worry about it sort of thing.

She’s the only “accident” I know of. All these years later, I wonder how I could have handled that differently?

I had an "accident" when the woman told me she was separated and getting a divorce. After several "dates" in cars and motels, her husband found us together and explained that the only separation he was aware of was the distance when she was out partying without him!

There are some guys who are predators. But, in my experience, there seem to be just as many women doing it, too.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Nah, some asshole fucked my wife and 20 years later I still have issues with that. But I get it, it was her, if it hadn’t been that guy, prolly just woulda been some other guy. That’s why I have a love/hate relationship with my wife. I’m not the kind of guy who likes to share

If you equate "love" and "sex" together, think about it!

As the husband gets older and has erection problems, does that mean he no longer loves his wife? If the wife has vaginal dryness or some other problems making it painful, does her lack of sexual desire mean she can no longer love her husband? If you tie love and sex together, then divorce is the only obvious solution.

In my experience, sex is hormone driven, and changes over time differently in different people. Those hormone changes occur at different rates between the husband and wife, often leading to frustrations and arguments between them. If your wife has a much higher sex drive, don't you want her to be happy?

How much would you spend to buy your wife a present?

It's not about "sharing", but more about what you would do to give your wife a present she really would enjoy.

EDIT: If you gave your wife a present of a "hall pass" to have sex with another guy because she wants it, you would be spending your emotional equity on her. Then the question would be how she handles it, and how much she spends of her emotional equity to make you happy, too!

In a healthy, sharing relationship, the couple looks out for each other and gifts them those opportunities, always being aware to respect any limits which would unnecessarily hurt the other. I might spend hours or days making some present for my wife. But she would be a real shithead if when I handed it to her she says she hates it because she prefers some other guy's craft.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

So complications on our end with the third. He has a part time girlfriend. Wife wants exclusive access to him if she is going to be a hotwife (same with me - I don't get the hall pass and it's ok) but he is also looking for a threesome with the girlfriend and my wife, and my wife doesn't do the ladies unfortunately. Things more or less on hold at the moment.

 

[ILHUBBY]

So complications on our end with the third. He has a part time girlfriend. Wife wants exclusive access to him if she is going to be a hotwife (same with me - I don't get the hall pass and it's ok) but he is also looking for a threesome with the girlfriend and my wife, and my wife doesn't do the ladies unfortunately. Things more or less on hold at the moment.

Well if nothing else, communications have opened and no major conflicts have arisen. Now you haven't taken any major steps yet, but good to be talking.

Kinda feels like a quick jump to "we haven't been physical" to "let's have a threesome with a girlfriend youbare just finding out about....."

Might be interesting for her to understand that better and maybe that would lead somewhere. This feels like a trial period, so may as well get all she (and you) can from it...

 

[djrip]

Too many guys try to blame the other guy. But unless its rape, the wife makes the final decision to spread her legs and invite him in.

"No means NO, unless she means 'I just couldn't resist'."

When I was younger, I dated a woman exclusively for about six months. We went out about three times per week. But I found out that when I wasn't with her, she was getting drunk in a local bar and fucking guys in the parking lot. About four months into our relationship, I needed a shot of penicillin (and took her for one, too). After that, I used condoms with her, still getting laid, but now knowing she just wasn't exclusive. It finally ended when she got pregnant, and we both knew it wasn't mine.

Do I blame the other guys who fucked her? Of course not. Feminists would claim those guys were taking advantage of her and getting her drunk. But she made her own choices, repeatedly, always going back for more.

Wouldn't feminists be the ones to advocate the idea that a woman can make her own choices? Saying women are incapable of resisting male advances does not strike me as the argument feminists would make. Honestly I'm surprised you don't identify as a feminist, with your frequent focus on equality, 'if she can I can, if I can she can', kind of stuff. Since feminism is the position that men and women should be equals.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Wouldn't feminists be the ones to advocate the idea that a woman can make her own choices? Saying women are incapable of resisting male advances does not strike me as the argument feminists would make. Honestly I'm surprised you don't identify as a feminist, with your frequent focus on equality, 'if she can I can, if I can she can', kind of stuff. Since feminism is the position that men and women should be equals.

One would think that. But based on such experiences and others with assertive women, I write stories around such an assertive Main Female Character. And feminists don't like my MFC, because she destroys all of their arguments of women being oppressed.

BTW, my MFC is modeled after my wife's attitudes. And my wife thinks feminists are stupid. My wife is out to exploit men any way she can!

EDIT: You can read some of my best MFC lines in my stories quoted from my wife:
"Honey, can you open this? I'm only a woman."
"Okay. Here's how you do it ..."
"I like my way better."
"You mean to hand it to me to do it for you."

or another of her classics:
"Would you like a martini?"
"Okay." Then as I watch her struggle with the martini shaker, I offer to help.
After I open it, she walks away, saying "Now that you have it open, I'll have a martini, too."

EDIT 2: and another classic which is in every story is when I call her "Bitch!"
Her reply is to softly say "But I'm YOUR bitch!"

 

[curiouschattycouple]

This whole situation has brought out a more assertive side of her, anyways. Good to see her self confidence growing and she is being more clear about what she wants. This experience has been an eye opener and good practice for a possible next time.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

There is still flirting going on, lots of texting, lots of innuendo. We have been too busy for a second date, but maybe next month. There is lots to talk about and things to work out. Keep y',all posted

 

[LIDiver]

My latest story "My Wife Wants a Hall Pass" talks about this issue of the wife communicating with her old boyfriend.

In the story, I have the husband and wife discussing such a balance in their marriage. If she can see an old boyfriend, then he can see an old girlfriend. If you read it, let me know what you think.

We too have discussed and acted on this.
We wrote up an embellished story of it.
I will read yours, read ours and tell me what you think.
https://literotica.com/s/torys-emergence

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Kinda not cool spying on her phone...

Shhh...it's part of the fantasy plot

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Shhh...it's part of the fantasy plot

We had to talk about this - that was an exhausting hour but it was a positive outcome. It's not something I wanted to do, but she did break our rule that we were going to be honest and share everything. Now we are able to talk about this far more openly as it progresses. She has committed to let me know in advance (it might be ten minutes, it might be a week) if she chooses to have a little extramarital fun.

Some folks have reminded me that we were going to keep you updated. There hasn't been much to report, but here goes:

Wife wants to have a bull who is exclusive to her. He has two other girlfriends so for now they continue to chat but no more dates, but it builds the relationship so that if she changes her mind or he ends up 'single' we can move forward.

We were invited to a party by wife's friend who introduced them. After mutual cheating on each other, the friend and her hubby are swingers. Other guests were a bull, another swinging couple, and a vanilla couple like us. We aren't into swinging per se, so it was somewhat of a quiet/awkward gathering.

The sex has been super hot lately! The idea is still percolating and we had sex 10 days in a row, including multiple times per day, with toys, lingerie, all over the house. The banter and groping is like we are dating again! She is on the cusp of a midlife crisis and I think it will have a wild sexual component, so this is a sanctioned outlet.

 

[LIDiver]

Appreciate the update, hoping some hot progress for you soon.

 

[djrip]

No one really wants equality.

People who are fine with equality know they have inherent advantages that will allow them to win more often than not. To them, a “level playing field” is nothing to fear.

People who demand equality or “empowerment” know they don’t have much chance of success on that field, so to them, equality means they get some institutional advantages given to them.

Always remember, a person asking for empowerment is really asking you to give up your power… so they can have power they are unable or unwilling to obtain for themselves.

So I'm under the impression that women used to not be allowed to vote, restricted in the kinds of jobs they could do, subject to forced sex within their marriage, coerced into child rearing at the expense of education or career, etc. Or let's go more broad and mention slavery. Black Americans asking for an end to the practice of slavery, and women asking for access to the vote and jobs and education, were asking the white men in power to give some of that power up, yes. But they were right to do so. Because the power those white men held over women and Black Americans was not fair or just.

 

[LIDiver]

Perhaps i’d be to the benefit of all if this discussion was taken to a PM, please.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Haha interesting tangent folks! The lack of equality is never more evident than when I have to go find out what went bump in the night or start the tractor on a -20 morning to plow the snow off the driveway.

Same goes for sex - women are roughly 50% of the population but control 100% of the pussy. Therefore even though we don't have a FLR and my wife is generally submissive, she know that she has power and she will use it from time to time. Just encouraging her to use that power has actually really helped her self esteem and she has been changing. She dresses better, flirts more, and has been more outgoing in general. Societal controls on women has been a major factor in influencing their behaviour. When they understand they are not owned, not subject to history and shame and ownership, they can indulgence their own desires. It's been amazing to see her change.

Last night she had a very blatant sexual banter with her BF in chat, and after that we sure had some kinky sex. He could have had it too, but he still doesn't realize she wants to get freaky for her gratification and not his. I think a good bull would understand that they aren't the ones in control and it's not about them, and he isn't there yet. He has been hinting at a FMF with a her, and that's not why she is putting herself out there.

 

[Noor]

Haha interesting tangent folks! The lack of equality is never more evident than when I have to go find out what went bump in the night or start the tractor on a -20 morning to plow the snow off the driveway.

Same goes for sex - women are roughly 50% of the population but control 100% of the pussy. Therefore even though we don't have a FLR and my wife is generally submissive, she know that she has power and she will use it from time to time. Just encouraging her to use that power has actually really helped her self esteem and she has been changing. She dresses better, flirts more, and has been more outgoing in general. Societal controls on women has been a major factor in influencing their behaviour. When they understand they are not owned, not subject to history and shame and ownership, they can indulgence their own desires. It's been amazing to see her change.

Last night she had a very blatant sexual banter with her BF in chat, and after that we sure had some kinky sex. He could have had it too, but he still doesn't realize she wants to get freaky for her gratification and not his. I think a good bull would understand that they aren't the ones in control and it's not about them, and he isn't there yet. He has been hinting at a FMF with a her, and that's not why she is putting herself out there.

That’s because we own the pussy, when you get one, you can control it too.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

That’s because we own the pussy, when you get one, you can control it too.

I don't own one - it's hers and I get to use it...

 

[curiouschattycouple]

A moment of clarity here last night. She has been thinking about our little fantasy, so we had a talk about what each of us wants from the hot wife experience. It was hot to hear here speak openly about this, for her too, she was giving me a handjob the whole time too. After a half hour she just climbed on top and wore me out. There's been a lot of her on top lately - that's her actively and enthusiastically being confident and dominant and going after what she wants - often it's missionary where she wants to be held and loved, and it's less about sex and more about intimacy, so it's good to see her thinking about her needs.

She wants to see what she missed out on - dates, seduction, other cocks (I always knew she was a girth queen!) and just the sexual options. She doesn't want to be watched, or know that she is watched, so that's where we diverge. MFMs would be awkward and too much work for her she says. There is also the self confidence issue - she doesn't think anyone would want to be with her, but she knows that her boyfriend prospect would jump at the chance, so she doesn't actually seem to rate his opinion that highly so I was right in that he isn't her ideal type. He does still stand a pretty good chance of lucky though due to proximity and interest, but she would prefer the classic tall, dark, and handsome stranger and he doesn't check some of those boxes.

Where does this leave me then - if I watch it's from the shadows which is a bit cuckoldish to me, and at least for now the MFM is out, which was more my thing.

I am going to encourage her to go after what she wants. I love the changes in her attitude and personality, the self confidence growing and the dressing up far more often. It's very much like when we were dating and first married.

 

[LIDiver]

After my wife had her encounter, encouraged by me, it absolutely overcharged her sexuality. It is such a huge turn-on.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Yes, I think she needs this. Just for the boost, for the fun, and to head off any midlife crisis about "what did I miss by getting married"

 

[Crownvic]

Yes, I think she needs this. Just for the boost, for the fun, and to head off any midlife crisis about "what did I miss by getting married"

Lots of responsibilities and bills...go out have fun..

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Lots of responsibilities and bills...go out have fun..

Right? In today's instagram world, it's easy to look at what "everyone else" is doing, and think that you are missing out. I am pretty happy with things in life, but it's human nature to always want more. Sometimes checking out the other is a good way to relieve some pressure and have an escape.

 

[Islander55]

If you are both into the concept, it certainly can be a lot of fun for everyone. She gets to experience some things that she may have wondered about and if she enjoys it, it may well increase her libido which could greatly benefit you. It opens up so many possibilities for sexual fun and gratification which can then lead to even more adventures. You have to trust your partner and want them to fully experience their sexuality. No half measures here. All in or forget about it.

 

[curiouschattycouple]

Update:

Last night was good fun. 4 hours of foreplay and sex, but also great long talk about wife sharing. It's not just the guilt - she is legitimately concerned she will like it too much, and instead of it being an occasional treat that she would want it regularly and it would impact our family life, etc

Her thoughts on hotwifing:
- she does feeling like she is missing out
- she wants to date and fuck other guys but one at a time, in stable connected relationships
- she would rather not have me there because she doesn't think she could enjoy it then
- she thinks she would enjoy it so much that if I saw it I would be too jealous and it would effect our dynamic
- she thinks she would feel guilty about wanting to see any guy anything more than occasionally because she would feel she is abandoning the family

That's all for now, but honestly I am so impressed and in love with this woman and how she thinks.. can't say I necessarily agree with it all, but I understand better.