Sexual journeys and some questions

[Jake_Knight]

Honestly, I never expected a deep, thought-inducing thread in lit (new user) and even less within "The playground". I might be young compared to most here, but this is enlightening.

Subscribing. And later, possibly sharing one or two things that have happened to me that could help others out.

 

[Noor]

Honestly, I never expected a deep, thought-inducing thread in lit (new user) and even less within "The playground". I might be young compared to most here, but this is enlightening.

Subscribing. And later, possibly sharing one or two things that have happened to me that could help others out.

Well believe it or not, Lit used to be this way, a lot more humor but also serious threads and discussions. I put it in the playground because this is who I am a playgrounder who visits the general board ;-)

 

[simpletimes]

This is a good thread to subscribe to, it is a pleasant surprise from the other threads. Honesty, not only with others, but with oneself is important in life.

 

[Mollie_F]

It seems somehow fitting that I should happen upon a thread pretty much a year since I joined Lit, that explains so well why I first stumbled into this place. When I look back it is fair to say that I was utterly numb this time last year - mentally, physically, emotionally sexually – the culmination of being in a similar situation to what Noor describes so eloquently.

For years, the parts of me that should have felt good, that should have been touched for pleasure…they were at best excruciatingly painful. I remember burying my head and biting a pillow for all the wrong reasons….simply from the pain of what I tried to still give my partner at the time. Eventually, everything caved and I lost count of the number of medical treatments that followed... The only way to deal with all of it, in the end, was to switch off totally from anything I may physically desire or need - I was a science lab and little else.

Previously, in healthy days, I had been…hmm…unbridled….and I think that this coupled with various other memory triggers only served to make the whole experience all the more stultifying. Everything I had enjoyed about my body and what it could give to others was gone.

I did not realise how completely I had disconnected my mind from the rest of me until many months after my womb was gone, and with it (in the words of others still burned into my skull) all of my future desirability or attractiveness as a partner. The logical part of my brain knew that what I’d been told was at worst cruel and at best ridiculous. I’ve been slowly overturning everything I had begun to be convinced about myself, my body, my sexuality ever since.

After the last surgery I was told no touching, no nothing until everything was completely healed. Being a pig-headed thing, I completely ignored that advice. I’d read about the risks of changes in sensation, or even no longer having the ability to orgasm. Lying in my bed doing little but go a bit stir-crazy, I simply had to know. So, I played… (bad idea and medically speaking, stupid)…and felt barely anything. I’d always had such powerful orgasms that to think they were so hugely diminished and I wasn’t even 30……. For sure, my best girly found out pretty quickly how horrific I found the whole idea.

I needed to re-think me and everything I had identified about my sexuality. The theory I had was that if I re-wired my brain, maybe my body would follow. It’s a work in progress. My body still throws the craziest of curveballs, there’s a lot I’m still not comfortable with…..The unbridled carefree girl I used to be is still not completely understanding of what my body can and can’t now achieve. But there’s a lot of light and I am learning all the time how to do things differently.

And actually, it is an attitude that I really hope never leaves my sex life at all now, for it may just become the basis for something much more liberating.

Stumbling drunkenly one night to Lit, I discovered something I never imagined in people who have helped more than they know, and who I've come to treasure...And my owl, who has been there from the start and for everything, I really could never thank enough.

 

[Noor]

This is a very interesting and enlightening thread. I hope you don't mind if I join in with my thoughts. I was brought up by my mother, I am an only child, though I do have some step & half siblings around. I am the only child she ever had. Her view of sex, was that it was required as a spouse, not necessarily a act that was enjoyed. I joined the Navy when I was 17, and yes, I did the typical sailor things in our ports of call.
I have been married twice, first time 5 years, second time 25 yrs. The second marriage was great in the first 10 years, my wife was very open and sexual, until she became "born again." Her views on sex changed dramatically.
At this point in my life at 57, I do not have a sex life, and don't really want one. I enjoy writing and reading about all the exploits, and I have done a RP now and again.
Now I think my only useful sexual organ is my mind.

I don't mind at all, everyone is invited!

Amazing, I have a hard time imagining being born again, but one only has to look at the Song of Solomon to see that the bible encourages sex

Why did you stop wanting a sex life?

 

[LustfulOne50]

Passing by my sweet Noor..lady of love...wishing you well with this thread...

 

[Noor]

Passing by my sweet Noor..lady of love...wishing you well with this thread...

Thank you! Hope all is well with you guys and the little one is growing like a weed

 

[simpletimes]

I don't mind at all, everyone is invited!

Amazing, I have a hard time imagining being born again, but one only has to look at the Song of Solomon to see that the bible encourages sex

Why did you stop wanting a sex life?

One never stops wanting. But being a realistic sort of person, I know that "curb appeal" in no longer there. I think I spent way to much time in my younger days abusing my body, and now I am getting the payback.
I also seem to rub people, well the ladies, the wrong way because I guess I come across as just a player, though not me at all, it is the way my smart asses mind works.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Subscribed. Hope y'all don't mind if I just lurk and appreciate all the honesty.

 

[simpletimes]

Subscribed. Hope y'all don't mind if I just lurk and appreciate all the honesty.

Please do, and feel free to contribute if the mood strikes.
It can be refreshing.

 

[Noor]

It seems somehow fitting that I should happen upon a thread pretty much a year since I joined Lit, that explains so well why I first stumbled into this place. When I look back it is fair to say that I was utterly numb this time last year - mentally, physically, emotionally sexually – the culmination of being in a similar situation to what Noor describes so eloquently.

For years, the parts of me that should have felt good, that should have been touched for pleasure…they were at best excruciatingly painful. I remember burying my head and biting a pillow for all the wrong reasons….simply from the pain of what I tried to still give my partner at the time. Eventually, everything caved and I lost count of the number of medical treatments that followed... The only way to deal with all of it, in the end, was to switch off totally from anything I may physically desire or need - I was a science lab and little else.

Previously, in healthy days, I had been…hmm…unbridled….and I think that this coupled with various other memory triggers only served to make the whole experience all the more stultifying. Everything I had enjoyed about my body and what it could give to others was gone.

I did not realise how completely I had disconnected my mind from the rest of me until many months after my womb was gone, and with it (in the words of others still burned into my skull) all of my future desirability or attractiveness as a partner. The logical part of my brain knew that what I’d been told was at worst cruel and at best ridiculous. I’ve been slowly overturning everything I had begun to be convinced about myself, my body, my sexuality ever since.

After the last surgery I was told no touching, no nothing until everything was completely healed. Being a pig-headed thing, I completely ignored that advice. I’d read about the risks of changes in sensation, or even no longer having the ability to orgasm. Lying in my bed doing little but go a bit stir-crazy, I simply had to know. So, I played… (bad idea and medically speaking, stupid)…and felt barely anything. I’d always had such powerful orgasms that to think they were so hugely diminished and I wasn’t even 30……. For sure, my best girly found out pretty quickly how horrific I found the whole idea.

I needed to re-think me and everything I had identified about my sexuality. The theory I had was that if I re-wired my brain, maybe my body would follow. It’s a work in progress. My body still throws the craziest of curveballs, there’s a lot I’m still not comfortable with…..The unbridled carefree girl I used to be is still not completely understanding of what my body can and can’t now achieve. But there’s a lot of light and I am learning all the time how to do things differently.

And actually, it is an attitude that I really hope never leaves my sex life at all now, for it may just become the basis for something much more liberating.

Stumbling drunkenly one night to Lit, I discovered something I never imagined in people who have helped more than they know, and who I've come to treasure...And my owl, who has been there from the start and for everything, I really could never thank enough.

You may feel unbridled again, I was starting to feel that way a couple months ago, but have had some slight set backs. I was getting pretty far out there for a bit, everything was turning me on, not just the sound and words of the voice I enjoyed, but kind of in lust with everything that wasn't repellant. The feel of my sheets, strawberries, smell of guys the comic book store, my friends' skin, I even put a corset on again after years and thought hmm this isn't so bad... I was crashing parties and having a great time, meeting lots of new people, attracting men and women like flies. This despite being in fairly serious neck pain. I was experimenting with clothing, hair, whatever. Funky hats drew more people but other than that I couldn't not do it unless I stopped smiling back.

I am a fairly modest dresser, usually covered from my ankles to wrists no cleavage showing. At this point in my life, when wearing skin tight clothing or nude I have been compared to an overripe fertility goddess. I seem to attract mainly younger men, it's tempting sometimes, but I don't want a boy, I want a man. I want someone who can do more than just fuck, and not just because that may not be something I can do easily at this point but because I want to feel everything with my whole body as a sexual organ.

I am sorry you have had to endure the pain and then "all of my future desirability or attractiveness as a partner" what a horrible thing to tell you! That is so mean and completely untrue. The man I was attached to at the time of surgery went through his own crisis and was no longer interested in sex. One guy friend assured me that my lovely purple scar would make a nice landing strip. Other guys who had been interested in me prior to surgery were still interested but I had no feelings at all anymore when they touched me except discomfort of being touched.

After surgery, a friend found hystersisters.com for me. I read a lot of accounts of the effects of sex too soon and some were pretty dire, but frankly I couldn't see how anyone would even be able to think about it! Physically I could barely move and when that got better just going from standing to sitting or lying down was an incredibly complex and painful maneuver and getting up from lying down, OMG! At one point, I did have an incredible erotic dream which was very weird.

There is physical therapy for some of sex but I find you do need to rewire your brain, and your blood vessels also seem to need activity to reroute themselves.
PT is/was weird, I really don't like to be touched by non-intimates so having someone's hand inside to measure muscle and nerve reactions is a bit weird, but some times it is the only way.
I was kind of surprised when my PT would say push into my finger from the left I would try and feel nothing and yet the muscles were still working.
At some places, I couldn't feel her fingers at all. It turned out that my pelvic bone was tilted and blocking the nerve or something, that has been dealt with, now I am dealing with my hips being out of alignment.
Fun... I am supposed to go out and find a lover to practice on, so I asked for a sexual surrogate So far we are at an impasse...
Its funny because this is all stuff no one can see, once the swelly belly stuff stopped from surgery and I could move normally the only way anyone could tell was if they saw my scar.
It took about a month of fairly frequent phone sex before my blood vessels seemed to reroute themselves, and stop causing pelvic congestion every time, but it worked.

We are learning to deal with sexual extremes that can happen in sickness or as we age but all at once and way too early than most other people. It least we don't take it for granted, are working on it and it will not creep up on us, so when we do find our way we will be sexual beings for the rest of our lives. I see so many people just stop.

I too have a few people that are/were on lit that I can't thank enough, without whom I would have probably walked into traffic long ago or at least not been in this sexual upswing. I am considering even naming names...

 

[whalee]

What a thread. Such thoughtfulness and sensitivity....honesty and most of all courage. Thank you all.

 

[Noor]

One never stops wanting. But being a realistic sort of person, I know that "curb appeal" in no longer there. I think I spent way to much time in my younger days abusing my body, and now I am getting the payback.
I also seem to rub people, well the ladies, the wrong way because I guess I come across as just a player, though not me at all, it is the way my smart asses mind works.

That happens to me, rubbing people the wrong way. My enthusiasm for sex and fun often gets taken the wrong way, if I am enjoying myself, I would like more and more and more. It doesn't mean I need it or would be unhappy with less, I just see no reason to not be truthful and enjoy what is on offer. As long as it doesn't get in the way of what either person needs to do, why not?

In high school, I used to love the feel of certain amusement park rides, and when I could I would ride them continuously for long periods of time. It helps when you know the operators and go when there aren't very many people there. I wrote several of my term papers while on a couple rides. I can get sensory overload and am easily distracted so the rides provided a continuous sensation blocking out other sound and senses feelings. Scramblers are good for that and those flying rockets they used to have.

I also am very literal, and store info, numbers and dates without my actually trying to remember them. This can really upset people.
Like one someone says "wow, its been a couple weeks since we talked." If I am not careful, I could easily answer without missing a beat "well, no actually its been 6 wks since we chatted and 4wks, 2 days since you said you'd get back to me" I could actually go into hours too, its the way my brain stores information, I don't actually choose what it stores either, just happens.

I have a somewhat selective photographic memory, which I also do not really control, esp. of repeat images or patterns, more likely if I see it again, particular at least 3 times. However, in the same image/photo I can totally miss other things unless they are pointed out to me.

I prefer things in odd numbers

 

[Jake_Knight]

I'm not even 30 but I think I could say one thing or two that could help out. My two wordy cents:

Due to seeing it in a TV show I attempted making out when I was REALLY young, not even knowing what I was doing. And I got caught. I felt attraction for females but had no idea of how that worked. But at that age, you were supposed to say "yuck, girls have cooties" or whatever.

Growing up, it was typical for people to confuse me with a girl, I've been described as "pretty" more than once. However, the fact that I was always sure that I'm heterosexual allowed me to behave differently in a very conservative culture. I spent afternoons with girls, hearing them talk music, clothes, whatever struck their fancy. I could easily admit another man was attractive. I didn't feel the admission of such an idea to make me homosexual, unlike everybody around me. I found it just as interesting to listen to girls have idle talk as playing video games with my male friends. I don't talk much, not even to talk back and defend myself. I find it pointless to enter a useless argument.

By the time I was 14, everybody often joked about me being gay, even if I had been careless enough to tell someone who couldn't keep a secret who was the girl I liked. Since I have never been the image of a typical macho or utterly manly in a traditional way, I got used to being called "gay". I got my first piercing on my earlobe which got me into trouble because that was a "gay thing to do." I took it off, but that image would chase me later on in my life. I even became a small, silent, pale (gothy ideas, heh), but known figure in the small seaside town. Guys started hitting on me.

The problem was that many thought I was playing coy due to my silence, so I was 15 when an older guy tried to pull me into an alley to make out forcibly. I had to push him violently. And after that, a string of males who couldn't understand I wasn't gay came on to me. I became homophobic for a while due to experiences like that and no contrast with positive, respectful ones.

That made people my age avoid me a little too. I was labeled as the ugly guy for girls (well, pretty, which made me undesirable), the secretly gay one for guys; shallow as they were, they avoided me altogether too well, so my sexual development was almost null, weren't it for foreign girls (touristic town). Not a good situation when you happen to be someone with strong sexual needs.

In university, everybody had given me the talk to "come out", most insistently my father. Because I wasn't burly and not even tried to. Had my series or girlfriends but I couldn't be sexually sated (actually one accused me of trying to rape her when I broke up with her). Another girlfriend asked me to have sex with a guy and then with her to turn her on. The fact that I was with a bisexual girl gave way to the same rumors. Everybody was so insistent that I had to be gay... Eventually I doubted myself and tried dating a guy. I couldn't even get close to him. When he attempted to kiss me I must've jumped back comically (not for him, though) and I desisted those attempts.

I was becoming gay friendly and that implied other things to people surrounding me. A male "friend" of mine took that as an opportunity to, later, try to have sex with me. When I was sleeping and supposedly drunk. I had to hit him several times to stop him from raping me. And I became the "guy who almost was fucked by another guy", because this society assume that males can't be raped.

That attempted rape, however, made me realize I was always covering up the fact that I was someone that needed sex so I started asking for it more to my current girlfriend. Many said that the attempted rape, my profession (stylist) and my looks made me try to compensate the "gay" with heterosexual sex. Since premarital sex is looked upon with condescension mostly towards the female, makes it harder for me and my girlfriend, who already has a low sex drive and is terrified of being found out by others.

All this, if you noticed, always comes back to the same point: I know who I am, I know what I like. It's my culture who doesn't. It's strange to live in a society that tries to shape your behavior to concepts they understand. That has made my sexual life complicated; it seems other can't see me and accept my ways even if they don't understand them. I haven't needed a big discovery, a complex process of experimentation, an epiphany... it's the ones around me that can't wrap their minds around how I live and make my sexual life unnecessarily complicated.

 

[Noor]

Yes, I understand what you are saying to some extent. The way I view sex and relationships is not the societal norm so that I also have run into some problems.

 

[talldad1]

Wow, this collection of stories and honesty is so amazing. Thank you all for your heartful sharing.

 

[Zoe_A_2222]

Noor, thank you for starting this great thread.
Coming across this thread today has reminded me what a great site this place is and can be.
The path to self discovery is an evolving process, I'm grateful to have come across this site and this thread.
Thank you to all the other posters as well. Your sincerity is greatly appreciate

 

[DarkSimian]

"When I was young, I never needed anyone, and makin' love was just for fun. Those days are gone."

I was a very late bloomer (26), but was always aware of sex and my sexuality. I was also a closet romantic, and thought I should wait for the right time, the right person. In my teens and early twenties, I watched my friends hook-up and break apart, and was frustrated at always being the odd man out. At at one point in college, I was in a co-ed service fraternity, and was the only person that hadn't slept with another member. In the mid-90's, I dis covered the internet, and found a universe of sexually open, sexually adventurous people. But alas, they also all lived far, far away; which still left me frustrated and alone. I finally found someone fairly close, and took the plunge. It was like opening the flood gates of a dam; sex was all I lived for. Whether in chat, cam, phone sex, erotic stories, or physical sexual encounters with relative strangers, sex was all I wanted.

But I also wanted "love"; a friend, a partner, a mate. I started seeing my friends settling down, getting married, having kids. I became the "strange bachelor friend", and again was the odd man out. So I met someone (where else, online), and got married. But again, things didn't work out as I'd hoped. We had vastly different views on sex, and within a few months our sex life was dead. I turned back to my old friend the internet, which lead to more fights and more frustration. I used to joke that I masturbated more during my marriage than before. The anger and frustration finally lead me outside the marriage, but that relationship became more about control and less about sex. I was between a rock and a hard place, and so I finally left, both the marriage the affair. I was finally free.

Or so I thought. I was now in my mid 30's, hadn't dated in years, and found that the dating and sexual landscape had vastly changed. I found a lot of women fell into one of three groups; those that wanted sex, but no relationship, a relationship with no sex, or women that had an axe to grind, and were willing to take it out on the next poor sap they met. Guess which group I seem to attract? Lol. I'm not saying everyone has been like that; I have met some women that have taught me amazing things about sex, sexuality and sensuality. And I have made some life long friends, regardless of sex. But as I've gotten older, being able to juggle work, family, kids, schedules, and sex has gotten harder and harder. Sometimes, I miss those care-free days, when every encounter was a possibility for something new.

 

[simpletimes]

Wow, this collection of stories and honesty is so amazing. Thank you all for your heartful sharing.

Tis thread is very opening to those who feel the need.
Though I am sure many of us are here for some flirting and playfulness, it is the chance to be truly open and honest that frees up the mind and soul.
I joke and play often on this site, I also get inspiration for stories from other people or sometimes just a phrase someone may post.
Seldom do we have the chance to be open with one another, it is nice to do isn't it?
Our past will always dictate our future, we are what we have become.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

The Next Round of Questions. . .

Do you have clear lines between sex as sport, fucking and making love?
If so, what are they and how much of a boundary are these lines?
Does crossing them make you uncomfortable and do you cross back and forth with the same partner?

In my mind, there is a definite line between sport, fucking and making love.

I'd say the first part “sport” for me would be defined as sex just for the sake of sex. There isn't a lot of thought put into it, it is what it is, let's get it done and over with – move on to the next guy. I've never had sex for “sport” - at least I don't think I have, not real life physical encounters. The lovers I had that one year --- none I would have considered “sport” - each one meant something to me and each one held a place in my heart, whether it be a close friendship, or a long-time crush that needed to be satisfied because the opportunity would never come again.

Fuckin' – there are two kinds in my opinion. There are the encounters were it is all one-sided. You're fucking to fuck and you're giving in because you have your own agenda. In my case --- I fuck my spouse because it is better than dealing with the guilt if I don't fuck him. He pretty much dictates how it is done, but now because I have made it a point in my life – I dictate when we fuck. I also dictate if I will enjoy it or not. I can make myself enjoy it, if I place myself in a different mindset. I start to “fake” it with him and eventually my fantasy comes to life in my head and I am able to climax. Or I (admitted previously in a different post) get so drunk that I am able to let loose, relax and enjoy what is happening – no fantasy needed, the hungry raw animal he becomes when I am drunk is what I would like us to be when sober.

As I write this I do find myself wondering again if he is fucking me so differently because I am drunk and sees me in a different light? A whore or tramp? Someone wanting to be used? I don't know. . .I do wish he'd use me sober as he does when I am drunk and I've said that, he just looks at me like I am talking nonsense.

The other type of fucking in my opinion is when two people come together in a rough and tumble fashion. The heat of the moment fuck, or the passion-knows-no-boundaries fuck. Bodies crashing together, nails scratching, bruises left – not because they want to be inflicted, but because they just happen and aren't even realized until the morning after. The fucking that has you pushed against the wall and drilled like there is no tomorrow – only tonight and that moment. There is nothing wrong with that passion, there is nothing abnormal about wanting it rough and hard, fast and dirty – it's all in your head what is wrong or isn't wrong – and you have to work through that. For me it is a struggle I conquered, but my spouse hasn't and I don't know if he ever will.

That is sad for him and for me.

Making love - - - I've not been made love to in ages. Even with the lovers I had, none of them “made love” to me. One weekend it was about fuckin'. Yes, during one encounter a lover didn't come, but he told me later it was for me – that particular session – I didn't feel like I was being made love to, I felt like we were fucking and he for some reason wasn't able to come. I learned later that with his next lover he wasn't comfortable enough to admit that with her, and he'd faked it for her. I appreciate how honest he was with me. Honesty goes so very far and though sometimes it can do damage it can also heal.

To make love each person has to feel as if they are the only reason to breathe at that moment in time. The last time my spouse made love to me --- it was several years ago. It was slow and erotic; the sensations unreal. Every part of me felt appreciated and I returned the touches and the caresses tenfold. I told him “even my back felt made loved to” --- this was so long ago, but that feeling is one that I crave more than sexual satisfaction. That blissfulness that every piece of flesh upon my person was worthy of attention.

The years of his selfishness has damaged me. I know this. I struggle with it a lot. Will he ever be able to see me for who I am? I don't know. I do know that he's missing out on so much and that there are men who would appreciate a woman like me, but again --- I am married to him right now and that's where I am and where I choose to be. There are no easy answers – even accepting my place here online and my place here at home, aren't easy ones, but they are what I currently accept and it is done on my terms – which for me - - - seven years ago, I never would have been able to say without the aid of Lit. and the folks here.

 

[Handley_Page]

It seems somehow fitting that I should happen upon a thread pretty much a year since I joined Lit, that explains so well why I first stumbled into this place.

Previously, in healthy days, I had been…hmm…unbridled….and I think that this coupled with various other memory triggers only served to make the whole experience all the more stultifying. Everything I had enjoyed about my body and what it could give to others was gone.

I did not realise how completely I had disconnected my mind from the rest of me until many months after my womb was gone, and with it (in the words of others still burned into my skull) all of my future desirability or attractiveness as a partner. The logical part of my brain knew that what I’d been told was at worst cruel and at best ridiculous.

Stumbling drunkenly one night to Lit, I discovered something I never imagined in people who have helped more than they know, and who I've come to treasure...And my owl, who has been there from the start and for everything, I really could never thank enough.

If those statements were made by a man, I apologise on behalf of the 'other' men who are not quite so stupid.
I once married a single Mom who'd had all her lady-bits removed.
I think we managed quite well enough; we managed to 20 years, anyway.

I hope you will, in time.

 

[Mollie_F]

If those statements were made by a man, I apologise on behalf of the 'other' men who are not quite so stupid.
I once married a single Mom who'd had all her lady-bits removed.
I think we managed quite well enough; we managed to 20 years, anyway.

I hope you will, in time.

Thanks! It was actually a woman that said the words ‘nobody will want you’ – meh, I knew she was wrong, and I’ve always known it – but somehow and somewhere it sticks. Reactions of men and women alike have been surprising - sometimes upsetting but often hilarious and intriguing too…. I’ve ranged from pretty much untouchable because I can’t fulfil a “breeding” fetish, to highly desirable for exactly the same reason But these are all just how other people deal with concepts that I know can be challenging – I am no longer the typical vision of womanhood that some people have, and maybe they think there is a void I should fill. But it’s ok and I shrug most of it now because I learned it’s not their vision I need to be happy with. And I’ve learned there’s nothing for which I need to feel ashamed either. It happened, it was necessary, and I'm still here to read smut and have filthy thoughts

But by forcing me to confront everything I took for granted, it may become one of the best things that happened. I'm more feminine in appearance than I would have otherwise been…..I find myself buying dresses and enjoying the feel of them which I NEVER did before, and I guess somewhere it compensates or reminds me that the pre-conceived notions we have of gender and sex really are just that…and I can construct my own image of them to help me.

I’ve never lived within a specific lifestyle or defined myself sexually… although I did sort of try at one time. I can be uber submissive but not as a default – it has to be for exactly the right person – and at times I chuck that completely on its head and want to take control back. That said – I would make for a ridiculous mistress! I tend to kick against being pigeon-holed into any sort of category, whatever side of my life, so placing a definition on who I am sexually is not helpful. For sure I’ve realised there is now stuff that interests me which I would never have even begun to contemplate before. That’s SUCH an exciting place to be at

With the right partner I’m convinced that I would be able to live out many of the new things I found out about myself and my desires…. which is where I think Noor’s question about the boundaries between fucking/making love weirdly merge these days, when I had them clearly separate before. To really fuck someone like I mean it, want them to touch a body that’s been put through enough, and to physically respond in all the ways I would want to... For that to happen, I’d have to connect mentally on a major level. And if I did that, then for sure – in some way – I would love them and be making love to them, no matter how primal the moment may be.

So for me no, there’s no real boundary anymore, it’s all become part of the same thing......and in that right there is surely some potential nugget of amazingness.

In the meantime the sunshine is finally here and I’m off to witness it ....the way this year's going, it might be the only chance

 

[Paul_Chance]

Answers

How has your view and experience of sex changed over the course of your sexual lifetime?

-Oh yes. I am 50 years old and in the thirty four years I have been sexually active, both my view on sex and interpretation of my experiences has changed and changed and changed again.

What, if anything, were you into once and are not now, or totally not into that intrigue you today?

-I seem to have gone through various phases where I discovered and explored various aspects of my sexuality, two things that were once prominent but now hold little attraction to me are group sex and BDSM. There was a time when they set me on fire, but over time, they've lost their allure.

Have there been times when you stopped being sexual, and if so, what brought you back?

Oh yes, I have come to a near complete stop twice, the first from a very rough emotional and psychological time that just drained the desire from me. Time brought me back from that one, time and therapy and healing, and then a gentle lover who was "game free". In this time, I just was not into making the emotional investment that sex requires, preferring to spend my energy elsewhere.

The second and more recent from a physical injury (compound twisting leg fracture from a fall in three places, several surgeries, several years in rehab) where the combination of chronic pain and drugs made sexual desire an incidental thing that happened every now and then on a very good day. As I physically recovered though, desire returned very strongly.

Do you have clear lines between sex as sport, fucking and making love?
If so, what are they and how much of a boundary are these lines?
Does crossing them make you uncomfortable and do you cross back and forth with the same partner?

I did when I was younger, but then I came to the conclusion that I was really just trying to fool myself. All sexual relationships are relationships, and should be treated with love, lust, and compassion - whether they are limited or long in duration. Karma adheres to all our actions. So, I do have a boundary, which is to be as compassionate and honest as I can in my relationships, and if I cross it, it makes me very uncomfortable. (Don't mistake me for a plaster saint, under certain circumstances I can be a right bastard with the worst of them. The difference is I consistently try not to be - I don't always win.)

Has your choice in partners changed and if so, how?

Hmmmm, no, not really. I have always been sexually open - I am not drawn to any particular body type or race or nationality (other than being an ass-man), I am attracted to women who are comfortable in their own skin, smart, and self-aware. The single most important erotic attribute to me is imagination. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary sex is imagination.

Do you subscription to or identify with a certain lifestyle, do you self define or float between some?

No, I have never identified with a life-style, even as I moved in and out of them and certainly engaged in sexual practices from them.

Do you live in a different world now than you did at another point in your sexual lifetime and if so it better? are there parts you miss? If so what?

Yes, I am in a different world then when I was younger, and it a much better world. I was reckless and wild in my youth. No, I am far more conscious of the karma of my actions and do my best to act accordingly. So, it is definitely better because I sleep with a clean conscience. I don't miss it - because the parts I enjoyed (that wild and reckless sense) I brought with me. The only difference is now I own and am open about that part of my nature.

Who do you talk with about sex? Who do you experiment with? Where do you go when you want to try new things?

I have a very good friend with whom I am in an open relationship (we both travel extensively for work, so when we are together we are together and when we are not we are not, by mutual agreement). We remain emotionally intimate at all times and routinely talk about sex, both in the erotic sense (teasing each other, arousing each other) and in the exploration/discussion sense. The advantage of a wild youth is, I'd have to search pretty far afield to find something to experiment with - and there aren't many new things. One of the great things about getting older and more mature is that your sexual partners are more open to relationships that are non-traditional, and if you choose wisely (from mature and experienced partners), you move through life with less unnecessary emotional drama.

 

[NeverWinterNite]

I really enjoyed reading all the stories posted. My sexual journey has been a very interesting one to say the least.

I'm going to answer one of the questions now because others I still have to think about.

How has your view and experience of sex changed over the course of your sexual lifetime?

I remember being interested in sex but never really exploring it during my teenage years. I was focused on school and I didn't date anyone or do anything sexual at all. I remember I started watching soft core porn movies when I was 19 and got aroused by it but I didn't masturbate until I was about 28 or 29. I did it because I wanted to try it. So, I was a virgin until I was 35.

I thought men wouldn't be interested in someone like me because I didn't dress sexy or flirt a lot. But now, I know that's untrue. I joined Lit and other adult sites to explore my sexuality. I lost my virginity to a guy I didn't really care about or love. I just did it out of curiosity. It was one of the worst sexual experiences I had lol

So, I feel missed out on my teens and twenties to explore my sexuality but when I think about it, I wasn't ready to do that yet. Anyway, since then, most of my sexual encounters have just been casual but I have seen some guys twice. I was getting tired of just having casual sex for the past two years and I longed for something more.

 

[MollyDolly]

Has your choice in partners changed and if so, how?

My trust in myself for choosing partners has waned. I've made poor choices for relationship partners, seeming to choose people who will never be able to give me what I want and need. I suppose that's the biggest part of why I've stopped looking for a partner right now- not only am I planning a move, but I don't trust myself to choose a good partner.

I've dated some wonderful men, but it has never worked out. And, of course, the common factor in all those relationships is me, so I can't blame anyone else. I've always chosen men who I felt some sort of intellectual connection with- except the last one. He was a knee-jerk reaction to my previous relationship. The last man was one who wanted marriage, children, and to build a life together immediately. We had planned to move in together this past April. I liked that we had common goals, but ended the relationship when I realized I felt absolutely nothing for him- I actually disliked him. It took me five months to realize that.

How do you move on and choose a new partner? I haven't even tried since ending my last relationship in January. My friends gently push and encourage me to try again, but I just can't bring myself to try. I've done so poorly in the past that it honestly seems like so much effort to look for a new partner. And I'm just not the kind of person who can enjoy sex without a romantic relationship, so it's not like I can just separate the two and find a sexual partner to scratch the itch until I find what I really want. So, I choose not to choose. For now.