RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
I like telling people exactly what they're going to get, and still surprise them!
Review: Stories by RedLegoDragon
- Thread starter DarkSollat
- Start date
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
No one probably expected that it will be so short until @RedLegoDragon 's next submission but here it is! Zehra Takes The Third Option hit today, and I allow myself to hope that some of you would await my review.,
I must confess that Zehra's threesome with Adrian and Logan was kind of awaited by me, as I think this is the way it should be between them from the very start. But that's the design part, now onto the execution.
Foremost, through the entire reading (and it's short: 7,500 words) I couldn't decide if I think if it's silly (what is how I like my erotica), or idiotic. For sure, I had to take my disbelief away, put it in the chest, lock it with chains, and throw into the sea. There's no way that any man would react like that on catching his gf and the best mate fucking and learning they were doing it for months. No "I don't want to lose you man", no "she's the best what happened to me - just "get the fuck out of my flat". I know that eroticaverses are different, but it didn't clicked for me.
Another point of my critique is Zehra's initial speech, because there wasn't any sign of her thinking that way in Games Night. Yep, she 'loved' both Adrian and Logan, but that was it - there was nothing like it had to do anything with their friendship. She was into Logan and that was it. Finally, the sex... honestly I don't feel there was any sex in the story. Even the first pounding was like "and there was pounding". And later we got nothing - we know they were fucking, and that's it: positions and places were reduced to "positions and places". I'm sorry, but if I'd have my ideas for MFM threesome, I would be writing, not reading.
But it's not like I didn't like the whole work. I enjoyed cheesy talks between Adrian and Logan (between Logan and Zehra too - especially her question "who you are narrating to?"; and also when Zehra didn't even know that she said some things out loud). I enjoyed that Adrian's neighbours were Polish couple (and the blond woman to that!), although it felt weird when they kind of joined the groups sex. Finally, I enjoyed an interlude with cops - believe me or not, but some time ago I myself wondered if cops in Eroshire even react to public indecency, and now I know my suspicious were correct.
To summarize, there were some things I liked, but more of such I didn't. It's not necessary a completely bad work, because others may enjoy. But I think that maybe a short story isn't a format very suitable for RLD's ideas. Still had a lot of laughs though.
Sorry I was harsh, mate, I hope you know I still love you (not in that way though).
I must confess that Zehra's threesome with Adrian and Logan was kind of awaited by me, as I think this is the way it should be between them from the very start. But that's the design part, now onto the execution.
Foremost, through the entire reading (and it's short: 7,500 words) I couldn't decide if I think if it's silly (what is how I like my erotica), or idiotic. For sure, I had to take my disbelief away, put it in the chest, lock it with chains, and throw into the sea. There's no way that any man would react like that on catching his gf and the best mate fucking and learning they were doing it for months. No "I don't want to lose you man", no "she's the best what happened to me - just "get the fuck out of my flat". I know that eroticaverses are different, but it didn't clicked for me.
Another point of my critique is Zehra's initial speech, because there wasn't any sign of her thinking that way in Games Night. Yep, she 'loved' both Adrian and Logan, but that was it - there was nothing like it had to do anything with their friendship. She was into Logan and that was it. Finally, the sex... honestly I don't feel there was any sex in the story. Even the first pounding was like "and there was pounding". And later we got nothing - we know they were fucking, and that's it: positions and places were reduced to "positions and places". I'm sorry, but if I'd have my ideas for MFM threesome, I would be writing, not reading.
But it's not like I didn't like the whole work. I enjoyed cheesy talks between Adrian and Logan (between Logan and Zehra too - especially her question "who you are narrating to?"; and also when Zehra didn't even know that she said some things out loud). I enjoyed that Adrian's neighbours were Polish couple (and the blond woman to that!), although it felt weird when they kind of joined the groups sex. Finally, I enjoyed an interlude with cops - believe me or not, but some time ago I myself wondered if cops in Eroshire even react to public indecency, and now I know my suspicious were correct.
To summarize, there were some things I liked, but more of such I didn't. It's not necessary a completely bad work, because others may enjoy. But I think that maybe a short story isn't a format very suitable for RLD's ideas. Still had a lot of laughs though.
Sorry I was harsh, mate, I hope you know I still love you (not in that way though).
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
No worries! I figured as someone who enjoys my long stories you might not like some of these shorter ones. The main reason for the shorts is to write stories that I like the idea of, but can't justify spending 70-90 thousand words telling.
Now Zehra Takes the Third Option was almost a long-form story, but as Get Cucked! grew I realised the two stories were very similar in theme (boyfriend discovers girlfriend's infidelity, things work out for the better despite it), but while Get Cucked! was diving deep into the characters and the drama, I didn't really have much to say about Zehra/Adrian/Logan. It's not that they're shallow characters (Zehra does have a drug-and-crime-filled backstory), but I wasn't having as much fun diving into their psyches as I was with Kyle, Peter and Erin.
Basically while Get Cucked! was growing, Zehra Takes the Third Option was shrinking, until there wasn't much else I wanted to write about resolving Zehra's cheating beyond what I wrote. Oh I could definitely have written more sex, but I wanted to keep the shorts short; Ayesha's Valentines Marathon is probably going to be the longest short, and that's because of the number of sexual encounters she has. Each individual sex scene is what to expect from the Eroshire shorts going forward.
In short (hah!) I'm writing them for those who don't like how long my other stories are, so I'm expecting people who enjoy my long stories to dislike how short the shorts are. Of course it could end up everyone hates them!
Quick Edit: As regards to Adrian's reaction... look, I could blame the primordial eldritich anthropomorphic personification of sex and lust serving drinks at the Paradiso Costiero for messing with everyone's brains and making the inhabitants of Eroshire too horny to think rationally, but I like to think Adrian and Logan have just that close a relationship. Bros before hoes, after all.
Last edited:
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
That seem like a great patron for a warlock
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
@RedLegoDragon promised us a story every quarter, but in Q2 I lost hope he'd deliver. But he did, and on the last day of June, his new work Twin Trouble premiered. So of course I was going to read it quickly and provide the review. Here it is.
After his previous, heavy (but also so good!) story, he teased that his next one will be lighter in tone... and it is. There's some family drama in it, but everything ends up just fine, and the fic has barely any story. What is have though, is sex. A lot of very illicit sex.
So if you're on Lit for the good fuck, this one provides. It has several scene, and every one is very distinct, raging from classic restroom fuck, to... no, I won't spoil it - you need to discover it yourself. Just know that there's a lot going on. My favorite would be the last fuck [SPOILER]in the bushes, where the twins compete for Eric's cum,[/SPOILER] which for me joins other RLD's Gold Stars Scenes (TM) like Kyle fucking Erin against the lockers, Ayesha and Brad fucking on stairs and Theo cumming in Alexa. Yep, it's so good. The only thing missing is some good twincest, I'm sure their kiss would blow our minds.
The end of the story also teases the next one (titled Get Cucked) and I already know this one will break my heart. So for now I'm gonna enjoy Twins Trouble chaotic, and sometimes wonderfully cringy, fun.
After his previous, heavy (but also so good!) story, he teased that his next one will be lighter in tone... and it is. There's some family drama in it, but everything ends up just fine, and the fic has barely any story. What is have though, is sex. A lot of very illicit sex.
So if you're on Lit for the good fuck, this one provides. It has several scene, and every one is very distinct, raging from classic restroom fuck, to... no, I won't spoil it - you need to discover it yourself. Just know that there's a lot going on. My favorite would be the last fuck [SPOILER]in the bushes, where the twins compete for Eric's cum,[/SPOILER] which for me joins other RLD's Gold Stars Scenes (TM) like Kyle fucking Erin against the lockers, Ayesha and Brad fucking on stairs and Theo cumming in Alexa. Yep, it's so good. The only thing missing is some good twincest, I'm sure their kiss would blow our minds.
The end of the story also teases the next one (titled Get Cucked) and I already know this one will break my heart. So for now I'm gonna enjoy Twins Trouble chaotic, and sometimes wonderfully cringy, fun.
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
Today is a small holiday, as @RedLegoDragon released another Eroshire short: Erin's Backdoor Adventure. (Same day as I released one of my own to Lit, but this thread's not about me.) The excerpt is not necessary I believe, all you need to know is in the title.
Till now, Eroshire shorts were either hit (Ayesha's Valentine Marathon) or miss (Zehra Takes The Third Option), so this one was a tie-breaker and a tie broke toward... werbles... hit. I cannot say I enjoyed every word in this one (some dirty talks - especially the early ones - are not-in-a-good-sense weird), but ultimately it felt like a natural continuation of A Sordid Arrangement, bringing together two stamps of the author: a good humor and a hot sex. And despite I only moderately like reading anal (although I understand its impact on many readers and wrote some of it myself as well), I appreciate the good balance between reality (that Erin had to exersize to fit Kyle in) and biological impossibility of the act (multiple rounds, damaged furniture, those kind of things).
However, I don't know what to think about Sandra yet. I really enjoyed that she didn't fall for Kyle but fell for Brad - as a longtime RLD reader I know that Brad is the sweetest and nicest among the trio, so she's probably drawn to that as opposed for Kyle's constant cockiness. On the other hand, her talking casually about cheating on her husband in front of the third party, or being indifferent toward Erin cheating on Peter despite being friend with his mother doesn't fit a mature woman she is. Yet getting back to Kyle's personality, I love this subtle hints how jealous he is.
To summarize, for a short it was pretty nice and a good follow-up to A Sordid Arrangement. It made me more thirsty for Get Cucked!, despite I know it will break my heart. Also, if Erin is ready for her lesbian experience, I would like you to write it, preferably with Zehra (as they both can unleash the ragefuck quite well).
As a bonus, I wouldn't be myself if I won't write down all errors I've spotted.
* By the start of the story, Kyle is shirtless. One, 16C in November is cold, he would leave it on even with his hot Italian blood. Two, when he sees Erin, he takes off his shirt - what shirt, if he was shirtless? Also, he supposedly fuck over three dozen of girls in one month - I call bullshit, even if he for sure had days he fucked multiple girls.
* It's Erin and Kyle's first anal, because when they fucked for the 2nd time, they were unable to do it. But in ASA, we read "He had filled her with so much cum; emptying his balls in her pussy, ass and mouth, again and again until it felt like she'd always have his spunk inside her!" (I wouldn't check that if not the mention of this unsuccesful attempt in the current story - I didn't remember nothing like that from ASA, so I went back to check xD)
Till now, Eroshire shorts were either hit (Ayesha's Valentine Marathon) or miss (Zehra Takes The Third Option), so this one was a tie-breaker and a tie broke toward... werbles... hit. I cannot say I enjoyed every word in this one (some dirty talks - especially the early ones - are not-in-a-good-sense weird), but ultimately it felt like a natural continuation of A Sordid Arrangement, bringing together two stamps of the author: a good humor and a hot sex. And despite I only moderately like reading anal (although I understand its impact on many readers and wrote some of it myself as well), I appreciate the good balance between reality (that Erin had to exersize to fit Kyle in) and biological impossibility of the act (multiple rounds, damaged furniture, those kind of things).
However, I don't know what to think about Sandra yet. I really enjoyed that she didn't fall for Kyle but fell for Brad - as a longtime RLD reader I know that Brad is the sweetest and nicest among the trio, so she's probably drawn to that as opposed for Kyle's constant cockiness. On the other hand, her talking casually about cheating on her husband in front of the third party, or being indifferent toward Erin cheating on Peter despite being friend with his mother doesn't fit a mature woman she is. Yet getting back to Kyle's personality, I love this subtle hints how jealous he is.
To summarize, for a short it was pretty nice and a good follow-up to A Sordid Arrangement. It made me more thirsty for Get Cucked!, despite I know it will break my heart. Also, if Erin is ready for her lesbian experience, I would like you to write it, preferably with Zehra (as they both can unleash the ragefuck quite well).
As a bonus, I wouldn't be myself if I won't write down all errors I've spotted.
* By the start of the story, Kyle is shirtless. One, 16C in November is cold, he would leave it on even with his hot Italian blood. Two, when he sees Erin, he takes off his shirt - what shirt, if he was shirtless? Also, he supposedly fuck over three dozen of girls in one month - I call bullshit, even if he for sure had days he fucked multiple girls.
* It's Erin and Kyle's first anal, because when they fucked for the 2nd time, they were unable to do it. But in ASA, we read "He had filled her with so much cum; emptying his balls in her pussy, ass and mouth, again and again until it felt like she'd always have his spunk inside her!" (I wouldn't check that if not the mention of this unsuccesful attempt in the current story - I didn't remember nothing like that from ASA, so I went back to check xD)
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
Yesterday was a big holiday, as it was a day a new @RedLegoDragon 's full-blown story has been released: Get Cucked!, a sequel to A Sordid Arrangement. Funny enough, the latter work is why I've started this thread.
As anyone reading it (the thread) knows, my favorite RLD's erotica story is Three's a Crowd, which I value high not because it's erotic, but because it's a story. GC! showed that it was no accident, and RLD is really a very talented writer who, to be honest, outgrows Literotica. Seriosuly dude, you should be a regular writer who makes money out of it. Also, then you'd get an editor to check your work and find all continuity errors, because here's a lot of them: from small details like Ali's cock shrinking from 8.5 to 8 inches, to medium-level contradicting GN's scene in Starbucks, to the massive ones like seriously mixing up events of ASA (at one point Kyle tells Peter than the night they went for a drink with Erin and Brad caught her giving him a blowjob was also a night of their sex in the gym - which isn't true, because sex in the gym was earlier, and that night they had sex in Peter and Kyle's dorm).
But coming back to story, I love it. Most of all, I felt invested in the characters and the changes they were going under. Especially Kyle - as I'm experiencing having an unhappy crush right now, I could relate to him. Peter's development was ok too, although he went from sad/angry to horny a little too quick. Although maybe I have that issue because I don't like cuckolding too much, yet I have to admit that it's written so good here that I'm letting it pass. And Brad and Ali were so nice here that I forgot that they're still villains, as all the cheating cast of Eroshire - sorry not sorry, but this is how I see cheaters. Back to Kyle though, I genuelly cried a little during a climax of his storyline (pun intended).
I have to talk about fantasy elements as well. I don't mind them, quite a contrary, I was the first suspecting succubi/inccub lives in Eroshire (I wonder if this storyline existed in RLD's mind back then, or did I knew before he knew). But I'd much prefer for it to be left subtle (like in full body orgasm scene), because everyone suddenly knowing about succubi/inccubi, Old Gods and their customs/powers, and eromagic universities felt massively out of place. Together with continuity errors this is a reason I cannot give GC! 5 stars rating.
Last but not least, sex scenes. Erin/Ali and Erin/Brad I don't count, because they're just quick interludes. Erin/Kyle goes from hot to awkward to hot to awkward again, so it served it purpose, but also I don't know how to feel about it. Erin/Peter, I enjoyed the most, so glad my boy Pete could improve his performance, although I'd prefer if he stayed at least a little chubby. Erin/Zane was ok, but too much like Zehra/Logan in GN - similar MC, similar positions, similar dirty talk. (Speaking of Zehra, I realized that I really like how imperfect she is, with her excessive sweating and anger issues.) Finally, Erin/Peter/Kyle... For me, it's rather hit than miss, I don't mind double vaginal penetration, but there is no fucking way in the world they would able to do it in that position (pics or didn't happen).
To summarize, I really enjoyed the story, it made me very emotional and invested. But, it kind of loses impact somewhere along page 26. So it's really good, but not perfect.
As anyone reading it (the thread) knows, my favorite RLD's erotica story is Three's a Crowd, which I value high not because it's erotic, but because it's a story. GC! showed that it was no accident, and RLD is really a very talented writer who, to be honest, outgrows Literotica. Seriosuly dude, you should be a regular writer who makes money out of it. Also, then you'd get an editor to check your work and find all continuity errors, because here's a lot of them: from small details like Ali's cock shrinking from 8.5 to 8 inches, to medium-level contradicting GN's scene in Starbucks, to the massive ones like seriously mixing up events of ASA (at one point Kyle tells Peter than the night they went for a drink with Erin and Brad caught her giving him a blowjob was also a night of their sex in the gym - which isn't true, because sex in the gym was earlier, and that night they had sex in Peter and Kyle's dorm).
But coming back to story, I love it. Most of all, I felt invested in the characters and the changes they were going under. Especially Kyle - as I'm experiencing having an unhappy crush right now, I could relate to him. Peter's development was ok too, although he went from sad/angry to horny a little too quick. Although maybe I have that issue because I don't like cuckolding too much, yet I have to admit that it's written so good here that I'm letting it pass. And Brad and Ali were so nice here that I forgot that they're still villains, as all the cheating cast of Eroshire - sorry not sorry, but this is how I see cheaters. Back to Kyle though, I genuelly cried a little during a climax of his storyline (pun intended).
I have to talk about fantasy elements as well. I don't mind them, quite a contrary, I was the first suspecting succubi/inccub lives in Eroshire (I wonder if this storyline existed in RLD's mind back then, or did I knew before he knew). But I'd much prefer for it to be left subtle (like in full body orgasm scene), because everyone suddenly knowing about succubi/inccubi, Old Gods and their customs/powers, and eromagic universities felt massively out of place. Together with continuity errors this is a reason I cannot give GC! 5 stars rating.
Last but not least, sex scenes. Erin/Ali and Erin/Brad I don't count, because they're just quick interludes. Erin/Kyle goes from hot to awkward to hot to awkward again, so it served it purpose, but also I don't know how to feel about it. Erin/Peter, I enjoyed the most, so glad my boy Pete could improve his performance, although I'd prefer if he stayed at least a little chubby. Erin/Zane was ok, but too much like Zehra/Logan in GN - similar MC, similar positions, similar dirty talk. (Speaking of Zehra, I realized that I really like how imperfect she is, with her excessive sweating and anger issues.) Finally, Erin/Peter/Kyle... For me, it's rather hit than miss, I don't mind double vaginal penetration, but there is no fucking way in the world they would able to do it in that position (pics or didn't happen).
To summarize, I really enjoyed the story, it made me very emotional and invested. But, it kind of loses impact somewhere along page 26. So it's really good, but not perfect.
Last edited:
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
I'll be the first to admit I'm only being 90% attentive to the continuity, but I had to go back and check my work for this one; it's too big a blunder for me. I think I found the offending paragraph:
Reading it again this sentence is really clunky (like how most Brits use English, unfortunately). What Kyle is saying is that he should have told Peter about fucking Erin in the campus gym on the night that Erin, Peter and he all went out for drinks at the campus bar (the night when Brad caught Erin giving Kyle a blowjob in the toilets).
Again: could have worded it better. But would it have sounded like Kyle?
Huge thanks for the review! I'm guessing the final rating was 4 stars? That's totally fair!
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
I didn't rate it. I think it deserves hot rating, and putting 4 lower the chance for it.
Thanks for explaining that plot hole.
Black_and_White_Writer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2015
- Posts
- 767
The stories are very long for erotica, many are 30 pages long and a good 80,000 words or more. There is a lot of repetition in them though which makes reading them hard going. But they are complete stories which is nice.
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
Thank you! I try to write each story as self-contained as possible; minimum knowledge needed of other stories, and the events and characters contained within. It's always been my idea that you can look at my list of stories, pick one at random, and hop in knowing nothing else and have a good (and long as fuck) read.
I'm trying to cut back on the repetition. I realised I was using a lot of it in my earlier stuff to bloat the word count and keep the sex going on for pages. I think That Old Comeback is the worst offender (take a shot every time I mention the size of Brad's dick!)
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
Same here!
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
@RedLegoDragon 's Q4 work was saddly pushed to 2025, so we had to wait 6 months for his new submission! But Wet Hot Eroshire Summer Pt. 01 - which I also like to call "a mage, a werewolf, and a vampire enter the cabin" - is on and I of course gonna review it.
Faithful to RLD's layer-cake method, after a harsh and serious Get Cucked! we now got a light-hearted sex story. And 100% sex story - the story part is barely here, but the amount of sex is excessive. It's not a criticism, it's just what the story is and I believe there are many who likes that. So if you're looking for a lot of fucking, peaking, and cumming - this one is for you.
But, to be honest, I've been a little disappointed, but not by the quality of work, but because I hoped for something a little different from the final product. One, when I read that Mackenzie would seduce her boyfriend's friend, I thought that he would have some fight in him - he has practically none. Second, when I heard that it'd be 3 days long sex marathon, I thought of classic sex marathon style, while here we have rather sets of scene than one long description. Once again, not a criticism, I'm just honest with all my feelings.
However, what I greatly enjoyed is the following. In some works about cheating, primarly those wrote by @The_shadow_rising, the cheating couple teases themselves that from this moment forward they will be having sex "whenever, wherever, and however" they want - but we never see that! In this one, RLD really shows further sexventures of cheaters, how they look for new chances to have sex, utilizing every occassion - and it's great! Not a criticism of Shadow - the guy's the living legend! - but that was something I always wanted to see.
Also, I think the fantasy elements really worked out well in this story. The whole thing about sex magic and how it works is really nice idea, although I would proceed a little slower with gaining control. I also like how some of characters are monster-people or whatever they are called here, but it's never outrightly stated and we had to figure it out ourselves.
To summarize, WHES1 is really nice wank story. A lot of sex in slightly fantasy setting should satisfy many tastes.
Faithful to RLD's layer-cake method, after a harsh and serious Get Cucked! we now got a light-hearted sex story. And 100% sex story - the story part is barely here, but the amount of sex is excessive. It's not a criticism, it's just what the story is and I believe there are many who likes that. So if you're looking for a lot of fucking, peaking, and cumming - this one is for you.
But, to be honest, I've been a little disappointed, but not by the quality of work, but because I hoped for something a little different from the final product. One, when I read that Mackenzie would seduce her boyfriend's friend, I thought that he would have some fight in him - he has practically none. Second, when I heard that it'd be 3 days long sex marathon, I thought of classic sex marathon style, while here we have rather sets of scene than one long description. Once again, not a criticism, I'm just honest with all my feelings.
However, what I greatly enjoyed is the following. In some works about cheating, primarly those wrote by @The_shadow_rising, the cheating couple teases themselves that from this moment forward they will be having sex "whenever, wherever, and however" they want - but we never see that! In this one, RLD really shows further sexventures of cheaters, how they look for new chances to have sex, utilizing every occassion - and it's great! Not a criticism of Shadow - the guy's the living legend! - but that was something I always wanted to see.
Also, I think the fantasy elements really worked out well in this story. The whole thing about sex magic and how it works is really nice idea, although I would proceed a little slower with gaining control. I also like how some of characters are monster-people or whatever they are called here, but it's never outrightly stated and we had to figure it out ourselves.
To summarize, WHES1 is really nice wank story. A lot of sex in slightly fantasy setting should satisfy many tastes.
The_shadow_rising
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Posts
- 232
I read the new story today (actually just finished it about an hour ago!). I hadn't expected a new story from RLD so it was a nice surprise. More so when I read the tagline that it was about a girlfriend and her guy's best friend (my particular fetish).
So, here was what I thought. Overall, it was a nice read and a good length. It kept my attention and delivered on the promised tagline, which I enjoyed. It is a very well written story with a decent amount of dialogue and description both. As DarkSollat has noted it is very good if you enjoy a lot of sex and want something to get off too multiple times. There is a lot to enjoy that is offered. The lore of Eroshire is dabbled in and the addition of magic was new and well-developed. Taking this story in a new direction. It is also a first chapter so there promises to be more fun with other characters to come.
What I didn't enjoy was largely down to my own preferences rather than with anything in the story itself. Such as, I found the seduction to be very fast-paced where I expected more things to happen to lead to it. Similar to DarkSollat I expected the friend to resist more initially. Also, again just my own preference here, I did not enjoy so much that the girlfriend and friend began with liking each other and fantasising about each other. I prefer a faithful girlfriend who is broken down. But that said that kind of thing wasn't what this story was about - so my preference there, while it impacted my enjoyment, doesn't matter. I would have also liked to see more dialogue, especially during the blowjob, and more varied dialogue as some of it was repeated during the large first sex scene. But again, dialogue is a preference of mine, not a knock on the story itself.
As for the additional sex scenes, I wasn't too much of a fan. After such a lengthy first scene each additional scene felt repeated because we had seen it before. I like second sex scenes, but there were several and other than place nothing new was explored. I enjoyed the almost getting caught sex scene as that was different but it wasn't fully developed, as I would have liked. I like to use my imagination as well as having prose presented to me
So, here was what I thought. Overall, it was a nice read and a good length. It kept my attention and delivered on the promised tagline, which I enjoyed. It is a very well written story with a decent amount of dialogue and description both. As DarkSollat has noted it is very good if you enjoy a lot of sex and want something to get off too multiple times. There is a lot to enjoy that is offered. The lore of Eroshire is dabbled in and the addition of magic was new and well-developed. Taking this story in a new direction. It is also a first chapter so there promises to be more fun with other characters to come.
What I didn't enjoy was largely down to my own preferences rather than with anything in the story itself. Such as, I found the seduction to be very fast-paced where I expected more things to happen to lead to it. Similar to DarkSollat I expected the friend to resist more initially. Also, again just my own preference here, I did not enjoy so much that the girlfriend and friend began with liking each other and fantasising about each other. I prefer a faithful girlfriend who is broken down. But that said that kind of thing wasn't what this story was about - so my preference there, while it impacted my enjoyment, doesn't matter. I would have also liked to see more dialogue, especially during the blowjob, and more varied dialogue as some of it was repeated during the large first sex scene. But again, dialogue is a preference of mine, not a knock on the story itself.
As for the additional sex scenes, I wasn't too much of a fan. After such a lengthy first scene each additional scene felt repeated because we had seen it before. I like second sex scenes, but there were several and other than place nothing new was explored. I enjoyed the almost getting caught sex scene as that was different but it wasn't fully developed, as I would have liked. I like to use my imagination as well as having prose presented to me
The_shadow_rising
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Posts
- 232
so for me there was, in disagreement with DarkSollat here, too many sex scenes explored after the initial one. Some were fun, others just felt unnecessary - e.g. the forest and ruins ones for me. The first sex scene was varied and lively, a fun romp, but again I would have enjoyed some more sex that noted the boyfriend, such as against the wall he was behind (sorry of that was in, I got lost a few times!). More of the 'fuck me on the bed I share with my boyfriend' and other things like that would have been welcome too. I didn't feel that was explored as much as it could be during that later scene.
I really liked the emphasis on fucking her without a condom and cumming inside her, even teasing knocking her up and fucking her after the weekend. But the addition of the other two guys who came in her, even less, dampened that a little. I was also expecting a little more daring with the boyfriend around with so many scenes, but I felt the lovers played it safe a lot.
But as I said, what I didn't like was really just my own preferences not being fulfilled, and the story wasn't written for me and can't be written to please everyone, so I think it is a good effort and a welcome addition to RLDs works. Lit needs more great writers like you and more fun stories. You have a developing lore, interesting characters and storyline, good description, great lengths, and fun adventures. They are all different and entertaining. Good work. Keep it up.
I really liked the emphasis on fucking her without a condom and cumming inside her, even teasing knocking her up and fucking her after the weekend. But the addition of the other two guys who came in her, even less, dampened that a little. I was also expecting a little more daring with the boyfriend around with so many scenes, but I felt the lovers played it safe a lot.
But as I said, what I didn't like was really just my own preferences not being fulfilled, and the story wasn't written for me and can't be written to please everyone, so I think it is a good effort and a welcome addition to RLDs works. Lit needs more great writers like you and more fun stories. You have a developing lore, interesting characters and storyline, good description, great lengths, and fun adventures. They are all different and entertaining. Good work. Keep it up.
Hot story as usual, RLD. I have no complaints about the storyline/plot as it's always the author's choice to write the story they want. I was thinking of what kind of fantasy elements you have in this story, and I'm glad they don't take away from the lustful writing.
Story-wise is very up to my taste (two hot people, want to fuck each other) like your other stories so I don't have musch to say about that. They're really hot! My favourites description is on Day 3 of their sex where the MMC undresses once he met the FMC who's already ready to fuck, like they're going on a battle lol.
Just some little advices, you clearly already have some kind of plot for the story and for the next several parts of this story and I appreciate that, and I figured it is hard for you to keep track for everything. I just advise you to maintain consistency within a singular story, particularly in non-significant parts of some scenes. I was struggling to imagine the clothes they wear before and after the kitchen seduction scene, because there were a lot of inconsistencies there. As well as when the FMC lost her jeans in the bedroom. Paying attention to details would make a more enjoyable and imaginative story to read.
It also seems like Bryce isn't really a tit-man, which is totally fine. It's just weird to have Mack's apparently huge tits being one of the first thing mentioned about her in his narration, and then when the sex scenes come he barely does anything with them, outside of like 5% of the sex scenes. Haha
Personally, I'm not a fan of stories involving more than two characters cheating - especially after I imagine they claim each other to be their "best"- so I can't say I will find the next chapters more enjoyable to read. Regardless, your style is epic and I support you to write more and to be even better at writing illicit affairs.
Story-wise is very up to my taste (two hot people, want to fuck each other) like your other stories so I don't have musch to say about that. They're really hot! My favourites description is on Day 3 of their sex where the MMC undresses once he met the FMC who's already ready to fuck, like they're going on a battle lol.
Just some little advices, you clearly already have some kind of plot for the story and for the next several parts of this story and I appreciate that, and I figured it is hard for you to keep track for everything. I just advise you to maintain consistency within a singular story, particularly in non-significant parts of some scenes. I was struggling to imagine the clothes they wear before and after the kitchen seduction scene, because there were a lot of inconsistencies there. As well as when the FMC lost her jeans in the bedroom. Paying attention to details would make a more enjoyable and imaginative story to read.
It also seems like Bryce isn't really a tit-man, which is totally fine. It's just weird to have Mack's apparently huge tits being one of the first thing mentioned about her in his narration, and then when the sex scenes come he barely does anything with them, outside of like 5% of the sex scenes. Haha
Personally, I'm not a fan of stories involving more than two characters cheating - especially after I imagine they claim each other to be their "best"- so I can't say I will find the next chapters more enjoyable to read. Regardless, your style is epic and I support you to write more and to be even better at writing illicit affairs.
Last edited:
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
That's a valid point. I admit to being really lazy with the small details, like clothes. I'll make an effort to be more consistent going forward.
(Not just clothes either. Stuff like tattoos as well. My next story sees the return of Alexa Matthews-Kent from A Fertile Opportunity, who has quite the collection of tats, and I'm sure I've already mentioned a few of them in prior stories...)
True. I realise I also mentioned Mac has wider thighs than previous girls, and that really isn't played up much either. It seems I was too occupied in filling this story with sex, I neglected to add some flavour to the fucking. Oh well, I'm glad to see people enjoy vanilla!
One thing @The_shadow_rising likes to inject into his stories is the seducer tempting the (formerly) faithful girlfriend with the idea of having sex with more men (usually his other mates). I've always wondered what would happen if one of those future lovers proves himself to be even better at sex than the original seducer? How will the dynamic change?
Now flip the genders. Next up is going to be either Rachel or Zhu (although you can probably guess who it will be based on who gets a guest POV chapter in this story). How will Bryce react if either of them proves to be even better at sex than Mac? How will Mac react? Will they play fair? Will there be competition?
We'll find out next year.
The_shadow_rising
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Posts
- 232
I like to leave things up to the imagination, so who knows what could happen! But saying that, when multiple partners happen I usually don't compare partners except with her guy. Sophie and Claire have both had multiple men and in the former's case Ben was clearly outplayed by later lovers. But as I said, I prefer to leave things to the imagination and just enjoy the sex in every instance for what it is.That's a valid point. I admit to being really lazy with the small details, like clothes. I'll make an effort to be more consistent going forward.
(Not just clothes either. Stuff like tattoos as well. My next story sees the return of Alexa Matthews-Kent from A Fertile Opportunity, who has quite the collection of tats, and I'm sure I've already mentioned a few of them in prior stories...)
True. I realise I also mentioned Mac has wider thighs than previous girls, and that really isn't played up much either. It seems I was too occupied in filling this story with sex, I neglected to add some flavour to the fucking. Oh well, I'm glad to see people enjoy vanilla!
One thing @The_shadow_rising likes to inject into his stories is the seducer tempting the (formerly) faithful girlfriend with the idea of having sex with more men (usually his other mates). I've always wondered what would happen if one of those future lovers proves himself to be even better at sex than the original seducer? How will the dynamic change?
Now flip the genders. Next up is going to be either Rachel or Zhu (although you can probably guess who it will be based on who gets a guest POV chapter in this story). How will Bryce react if either of them proves to be even better at sex than Mac? How will Mac react? Will they play fair? Will there be competition?
We'll find out next year.
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
I have a feeling you don't like Ben very much
And when it comes to Claire... I'm pretty sure she stated that Sam was her best fuck.
I really hope that at some point all three girls swarm Bryce and each other in a full blown foursome.
The_shadow_rising
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2005
- Posts
- 232
I don't dislike Ben, he just wasn't very fun. And he took Sophie for granted. He was also not as attractive as Josh. He just wasn't very interesting compared to now.I have a feeling you don't like Ben very much
And when it comes to Claire... I'm pretty sure she stated that Sam was her best fuck.
I really hope that at some point all three girls swarm Bryce and each other in a full blown foursome.
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
Maybe that will change when she inevitably fucks her dad...I have a feeling you don't like Ben very much
And when it comes to Claire... I'm pretty sure she stated that Sam was her best fuck.
...maybe
Poor Ben...
DarkSollat
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2021
- Posts
- 651
Oh no, now's there two of them!...maybe
Black_and_White_Writer
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2015
- Posts
- 767
RedLegoDragon
Mythical Plastic
- Joined
- Jul 11, 2021
- Posts
- 55
Thank you @Black_and_White_Writer! I'm glad you enjoyed the stories you read!
On the subject of length (there's a pun there, I'm sure): I have tried to write shorter stories, but I seem to enjoy myself more writing longer, more detailed stories. I know that's not everyone's taste, and I realise Literotica's current format doesn't make reading long stories particularly enjoyable, but it's what I enjoy doing and hopefully there's people that'll enjoy reading them.
On the subject of length (there's a pun there, I'm sure): I have tried to write shorter stories, but I seem to enjoy myself more writing longer, more detailed stories. I know that's not everyone's taste, and I realise Literotica's current format doesn't make reading long stories particularly enjoyable, but it's what I enjoy doing and hopefully there's people that'll enjoy reading them.
Similar threads
