Review: Stories by RedLegoDragon

[DarkSollat]

I lately read A Sordid Arrangement by @RedLegoDragon and found it interesting enough to write a longer review.

Quick overview: To make a hot guy Kyle stop tormenting her sweet boyfriend Peter, 19 yo Erin cheats the latter with the former, discovering that he can satisfy her so much better than the guy she loves. If you're familiar with @The_shadow_rising' works, that one's inspired by them.

Let's start with the pre-sex story, because I think it's very good at introducing the characters. After those few pages we know a lot about the characters: we know that Erin loves her boyfiend but isn't satisfied with their sex-life; we know what is Peter's struggle; we know what kind of a man Kyle is - and all of it is presented according to "show not tell" rule. That's a very good thing.

Coming to sex scene, one thing must to be said: it's very long (around 15 pages I think) and the main issue here is that it's vere repetetive. I of course love marathon sex like most of the guys, and have nothing against multiple subscenes in the same position, but they shouldn't come in the row. E.g. when we have 3 orgasm during cowgirl, they shouldn't come one after another, but be separated by other position to allow the relationship to change between them. Here, it's not always a case.

Having that behind us, I can't write that it's a bad sex scene, just directed at people with a particular taste: those who likes over the top sex with impossible feats of physical and sexual endurance. For me, it was pretty good: hot, fast, illicit, with a lot of insults and dirty talk, the latter also regarding how good at sex the characters are and especially how much better Kyle is compared to Peter. Also, there are some highlights I want to particulary discuss (here start the spoilers, I think):

* The setting is very hot. Spoiler alert: they fuck in the gym locker room, which allows for suprisingly solid number of spots to fuck. But given it's a sex marathon, fun idea would be them changing to gym per se, but it's very minor thing only. I also don't know what to think about specific mention of passing time (like an hour, two hours twenty minutes etc.) - for me "long" would be enough, and the morning would come as a surprise for the reader.

* There are two (I think) subscenes when Kyle tells Erin that he'll told Peter about them having sex and she starts to truly hatefuck him - that's so hot to see how she loses herself in anger and how it pays off. I think it would be even better if Kyle would cum during it very short after his last orgasm (one of thropes in the story is that Kyle has amazing stamina and can fuck Erin into multiple orgasms before cumming himself).

* Another amazing subscene is when Kyle fucks Erin really hard against the lockers and then carries her through a room, relentlessy fucking her against the pillar, another set of lockers and in the shower. Very, very hot, definitive my favorite part. Page 16 if someone'd ask.

* Also, as in such stories I usually prefer the cheating girlfriend's POV, there are two things here in Kyle's POV that's quite unique. First, the guy recalls one of his previous hook-ups (maybe even a girlfriend?) and how good she was, what gives him a surprising depth; my theory is that he became such a womanizer to found someone he could replace her with. Second, Kyle wonders how Erin could be so good being only with Peter before, and eventually admits that Erin is better at sex than himself - both was a fun lines of thoughts.

There is also another blow job scene later which I'm not a fan of: Erin and Kyle go for it in the restroom and are caught by the guy's friends. I saw no point with introducing more characters and a possibility of foursome in the future, but maybe that just me. Also, as part of Kyle being better than Peter is that his dick is bigger, in his place I wouldn't be some smooth with the possibility of threesome with even bigger guy. (Also, this is another fic I've read when the boyfriend's penis is 6 inch long and described as small. 6 inches is in fact pretty good size, as the average for European men is 5.25 to 6 inches.)

Finally, the ending is pretty amazing, as it's sex montage - what can I say, I'm a sucker for sex montages. Kyle drugs Peter (this part I'm not a fan of, but whatever) for him and Erin to fuck everywhere in their shared dorm, including Peter's room: no place and no piece of furniture is spared from their lust. Great, great, great, my 2nd favorite part after lockers/pillar/lockers/showe subscene.

To summarize, for the people who like over-the-top cheating stories, this is a pretty good work. Sometimes it's too repetetive, but I had some (maybe even a lot) fun reading it. My numerical rating would be 3.5/5.

 

[RIPAphrodite]

Sounds interesting, I’ll have to check it out. Great review

 

[DarkSollat]

Sounds interesting, I’ll have to check it out. Great review

Thanks! I hope you'll share your thoughts after reading

 

[RIPAphrodite]

Will do

 

[RedLegoDragon]

Thanks for the review @DarkSollat! I appreciate the time you took to write such a detailed breakdown of your thoughts on my story: you've given me a lot to think about, and a few points will definitely shape my future works (including the one I'm writing). In fact a few of them I took issue with myself when I re-read my work after publishing it (I really should have taken more advantage of the gym setting, like having them fuck on the equipment, or even have Kyle fuck Erin on the mat in a call-back to their first scene together. Oh well, you write and learn...)

Glad you liked the brief mention of one of Kyle's previous flings; one thing I've been doing with my stories is sowing seeds for future tales I've got planned (although I'll admit Brad's cameo is a rather clumsy way of introducing him before I wrote That Old Comeback. There's a character who's name-dropped in A Fertile Opportunity who's the main character in my next story, and in fact the scene we first meet her in is replayed from HER point of view. Hopefully this works out a better way of introducing a new character). We'll get back to Kyle and his hot past eventually, and your theory isn't too far off the mark

Lastly, don't worry about dick sizes: it's a deliberate part of the OTT-ness of the stories (as well as @The_shadow_rising influencing me here: if it's not around 10" of internal-organ-displacement it's no fun ). I'm hesitant to have characters start commenting on how silly this all is - I don't want my works to be outright parody - but I might have some fun with it here and there.

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy my next story (when I finally finish it... )

 

[DarkSollat]

Thanks for the review @DarkSollat! I appreciate the time you took to write such a detailed breakdown of your thoughts on my story: you've given me a lot to think about, and a few points will definitely shape my future works (including the one I'm writing). In fact a few of them I took issue with myself when I re-read my work after publishing it (I really should have taken more advantage of the gym setting, like having them fuck on the equipment, or even have Kyle fuck Erin on the mat in a call-back to their first scene together. Oh well, you write and learn...)

Glad you liked the brief mention of one of Kyle's previous flings; one thing I've been doing with my stories is sowing seeds for future tales I've got planned (although I'll admit Brad's cameo is a rather clumsy way of introducing him before I wrote That Old Comeback. There's a character who's name-dropped in A Fertile Opportunity who's the main character in my next story, and in fact the scene we first meet her in is replayed from HER point of view. Hopefully this works out a better way of introducing a new character). We'll get back to Kyle and his hot past eventually, and your theory isn't too far off the mark

Lastly, don't worry about dick sizes: it's a deliberate part of the OTT-ness of the stories (as well as @The_shadow_rising influencing me here: if it's not around 10" of internal-organ-displacement it's no fun ). I'm hesitant to have characters start commenting on how silly this all is - I don't want my works to be outright parody - but I might have some fun with it here and there.

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy my next story (when I finally finish it... )

You can always get back to Kyle and Erin and let them return to that gym. After all they both probably want to stay toned - so first some excersises and then some sexcersises. EDIT I forgot to read few last paragraphs and just now saw that a gym was already mentioned again, as well as more lovers for the cheating girlfriend.

About dick sizes. I don't have issue with male characters having huge dicks and female characters taking them - I love when smut is over the top! But don't call average dicks tiny because it will ruin many people's self esteem xD

Anyway, I'll be awaiting your next story . Go get them tiger!

 

[The_shadow_rising]

I'll have to check this story out. Sounds like my cup of tea!

 

[DarkSollat]

I'll have to check this story out. Sounds like my cup of tea!

Share your thoughts afterwards! It'd be valuable and interesting opinion.

 

[DarkSollat]

From the same author (@RedLegoDragon ), I've read That Old Comeback story and decided to provide a longer feedback again (but new topic seemed like an overkill).

TBH, the whole work feels like in fact two different works... or rather would be two different works for me, as my opinions on both are completely different.

First part I liked very much, and mostly because of storywise reasons. I really felt Ayesha's struggle and felt sorry for her, so much that I actually could understand why she cheated. The first cheating scene was of course very good as well (if you like those types of work), and it was very much built on the character's personalities and used to develop them more (e.g. sometimes Ayesha is still doubtfull and pessimistic, and Brad has to work on her confidence) - that's great! Of course the best was a subscene on the stairs - Ayesha and Brad were so fucking lustful there!

But then the second part started and the story just became f**cking weird! From Ayesha being more than ok with being recorded for her son to see, to her reveal that she was stealing from Ali (why? why was she stealing his chargers?), to this conversation with Ali, Brad, and Lucy, when they discuss sex among each other. But then it becomes even worse during second cheating scene, because Ayesha was cheating on her daughter, who she previously called "the sunshine of her life" (or smth like that), and with which she seemed to have a real connection. I know many boyfriends/husbands in cheating stories are described as sweet and caring, but they also usually do something to be punished for, while Syeda did nothing wrong; also, she was her daughter, not a partner, and it made that much worse. (I've actually omitted most of the sex scene, because I wasn't comfortable with it.) But later it's even weirder when the boys casually discuss fucking each other's mothers - no, just no.

Let's get also to two "post-credits" scenes. The one with Erin and Brad I didn't like, because from what we knew about Kyle from ASA and also partly from TOC, I don't see him as a guy who would like to share her. But, the scene between Ayesha and Richard I liked much more - it was so sweet, and also another point of development for her. Until it became weird again when she started to fantazise about cucking her own daughter.

Circling back to Ayesha, Sayeda and Theo, I think the scene around them could happen and be very good. Idea #1: they indeed have a threesome; like, Syeda wants to cheer her mother up and offerers her Theo to f**k (joining eventually). Idea #2: Ayesha discovers that Theo is cheating slut and she indeed has sex with him... during which she hurts him (like 'breaking' his dick) and says that if he'd keep doing that she would kill him or something.

But to not end it on the negative note, there was two sex montages here - pages 17 & 25.

 

[RedLegoDragon]

Very nice and detailed review! I appreciate you giving context to why certain scenes didn't work out for you; that will definitely help shape future stories to make sure whatever kink I'm aiming for doesn't get spoilt by unintentional contamination from other kinks.

What I mean is a mother cucking her daughter is a basis for a good story, but maybe not something that I should have combined with a tradwife loosening her sexual inhibitions with her son's friend. TOC was a big learning experience for me; I tried a few things, experimented a little, and certainly learnt a lot.

I might rewrite TOC a few years down the line, but I also have a great idea for a sequel that relies on Syeda and Ayesha's relationship after what happens in TOC, so I might also just leave it as is.

 

[DarkSollat]

I might rewrite TOC a few years down the line, but I also have a great idea for a sequel that relies on Syeda and Ayesha's relationship after what happens in TOC, so I might also just leave it as is.

I think it's a nice idea. For one part, Syeda must be furious that her mother fucked her boyfriend. But for the other, it sure helped her realise what he's like, and she certainly see how all the cheating makes her mum happy.

But anyway, I'm here mostly to review your last story (so far), that is A Fertile Opportunity. TBH I don't understand its low score, especially compared to others. I think that people was triggered by baby-making cheating. Yep, irl it's just evil, but in the fictional story - whatever.

Starting from the first several pages, they were very funny! Literally funny - lighthearted, laughable, with more than a pint of autoirony; I was practically constantly smiling reading it. I think you could try also non-erotic stories, because you're good at writing plot.

Coming to the main actors, I liked them too. Mark is probably the only boyfriend/husband in cheating stories with decent (irl huge) cock and fucking skills, and I could relate to his need of having family and frustration that he couldn't do it (even this scene where he kind of violates Alexa has a proper buildup). About Alexa, I don't dig neither fake tits nor tattoos, but at least they made her unique comparing to e.g. most of Shadow's protagonists. However Theo is just... Theo, and tbh he has nothing distinct about him, just an archetyp and not a real person. I must however say that the idea that the two of them are lustful for themselves for a year before they fuck is quite interesting and adds to the story.

Forwarding to party scene there is one subscene I don't like and one I like very much. The first is Alexa/Theo kiss which was just too risky - on the other hand though, as there's no one i Eroshire believing in marital fidelity, maybe it's not so stupid as it looks. The second is of course double footjob and then brief blowjob - that was hot, and Ayesha involvement made it even hotter. Maybe there's a FMF threesome scene somewhere along the way? (Not necessery with her.)

Finally we get to the main sex scene... and I must say, this may be your best sex scene yet - if the reader likes this kind of style of course (many criticizes repetiveness and I understand them). Initially I was like "what, a sex scene on the bed?", but two things made it special: dirty talk and positions. In dirty talk, I liked the most those parts when they were talking about their past/other partners and experiences, but all "cum in me! give me a baby!" was also good and hotter than I suspected. About the positions, brief mating press was hot, but when Alexa gets of top is the true higlight; especially as the longer she rides, the better it gets, up to the amazingly hot ending (this position and those movements!). Theo's cumming subscene was also good, completely over the top, especially when Alexa told her lover to stop cumming - hilarious.

Then of course we get a sex montage and what can I say - I love sex montages! Second sex scene was also good, especially as you decided to not prolong it too much.

We end with garden party scene and I wonder how many more people saw that Alessia is Theo's not Mark's daughter. In this scene we get back to Kyle, Brad and Ali and yet again I must point out that Kyle is non-consistent character. In ASA he seems to be genuinely interested in Erin, yet he shares her with three of his friends; in TOC he tells his friends to not have sex with Alexa because she tries to conceive, but here he himself suggest her to cheat and is rather ok with Brad taking a chance to be the father of her second child. In the contrary, I like Ali for his kindness and unsureness; btw it's funy how his 8.5" dick is called huge while Mark's 8" is only average at best - I see this is 0.5" that matters.

Speaking of Erin though... I don't like that she descends more and more into cheating debauchery in every story. I think that's because she and Peter are described as nerds and thus I feel connected to them, and all I want for them is to have happy nerdy life together... Not her living in some kind of sex mantion.

 

[RedLegoDragon]

Thank you for that wonderful review! You've given me a lot to think about, especially with Kyle: in my head he's been consistent with his character, but reading your comments it's apparent I'm not writing him very well. Hoping to sort that out in an upcoming story that'll pick up the Kyle/Erin plotline.

I agree that Theo is a little one-dimensional at the moment. I don't have anything planned for him in my next dozen or so projects, though, so it'll probably be a few years before I get around to figuring out how to add some more interesting character to him (I do have a story idea involving an 18-year-old Alessia trying to seduce him, not knowing he's her biological dad. Planning to play it for laughs and really mess with a fifty-something Theo NOT wanting to sleep with a woman for a change). Alexa and Mark will be showing up again in the story after the story after the one I'm writing - just a small part, mind - then there'll be a proper sequel for them. Wasn't planning it when writing AFO but all those positive comments had just inspired me to write another entry in the Loving Wives category!

I feel bad I don't have anything major planned for Ali at the moment. Luckily I've got some story ideas that have a blank space where the guy should be, so maybe I'll tailor the story for Ali's involvement.

On a final note don't worry about Erin. She told Kyle she wanted a house, kids, dog, the works! I've got a few stories planned for her but she's the type of girl to get exactly what she wants, with whoever she wants. I reckon there'll be ginger babies in her future.

 

[DarkSollat]

Well, you're certainly have a lot of ideas, but will you write at least half of them?

 

[The_shadow_rising]

I thought A Sordid Arrangement was a good story. I liked it.

I won't say I'll write a review as good as DarkSollat on here, but I thought it was solid and hot. There were a few things that weren't my thing or that I would have done differently, but they are all personal preferences rather than things wrong with the story.

I will say I was hoping for more dialogue from Erin as Kyle had quite a lot to say but Erin was originally quite silent. I enjoyed what was there though.

Mostly I just have those small nitpicks which are personal preferences that keep it from being a favourite of mine, but I enjoyed it and would definitely read it again and recommend others read it. I didn't find it too repetitive (because I like that. Sex is repetitive) and I enjoyed your descriptions and slow build up and character development.

Good job!

 

[RedLegoDragon]

Thanks for the review @The_shadow_rising! As one of a few authors here on Lit that inspired me to try my hand at erotic writing it means a lot that you took the time to read ASA.

There were a few things that weren't my thing or that I would have done differently... Mostly I just have those small nitpicks which are personal preferences that keep it from being a favourite of mine...

I'll be interested to know what they were! Your comment about Kyle surprised me but on reflection I created him to be a mouthy bastard, so I guess it worked out.

I'm not finished yet with Erin, so there'll be plenty more for her to say. Speaking of which:

Well, you're certainly have a lot of ideas, but will you write at least half of them?

Oof! Painful, but true.

 

[The_shadow_rising]

Thanks for the review @The_shadow_rising! As one of a few authors here on Lit that inspired me to try my hand at erotic writing it means a lot that you took the time to read ASA.



I'll be interested to know what they were! Your comment about Kyle surprised me but on reflection I created him to be a mouthy bastard, so I guess it worked out.

I'm not finished yet with Erin, so there'll be plenty more for her to say. Speaking of which:



Oof! Painful, but true.

I liked the story a lot, I added it to my Favourites list so I can keep coming back to it.

I'm glad I inspired you to write. That is a big compliment. And I'm glad you wrote this story. Very interesting.

They were just personal preferences. And small things. Like I wasn't a fan that her sex life with her boyfriend wasn't so good. But I understand that led her to want better sex with Kyle. I just prefer it if everything is hunky dorey with the boyfriend and yet she cheats and finds it better anyway.

I also wasn't a fan of the other people trying to get her to cheat. And her thinking about it before the actual event happens. It kind of made it more understandable why she cheated and led to it, but it was too early for her to want to cheat and led to the cheating being predictable rather than spontaneous. And these people's insistence didn't really end up playing a part in her cheating, at least nothing was said of it when she did actually cheat, only her bad sex life and desire to feel the better sex. I prefer the cheating to be an inevitable yet spontaneous thing. But again, that was just my preference.

I also wanted to see Erin saying more. Kyle said a lot and had a lot of moaning but Erin could have played what she was doing up a bit more. Again, personal preference.

Also wasn't my thing for her to meet the guy before she met him with her boyfriend. I get why it was there, but her liking the looks of the guys before she knew who he was kind of made her less of the perfect, faithful girlfriend to me, and I like my women to be the perfect, faithful girlfriend. Especially because of the bad sex life with her boyfriend and how her guy wasn't hot or a looker himself. I get people look even in a relationship and it is fine with me, my women notice people's looks too, but she openly had sexual feelings and it took away from the spontaneousness of the cheating when it did happen.

Finally, my personal preference is for women who are shorter than their guy.

As I said, these are all small things and personal preferences. So don't take them as criticisms. They were just little things that weren't my thing. But the story itself was well written and a lot of fun to read and go on the journey with. I enjoyed the cheating.

Looking forward to more of her. Though I prefer the first time cheating, so I hope you write more cheating stories! Lit needs more of them.

 

[DarkSollat]

Oof! Painful, but true.

Don't worry about it. I'm a smut writer as well, and that happens to all of us.

 

[RedLegoDragon]

As I said, these are all small things and personal preferences. So don't take them as criticisms. They were just little things that weren't my thing.

Huge thanks for taking the time to write them! Interestingly enough everything you mentioned were choices I made when writing ASA out of concern that the story would end up being too much like your works!

Although looking at my other two published stories, and the one I'm writing now, it looks like I've subconsciously latched on to the 'inevitable slow car crash' style of cheating rather than spontaneity, as those stories also have the woman wrestle with their lusts for a while before surrendering to them. Is this what it feels like to find your groove?

 

[The_shadow_rising]

Huge thanks for taking the time to write them! Interestingly enough everything you mentioned were choices I made when writing ASA out of concern that the story would end up being too much like your works!

Although looking at my other two published stories, and the one I'm writing now, it looks like I've subconsciously latched on to the 'inevitable slow car crash' style of cheating rather than spontaneity, as those stories also have the woman wrestle with their lusts for a while before surrendering to them. Is this what it feels like to find your groove?

Absolutely! And keep doing what you're doing, they are your stories and you should write what you enjoy! And they turned out well. I enjoyed ASA!

 

[DarkSollat]

New story from @RedLegoDragon came up - Games Night - and this means one thing: the review!

At the start I must say that I'm happy to see you improving your skills with almost every story (well, TOC was a drawback to me). I especially enjoy two things in your works. One, the narration which makes me feel as if someone was actually telling me the story (with sentences like "but we'll get back to it later" or "it's not that kind of the story"). Two, the self-concious; I smiled reading how somehow Zehra could feel the tip of her lover's cock on her cervix no matter how long it was.

Let's start with the characters. Adrian - I liked him, he felt like a real person, because he had some good qualities (patience, intellect), but also some flaws (not standing enough for his gf, hidden anger issues); the only drawback for me is that he did nothing to be punished for, which is a common and for me needed trope in cheating stories. Logan is also good, it's nice that the only faithful (to the point) man in Coytoss is also the best endowed; I also liked that he's genuinely good guy (with one major flaw). Saddly, Zehra isn't as good as her male counterparts; foremost, she's not very unique and if she would be replaced by Erin nothing would change - yep, she smoked and had tatoos, but her anger issues wasn't unlike Erin's. (Maybe because they're some similar I have a feeling the two of them should hook up with each other exclusively or during FMF threesome .) I really liked mentions of her scent though and how much Logan liked it.

The buildup was great, both long (how they acted toward each other) and short (the stripping game) term. Both situation were very beliveable - they acted stupid, true, but I had no problem believing that some people could behave this way. The same goes for the "little voice" in their head during sex; when I was hearing it when I did bad things, I also pushed it somewhere deep and enjoyed my wrongdoing. So kudos for all of it.

Coming to sex scene, it was pretty good and I greatly enjoyed it. They was some issues however I want to address. Sometimes it unexplainably were slowing down, like when Logan asked Zehra where she wants to have sex with him and her answer is something like "let's stay indoor for now" - where's the lewd answer? I'd also like to see more position with Logan on top, especially as "keep fucking me" talks sounded weird when Zehra was doing most of the work. Also - I think there should be a segment of real angry fuck, because in current state Zee's anger issues didn't paid off in sex. What I liked was some attention was finally given to the ass. Overall, it was a very good scene, if someone likes this style of course.

I also like that after a sex scene there's suprisingly big amount of further story in the... story, especially that there was a heavy focus on the character actually discussing their cheating and plans to do more of it; yet another beliveable thing in this overall over-the-top story. Also, good thing that Zee kept not only having sex with her boyfriend, but enjoying it - it's kind of unique for cheating stories.

Finally, there's two sex montages. TBH I wasn't as excited reading them as I thought I'd be, but it's not because they're not good, but because I read and re-read some lately, so I'm not as much hungry for them. Among others, it was a great scene when during fuckfest in Logan's flat they seemingly finished only to continue after a brief respite.

And of course, I have to discuss Erin appearance. I understand that her outburst was caused by Kyle trying to keep her for himself, but it kind of has no sense. I mean, FO takes place later, and Erin lives in cheating sex mantion by then - so what changed. I also don't understand why Angie was staring at her constantly - could you explain that? My other question is: is Rhian the bartender from Shorehaven by any chance?

Summarizing, it was a real fun read and improvement in the style. I'd be still looking for more stories from you.

 

[RedLegoDragon]

New story from @RedLegoDragon came up - Games Night - and this means one thing: the review!

Wow! This was fast! Thanks! Again, I appreciate the time you spend writing these, and I genuinely love all the feedback I get (even the short ones at the end of the story!) Positive or negative: they all help me with my next story.

There's a few things I want to directly reply to:

Let's start with the characters. Adrian - I liked him, he felt like a real person, because he had some good qualities (patience, intellect), but also some flaws (not standing enough for his gf, hidden anger issues); the only drawback for me is that he did nothing to be punished for, which is a common and for me needed trope in cheating stories.

Unfortunately that was the main drive for GN for me. I didn't want the boyfriend to do anything that 'deserved' being cheated on (even unknowingly). I wanted to write a cheating story where you felt sympathetic towards every point on the triangle. I wanted GN to be very different, thematically, to my next story, Three's a Crowd, which will have a boyfriend who definitely deserves being cheated on. If you finished GN feeling sorry for Adrian then that's good. Keep that feeling for the sequel. Due 2025, probably.

Coming to sex scene, it was pretty good and I greatly enjoyed it. They was some issues however I want to address. Sometimes it unexplainably were slowing down, like when Logan asked Zehra where she wants to have sex with him and her answer is something like "let's stay indoor for now" - where's the lewd answer?

Good point: will be more lewd in the future!!

You didn't mention it in your review, but I would like to pre-emptively apologise for the second major sex scene. Due to the strange way I wrote GN (build-up -> wind-down -> second sex scene -> main sex scene) I ended up using a lot of positions I'd already used in the second sex scene in the main sex scene; this made the second sex scene rather boring for me when I re-read the story before submitting it, but by then I really wanted to get it published and didn't want to re-write it all. I could have just deleted the second sex scene, going straight from the long main fuck to the fuck montage, but the second sex scene has a lot of dialogue revolving around Zehra and Logan wrestling with a future fucking behind Adrian's back that I felt was needed for their characters, and didn't want to try and find new homes for later in the story.

It's been another interesting learning experience!

Also - I think there should be a segment of real angry fuck, because in current state Zee's anger issues didn't paid off in sex.

Looking back Zehra's anger issues were only used to justify her attitude towards Logan's attitude towards her (who started being a dick to who first I haven't decided); you're right they kind of just disappeared once the sex started, aside from her frustrations with not being able to make Logan cum.

I've put 'Zehra Hate-Fuck' on my list of future projects. I mean we haven't addressed Steve Foster properly yet. An evil twin brother does create some interesting possibilities...

But overall, it was a very good scene, if someone likes this style of course.

Who doesn't like incredibly bloated sex scenes that go on for pages?

One day I'm going to write a sex scene that'll go on for fucking pages. Like that epic fuck in The Perils of Rock n Roll Decadence, by @The_shadow_rising ; with vast sweeping narration of two lovers going at it for hours, endless descriptions of their bodies colliding, paragraphs of smut-talk utilising every variant of 'please keep inserting your abnormally large penis into my vagina' that I can think of, with philosophical ponderings on the meaning of life, love and lust thrown in between. Finally ending with an eight-page ejaculation scene.

One day. I'm going to write some shorter stories (just 60-90k words short) before that.

(Just like to emphasise I'm taking the piss out of myself here. Not Shadow or Perils: that story is awesome and you should all read it!)

I also like that after a sex scene there's suprisingly big amount of further story in the... story, especially that there was a heavy focus on the character actually discussing their cheating and plans to do more of it; yet another beliveable thing in this overall over-the-top story. Also, good thing that Zee kept not only having sex with her boyfriend, but enjoying it - it's kind of unique for cheating stories.

Again that was a big drive for me for GN: writing a cheating story where the girlfriend wants the best of both worlds. In Zehra's own words: Logan is her perfect lover, but Adrian is the perfect boyfriend. The story ends with her wanting both men in her life, and wondering if she can keep juggling these two (seemingly) incompatible wants.

Finally, there's two sex montages. TBH I wasn't as excited reading them as I thought I'd be, but it's not because they're not good, but because I read and re-read some lately, so I'm not as much hungry for them.

Please tell me what you've been reading! I need to add more stories to my Favourites!!

And of course, I have to discuss Erin appearance. I understand that her outburst was caused by Kyle trying to keep her for himself, but it kind of has no sense. I mean, FO takes place later, and Erin lives in cheating sex mantion by then - so what changed.

OK. So I've had the sequel to ASA planned for a while (Get Cucked! is the title), handling Peter's discovery of Erin's cheating and his rather creative response to it. I also had a completely unrelated story (When Ryan Met Rhian) planned, which has changed so much now that it's on the back-burner until I can figure out what I want to do with it. In the most recent conception of WRMR I was going to have Ryan Matthews (Kyle and Alexa's cousin) come into town after being called by Brad because Kyle's becoming possessive over Erin due to his unresolved feelings for Sarah Ellis (the one who got away, mention in both ASA and TOC).

While writing GN I had some more thinking about WRMR, decided I didn't like it (the story had become too unfocused, now juggling Rhian and Ryan's relationship, Ryan and Kyle's relationship, Kyle and Brad and Ali's relationships, and, of course, Kyle and Erin's relationship) and scrapped it for later.

The reason I mention all this is because WRMR was originally planned to happen in Kyle/Erin/Brad/Ali's second year at UOE, when they all shack up in the same house, as stated in AFO. So I wrote AFO expecting WRMR to happen afterwards, addressing the change in Kyle's attitudes.

Then I scrapped WRMR while writing GN.

Not wanting to drop the Kyle/Erin/Sarah dynamic (a curious one when we still haven't met Sarah herself yet) I've moved it into Get Cucked!, and moved the events of Get Cucked! forward to the first year at UOE for the characters, although after the events of GN, of course. With AFO out and published I'm going to have to do some creative back-peddling regarding how Kyle describes the whole arrangement to his sister. But that's a problem for another story.

Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into how I both plan ahead and write things by the seat of my pants!

I also don't understand why Angie was staring at her constantly - could you explain that?

Ah... Angie was simply worried about her friend. Erin had just blown up while on the job in a crowded Starbucks, after all. I probably could have written that better.

My other question is: is Rhian the bartender from Shorehaven by any chance?

There's a bartender called Rhian in Shorehaven? I was honestly just making a cheeky reference to Shadow's works. Please don't read too much into it.

Although with WRMR scrapped (for now) I don't think I'll be revealing anything about Rhian Carter's past for a while...

Summarizing, it was a real fun read and improvement in the style. I'd be still looking for more stories from you.

Thank you! And thank you again for writing your review!

 

[DarkSollat]

Wow! This was fast! Thanks! Again, I appreciate the time you spend writing these, and I genuinely love all the feedback I get (even the short ones at the end of the story!) Positive or negative: they all help me with my next story.

Thanks for the reply! I really appretiate a peak into story development and your future plans. And it has to be fast, I wanted to do it before the holidays.

Unfortunately that was the main drive for GN for me. I didn't want the boyfriend to do anything that 'deserved' being cheated on (even unknowingly). I wanted to write a cheating story where you felt sympathetic towards every point on the triangle.

I fully understand what you wanted to achieve. My opinion here isn't a criticism, just reflection of my personal taste. You should always stay true to yourself.

You didn't mention it in your review, but I would like to pre-emptively apologise for the second major sex scene. Due to the strange way I wrote GN (build-up -> wind-down -> second sex scene -> main sex scene) I ended up using a lot of positions I'd already used in the second sex scene in the main sex scene; this made the second sex scene rather boring for me when I re-read the story before submitting it, but by then I really wanted to get it published and didn't want to re-write it all. I could have just deleted the second sex scene, going straight from the long main fuck to the fuck montage, but the second sex scene has a lot of dialogue revolving around Zehra and Logan wrestling with a future fucking behind Adrian's back that I felt was needed for their characters, and didn't want to try and find new homes for later in the story.

I personaly have nothing against the second sex scene. And their talking about future fucking while actual fucking was a nice touch.

I've put 'Zehra Hate-Fuck' on my list of future projects. I mean we haven't addressed Steve Foster properly yet. An evil twin brother does create some interesting possibilities...

<eyebrows wiggle>

One day I'm going to write a sex scene that'll go on for fucking pages. Like that epic fuck in The Perils of Rock n Roll Decadence, by @The_shadow_rising ; with vast sweeping narration of two lovers going at it for hours, endless descriptions of their bodies colliding, paragraphs of smut-talk utilising every variant of 'please keep inserting your abnormally large penis into my vagina' that I can think of, with philosophical ponderings on the meaning of life, love and lust thrown in between. Finally ending with an eight-page ejaculation scene.

Now you get me excited!

Again that was a big drive for me for GN: writing a cheating story where the girlfriend wants the best of both worlds. In Zehra's own words: Logan is her perfect lover, but Adrian is the perfect boyfriend. The story ends with her wanting both men in her life, and wondering if she can keep juggling these two (seemingly) incompatible wants.

Once again I have to wonder, what would happen if Zehra just told Adrian about her lust for Logan. Given how close those guys are, I think it would end in long line of threesomes with them all enjoying shared fucks.

Please tell me what you've been reading! I need to add more stories to my Favourites!!

To be fair, about sex montages it was mostly rereading of your previous ones (especially from ASA), and also I think the greatest sex montage I've ever read, which is page 79 of The Perils. I think the trope is criminally underrated in erotic story. Rephrasing one of your question, who doesn't like seemingly endless description of people having sex for hours, constantly changing places and position in bound-to-fail attempt to quell the fire inside them? (BTW I've created a threat to share them, but it failed to grab attention: https://forum.literotica.com/threads/sex-montage.1577728/)
About other kinds of stories, I mostly read (and write) on AO3, but I don't think advertising of another page in open-post is fair.

Hope you enjoyed a glimpse into how I both plan ahead and write things by the seat of my pants!

Honestly I didn't fully understand those plans about GC! and WRMR.
About moving GC! to the first year. The ending of ASA mentions the year has passed since Erin and Kyle fucked and described how she was fucking with KBA and that Peter doesn't know about it. So he can't discover it during the first year. Unless he plays some long game. (BTW After ASA and TOC I shipped Peter with Syeda but AFO scrapped this.)
About Kyle/Erin/Sarah dynamics, my first though is a threesome when the girls tries to prove who among them can fuck better, using Kyle as a referee in their rivarly.

There's a bartender called Rhian in Shorehaven? I was honestly just making a cheeky reference to Shadow's works. Please don't read too much into it.

Ah, I just read her description of her hometurf and immediately thought about Shadows's setting. I think that was a clever reference.

 

[RedLegoDragon]

About moving GC! to the first year. The ending of ASA mentions the year has passed since Erin and Kyle fucked and described how she was fucking with KBA and that Peter doesn't know about it. So he can't discover it during the first year. Unless he plays some long game. (BTW After ASA and TOC I shipped Peter with Syeda but AFO scrapped this.)

Don't worry: got plans for that. A part of me thinks I should sit down and plot all this properly, but the rest of me enjoys the chaotic energy of re-reading my previous works to figure out how to insert new stuff like some jumbled, sexy puzzle.

I'm sure at some point I'll regret this.

About Kyle/Erin/Sarah dynamics, my first though is a threesome when the girls tries to prove who among them can fuck better, using Kyle as a referee in their rivarly.

That may or may not be the plot of a future story...

 

[The_shadow_rising]

Games Night is very interesting so far. Definitely something that is fun.
I was a little worried at first because it read as a similar premise to what I'm writing now in my new cheating story - a friend visiting ending up with the girl - but yours is different. She hates him and he only goes after single women and there is a mutual seduction. Mine is more someone visiting who likes her and she flirts with him until sex happens, and they don't hate each other. So I was relieved for the difference - means I can keep writing and enjoying your story at the same time! Thanks for it.

 

[djrip]

These reviews are so detailed and awesome! Got me interested in taking on these formidable, intimidating tomes! And then commentary from not one but two great authors? Reading this and the sex montage link led me to check out that scene in "Perils" and, oh my. They were on the verge of cumming for 3 pages! I don't know how you do it. It's like swirling into an unending vortex of sexual imagery that just keeps spiraling around and flooding by as if gushing fourth from a fire hose and every time it seems like it could wind down it just picks right back up again and keeps on blasting through... Incredible.