Rate this poem

[Sunrisesailor]

Women of literotica
Oh sexy women of lit ,,
I hope you will appreciate my wit..
Read on with stardust in your eyes
While the men only dream of between your thighs..

Oh fair maidens with such beautiful smiles ,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
Just to feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from the sinking wreck..

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something more refined,
Designer suits and shoes , candlelight and wine?

Intrepid girls, working ladies , moms, milfs and more ,
All looking for desires, lust , and fetishes to explore ,

Each new story sets the imagination to inspire,
an orgasmic delight of sex and pleasure on fire !

 

[JaySecrets]

4.5 out of 10. Clever-ish, but way too singsongy, too many hard breaks at line ends, too many predictable rhymes, and way too many cliches. Cute it is. Brilliant it is not.

 

[Polranny]

4.5 out of 10. Clever-ish, but way too singsongy, too many hard breaks at line ends, too many predictable rhymes, and way too many cliches. Cute it is. Brilliant it is not.

100% agree 3/10

 

[42Below]

4.5 out of 10. Clever-ish, but way too singsongy, too many hard breaks at line ends, too many predictable rhymes, and way too many cliches. Cute it is. Brilliant it is not.

Way to crush eggs

 

[42Below]

Women of literotica
Oh sexy women of lit ,,
I hope you will appreciate my wit..
Read on with stardust in your eyes
While the men only dream of between your thighs..

Oh fair maidens with such beautiful smiles ,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
Just to feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from the sinking wreck..

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something more refined,
Designer suits and shoes , candlelight and wine?

Intrepid girls, working ladies , moms, milfs and more ,
All looking for desires, lust , and fetishes to explore ,

Each new story sets the imagination to inspire,
an orgasmic delight of sex and pleasure on fire !

Feedback points: 6.5 out of 6 equals %100

1. Poems always find homes. Sometimes wet ones.
2. Real writers write to reject rejection!’ about think it.
3. The skip beat grammatical features
distract on first read
(first impressions count).
4. %100 for inviting feedback.
5. Poems always invite argument, (btw Polranny 3/10 is not %100 of 4.5/10).
6. %100 for posting your writing.

 

[Angeline]

Feedback points: 6.5 out of 6 equals %100

1. Poems always find homes. Sometimes wet ones.
2. Real writers write to reject rejection!’ about think it.
3. The skip beat grammatical features
distract on first read
(first impressions count).
4. %100 for inviting feedback.
5. Poems always invite argument, (btw Polranny 3/10 is not %100 of 4.5/10).
6. %100 for posting your writing.

I agree with this. It's good to seek feedback and brave to post your writing and ask for opinions. If your intent is to attract women of Literotica you'd probably do better on a forum where the women aren't poets. If you want to write inviting, sensual poetry maybe start by reading poets like Pablo Neruda, ee Cummings, Adrienne Rich (those are just a very few examples) or even explore some of the erotic poetry threads on our main forum: there's some really good stuff there.

 

[JaySecrets]

I agree with this. It's good to seek feedback and brave to post your writing and ask for opinions. If your intent is to attract women of Literotica you'd probably do better on a forum where the women aren't poets. If you want to write inviting, sensual poetry maybe start by reading poets like Pablo Neruda, ee Cummings, Adrienne Rich (those are just a very few examples) or even explore some of the erotic poetry threads on our main forum: there's some really good stuff there.

I am SO in love with Pablo Neruda's writing. Actually did a tribute piece about him called Roses for Pablo. I'll have to post it on here sometime...

If I do, I'll dedicate it to Angeline

 

[Angeline]

I am SO in love with Pablo Neruda's writing. Actually did a tribute piece about him called Roses for Pablo. I'll have to post it on here sometime...

If I do, I'll dedicate it to Angeline

I love many poets and if you asked who I like best it would probably change from day to day, but I believe Neruda wrote some some of the most sensuous poems I've ever read. And I don't just mean the love poems, even his odes to things like lemons and onions exude sensuality.

 

[JaySecrets]

I love many poets and if you asked who I like best it would probably change from day to day, but I believe Neruda wrote some some of the most sensuous poems I've ever read. And I don't just mean the love poems, even his odes to things like lemons and onions exude sensuality.

Plus it takes a kind of genius to be able to write in a way where the beauty and sensuality of the writing survives translation unscathed.

 

[Angeline]

Plus it takes a kind of genius to be able to write in a way where the beauty and sensuality of the writing survives translation unscathed.

Neruda was fortunate to have some excellent translators, most notably the great poet WS Merwin, whose translation of Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair is still Neruda's most popular volume.

 

[42Below]

Being a multilingual, second language speaker of english, I often think about cross cultural language relationships. For example in Korean ‘the cup holds the spoon’ but when translated ‘the spoon [is] in the cup’. I also find it interesting that I access this linguistic nuisance through English; not in my language of birth.

 

[42Below]

Neruda was fortunate to have some excellent translators, most notably the great poet WS Merwin, whose translation of Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair is still Neruda's most popular volume.

I am sure with tongue in cheek WS Merwin would agree when tongues speak, tongue to tongue, there is nothing left needing translation

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

Women of literotica
Oh sexy women of lit ,,
I hope you will appreciate my wit..
Read on with stardust in your eyes
While the men only dream of between your thighs..

Oh fair maidens with such beautiful smiles ,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
Just to feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from the sinking wreck..

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something more refined,
Designer suits and shoes , candlelight and wine?

Intrepid girls, working ladies , moms, milfs and more ,
All looking for desires, lust , and fetishes to explore ,

Each new story sets the imagination to inspire,
an orgasmic delight of sex and pleasure on fire !

An excellent start.

( . )( . )

 

[Angeline]

Being a multilingual, second language speaker of english, I often think about cross cultural language relationships. For example in Korean ‘the cup holds the spoon’ but when translated ‘the spoon [in] in the cup’. I also find it interesting that I access this linguistic nuisance through English; not in my language of birth.

I have long been fascinated by the power of a great translation to carry the cultural characteristics of a poem from its original language. It goes beyond getting the words right. Another poet I love, Forugh Farrokhzad wrote in Persian. Most of the English translations I've read are not great (compared to Merwin's Neruda poems, for example), but they still manage to convey the magical, romantic and sensual qualities of her poetry.

 

[42Below]

I have long been fascinated by the power of a great translation to carry the cultural characteristics of a poem from its original language. It goes beyond getting the words right. Another poet I love, Forugh Farrokhzad wrote in Persian. Most of the English translations I've read are not great (compared to Merwin's Neruda poems, for example), but they still manage to convey the magical, romantic and sensual qualities of her poetry.

Going to read Forugh Farrokhzad right now. Thanks

 

[42Below]

I have long been fascinated by the power of a great translation to carry the cultural characteristics of a poem from its original language. It goes beyond getting the words right. Another poet I love, Forugh Farrokhzad wrote in Persian. Most of the English translations I've read are not great (compared to Merwin's Neruda poems, for example), but they still manage to convey the magical, romantic and sensual qualities of her poetry.

Sometimes I feel culture is a watery bowl where I goldfish escape from in foreign languages. Usually to be naughty. When I write in English I feel as though I were riding a little wave on the ocean. Of course I have to repeatedly rewrite things like ‘the ocean’s fingers shifting sands across the page’. Hmmmm that’ll do it. Now it’s done. English is fun.

I read Forugh Farrokhzad so long ago I forgot about her. But then poetically I am a goldfish.

 

[Angeline]

Sometimes I feel culture is a watery bowl where I goldfish escape from in foreign languages. Usually to be naughty. When I write in English I feel as though I were riding a little wave on the ocean. Of course I have to repeatedly rewrite things like the ocean’s fingers shifting sands across the page. Hmmmm that’ll do it. Now it’s done. English is fun.

I read Forugh Farrokhzad so long ago I forgot about her. But then poetically I am a goldfish.

Here's a better translation of one of her poems.

 

[42Below]

Here's a better translation of one of her poems.

Forugh Farrokhzad’s

The beautiful use of anadiplosis is a balm for my parched lips:

The wind will one day blow us away.
The wind will blow us away.

Forugh Farrokhzad’s lines are shelter for a poet struggling… Argh my thumbs are so big, good only for delete argh!

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

I agree with this. It's good to seek feedback and brave to post your writing and ask for opinions. If your intent is to attract women of Literotica you'd probably do better on a forum where the women aren't poets. If you want to write inviting, sensual poetry maybe start by reading poets like Pablo Neruda, ee Cummings, Adrienne Rich (those are just a very few examples) or even explore some of the erotic poetry threads on our main forum: there's some really good stuff there.

Well, here I go again, posting things people don't want to read.

I am a poet and author. I have published a great deal of verse and prose. I sincerely hope this statement about my life and work does not bring down the customary LitCensor threats about personal info. But that's just a hope. Right now Literotica reminds me of Moldova: a small country threatened by totalitarian invaders.

I will here discuss Neftalí Reyes, who named himself Pablo Neruda, after the Czech poet Jan Neruda, of who Reyes knew nothing when he chose a pen-name.

Trotsky, a brilliant critic who wrote outstandingly on the Bolshevik-era poets Sergey Yesenin, Aleksandr Blok, and Vladimir Mayakovsky, observed that there were two Spanish Civil Wars. One took place in Barcelona. People died. The other took place in Brooklyn. People also died there, but fewer.

Similarly, there are two Latin American literatures: one in Latin America itself and one north of The Border.

North American poets are to be commended for embracing Latin American traditions. But many North Americans appropriate Latin American culture. They read mediocre translations of Latin American authors or attempt even worse calques using dictionaries.

My first advice, as an author with distinguished publications in both English and Castilian (Spanish), to North American poets interested in Hispanic achievements, is simple: study the language. Take a community college course. Make it your goal to read and comprehend the original works you have read.

Now to the hard part.

Nef Reyes, alias Neruda, is little read or admired in the Hispanic world today.

A few too many things are now known about this specimen.

1. He was a Soviet agent who committed serious crimes. In the aftermath of the Spanish Civil War, while serving as a Chilean diplomat, his brief included rescuing Spanish antifascists from the Franco regime. Overseeing the passenger list for the vessel Winnipeg, carrying antifascists to Mexico, he removed anti-Stalinists from the ship, leaving them vulnerable in the face of Nazi aggression. After the fall of France many were sent to concentration camps.

In the worst such case, the anarchist labor historian Josep Peirats was prevented from
escaping Europe. He survived to pen one of four indispensable original-source accounts of the Spanish war. Had he been killed by the Nazis Spanish historiography today would be handicapped severely.

For this reason Neruda's name was cursed by exiled Spanish leftists until his death.

2. Proceeding to Mexico as a Chilean consular official, Neruda became involved in the plot to assassinate Trotsky. He was suspended from the Chilean diplomatic service for this. For this reason the great Mexican writer Octavio Paz slapped Neruda's face at a literary event during World War 2.

3. Neruda was a plagiarist. A poem lifted entirely from Rabindranath Tagore, the Bengali classic author, is included in Twenty Love Songs Desperate etc. It was long unacknowledged by Neruda.

4. These things were mainly long known. The Trotsky matter alone caused award of a possible literature Nobel to Neruda to be protested by the very great Spanish author Juan Ramón Jiménez and blocked for years by the Swedish poet Gunnar Ekelöf.

5. Unknown until recently about this "poet of love" was that he had a daughter, Malva Reyes, born with hydrocephaly. Neruda refused to acknowledge her, abandoning her in the Netherlands. She was murdered by the Nazis for her disability, a mere child.

This came to light after Francisco García Lorca, discovered four unknown poems by his brother Federico, written on Malva's birth.

Bad people can be great writers. Ezra Pound embraced Nazism but was, in my view, the greatest English-language poet of the 20th century.

Neruda, however, was a bad poet and a bad man. I see his writing as mediocre at best, hideous at worst.

For those interested in Chilean poetry I recommend a major woman poet, Gabriela Mistral, and a modernist male, Vicente Huidobro.

About Neruda, don't believe the hype.

( . )( . )

Attached: Octavio Paz and Vicente Huidobro.

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

An excellent start.

( . )( . )

First, the software on this site is a disaster.

Now, an edit (for SunriseSailor):

Women of literotica

Sexy women of lit,
Please appreciate my wit
With stardust in your eyes
As men dream between your thighs...

Oh fair maidens with a beautiful smile,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
To feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from a sinking wreck.

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something a bit more refined,
Designer shoes, candlelight and wine?

Intrepid working girls, moms, milfs and more,
With desires, lusts, and fetishes to explore,
Each story sets the mind to inspire,
With orgasmic delights and pleasure on fire!

Comments:

A very good beginning. Remember the Rule of Franzy Coppola: Less is more. Here's a suggestion: write four more like this, describing the attributes of an idealized Woman of Literotica:

Her hair, her laugh, her breasts, her sexual organ. Submit seriatim. I'm glad to make suggestions!

( . )( . )

 

[42Below]

First, the software on this site is a disaster.

Now, an edit (for SunriseSailor):

Women of literotica

Sexy women of lit,
Please appreciate my wit
With stardust in your eyes
As men dream between your thighs...

Oh fair maidens with a beautiful smile,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
To feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from a sinking wreck.

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something a bit more refined,
Designer shoes, candlelight and wine?

Intrepid working girls, moms, milfs and more,
With desires, lusts, and fetishes to explore,
Each story sets the mind to inspire,
With orgasmic delights and pleasure on fire!

Comments:

A very good beginning. Remember the Rule of Franzy Coppola: Less is more. Here's a suggestion: write four more like this, describing the attributes of an idealized Woman of Literotica:

Her hair, her laugh, her breasts, her sexual organ. Submit seriatim. I'm glad to make suggestions!

( . )( . )

Caption for your pic: “Are you scared yet honey”

As for morning wood
aka Sunrise sailor
re your tousled hair
get a haircut or let me fist it.

Now get off your back
be a man
put some work in
that’s 3xs 7 days a week.

 

[Angeline]

First, the software on this site is a disaster.

Now, an edit (for SunriseSailor):

Women of literotica

Sexy women of lit,
Please appreciate my wit
With stardust in your eyes
As men dream between your thighs...

Oh fair maidens with a beautiful smile,
On broken glass I’d walk a mile
To feel your arms around my neck,
I’d save you from a sinking wreck.

Tell me more of what it is you crave ..
Of tousled hair, jeans and a sexy knave ?
Or perhaps something a bit more refined,
Designer shoes, candlelight and wine?

Intrepid working girls, moms, milfs and more,
With desires, lusts, and fetishes to explore,
Each story sets the mind to inspire,
With orgasmic delights and pleasure on fire!

Comments:

A very good beginning. Remember the Rule of Franzy Coppola: Less is more. Here's a suggestion: write four more like this, describing the attributes of an idealized Woman of Literotica:

Her hair, her laugh, her breasts, her sexual organ. Submit seriatim. I'm glad to make suggestions!

( . )( . )

This is very good advice. Practice, pare down, and be specific.

As for Neruda, I agree he was a shit of a human being. I didn't know the bit about his daughter. That's appalling. But the poems are sensuous and he still sells a lot; those are facts, not opinions. But I wouldn't put him in the pantheon of great poets, even if I didn't know some of the personal stuff. He sure ain't no Yeats. I like Paz and Mistral. I need to read more Huidobro. I'd also suggest Pessoa as an alternative.

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

Caption for your pic: “Are you scared yet honey”

As for morning wood
aka Sunrise sailor
re your tousled hair
get a haircut or let me fist it.

Now get off your back
be a man
put some work in
that’s 3xs 7 days a week

The Right to Be Lazy: And Other Writings (New York Review Books Classics) https://a.co/d/b3YtJ60

By the creole son-in-law of K. Marx, who described him as an n-word.

( . )( . )

 

[Bigtitsbitch1000x]

This is very good advice. Practice, pare down, and be specific.

As for Neruda, I agree he was a shit of a human being. I didn't know the bit about his daughter. That's appalling. But the poems are sensuous and he still sells a lot; those are facts, not opinions. But I wouldn't put him in the pantheon of great poets, even if I didn't know some of the personal stuff. He sure ain't no Yeats. I like Paz and Mistral. I need to read more Huidobro. I'd also suggest Pessoa as an alternative.

Yes Yeats, immortal.

Pessoa was the greatest poet of the 20th century in any language.

Our guide as we grope our way orphically back to the world.

( . )( . )

 

[butters]

there are many poets here who have been published around the globe. there are publishers, professors, teachers and everyone in between from novice to expert. most of us here are far more interested in writing and discussing poetry on this forum with an eye to improving our own quality of work rather than bragging about 'credentials'.